The Resistance Before I Write – Postponement Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 163

This Blog is a continuation of the following blog posts

I commit myself to face myself and not accept and allow myself to step into my postponement character where I in and as this character accept and allow myself to distract myself and procrastinate and essentially NOT do that which I require to do to actually support me in my process of self change.

When and as I see myself participating within and as my imagination dimension where I am imagining myself as a changed being, playing out scenarios within my mind where I am this “amazing changed being” I stop and I bring myself here back to breath and back to self here in and as my physical body. I commit myself to push through that point of postponement. That point as that ‘wall’ I face/experience in and as me when “I have had enough of supporting myself” and “just don’t feel like anymore” so that in just pushing myself through this initial wall of resistance to applying myself within my writing process I in fact walk the necessary practical application to in fact assist and support me to birth myself as life from/as the physical, and within this to realize that I can only trust who I am in the moment and that no “amazing being” actually exsit as it does in my mind in my imagination dimension and so thus I commit myself to Align MYSELF with who I am practically HERE in and as the moment, and get out of the “imagination dimension” of self where “who I am” is never real. And in this I get to know MYSELF for real, who I really am, as the simplicity of me in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am facing/standing before a moment where I am about to write as a point of assisting and supporting myself to develop self insight and understanding and awareness of me, that I accepted and allowed myself to avert my attention off into my mind into thoughts/pictures and also my imagination where I will go “anywhere but here” to avoid having to direct myself in my self writing.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to direct myself into my mind and my imagination when I am facing/standing before a moment/task of Self Writing to assist and support myself within my process of getting to know myself, where I would start scanning my mind as the pictures in my mind of “something else to do” where I could just entertain and occupy myself or start imagining in my mind me in some complete other scenario, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself HERE and I Direct Myself to Begin my Task, as I see/realize/understand that the more I accept and allow myself to participate in my mind as thought/picture as well as my imagination dimension imagining me doing something else, that in doing this I am only making the resistance more and the “thing itself” more difficult by simply not just stopping with the postponing of the doing of the task and to thus simply Direct myself to start immediately doing the first initial step that is required of me to get myself into the point and get the point moving as sometimes its that first step that is the “most difficult” and at times I simply must PUSH myself through that initial ‘front’ of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/exist within my imagination dimension of my postponement character where in I will actually imagine myself in my process of self writing where for instance I will be at work and imagining myself at home when “I finally can get to my writing” and I imagine all the points I will write about and how nice it will be and going into this point in my mind thinking and imagining about me supporting myself within writing, where then when I finally face that moment of actually doing it, my experience of me is not the same as it was when I was only imagining me doing and in fact it is quite different and then I often end up going into resistance because what I imagine in my mind and what I actually do in REAL LIFE are never the same, and so thus

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Align myself with ACTUAL REAL DOING, and so thus when and as I see myself thinking or/and imagining myself supporting myself within writing when I am for instance at work, and or in the car, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back HERE. I see/realize/understand that me imagining myself writing and me ACTUALLY Writing is NEVER the same and that what I require to do is Align myself with MY Actual REAL process of writing and working with this and getting effective at the actual process of directing myself/moving myself to write in/on a consistent basis, and that to participate within my imagination within and around this point in terms of me imagining me writing, only creates an Illusory perception of “what it will be like” but that it is Never like that as the rules of the imagination and the rules of the Actual Physical Process of Doing is completely different, and so thus I commit myself to Align myself as my Self Relationship with Practical Physical Doing, and thus so within and as my writings to work with the Actual Process of Writing as thee point of reference for me to see how I can effectively move/direct myself to write on a daily basis in a way that assist and support me practically, realizing that to imaging myself writing only creates a delusional perception of what it will be like that if anything only makes it more difficult when I actually face that Direct Physical Moment when it is time to write.

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