When My Passion Becomes My Burden – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 827


How do I not do art?

This seems like a strange question but here me out.

I have struggled with this point over the years.

Today I decided that I would NOT go into my studio and paint even though my logical mind tells me this is the best way to ensure productivity with my art.

My art expression is shared mostly between sculpture, painting and drawing, each one allowing for a unique part of myself to come to the fore, yet ultimately I classify them all as ‘doing art’


How is it possible that you can like and dislike doing something at the same time?

Enjoy it while being bored with it.

Want to do it, while resisting it.


Such a strange relationship I have created in relation to art and creating art.

Art is a long time passion of mine and often through the years right up until now I struggle with creating it.


For instance lately I have been working on some new paintings which I am quite enjoying however I still struggle to get myself into the studio. Its like there is a kind of wall of resistance there that I must pass through and once through it still have to conjure up some Self-Will to stay focused on the task at hand, all the while encountering completely fulfilled moments of creative expression. But then 5 minutes later “I have had enough” and have to deliberately will myself to stand there and keep going.


The same can be said for my sculpture process. I spend the most time each week doing this yet, there is a degree where “it feels like a job” and that’s when the resistance come in and the relief when I make it through the week.


Yet I still do enjoy it, and experience a passion within me to continue to expand and deepen my expression. But this passion is more something that I know is there but have to continue often without. When its time to get up at 7am to go to work, my passion seems to be missing in action, then I have to just go through the motions, get up, get moving, and eventually my passion will join me for an hour or two at some point during the day, then mysteriously disappearing again.


I am being a bit jokey about the whole thing but honestly it has gotten to a point where I question if I even want to do or like doing art for instance due to how much resistance I have towards doing it and how it seems like a car that just won’t start and here I am, pushing this car around when I wonder “why won’t the engine just turn over” it seems like that would make it so much easier to move if I could just drive this car instead of pushing it around, and so I question WTF is going with my apparent passion.


So today I took some advice that I received last year and I decided that I wouldn’t just blindly follow the thoughts in my head that not only insist that I do some art but that also persist in insisting that I do it all day long or whenever I am not in my studio.


In standing back and observing the nature of my mind and my thoughts and my experience in relation to doing art lately, I have begun to question whether following my inner demands to “Just do it” is actually supporting me or supporting in creating art to my utmost potential.


I see its important to push oneself to walk through resistances. I don’t expect things to happen easily, although sometimes things do or seem to flow naturally and ultimately that’s more the affect I am going for, I would like my paintings to flow naturally, and I have been busy with this directive for quite some time with some success but also some stuckcess ( I know that’s not a word but I mean, its kinda cool)


I have been working with my Starting Point especially when it comes to my paintings because my paintings aren’t yet something I depend, rely on, or expect to sell as readily as I do my sculptures and so in a way I have a cool opportunity to explore painting without a lot of financial influences. of course I am always considering the financial element to my work, though, not having it as of yet being part of my primary income I have an opportunity to be more creative with it, and even personal, which are some aspects I have been exploring of late as a way to have my painting expression actually be enjoyable and not something I am forcing to happen which I feel like I have been doing, and so have needed to make some changes. Despite these changes, my experience the past few days has got me wondering if there is something else I can do to just free myself and my painting expression so that it flows more naturally and not something I have to force which I still experience here as a part of my painting practice and so today, I decided I wouldn’t paint.


Instead of I decided to bake some cookies and slow cook a stew and just focus on doing that and chilling the F out.


The problem I have been observing about my experience and behavior around my experience in relation to painting is that when I am not painting, I am DOING NOTHING, I am just distracting myself and thinking about how I should be painting and should get back into the studio. I want to be productive but its like the creative flow just isn’t flowing. So I am wondering here if my recipe needs some adjustments, tweaking, and aligning. I am enjoying the painting I am busy with right now which is Awesome and I credit that to some adjustments I made a few weeks back after a discussion I had with my Wife, where I began taking off the constraints a bit and just allowing myself to paint without worrying so much about if it was going to be good or if it was seen as good or if I was following the rules, or if it was marketable, essentially all the Shit that as an artist you know in your heart you are actually supposed to not care about. So I took off some constraints as a way to help me get some natural flow in my creative expression and it worked to a degree but holy mother of pearl if I don’t find myself back in a sticky, stucky, unflowy experience again where I am enjoying myself yes, and the art I am creating, but I have to fucking beg the fucker to flow. So back to the drawing board with some adjustments and this adjustment ( which is the reason I had time to write this blog) is about BALANCE.


Yes, Balance!


You’d think the best way to create a lot of work is to just work all the time. That may be, but HOW does one work all the time so to speak where that work time is natural and comfortable and engaging.


I am finding I can’t just simply tell myself to work all the time. Its like I must find a way for this to be more of a natural expression where I want to work. Or at least more natural, of course I understand that I will always have to challenge myself and move through resistances but I can also explore this point of not creating unnecessary resistances that are more self induced and could be let go of.


The Principle of BALANCE is that I allow myself to do Other things with my time and life. Things that I actually enjoying doing outside of art. Or something that might come up spontaneously in a moment or for a day where I think, Hummmm, I’d like to do this or that. Instead of shutting myself down, I actually allow myself to do that.


Like reading a book, or baking cookies, or slow cooking a stew, or going to the beach or watching a movie, or going out for coffee, or going for a drive or, going shopping, or visiting with friends. It could be anything.


What I have been doing is more limiting my routine to kind of just have times where I can paint and that is what I do with my extra time, but then what happens is I often don’t want to but force myself to anyways. Then I spend 3 days forcing myself to work where I am kind of into it and kind of not where I am working intermittently and trying to get a flow going and just cutting everything out of my life so I can have the time to paint instead of allowing myself to do other things that I enjoy where for instance then Id have one solid day of painting that I actually WANT to do instead of three days where I am kind of not into it but forcing myself to be there. In a way I wonder if having the one day might be more productive in the end then spending three days trying to force myself to work.


So that’s the theory anyways, and today I decided to put it into practice and am still making peace with my Art Demon that is writhing away in the corner of my mind insisting I should paint.


One thing I found today is that I was actually less stressed and enjoyed myself. I enjoyed not having to think about when I was going to get into the studio. But it took a deliberate decision to say that I was going to focus on this other task that I had been thinking about doing and just allow myself to do that and not worry if I would get in the studio or not.


As I sat down this morning with my espresso to write in my notebook, after about 30 minutes I began to notice an anxiety rising up within me and this anxiety I observed is often here as part of my daily experience. This anxiety is related to “how productive I will be with my painting” and “not wasting time” by not painting. This anxiety experience was showing me that my current relationship towards painting was resulting in this anxiety experience and so I required an adjustment.


I did notice once making the decision to allow myself to Do something else today, that I relaxed a lot more and the anxiety subsided.


I will continue to explore this word BALANCE in relation to my Living and my relationship to art.


Simply MY Best – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 826


For a long time I wanted to be ‘The Best’, and this programming was formed quite young. I wanted to be the best at hockey, I wanted to be the best at art, I wanted to be the best.

When I look at this idea now of ‘being the best’ it does make sense in that this kind of programming was all around me, the programing of competition, of getting the top marks, of being seen as a winner, of being someone talented and special, of comparing yourself to others a way to determine your standing in life.


I find this programming still follows me around, as I walk the process of changing these parts of myself that I see do not serve me or others or are really contributing to creating the best self I can be or contributing in fact to Life on Earth for everyone and everything.


The other day I was scrolling through Instagram and saw some artwork by someone who I had gone to art school with and I immediately reacted and became uncomfortable within myself. In looking at the reaction closer I could identify an anxiety as well various points of fear and competition and comparison, and I identified this ‘Wanting to be The Best’ programming basically in full application.


Even though I am aware that this programming doesn’t serve me, I still have moments where I am in fact living/existing as this programming which is why I reacted in that moment, and the reaction was enough to realize that this experience is NOT something that was a benefit or support me at all.


So I did some writing and self introspection and I realized that I was wanting to be ‘THE’ Best instead of being ‘MY’ Best.


When I am My Best and striving to be My Best, the point of comparison is removed because being MY Best isn’t dependent on others. Just as them being Their Best is does not take away from or devalue what I am doing.


When I want to be THE Best, I compare myself to others and am constantly worried about what others are doing or how good they are at what they are doing, I get side tracked and end up often following what others are doing and even chasing them trying to catch up to those I perceive are ahead of me and I end up in a constant experience of anxiety while I am engaging in this competition to be THE Best. Within this the most important point of all gets lost in all the anxiety and fear of being left behind or not being good enough. The point that is lost or missing is ME.


It’s like my total focus is out there, looking at what everyone else is doing.


How are they doing it

That looks cool, I wish I was doing that

They are so far ahead of me

I could do better

Their not very good

I am way ahead

I suck

They make it look so easy

Maybe I should try that or this or that or that or that… = Anxiety.


Being MY Best is where I look at ME, and I look at Who I am and what suits me and what my strengths and weaknesses are and where I can position myself or express myself in a way that is supporting and getting the most out of the unique attributes of ME, and this cannot be determined by comparing or trying to copy or doing a better job of what others are doing or how they live.

Being MY Best is a truly original expression so to speak, that ultimately only I can do/live.


Being MY Best requires me to be Self Honest, and honor myself and where I am in my life and look at how I can be My Best.


What I also noticed is that when I am looking at how to be MY Best, I am suddenly looking at and considering way more parts and aspects of myself where to be THE Best I become isolated and driven more by the singular dimension of Fear, and so miss the many multitudes of Self.


Using simple math, I can understand how being MY Best would lead to a more enriching experience as I am now considering and looking at various dimensions of myself instead of being driven prominently by just one dimension (Fear) while attempting to be The Best.


So at the moment I am busy exploring what it means to be and Live MY Best and what this means to me and what this would look like. I may not be ‘The’ best at anything, but it is irrelevant if I am Living to my utmost potential and getting the most out of myself while Living MY Best.


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Forgetting To SEE MYSELF in my Passions – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 819


I thought I would take a moment and sit down here to do some writing and share what I have been up to lately. I have recently started putting more time towards developing some acrylic paintings. Most or much of my focus these days goes towards developing my art business. So a big point for me that I have been walking for some time is the relationship between Art and Money. But this could also be understood as the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions. I am not sure how rare my situation is but I decided that I would pursue creating and selling art, essentially my passion, as how I would make my primary income and it has been an interesting journey. For the first 10 years after I graduated art school and begun pursuing my passion of creating art and turning that into my career, I never really sold much art and just found other ways to make money. My approach back then was simply to create art and frankly I never made art to sell. In fact I believed that if I was making art to sell then I would be a Sell Out and so I steered clear of that and went for a kind of purity (or so I believed) of just expressing myself and not bothering to worry about if it sold or not, though, I actually did want it to sell and I did want to make money off of it. Although during that time, even though I wasn’t really creating art with the mindset of making it to sell, I did still have external influences from the perspective of I did want other people to like what I was doing, they didn’t have to buy it, they just had to like it. But that is whole other point for a different blog.

After a time away from doing art as my primary focus I got back into it about 4 or 5 years ago and this time I ended up in a situation where I was making it and selling it and surviving off of it. Though the art I was making you could say was more geared towards a particular market or aesthetic preference that wasn’t necessarily my personal preference. And this has been quite a challenge for me to essentially take a subject or style that is not necessarily ‘my preference’ and then to find myself in it, to, Make it My Own so to speak.

I will also add here that “My Preference” is definitely something I am still getting to know and so am willing to do things that I believe are not my preference to actually investigate them deeply and see if I can connect to it on some level because honestly “my preference” I realize has been greatly influenced, directed, impulsed by my culture, parents, peers, society, ect, so I have am definitely willing to challenge “my preference” and to make actually walk that process of really understanding what it means to get to know Myself on a deep level and understand what I do really personally like and enjoy and make sure this  is not just something that someone told me I like or I thought I was supposed to like it because everyone else did. Okay back to my point…

Over time and more so lately I have begun putting more time into painting and developing this more marketable line of work. And the question I have been walking and attempting to find the balance within is, that line between creating art to sell, that is marketable, and creating art for me where I can add my personal touch and take the art in directions that is more about my personal self expression and making sure that in the end the artwork contains depth and substance, than just making something to sell.

Okay going to add some Self Forgiveness Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people will think about me if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that one can make marketable art that still has depth, substance, and quality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted or dissuaded by my fears in a way where I don’t give myself the opportunity to test the theory of creating art that is marketable but also still has ME and My personal touch on it where I can create the depth, quality, and substance that I would like to.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop a style that is both marketable as well as having substance, quality, and depth to it so I can be proud and happy with the work I create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a sell-out if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my fears to get the best of me where I will stop before even giving myself the chance to explore various ways of creating the Depth that I would like into my art while at the same time having it be something marketable and sellable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into EGO within thinking “I am too good” to make art that sells, meaning where I essentially believe and have also judged others as “Just making art to sell” and believing that this compromises the artistic integrity within the art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want my art to be good and fear diluting it through its relationship with money, but then not take this point BACK TO SELF and consider how HOW I LIVE and WHO I AM in my daily life within and without is for instance compromised by money or ultimately where I am actually compromising Myself and my own Quality and Substance by allowing myself to live in ways that is not best for me, but then divert my attention off of myself and just obsess about my art when the Real point here Should be about WHO I AM for real in real life because Who I am is what really matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people knowing that I am making art that is marketable because I fear they will lose respect for me and they will stop respecting the art I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people think I am selling out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think about me when what other people think about me is Not who I actually am, and who I actually am is what really matters and that is something that I Live and Walk and Express day by day and I am essentially the Gatekeeper of Who I am and am Responsible for who I am and must answer to myself with regards to what I accept and allow of and as myself and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that Who I am and How I live moment to moment is really What Matters in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in the surface dimension of worrying what other people think about my art and if they think I am selling out when this is like an irrational fear that is actually removed from who I am and what I live in real physical substance day to day and moment to moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to influenced and directed by fear energy and anxiety energy in relation to what I thought or think people think about my art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus too much on what my art looks like where it becomes a form of obsession where in I forget about ME and Taking Care of Myself and Working on points within myself to assist and support me to become and live to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess over my art and if other people will like it, and end up neglecting Myself and Working with myself in a process of Self Creation to become a Self that I am Satisfied and Happy with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore working on my inner reality through regular Self Writing and Self Forgiveness as a point of actually supporting myself to Correct, Change, and Transform those parts of myself that I see are not what they could be or are supporting me within my utmost potential. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to work on these aspects of self, and just focus all of my attention outside of myself into my art, and art business.

I commit myself to LIVE HERE, and to when and as I see myself going into that dimension of obsessing about what others might think about my art, to stop and take and in breath, and within the exhale, I slow myself down and bring myself back to the moment and back to here and realize that what Really Matters is WHO I AM and that when I start worrying about what other people think about my art and how that reflects on me, I realize that here I am actually OFF POINT and so I bring myself back to THEE POINT which is ME and Self and Who I am within myself and How I am LIVING moment to moment and I commit myself to assist and support myself to place my attention HERE onto me and to assist and support myself to work on Myself and What Really Matters which is Who I am in each and every moment, So that I can stand and face myself and look myself in the Eye, and know that I am Living my Best Self and be actually truly Satisfied and Content with myself, and Love Myself.

Okay so the point that is actually coming through here, which I was thinking that this blog would be about anyways, is not so much about the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions, but rather when ones Passions become more important than SELF. Because I have been noticing this with myself lately where although I have been investing more time into my art which is cool, though, I have in a slight way have been neglecting the most important point which is ME and just working with myself on that Inner Deep level in a way where I am supporting ME within my Process of Personal Self Creation and Transformation and basically just working on WHO I AM in each and every breath.

Being Creative in a Marketable World – An Artist Journey To Life: Day 776


I have spent the last 3 and half years working Full-Time as an Artist! That’s pretty cool. I have really enjoyed it and throughout that time have encountered some interesting challenges. Although I have been “making a living” doing art for the last 3.5 years, before that I spent a great deal of time creating art and have actually been developing this art career point since I decided to go to art school when I was 19 years old.

One of the greatest challenges I have faced in particular since I have been earning a living with my art is the balance between creating art that is marketable versus creating art that is truly a unique expression of myself.

Our world and money system is an interesting thing in that there is very specific rules that one must follow to ensure the success of a business. (Or at least this is what I am lead to believe) And you know, what I have found is that these rules also seem to exist in the individual as well. I have encountered this with creating art where it seems individuals are more comfortable purchasing art that is ‘safe’ I will say.

That these ‘safe’ items sell more frequently and readily where the more experimental pieces don’t seem to sell as quickly. And this also goes for apparently controversial contemporary art as well where if it doesn’t have that very recognizable essence of being or looking like contemporary art, than people are afraid to buy it who have contemporary collections.

This has been quite a dilemma for me because obviously when you spend a lot of time creating art you start noticing things about this process. I have for instance noticed that “Art” follows a lot of rule and follows the trends of today. Art today has a very specific look and feel unique to its time just as it did 100 years ago. But its strange because I also notice that this kind of limits REAL CREATIVITY which from my perspective doesn’t follow a trend or preconceived pattern which can be replicated.

But to get to the bottom of this question could be quite a story so I am not going to go into all the dimensions in this blog.

For now I am going to stick to my approach.

Basically, I start with making sure my business side of my Art Making is stable, which means that I am creating art that is creative, but also marketable. Then from there I am essentially funding my own creativity from the perspective of where and when I have enough art for sale that is more proven to sell, or money from sold art, then I can experiment a bit, and be a bit more creative with some pieces.

There is also grants and things like that you can get from the government but even with that you are catering to a specific idea of what art should look like. Essentially you are selling your art the government or at least for them to give you a grant to create art that they think is valid.

But I really question that also because our world is really in quite a state of chaos and suffering which to me does suggest that the major systems in this world and the ideas and directions they are supporting are kind of in question looking at how everything is existing right now.

So this is quite a challenge for artists today and for artists that have lived throughout time, to create truly unique individual expressions.

For me I see this as being a work in progress for myself. And sometimes I wonder if I will ever do this in my lifetime.

It takes courage to try something new, to create something that may not look like ‘art’ but that is a real expression of yourself. This especially being so with the pressures of existing in our current money system where if you don’t have money, you don’t eat.

Sometimes I wonder if people yearn for that real honest individual expression in art and would be willing to pay for that. But then, its like the pressure of money and that FEAR of not having enough money to eat or make more art enters the picture and influences what I do.

So I just do my best to find that balance, ultimately with the end goal being to create a world that allows for that Real Unique Individual Expression to come through and flourish throughout our world not just in Art but in all things and all different expressions.


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Creating The ‘KILLER’ Whale – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 753



The newest sculpture I am working on at the moment is of an Orca Whale. One thing I like to do is to research the animals that I make carvings of. So with this one, since I have never carved an Orca which is also referred to as a Killer Whale, I decided I would watch a few documentaries to learn more about them and also to study the shape and movement of the animal.

Now that I think of it, in pretty much every documentary I watch about different species of animals, even though each species is uniquely different, they all have one very important thing in common.

Do you know what this is?


And further more, how the activities of the human is actually having a negative impact on the lives and environments of these animals.

It really is such a shame to think that eventually all animal species will be extinct because the human is unable to align their relationship to Life and the Planet in a way that is sustainable, supportive, and nurturing.

I personally see a Potential that exist for animals and humans to co-exist in harmony. But this relationship must be cultivated and restored over time.

As the dominant species on the planet it is of our utmost responsibility to ensure animals are extended the same rights and freedoms that we as humans are trying to create for ourselves. Its like all our laws and programs, and policies are focused on the human and our interactions throughout the world where animal rights is only something that comes as an afterthought and even as a reaction to the negative out-flow consequences that is coming from our inability as humans to co-exist with each other and the planet.

Animal rights should be considered equally to human rights in the creations of policies that guide our direction on planet earth. Not something that is an afterthought, but a fully integrated part of the policies developed that determine the flow and movement of our World System.

Last night I was watching the documentary “BlackFish” which focused on the captivity of Killer Whales for the purpose of Exhibition/Entertainment. The documentary highlighted one Orca in particular that developed a history of aggressive behavior towards its trainers and how this history was suppressed by the industry to keep up the illusion that this kind of Entertainment is something nice, fun, and legitimate when all the while, underpinning this kind of industry is an absolutely twisted human nature that is willing to capture live Killer Whales out of their natural habitat and place them in tiny pools, and then train them to perform for our own entertainment. Quite bizarre.

And the result as illustrated in the documentary is actually aggressive behaviors from the animals to the point of where they end up killing their trainers.

The whole concept of Sea World theme parks is a manifestation of just one tiny tiny example which reflects a particular part of our dysfunctional human nature. And the fact that this became an entire industry to me implies that this “dysfunction” within our nature is existing on a mass level, because for an industry like this to exist requires many many many participants, from those who snatch the animals from the sea, to the trainers, to the consumers who pay for such entertainment.

Its amazing how we as humans have developed the propensity for such blatant abuses, I find the documentary Black Fish does a great job of taking what should be obvious but somehow isn’t, and making clearly obvious, so that we can stop for a moment, take a step back and recognize how messed up something like Orca Captivity is and how this is NOT something in alignment with Living to our utmost potential as Human Beings.

So there is a lot of work to be done for us humans to restore our relationship with animals so that they have the same rights and freedoms as us humans.


Introducing New Words into Art and Self Creation – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 752


The other day I was admiring some artwork by one of my favorite life painters (John Singer Sargent) and I wondered to myself if this artist had ever written anything about his techniques of how to paint as surely I could learn something from this.

I ended up finding an article put together by someone about this artist and the accounts by his pupils that had the opportunity to learn from him. There wasn’t so much direct written words by the artist but rather accounts recalled by these students of what the artist taught them. The article also drew from a few various other references to comprise this commentary about the artists techniques, style, and approach to painting.

In my life right now, I have been practicing and developing my own ability, and understanding of what it means to Live Words as a process of Personal Self Creation. And I was also recently looking at this specifically in relation to how I go about creating and developing my artwork.

Now with my landscape paintings, one word that I have been practicing for the past 3 years is the word ‘value’. The context I am describing the word ‘value’ here is specifically related to color theory where ‘value’ is referring to dark and light.

But the interesting thing I noticed is that everyday I go out to do a painting, this word ‘value’ is at the fore of my attention and is what I am working with and practicing as I construct my painting.

And it has been the primary word for the past 2 or 3 years.

So after reading the abovementioned article, I took away a few words and points that I could now introduce the next time I went painting.

The words were


Thicker paint

Blending lines

Each one of these words/phrases were defined in the article in more detail/description so I had an idea how I would go about implementing them into my painting.

So I went out painting soon after and I began to introduce some of these words into my painting.

The first painting I did after reading the article had some new dimensions emerging in it which I could visibly see, meaning where the painting actually looked different from my previous paintings.

Then earlier today I went out and began another painting and I was surprised with the results of implementing these new words/phrases into my expression.

For me it was eye opening to see how reading a simple article on painting and then taking some of that information and “Living It” within the context of implementing it into the painting could have such a drastic affect.

I cannot recall ever learning that way even though I read quite a lot in art school about various different artists and techniques.

So I just thought this was a cool dimension of the “Living Words” process of Self Creation that I have been developing for myself these past few months.

Now another interesting questions that comes up here is how else can I live these words? Meaning, not where it is applied and Lived only in my painting but also in my life and myself.

With my painting, I had practiced living primarily one single word only over and over and over for nearly 3 years. And my paintings slowly progressed. Then suddenly I introduced more words into the process, and suddenly the paintings became more dynamic and took on new dimensions and had a new kind of life to them.

So perhaps this is the lesson to take away from this with regards to my own process of Self Creation through Living Words.

The lesson that if I never introduce any new words to Live and Become and practice Expressing as myself in my day to day life. That I will just always be the same, and in a way become stagnant. But within introducing new words, suddenly there is more life, more expression, more dynamics.

So here I can take the lesson I learned with my paintings and apply it to myself and my life and remember to introduce new Words into and as my process of Living Words/Self Creation as a point of developing and expanding and not just getting stuck living the same words over and over again.


SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
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Moving out of Fear and Into Application – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 743


So recently I had a look at a Fear I have that has been existing within me for sometime. This fear, is in relation to my current profession where I work as an artist, which has always been a passion of mine. Art has always been something that I have wanted to do in my life and I have spent a lot of time developing this point for myself. Now, the fear I have, is that for some reason I won’t be able to do this, and “It just won’t work out” So in taking a closer look at this point and actually writing it out on paper and also applying Self Forgiveness on it, something I noticed about this particular fear is that its not so much that I fear not doing art, but that I fear sabotaging my opportunity that is currently here to do it.

So I have been busy now doing art full-time for the past three years, and often within me this fear experience will come up and in fact I noticed that it actually influences me regularly in where my behavior starts to change where I will tend to be a bit more high strung and stressed out where behind this is this fear that “everything is going to fall apart” and so I better hurry up and make everything work and stable.

So what I noticed is that the fear is actually related to ME, and fearing ME actually messing everything up by not applying myself effectively, but where I personally end up not taking the opportunity that is HERE in my life at the moment, and “Making the Most of It” and then I fear that moment where the opportunity has passed and basically I have missed out because in that moment I can see within me that “I didn’t do everything I could have” that I procrastinated, was lazy, apathetic, or just took the opportunity for granted and let other distractions get in the way instead of really seizing the opportunity and nurturing it to its Full Potential.

I also see that this fear becomes more prominent when I know in Self Honesty that I am not actually Living to My Full Potential, but allowing myself to become side tracked. It is during these times that this fear becomes more prominent. And it is during the times when I see I am moving and directing myself effectively that the fear isn’t so much coming up.

In opening up and investigating this fear and investigating the worst case scenario that I fear happening, I was able to see these interesting dimensions and actually also realized that if my current profession doesn’t work out, but I have given it everything I got, then that’s Okay. The Fear more exist in relation to me squandering an opportunity instead of things just not working out for reasons out of my hands.

So I realize that the best thing I can do to support myself here in relation to this particular fear, is to assist and support myself to really Take Responsibility For Myself and My Life in a way where I can Fully place myself in this endeavor and express, live, and direct, to my Fullest Potential. So what came out of opening this fear up for myself is an actual Realization and also Practical Solution I can apply Daily to support myself in stopping that experience of Living IN Fear, and that practical daily application I can practice, is to practice really getting the most out of my days, and to stop squandering my days, and allowing myself to exist within a lesser version of myself that I know I am never satisfied with.

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