Moving An Inch into a New Pattern – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 796

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Today I was sitting at my desk writing about a point from my day. As I wrote out the details of this point, I noticed that my experience in relation to the point was actually intensifying. A moment then happened where I thought about stopping the writing and just jumping over to entertainment or checking my facebook as a point to just settle down a bit. Here however I observed that if I were to do that, that I wouldn’t actually be resolving anything but rather just distracting myself from my inner experience which I realize and understand is not a Solution and would rather just keep the point cycling around within myself.

So I thought this was a cool moment to write about because it revealed this aspect of myself how I keep myself actually trapped within my mind, within my emotional reactions by distracting and essentially supressing my experience by diverting my attention into media entertainment.

So in this moment I saw this distraction design and so instead I just remained within what I was doing which was writing, and opening up the point and overall, just remaining HERE with and as my experience instead of wanting to and trying to run from it, hide from it, distract myself from it.

Within  listening to the many interviews on the Eqafe website I have encountered this explanation about how energy functions where when you focus on energy it will actually for a moment intensify as one intensifies ones focus upon which was what I was doing tonight as I decided to sit down and write about this point/event that happened during the day and in this exploring and investigating the emotions and energies that was coming up within me in relation to this event.

And so when that energy started intensifying and I started feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, this awareness came up within me of this point of how “energy intensifies if you focus on it” that I have herd explained in different Eqafe Interviews and so I rather decided to remain HERE and continue writing and rather move myself to direct myself and the energy instead of immediately trying to distract myself from it.

Now, things didn’t come to a nice and tidy resolution but I do see how I can continue to support myself this way within my life and process where I essentially learn and develop the ability to face what is going on within me instead of wanting to distract myself from it. And so instead of distracting myself from it, I can Face it and learn more about it  and how it moves within me. Which is the process of me learning about me.

So I thought I would share this small moment from today where I a simply decided to change my usual pattern of distraction and rather allow an experience to be here within me as a point of learning more about it and learning  to direct it and myself into a point of Resolution…or at least give myself the option to do this which I immediately close off when I channel my attention into entertainment when ever I am overwhelmed with a reaction or inner experience.

So it was a small moment, just an inch forward into a New, more supportive pattern/action, but that is better than nothing.

 

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Change of Plans – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 770

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Today I was heading home and my car started to break down and I had to turn around and change my plans. Initially I was set on going home as I have been away for the week and I had scheduled myself to get back home and get back to my normal routine.

At first there was some denial within me, telling myself that “I will make it” and just wanting to power through and just hope for the best which is somewhat characteristic of how I do things sometimes where I will rather just do it and hope I make it, instead of making sure I make it, and then removing that hope point out of the equation.

Eventually I decided that the best thing is to postpone my departure and get my car fixed. It was really the obvious thing to do, though at first I resisted it and didn’t want to change my plans.

Yesterday I was writing about the point of “Stillness” and how that was a word I wanted to bring back with me when I went home. Interestingly, today that word was no where to be found. I had pretty much just let the word slip out of my awareness completely until this evening.

Although another point that I was writing about yesterday came through a bit stronger today and that was the point of how I can use writing to stabilized myself. Essentially, being ‘Still” is also a kind of stability, and practically speaking, writing is a way I can root myself into the ground to support that stability and stillness of Self.

I was looking at this yesterday because I have noticed that I have become more uprooted recently and this has coincided with overall less Consistent Self-Writing in my life. Particularly here in my blog.

So getting back to earlier today…

After I made the decision to change my plans and stay a few more days, I felt quite relaxed, relieved and actually satisfied. It also does give me a window of time where I can relax some more which is definitely something I am embracing. Its funny, because if I even look at how I structured my vacation, it really was for a small period of time, which wasn’t actually enough to really step out of my routine where with the few added days now, It does give me a window where I can just support myself to regroup and calm down a bit and potentially just slow myself down. I say potentially, because its not a given. I find it is directly related to me and the decisions I make not just in my outside reality, but also particularly in my inside reality, where my inner stability is based on what I accept and allow myself to participate in within myself, what thoughts, emotions, patterns, ect. So I have a small window now here where I am presented with an opportunity to support myself but that I will still in fact have to do this for myself.

In terms of the car. I am getting my clutch replaced….lol…..The problem was I really had to step on the gas and the engine would get really loud but the car would hardly move. Sometimes it feels like that in reality where I feel like I am busy busy all day long but things just seem to move soooo slowly. So what is the Key to Self Change or actually Creating Change in ones World for Real? The word that is jumping out at me as I ask that question is the word CONSISTENCY. That is the second time this word has come up in this blog so perhaps I will dedicate some more writing time to this word specifically in my next blogs.

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Mobility = Movement Ability – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 750

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Mobility.

What does it mean to be mobile, to be flexible. I find for myself that I am comfortable in a routine and that I am willing to live that routine everyday without changing it. Within this I have a tendency to isolate myself and also limit myself through not directing myself to expand my expression into different avenues and ways of living, being, interacting, within my life and with others.

Mobility – I can hear the word Ability in the Mobility.

Mobility

Mob

Bill

Build

Bility

Bill

ill

Mo

More

More Ability

More Movement

 

So in the word Mobility I am seeing/hearing the word MORE. As in expanding oneself.

 

I see for myself that to become more mobile I actually have to will myself to do that and move Directivity. Its just not going to happen automatically.

 

I have had a lot of resistance to changing my daily routine because I have become comfortable in it.

 

However I do see that this is something that will only benefit me.

 

I think of water that is still, and then in it forms all kinds slim on top and within it and the water gets murky. I equate this to human physical body, where within moving and expressing with the body it keeps it vital and alive instead of stagnant.

 

So the “Mo” at the beginning of the word Mobility can also refer to Movement or Momentum.

So this Mobility, this Movement Ability is a word I definitely can work on and practice as a Living Expression of myself to support myself to develop a more healthy, natural, being and expression of myself. Instead of existing like a boulder weighing 1000 pounds that just wants to sink down and not move.

 

So I will work with this word for tomorrow, and especially in relation to my more ingrained habits that I live everyday and don’t really change up ever because it is in those real habitual points that I see I keep myself locked into an immobility that is self-limiting.

 

SOUL – The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Losing My Footing through Dis-Traction – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 747

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience my life as a Burden, and so constantly am trying to get away for it, hide from it and escape from it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to supress this experience of feeling like my life and all the things I have to do as a Burden through by distracting myself from my life when ever this burdensome experience comes up within me which I see I also experience as a resistance that comes up within me towards my life and the responsibilities of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist within the behavior of Self Distraction instead of investigating and introspecting on why it is that I feel compelled to distract myself to the degree where I would rather distract myself and exist within a limited expression of myself than Direct myself in and as my life in a way where I am living and expanding  to my utmost potential and purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my process of Self Change as a burden, as something that “I have to do” as something that has become an obligation where I am in a state of conflict towards it and in a state of wanting to escape from it instead of embracing and living it moment by moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to utilize moments of resistance as opportunities to learn more about myself through facing them, investigating them, opening them up, understanding them so that I can be sure that I am Living to my Fullest Potential and not avoiding Self Expansion and Expression because of a point or moment of resistance that comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘hating resistance’ or ‘hating ‘the experience of resistance’ when really I can see here that its not the resistance that I hate, but rather I am reacting to having to face what ever point is on the other side of the resistance which I am seeing at the moment as points of Responsibility, often that I have avoided or don’t want to do, and that I also see that points of Responsibility are just different tasks, movements, activities, and expressions of myself that I have defined as responsibilities but are ultimately just different things I do that can actually potentially support me in my self development, functionality, practical stability in myself, and my life and also become a part of my living to my fullest potential.

So the point here that I see requires my attention is who I have become in relation to Responsibility or in relation to ‘Resistance’ which I see is very much connected to my Responsibilities where who I have become is someone who has developed a particular pattern/behavior of running from my resistance/responsibilities instead of facing them. Instead of addressing them, understanding them, and also working with them in a way where I can release myself from that resistance experience in relation to them. Its like I have become comfortable and well practiced at taking the path of least resistance and what I have noticed is that I end up distracting myself more and more where this behavior of distraction starts to become a more substantial part of my life to the degree where I am actually limiting myself in who I am and how I direct myself. Interesting – The path of least resistance actually leads to creating more resistance experiences. Or at least in this context I am looking at here. I realize that hiding from my experience, from my responsibilities is not a Solution, and I see that it is a kind of self-manipulation actually because in actually learning to embrace my responsibilities I see that I will develop new skills and new response abilities. I will become more. Instead of just remaining idle, and the same which is where the path of distraction gets you. Nobody wants to just remain the same and idle. People want to change, transform, create, become more, become new, become better. At least I do. So the whole idea of avoiding the chance to do this e.g., avoiding my responsibilities, is Self Manipulation.

So I see I must work with this point so that when I face these moments of resistance that instead of distracting myself, I investigate and practice and learn what the resistance is all about, and what points I am facing and how I can face them and embrace them and Direct Myself to Live to my Utmost potential and purpose.  And so this is my commitment for now in facing this point/myself. I commit myself to start facing that resistance experience when it comes up instead of facing the other way and going into distraction. Because look, when I go into dis-traction, I end up with no Traction in my life because I am dis-tracting myself. So here I commit myself to face those Resistance experiences eye to eye so that I can redevelop and recreate myself as my Living Behavior to move from Distraction which is Suppression to Looking and Facing Resistance head on. Not in a fighting way, but in a way where I am willing to face it and walk through it which really means facing and walking the Responsibilities or Points that the Resistance is connected to. This way I support myself to keep my traction, keep my footing, and Keep Grounded so that I moving and living and expressing, something I cannot do if I do not have my feet on the ground and have Traction to move.

 

SOUL – The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Living Words – ‘CLEAR’ – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 744

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So tonight is one of those nights where I have been wanting to write a blog, and I have been thinking about different possibilities to the point where now my going off in different directions and potentials inside myself and can’t seem to settle on something.

So, I will just begin the blog as a point of getting myself grounded and here and see what opens up.

How about something different.

Today I am living the word….mmmmm…….dang, what is it……oh yes, “Planning”. I have recently began testing out the process of Living a New Word Each Day as a point of Self Creation. And today was the word “Planning” and a couple days ago I lived the word “New” So, today I will reach back into the past and snatch this word “New” and Live this word by writing something that isn’t so typical for me to write about.

Well, how about I write about this process of Living Words.

For me this is the first time I have been more active and consistent with taking a word each day and living it.

And so far it has been interesting, sometimes frustrating, and overall, a process that I see is supportive and will continue to explore, expand and develop, because I realize that this process of Living Words is like anything else where its not perfect in the beginning and sometimes there is growing pains but that is just how things go when you are learning something new.
Basically, I pick a new word each evening, and then define for myself how I will live that word the next day. Sometimes I do this in writing, or I will discuss it with my partner,  and what I noticed is that usually there is like one clear application that I can see how to apply a word. Sometimes the application is an ‘inner’ application, like letting go of self judgment in a moment when I see it comes up, or it is an ‘outer’ application, like for instance in Living the word ‘Planning’ today, I phoned ahead and arranged to have my car picked up tomorrow morning at 8am.

What I see is that there is various dimensions and contexts in which to live words.

Tomorrow my word I am going to Live is the word ‘Clear’.

I decided on this word because being Clear is something that I would like to be, and eventually Stand within in an absolute sense. Yesterday I wasn’t clear with myself and ended up in patterns and behaviors and experiences, that I know does not represent the best of me. So the word for tomorrow will be the word  ‘Clear’. Within this I can assist and support myself to not accept and allow thoughts, backchats, internal chatter that I see is not supportive for me so will support myself to practice remaining clear and here, and not clouded up with thoughts, and inner backchat.

Within this I commit myself to support me to push myself to ‘remain with my physical body’ instead of going into rabbit hole thought patterns that only take me into the mind and into preoccupation. So being Clear, is Standing Here with the Physical Body where I am aware of myself and aware of my breath, and aware of the depths and subtleties of my physical body. If I am in my mind participating in my own inner chatter or getting caught up in emotional experiences, I will not be able to see what is going on within and as my body or my awareness. So being Clear, Clears the air so I can see. Like looking across a clear lake, you can see far into the distance, and you can hear a fish jump a mile away because all is calm and all is clear.

I can also see the word ‘Clean’ within the word Clear, and so another dimension of the word Clear is the words ‘Clean’, and ‘Cleanliness’. So to Live the word clear is also to mean, not clogging up my body with unhealthy foods or actions which inhibit or supress the body’s natural expression, but rather to keep it clear and clean. For instance sitting on the couch in couch potato mode I see does not support me to be here and clear.

So I have opened up a few dimensions of this word Clear, which I will practice Living tomorrow and see what else comes up.

Oh, I just saw one more point – Clearing my desk, or making sure my workspace is clear, that is another cool application I can direct tomorrow as well.

Okay that’s all for now.

Changing Ones Experiences in Real Time – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 733

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Today while I was at work I decided to apply a technique that was explained in one of the latest interviews on EQAFE.

Part of my Job at the moment is I spend normally 1 day a week working the sales floor at the Art Gallery where I sell my sculptures. This has been great because it gives me an opportunity to talk with clients, potential clients, and just art admirers about the work I do and about their own collections. This has really supported me in gaining more insight into why and how people buy art which is important for me seeing as how I am working as a professional artist.

Now during this time I have tested out various ways to interact with those who walk into the gallery and have looked at how best to do this.

The context within which I am standing is quite specific where I am essentially standing as a Sales Professional in a setting where I am representing myself, other artists, and the galley, where my primary role is to sell the artwork in the gallery.

This now creates a specific dynamic when people walk into the gallery where when I engage with them, I am doing so in a particular way, within the context that I am a salesman.

I have noticed that sometimes when people walk in and it looks like they are potential buyers, I start to get nervous and find it more difficult to communicate and interact with them. Other times, when they seem like ‘just admirers’, I am more comfortable and its easier to speak with them.

So today I noticed a familiar experience of anxiety coming up within me in relation to clients walking into the gallery, and so I applied the technique that was laid out in the Eqafe Interview I listened to last night.

First I looked at my initial experience that I was having which was a reactive experience triggering and ‘happening to me’ when someone would walk into the gallery. This anxiety that would come up, I found influenced me within moving to talk and interact with the customers.

So firstly, I wrote down the words that was coming up as the reactions

  • Hopeless
  • Helpless
  • Distant
  • Disconnected
  • Desperate
  • Anxiety

And then next I wrote down the words that I would rather like to live and express in those moments when people walk into the gallery

  • Here
  • Open
  • Simplicity
  • Calm
  • Inner Quiet
  • Anchored
  • Grounded
  • Settled

So as customers walked in and the reactive anxiety experience would come up, I would practice focusing on these other words, the words I wanted to be and express, and so then practiced moving out of the reaction words and into these other words.

Overall it was supportive, and throughout the day, I would pull out the piece of paper I had the words written on and re-visit them.

An observation I made was that having the new words written down, and now a part of my awareness in such moments when I faced this anxiety reaction gave me something else to focus on and direct and move myself and my attention into instead of just having the anxiety experience be the only thing in my awareness.

So I will continue to test out this application and I would recommend for anyone interested in hearing about this particular application to invest in the Source where the best description is given which is the interview on Eqafe.

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime