So recently I had a look at a Fear I have that has been existing within me for sometime. This fear, is in relation to my current profession where I work as an artist, which has always been a passion of mine. Art has always been something that I have wanted to do in my life and I have spent a lot of time developing this point for myself. Now, the fear I have, is that for some reason I won’t be able to do this, and “It just won’t work out” So in taking a closer look at this point and actually writing it out on paper and also applying Self Forgiveness on it, something I noticed about this particular fear is that its not so much that I fear not doing art, but that I fear sabotaging my opportunity that is currently here to do it.
So I have been busy now doing art full-time for the past three years, and often within me this fear experience will come up and in fact I noticed that it actually influences me regularly in where my behavior starts to change where I will tend to be a bit more high strung and stressed out where behind this is this fear that “everything is going to fall apart” and so I better hurry up and make everything work and stable.
So what I noticed is that the fear is actually related to ME, and fearing ME actually messing everything up by not applying myself effectively, but where I personally end up not taking the opportunity that is HERE in my life at the moment, and “Making the Most of It” and then I fear that moment where the opportunity has passed and basically I have missed out because in that moment I can see within me that “I didn’t do everything I could have” that I procrastinated, was lazy, apathetic, or just took the opportunity for granted and let other distractions get in the way instead of really seizing the opportunity and nurturing it to its Full Potential.
I also see that this fear becomes more prominent when I know in Self Honesty that I am not actually Living to My Full Potential, but allowing myself to become side tracked. It is during these times that this fear becomes more prominent. And it is during the times when I see I am moving and directing myself effectively that the fear isn’t so much coming up.
In opening up and investigating this fear and investigating the worst case scenario that I fear happening, I was able to see these interesting dimensions and actually also realized that if my current profession doesn’t work out, but I have given it everything I got, then that’s Okay. The Fear more exist in relation to me squandering an opportunity instead of things just not working out for reasons out of my hands.
So I realize that the best thing I can do to support myself here in relation to this particular fear, is to assist and support myself to really Take Responsibility For Myself and My Life in a way where I can Fully place myself in this endeavor and express, live, and direct, to my Fullest Potential. So what came out of opening this fear up for myself is an actual Realization and also Practical Solution I can apply Daily to support myself in stopping that experience of Living IN Fear, and that practical daily application I can practice, is to practice really getting the most out of my days, and to stop squandering my days, and allowing myself to exist within a lesser version of myself that I know I am never satisfied with.
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