The Weekend Crash – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 811

comical sense - weekend

So today is one of the more difficult days in my week because it’s ‘the weekend’. In recent blogs I have been writing about the point of motivation and some of the principles I have utilized over the years to support myself within my application with my Job and the process of developing an art business. Now one aspect of this whole process has been realizing that my ‘success’ within my work should not be at the expense of my success in other things.

So for example I have found often that I can become quite effective at my application at work, but then when I am at home, its like “I don’t know what to do with myself” and actually one of my struggles is getting through my days off without completely sinking into laziness, depression, idleness, where at times I end up in this experience of putting ALL my effort into my work week and then when I get to the weekend, I collapse. And am pretty much useless.

So a process I am still working on for myself is to develop more of a consistency within my LIFE EXPRESSION where there isn’t a polarity or division between who I am at work and who I am at home or who I am during the work week versus on the weekends.

I find I have the tendency to be single minded and because of this I do not expand myself into other expressions and so there is no balance to my life in terms of where I am allocating my efforts. Rather it’s like Work and Art is KING and then there is everything else. And often I want to rush through doing other things like cooking for myself or doing some other activity or spending time socializing because I have compartmentalized my life into “me at work” and “me resting” and then maybe a few other points but then this becomes a kind of polarity where on the weekends I only rest and do nothing else, and then during the week I work and I do nothing else and then they become likes extremes. Or at least this is an assessment of my situation in looking at what could be contributing to my Weekend Crashes or even my lack of enthusiasm towards doing anything other than what I have defined my life to be as Work and Rest.

So this is a point I am still finding a balance with and still in the process of creating for myself where I am more consistent within my experience of myself instead of jumping back and forth between the “work experience” and “rest experience”

I can see here that I could actually benefit from Redefining the word REST or RELAX because my current definition of this is simply me laying around doing nothing. So here I see I can include activities and expressions that are more supportive both physically and mentally because actually ‘laying around’ is not supportive when its all your doing and then you end up, as I do, sinking into boredom or depression or idleness, So yes, Here seeing a New approach to ‘Resting’ and ‘Relaxing’ where this just doesn’t have to be meaning that I must do as little as possible. Okay cool, so pulled through some Direction with this point. I will continue with this either here in blogs to come or in my own personal writings which I utilize also in opening up and understanding points.

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Pillars of Motivation – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 808

 

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Its interesting that as I sit here looking for what topic or point I can write about tonight from this past day, I am drawing a blank. Its interesting because a single day is actually long with hundreds of moments. So the fact that I would be drawing a blank is kind of telling me that perhaps I am dismissing a lot of what happened in my day today, thinking its not worthy to write about.

One of my co-workers today expressed his gratitude and appreciation towards me in relation to my art and the motivation I have lived in relation to my process I have walked the last 4 years as a stone artist. He wondered outloud why the others don’t do the same as me?

There is a few factors that go into my motivation within my art process though one of the main ones is the process I have been walking with desteni the past 10 years which have indispensably supported my process with my art as well.

So these comments from my co-worker did cause me to reflect on my process I have walked with art as well as just my overall process I have been walking with Desteni the past 10 years and the support and guidance I have received through this process which have supported me to Live in a way where I am supporting myself to Live to my Utmost Potential.

So when he expressed is gratitude towards me I immediately thought of how what I am doing now with my art has been created upon the foundation I have developed and established with my personal process with desteni. I also wondered about how exactly this personal process I am walking is translating into my real-time physical living ‘out-there’ in the world.

Essentially SELF is always the foundation and then the other points emerge from this.

So yes, the guidance I have received as well as the tools and applications I have developed through walking the desteni process have been absolutely paramount to what I am doing with my art now.

There are so many nuances to process and so many things I can see that have become some of my ‘pillars’ so to speak that support me within my life.

Some of these ‘pillars’ as principles that I have utilized to support me to Live this word ‘Motivation’ when it comes to my art expression and what specifically I have been walking the past 4 years are

  • Accumulation Affect 1+1+1+1
  • The principle of Whats Best For ALL
  • Self Direction
  • Self Forgiveness
  • Self Honesty
  • Bringing ALL points back to self
  • Self Responsibility (never blame anyone or anything)
  • Breath (one breath at a time)
  • Live In the Physical
  • Don’t Compare
  • Do what you must and within that create what you would like it to be
  • Lead by Example
  • Live to your utmost potential
  • Personal Process First
  • Do unto others what you would like done unto you
  • Be Solution Oriented
  • Consistency

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
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SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
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eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

Determining My Outcomes Through Daily Living – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 806

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Today is the beginning of the work week for me. I felt a bit depressed this morning when I woke up. The experience seemed to be ‘out of  nowhere’ though last night I was discussing a few points with my partner about some stress that I was experiencing in relation some aspects of the responsibilities associated with work. So this morning as I got ready to go to work, I related this seemingly out-of-nowhere experience of depression to these work related points I was discussing the night before.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed with stress in relation to directing and walking the obligations and responsibilities in relation to my career.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still feel the need and desire to control my reality and force it to move the way that I want it to when working with other people, expecting other people to move how I want them to because its convenient for me where I am not considering that people are entire universes unto themselves where their lives are vast and comprised of various relationships and so I cannot expect them to move according to my wishes and desires just because it would suit me best, and so here I commit myself to remember to consider that People are complex and have much going on within themselves and within their lives and to within this, be more patient and understanding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my life not working or my business failing where this fear drives me to try to control people and push things to move how I desire to have them move, where I become much less flexible and flowing, And so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try an achieve success from a starting point of Fear of Failure. And so here I commit myself to walk and live the word Patience where within living the word Patience I stop accepting and allowing myself to exist within my default setting of “expecting to fail” and so thus I commit myself to stop expecting to fail and then having a fear emerge of fearing to fail which then drives me into control and desire, as well as being more rigid and inflexible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that I could potentially still achieve success or desired outcomes through being more easy going, patient, and flexible. Wouldn’t that be awesome considering this is often how I find things move in physical reality where things move slowly as there is multiple points coming  together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that perhaps success can be achieved through living  and walking the word Patience where I allow things to take time and not go into that point of trying to control or force them, and while I wait, I can give my time and attention to projects and tasks that are HERE and that I can DIRECT , Here and Now in the moment instead of feeling stuck like I am waiting for things to move so I can move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing the word success, and so thus fear the word success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear even mentioning the word success, because to me I have accepted that this will only mean failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear Failure where I see it as a bad thing, and so creating ‘failure’ to be this ‘big thing’ and something to fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to function within my life based on a pre-programmed setting of an expectations of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure is permanent and so fear failing because I perceive this as the end, instead of considering that I can simply continue on and continue testing new ways and solutions, and that failure is not this big thing that I have to fear constantly day in an day out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure is forever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure means the end of the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in constant fear of a massive failure taking place, where its like I am constantly in fear of everything just collapsing in a major way. (What a tiring way to live, phew)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing opportunities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others and different opportunities as the determinants of my success or failure instead of realizing  that I am responsible for the outcome of myself and my life meaning, that if the success or failure of my business is based on luck or what other people do or don’t do, then its bound to fail anyways. Rather I commit myself to remember and to stand within the starting point that I determine the different OUTCOMES of my business,  meaning where I commit myself to become the SOURCE of my ability to grow, expand, develop myself and my business where this is based on MY actions and what I do or do not do, and so within this GROUND my approach to walking my current path with life and business where I LIVE SUCCESS, not through ‘where I end up’ but through Who I am and How I am LIVING and DIRECTING MYSELF Daily, and to simply walk day by day, pushing and directing myself to Live to my utmost potential where this becomes the foundation of my Living and my Self and Business Development.

I commit myself to take the attention that I have placed ‘out there’ onto what others are doing and how that affects my me, my life and business, and bring this attention back to ME, and to focus on what I am doing and what I can do and live daily to assist and support myself to LIVE MY UTMOST POTENTIAL every day, and so support myself to Give myself back my Self Directive Principle and Responsibility through by focusing on Who I am and What I can do daily to live to my utmost potential and expand, develop, refine, push, express, support myself and what I am doing within my life.

 

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eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

 

 

Expanding Your Supply of Solutions – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 805

truck

So lately I have been walking this point of ordering more supplies for my business which allows everything to continue to flow normally. But there is a delay on the supplies arriving which isn’t the first time this has happened with some of the suppliers I work with. So when and as this is happening I have been firstly practicing not allowing myself to go into a reaction towards the particular suppliers and essentially start demanding that my supplies arrive in a reasonable time-frame. There are moments where I see these reactions coming up within me, but I continue to support myself to not act out of these reactions.

So one dimension of this that is coming up now as I write, is the questions of “Where do I do the same thing” Where do I procrastinate with certain projects, tasks, and points that not only affect me but affect others as well, because I can see that I still do allow procrastination in my own life, and so this is a cool Starting Point for me to create a Solution for these outflows that I am walking now where my supplies seems to be arriving late which has been a pattern now for about a year.

For instance, I could actually just order my supplies doubly early. If I have identified a pattern of the movement of certain supplies, then I could make sure that I am keenly on top of it, and essentially doing what is within my power to Ensure that I am always stocked on supplies.

I also noticed that I can also branch out and reach out to other suppliers who could provide a supplemental support for when I need certain supplies within a specific time-frame. This is something that I haven’t yet done.

Because if a few months down the road I am in the same boat, it is obvious that it has nothing to do with the suppliers but rather my lack of action to find solutions to the point.

So here is a good example of how its so easy to blame others for our experiences and problems where we do this without getting to the point of doing everything in our power to Take Responsibility for Our Own lives to the best of our ability.

So this is has definitely been a Key for me in the Process that I have walked with Desteni over the years where I have been supported to and have since began to bring points back to myself and look at where and how I can support me to find Solutions and Take Responsibility for my life instead of just going into blaming someone else. This has actually had quite a massive impact on my life because here even in this situation with my suppliers, this could have easily in the past ended up with me just going into blame and so not bringing the point back to myself which is a missed opportunity for self expansion because in bringing the points back to myself I am actually EXPANDING myself through looking at WHAT I CAN DO for myself and for others in terms of Living Solutions and trying out new things or changing my own tendencies and patterns to be overall more supportive.

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eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

Grounding Excitement In Daily Application – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 798

galapagos-tortoise-large

I recently had a meeting about a new business venture with my art that has been opening up the last couple weeks. So in this blog I am going to look at this dimension that I saw coming up within me in relation to this new point opening up. The dimension I noticed is that I saw this point within me of wanting this new venture, this new opportunity to be a kind of SAVIOR where I noticed lots of excitement coming up within me and so when I started looking at this experience of excitement more closely I noticed how it was connected to this idea and projection of “things changing” and within me where Id go into fantasies and hope of “everything changing for the better”

Now on the one hand, this opportunity could provide a platform for new changes in my life, however, I have also realized here that it is important to stay grounded and to support myself through bringing things back to Self.

So essentially, with all this excitement coming up, I looked at how I could stabilize myself and settle things down, and this is when I began to see this ‘Saviour’ point within me where I’d hope that this new point changes everything and changes my life. So in bringing this point back to myself, what I see, and realize is that no one is ever going to save me, and that ultimately I am the one who is always responsible for myself and my life, and so, I don’t actually require a Saviour, because I have ME and how I walk day by day.

So this was a cool point of Self Grounding to just re-focus my attention back HERE and back to Myself. This is important I see because this is where I am. I am HERE, in my life and so the BASICS still apply day to day, moment to moment.

I realize that I must embrace who I am right now and what my life is like right now and work with this ME and this Life PRACTICALLY and Support myself from HERE into a point of creating it into what I would like it to be through the daily support and application I walk for myself and my life and so thus to stop participating in the Desire for “The Game Changer” as in some external point that is going to come along and “Change Everything” which Is a form of hope I then would be participating with instead of just continuing to focus on what I am realizing more and more is the crux of my process which is WHO I AM IN EVERY MOMENT and how I am Walking Self Support and Self Creation in my moment to moment Life.

Okay so just sharing a bit here about this Savior Point that I noticed still existing within me as a hope, want, and expectation of some big event or person to enter into my life that changes everything instead of me just focusing on Me and walking the steps of daily support and creating myself and my life moment by moment, step by step and being willing to WALK THE PROCESS in real time and let go of that idea where I actually SKIP moments or ‘Jump Ahead’ through some magical game changing event that takes place.

I realize my best approach is to Walk Here, step by step, focusing on Who I AM now and what my life is like now, and walking the step by step actions of self change and self creation moment by moment, brick by brick.

 

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discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

Reacting Emotionally to Work Decisions – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 775

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Today was my first day back at work after taking some time off. I was somewhat tentative my first day back, moving into the day slowly and just taking my time moving into things again. So, I am not yet in the ‘full-swing’ of things. My observations about today was that I did or am wondering why I was apprehensive in terms of getting things going again after my time off and why I didn’t just dive in and get things moving with more force, certainty and directivness, but instead was more feeling things out.

I can see that there is some slight reactions within me in relation how I approached today. Before my break, I was pushing myself to work longer hours and was more just overall at a point of wanting to push things.

Overall I would prefer to have a more relaxed application with work, where I didn’t feel so strained or rushed which is how things came to eventually materialize before I took a break. So as I move back into my work application again one thing I would like to investigate, and explore is my relationship with time and money as well as feeling rushed or strained at work and basically investigating what I can do support myself to have a more balanced and stable experience when it comes to work. I am satisfied with how things are at the moment in terms of what I have to work with to support myself to continue to explore, refine, specify, correct, and create my “working-Life” relationship. Though ultimately it is simply my LIFE overall and ‘working’ is just an aspect of that.

Physically my back was quite sore after work today. Daaaaannng. Like quite sore indeed. My Job is very much a physical job and my physical well-being is important to the application and sustenance of my job so any time I have physical ailments It does have the potential to bring up some reactions such as fears and such.

So today, going to work after some time off and then having some nice back pain after work is definitely some FeedBACK in terms of now what to focus on tomorrow and consistently as I am taking on such physical work

I also had some Emotional Reactions coming up today in relation to some decisions I had to make regarding some direction with my job. That is one thing that, when it came up today, I noticed had been missing from my life since taking some time off. So this is definitely a KEY for me as a point to Support myself to Correct with my Job. Here I can practice making Decisions without getting emotional. It was interesting to have these specific emotional points come up again today. As I noticed them coming up, it was alike alarm bells going off where I was like “Heeeyyyyyy I haven’t had these types of thoughts in a while” and so realizing that these specific natured emotional reactions I have in relation to making particular decisions at work are quite specific to my job and indicating clearly an aspect of myself to Correct.

So this is actually quite cool because I am seeing this now as perhaps one of the more ‘important’ things that came from today where moving forward now I will support myself to Stabilize myself in relation to these specific emotional points that come up when facing particular decision points and projects related to my work.

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

The Inner and Outer of Taking on New Projects – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 773

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In this blog I am going to begin a process of supporting myself within Self Creation when it comes to taking on new projects or tasks and so here am going to begin with mapping out the ‘normal’ cycles I go through when it comes to walking projects from beginning to end.

The first phase of the project usually begins when it first opens up. This is often met with excitement. During this stage or phase of the project when it first emerges I find this is where I will start looking at and thinking about all the different possibilities and outcomes that could come to pass. Though I will often have excitement during this phase I will also have reservations. Fear is another emotion that I face during this time, and actually a lot of projects never get much past the very beginning stages of physical movement because for what ever reasons (which I am here to find out) I allow myself to lose motivation or talk myself out of actually bringing the point into physical movement and creation.

I am actually at this stage right now with a project I am working on. A new point opened up and it is different to how I have been doing things in the past. Its not completely different, there are some core points still in place, but there is also some New Core points that is being realigned.

I have noticed that excitement within me, and I have also noticed Fear. Fear about things not working out. Fear about my own personal capacity to handle the new responsibilities associated with the project.

Now this brings up an interesting dimension of walking projects. For me I notice that I really internalize things a lot from the perspective of I will look at aspects of myself that I don’t like, that I judge, that I see as weaknesses, and I will think to myself that “I have to change these weaknesses into strengths or else the project will never work” and so I see that in doing this I end up putting a new pressure on myself where suddenly its like there is a new onus on who I am in relation to my personal process and how I am walking my personal Self Support in changing myself and living my best self.

With regards to this personal process dimension of taking on new projects, I do find that again there is a mix of optimism as well as frustration. Optimism from the perspective of looking at the possibilities of Self Change, and thinking “Maybe this will finally be the moment where I really change” and then in the same breath, I experience a heaviness, and think “I will never change” and so as I go through this internal dialogue or internal processing of what I will have to do or what I perceive I will have to do in terms of personal change to make sure the project is a success, I find that it will begin to weigh on me where now there is more pressure on myself to not make mistakes, to make sure I am walking my process of self change where this is something I have linked to the success or failure of the new project I am about to embark on.

Sometimes it works well, and my new project is moving along and I am also moving along with my personal Self Process, actively changing bad habits and patterns that I have identified as points to change and create into strengths to support the new project to succeed. But then what usually happens is that I will hit a stumbling block, and I will start to let up a bit on my personal work and then I will end up falling back into old destructive habits and then there is like a crash that takes place because now I fear and think I have failed and my project will never work now because who I am on a personal level is not strong enough and good enough to stand and see the Project through into Success and into its absolute Fullest Potential. And so then I crash and just give up on the project thinking I failed.

So this dimension of the interplay between my personal process and my outer process as the project I am walking is a common occurrence for me as something that I routinely face when ever I walk new projects.

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime