Prying into my Priorities – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 792

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In this blog I am going to begin opening up the word of ‘Postponement’ as a way to support myself to start seeing how and where I am accepting and allowing myself to Live this word of Postponement in my life and myself.

I do see that this is a word that I do accept and allow myself to participate in and exist as at the moment within my life.

I see this word existing in different areas of my life.

My work, where I put off projects I am working on and think “I don’t have time”

My normal household duties where I allow a resistance towards doing them influence my decision of when I will do them, where I will put them off until after and sometimes to the last minute where then finally I have no choice but to do them. That is a common point with postponement where I will put things off until the last minute where I will experience a resistance or negative energy towards doing things and so then instead of being Self Directive, I will allow myself to be moved and directed by that energy where until I will for instance have piles of laundry that need to get done because I didn’t Direct myself to keep up a flow with doing things regularly. This process of allowing myself to be directed by ENERGY or RESISTANCE towards tasks is what I am seeing as one of the primary reasons for Postponement.

I also find that there is a pattern to my postponement where I will go through ebbs and flows where I will be more directive when things are going well and I am supporting myself and more ‘on top of things’ but then I will start stumbling a bit and kind of getting sucked into energy or emotional experiences where then I allow myself to be directed by my resistance towards doing things and then I start avoiding my daily responsibilities. Ultimately, all this is nothing new. And the Solution is nothing new either. And so then my question is, why then is it existing?

In a way I see that I postpone very important things in my life. Like for instance me pushing through ‘problem patterns’ and changing particular behaviors that I see I am in fact limiting myself through.

So I am seeing here that it is necessary to work with postponement on both an inner as well as outer level. So what does this mean and How can I go about doing this.

Well I am going to do a test run of this where I Deliberately practice stopping my postponement of things in both my inner and outer reality and so here I can utilize Writing and Self Forgiveness to Support in Clearing my INNER SELF so that I am not postponing any inner points that I see are bothering me or occupying me on the within.

And actually this is where I am going to focus initially with Living the correction in relation to the Word Postponement where I actually end up Postponing my SELF SUPPORT. So I can begin with changing this through taking the time each day or each week to really be with myself and work through points in Writing and Self Forgiveness that is HERE and coming up within me. Like for instance establishing a routine where I do some daily writing or more active self support and this even means identifying and working with those RESISTANCES that I see existing in relation to outer tasks and responsibilities as well.

So the Correction Word to Live here I see is the word PRIORITIZING! Because man that is something I really don’t like doing because if I really do that, I can not longer shift those really important things that I am totally resisting down to the bottom of my list. So to LIVE the word PRIORITIZING is to actually WORK on those High Priority Points instead of allowing myself to shift them down the list.  And so I can actually LIVE this word PRIORITIZING by directing myself to begin PRYING open those tasks that I resist doing by making sure to keep them at the TOP of my List if they are a Priority and directing myself to even do a some work on them instead of avoiding them all together whcih I see I have done with many things where I will just resist them completely and not even give myself a chance to Get in there.

Okay so will test this and see how it goes. PRYING into my Priorities.

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
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PROGRESSION: Feedback on Living a Word – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 791

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In this blog I thought I would do an update on my progress of Living the word ‘Progression’. So updating my Progress on Progress.

So when I first started opening up this word ‘Progression’ I started with looking at it more externally from the perspective of completing more tasks and projects and just overall being more consistent with moving the projects I have going on.

Then after a day of practicing this, I ended up experiencing some late night anxiety in relation to “not getting everything done” that I wanted to. Although what I see about this is that this experience was also in part to the consequence I created within my own life where I didn’t effectively LIVE this word “Progression” in the past and so all the tasks and projects just started building up. However I did have this late night anxiety experience come up in relation to “not having enough time to do everything, and so I thought “okay I maybe re-defined this word incorrectly” And so from there I more started looking at some internal aspects of how I could go about Living the word ‘Progression’ where I can also include this process of being able to “Let Go” when the evening is over, knowing I did what I could and now time is simply up until the next day.

I have now realized also that my initial Re-Definition of this word “Progression” was valid and still something I can work on which I have been doing.

So I have been practicing Living this word in simply by cutting back on “time wasted” and pushing myself to be more Directive with my Time in actually moving myself to work on the projects and tasks I have to do at the moment instead of allowing myself to linger on the computer in between tasks where that lingering actually turns into an entire event that ends up wasting time.

Another word which came up as I have been walking ‘Progression’ is the word ‘Consistency’ where these 2 make a nice marriage of sorts.

So I have just been focusing on moving myself throughout my day and cutting back on down/linger time. So this initial approach to each day has been a newerish placement for myself where before I began Living this word progression, I didn’t have as much purpose within my day where at the end of the evening I would be more likely to just trail off into the abyss of distraction. So that is one dimension I can note within walking this process of re-defining and living this word progression, that within myself there is a slight-bit-more Purpose within me throughout my day!

I have also been reading and enjoying this book called 10x by entrepreneur Grant Cardone. I came across Grant Cardone a few years back and initially I resisted his approach to things, because he was quite aggressive and ‘over the top’ and I though to myself “this guy is running off of energy and is going to crash” but through the years I would keep checking in on this guy and he is seemingly still functioning on the ‘Level’ of intensity that initially was abrasive to me. And so now as I have followed him through the years, his INTENSITY is actually something that I find intriguing. So I have been enjoying his book and I find reading it makes me want to get off my ass and push myself.

So with reading his book, my aim is to develop my own intensity from the perspective of “Living with Passion” you could say. So yes, reading this book and seeing how another approaches “getting projects done” is another way that I have been assisting myself in developing and Living my own Expression of the word ‘Progression’. Essentially here using the book to ‘learn from others’

Okay so I see that there is still a lot I can explore with this word so that it becomes something that is more A PART OF ME and A Part of WHO I AM.

Going to end tonights blog with a bit of word deconstruction

 

Pro Gression

pRAWgression

program

prog

ression

recession

Russian

Rest

Aggression

Progression

Gress

ProGRASS

Progreshshshshshshshen

Rogue

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Rushing To Progress – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 790

Today I have been looking at and opening up the word “Progression” And interestingly enough, here I am, at the end of the evening where an experience of stress came up because I have essentially run out of time and am not able to continue ‘progressing’ so to speak.

So with this experience it actually brings up another dimension of this word progression because for me in Living and Expressing this word ‘Progression’ in a Supportive Way implies that one would NOT be left in an experience of stress at the end of the evening, whether one ‘runs out of time’ or not.

So for me this stress is related to having a few different points that are ‘high priority’ all aligning at the same time in my life right now and I am now having to leave some of these points un-directed at the end of the day.

I am satisfied with my movement today in terms of being consistent and directive with myself and not going into procrastination, however still there are points left undirected and so now I have to ‘let them go’ until tomorrow or until I can get to them.

I can see that if I accept and allow this ‘stress’ experience that came up this evening that that is just going to tire me out even more because now my body is in a state of stress and kind of twisting around on the inside. My back-chat is

“oh fuck, I am not going to get this done”

“this is not good”

“shit things are going to go bad”

And more such back-chats within this nature.

Now all of these things that “I have to get done” are somewhat of an accumulation of things that is connected also with my movements this past week or month or even year, and so I understand that being consistent with for instance Creating Progression, is necessary, but also I understand that there must be a balance when things just don’t go exactly as planned and other points open up and new projects open up and the priority list shifts around, and so Living the Word Progression I can see relates to being consistent but also being able to ‘let things go’ at the end of the night and not obsessing about things but rather allowing yourself to be okay with what one did accomplish.

I can see a tendency within me to obsess about things that “I haven’t gotten to yet”

And I also see that I still do tend to procrastinate when I do have available time instead of Directing Myself in become a more effective Creator of my Life so to speak, and so these are 2 dimensions that I see I can include in my re-definition of this word ‘Progression’ that I brought up this morning as a Word for me to practice Living today.

I can see even as a write this blog, that I am “thinking ahead” and wanting to get onto the next thing on my list.

Here I see a Correction is necessary because Real Progression is done when one is walking in Self Awareness within the Task at Hand, because then this way, they are more deliberate, clear, and Specific in the task and I do see that this is more Supportive in ones Living ones Utmost Potential and ensuring to get the most out each moment.

So within Living this word Progression, I am seeing this point of making sure that one do not RUSH or start jumping and thinking ahead is important because then one MISS THE POINT Entirely, which is to BE HERE.

So here “Progression” isn’t necessarily about accomplishing tasks, which is initially how I had framed it. Rather “Progression” is about being HERE and Walking in SELF AWARENESS in each moment and breath.

That way one move and Progress in ones Day with Awareness.

Essentially, any Step of Progression one make, must be done within and as Self Awareness. And if I start stressing out, than I am not really progressing at that stage, but more just regressing into my mind

So moving forward I am going to shift my definition a bit and now look at and consider this aspect of how to Live the word Progression, where it isn’t so much just about completing tasks but rather about completing tasks WITH AWARENESS and Self Presence.

Okay So still some adjustments and points to explore here but will end the blog here for tonight.

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Musings On EXPANSION – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 789

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I have recently been walking a process of Living and Becoming the word “Expand”

Or at least that has been my intention, within learning the process of Self Creation through learning how to “Live Words”

 

So for the past while I have been investigating how to live the word ‘Expand’ or ‘Expansion’

 

A lot of the time I noticed that when it comes to doing this I draw a blank. And I don’t know exactly how to do it.

 

Though throughout the past couple weeks I have been looking at this point of how to Live this word Expansion and what that means and how to integrate this expression within me of Living “Expansion”

 

What has evolved in doing this is that throughout my day I will have moments where I ask myself “What does it mean to Live the word Expansion in this moment” I might be doing the dishes, or going to sleep, or driving, or creating art, or looking for something to do. So periodically I have been asking myself this question and have noticed this question of “what does it mean to live the word expansion” coming up more in this later phase. Usually when I ask myself this, the answer that comes up within is related to my awareness where I see that “in this moment I can expand my Self Awareness” through simply being more aware of myself and what is going on in my body where often throughout my day its like I am not so aware of each body movement I am making and what is happening within me. So one way I have Lived this word Expansion is through by Expanding my awareness of myself in moments where I previously would have just carried on with more automated behavior.

 

Another way I have been exploring the Living of the word Expansion is through by allowing myself to do things differently when it comes to my daily living from the perspective of breaking out of my routine or mold. This is essentially, not only giving myself permission to, but also deliberately doing things differently in moments, and thus allowing myself to Expand my behaviors and how I am going about my days. So there is more of an Embracing of doing things out of my routine instead of resisting them.

 

I have also noticed how in my life that I have been stuck to certain degrees in some particular behaviors that I see have no benefit to me at all. And some of those behaviors are rather quite limiting, like for instance ‘entertainment’ (enter-containment) or (enterTAME-MENt) where I enter this form of trance like state and just allow the hours too fly by without me doing anything really practical or beneficial for myself. So this is another area where I see Id like to more fully Live the word Expansion through where I in these such moments to rather than just Subduing myself in front of the internet, to rather Direct myself to Live something more Substantial and Developmental for myself. I could even Expand on what I watch on the internet where I could even for example watch shows that I normally would not consider.

So there have been a few moments where I noticed myself going into this pattern where I kind of Sink into a subdued state within myself in front of the computer, which I have identified as specific instances where I can LIVE this word Expansion through by actually ENGAGING Myself into something, instead of Disengaging which is happening when I go into this subdued state and so throughout the last 2 weeks I have had a few moments where I noticed myself slipping into this state, and then so asked myself. How can I rather LIVE the WORD Expansion right now, because ultimately doing anything other than  basically shutting down into this trance like state in front of the computer would be an Expansion of myself and so then I would Deliberately move/direct myself out of this behavior/state.

 

I have also been developing more of a consistency in my application with Art the past 2 weeks. For quite some time (years) I have been wanting to develop my paintings more but have struggled to get anywhere with this and would always just end up stopping and giving up only to come back to it weeks or months later. So One aspect of my life where I have deliberately been exploring what it means to LIVE the word Expansion is with my paintings.

 

Common sensically, the way I see to Live the word Expansion with my paintings is to in fact put in the physical hours/time working on that part of my artwork. That is the only way it will ever expand and I will ever expand and develop that point into something more than just dabbling here and there. So with this point, Living the word Expansion is more a physically practical point where I have to physically spend more time applying myself in my paintings. Within this also I have been working on practicing “Allowing myself to Expand” meaning where I allow myself to explore what it is that I am painting instead of just being fixated on one way to paint or do things in my paintings, I allow myself to try out new ways of painting, new subjects ect. So this point is more based on a Starting Point where the word “Expansion” is part of that Starting Point where I give myself permission to try new things out and just allow myself to Explore without judgement. It has only been short while with all this also, so I do see that I can still practice all this a lot more in understanding and learning what it means to and how to LIVE the word Expansion in my life.

 

Simply Sharing – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 788

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Here I am going to SHARE a bit of my Life Process with you today.

First thing is, I slept in in the morning. When my alarm went off I allowed the resistance of getting up to overwhelm me and so I made the decision to just sleep until I am not tired anymore. I make my own hours for work, so it wasn’t like I was ‘late’ where someone else is counting on me. So in a way there was a kind of “backdoor” there for me justifying why I could and so will sleep in. Yesterday was a bit tough for me and so the sleeping in this morning was kind of residual point from yesterday. Once I got up and got to work, I was satisfied and it was nice to be at work and just able to focus on that. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I ended up cutting my day short. I had a bit of reluctance to do so, seeing as how I was already late, but I decided practically speaking its just how things were working out.

The amount of hours I work each week is quite a point for me where it is something I think about a lot. And something that can at times create a bit of turmoil within myself if I am not living up to the standards I have set for myself. So for instance, today it was important for me to not stress out about the fact that I was late getting up because that just creates unnecessary stress after the fact. Something I have been working on over this last year, where I practice “letting go” and not stressing myself out over work and money.

Once I got home I decided to work on my painting for a while. This was also a way I could “get a full days work in” The painting is evolving interestingly. There is definitely still a “feeling out process” taking place and I notice that that tends to create a resistance where its like “If I am not quite sure what or how I am going to paint the next part” I am more resistant to “getting down to work” but I have defined that experience quite clearly for myself throughout the years so can recognize that experience and not allow it to direct me.

Later in the evening I decided to turn the internet OFF on my phone so that I would stop checking it. My Starting Point behind this was so that for the rest of the evening I could practice simply “Being HERE” where I could Substantiate My Presence more instead of allowing the phone point to distract me every 5 minutes where I am checking my notifications. So instead, in those moments-in-between, instead of sinking into my phone, I just sat there, in my reality, in the physical, and just focused on Myself , My Presence and my immediate reality. Overall Supportive.

Then I ate chicken alfedo pasta for dinner that my partner made. Then I did the dishes and made us coffees.

That brings me to now where I am here writing this blog based on the starting point of simply SHARING MYSELF.

Okay thats all for tonight – Movie Time! – We are watching “Silence”

REGAIN My Presence – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 787

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So this last week I have been opening up this process of moving out of Consciousness/The Mind, and into and as Self Presence/The Physical Body/My utmost potential.

And my experience within this has been tumultuous. Though this tumultuous experience is not actually new but is in fact a more common or usual experience for me within this process of “Standing Up” and moving myself out of my mind and into myself, into my presence, where I am Here, Directing Myself and My Reality to its/my utmost potential.

Recently there was an emphasis put on this process as something to be more aware of and so I was more than usual focusing on this and focusing on changing my usual pattern of when I am faced with moments where I can either BE HERE and Face the Moment in Self Awareness, Presence and Direct Myself, or to rather just go into the mind, go into feelings, go into distraction, where for me I do tend to still allow myself to stay in the mind or chose the mind rather than stepping up and standing up and taking initiative and Directing and Creating myself and my reality in a way that is more aligned with my utmost potential and more Substantial.

So even with an emphasis and a more deliberate movement to practice my Stand, I found still that my usual pattern remained persistent so to speak. Where I would still sew-saw back and forth in the usual manner instead of Establishing a more Steadfast Stand within learning to Stand, Face, and Direct My Reality and Myself in every moment.

This has to do with all the things that come up in normal day to day living such as household duties, relationship duties, work, business, and career related duties ect.

I have noticed a pattern within me where I will Stand and Face this Reality…..for a while, but then I will “run and hide”.

So for me what I have been practicing is being more Steadfast in my Stand with the intention and ultimate fulfilment of being able to Stand and Direct myself in each moment without the need or desire to distract myself or return back into my mind, into thoughts, into fantasies, into emotions, into experiences, into pictures,  but rather Stand and Face this Real Reality that I live in.

At this point the last couple days I have been utilizing writing to pull myself out of my mind/consciousness and back into reality, back to my Presence, back to Myself. Where the writing becomes a tool to understand why I am allowing the same pattern of “hiding from myself/my reality” to persist, where I will make attempts to change but not fully pulling that change through and so I have for the last couple days specifically been utilizing writing as a tool to strengthen and enhance my Stand so to speak, as well as to GROUND and Stabilize myself and prevent myself from slipping further into the mind/mind experiences where for me I have often allowed myself to just sink into the mind where here what I am practicing is stopping this allowance of instead of just allowing myself to “sink deeper” into the mind once I have already allowed myself to participate in it, to rather support myself through my Writings and Self Movement to REGAIN My Presence and thus again Decide to Stand and Direct myself in Self Awareness. Because I find that when I “FALL” in my stand that I tend to beat myself up and feel shitty and then just feel a form of hopelessness where my Question to myself is that “Can I Pull Myself Out of this experience quicker” rather than just waiting and waiting until the experience kind of just runs its course and then after that I decide to Get back up and start directing myself again.

Its not ideal – meaning, If I would just be standing and HERE and Present at all times then I would not have to bother with the whole process of pulling myself out of experiences, and out of distractions and out of the mind and finding my Stability and Presence again but for me, because there is still a see-saw happening within this process, I am here testing ways to essentially Stabilize that See-Saw, and pull myself out of “mind experiences” quicker than  usual to get myself back to a point of Stability and Self Direction, and so also support myself to spend more Time being Stable then being in the mind, and so integrating more Consistency in my Stand

Okay so that is just some dimensions of the process of learning to change and create myself  I have been walking the past little while.

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

What’s in a Sigh – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 786

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sigh and give up, meaning where within my sigh, I accept and allow myself to actually give up in that moment and give into the mind, as all the inner justifications as voices in the head that come up in relation to Walking my Life and Facing the Challenges of my life where I will reach moments where I will, in a single sigh, actually within that sigh be giving into those justifications and the mind and in a way be making the statement of “I give up”, “I can’t handle this” “this is too much”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice how many small moments there actually are where I have been giving up on myself, that happens for instance within me making some sound or speaking a single sentence, that has the signature of “me giving up on myself” instead of the signature of “I Stand, and I commit myself to Take Responsibility for Myself and My Life until ALL Life is Equal and Supported into Living and Being our Utmost Potential”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold my body in such a way where I want to manipulate my partner to “see how difficult my life is” where in essence I am again giving into the mind and into the idea that I have created within myself that is actually a limitation that “my life is so hard” and “my life is so difficult” and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to manipulate my partner to in a way have pity on me and in having pity on me validate my limitation as the idea that “my life is so challenging and difficult” and that “its so tough for me”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have accepted that “my life is too tough for me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a though in my head that tells me “my life is too tough for me” and “I can’t do it” instead of seeing realizing and understanding that I have created myself and my life, and so if I created it, I am equal to it and can Change and Re-create it and myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to be aware of these small nuances within me such as a sigh, or how I hold my body, so to make sure that I am not within my posture or sighs, be giving in and giving up on myself in relation to Walking My Life and Walking my Process of moving from Consciousness to Awareness.

When and as I see myself sighing, or changing my body posture as a point of giving up on myself, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that when I do this, that I am actually accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself and not directing myself to Live to My Utmost Potential, and so I commit myself to be more aware of these moments so that I can Take back my Directive Principle of Myself in a way where I am improving myself and developing myself and practicing Living in a way that Supports me within my utmost potential. I also see that when I allow myself to participate in these subtle moments of Giving up on myself and Giving into the Mind through sighing or holding my body posture in a certain way so others see how challenging my life is, I see that in doing this that I am missing Opportunities as Moments to Practice STANDING UP and Taking Responsibility for Myself and My life and in this Support myself to DIRECT Myself and My Reality much more effectively and so in these moments, I commit myself to Breath and Stand Here in FULL Awareness and not give in and sink into the mind but rather Practice Standing in such moments, Breathing and Directing Myself to Continue on Moving myself Practically in my Physical Reality doing what ever it is that is Here to do and Direct and so in this Develop my Stand and my Effectiveness in Practical Living, something that I have observed diminishes through accumulated moments of giving into the mind through allowing oneself to give up through sighing and also using ones body posture to manipulate others to see “how tough things are for me” I commit myself to FOR MYSELF Meet my Challenges through by Not Sighing, but rather through by Breathing, remaining Stable, and aware within myself realizing that the challenges of my life aren’t just going to go away by some miracle but that I am Responsible for Myself and my LIFE Completely.

The Points I am writing about in this blog came up as I listened to the following interview Series

Giving Up – Atlanteans : https://eqafe.com/p/giving-up-introduction-atlanteans-part-162