Is “Goal Setting” a Bad Word? – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 764

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This past week I decided to set myself a goal of creating art each day after I got home from work.

So the commitment I made was a 7 day commitment.

I have been doing this on and off for the past 4 years where I will go through periods where I make more art and then periods where I don’t make any.

Recently…well, actually for a while now, I have been desiring to develop my art into “something more” but I can never seem to get the ball rolling in a substantial way, but have found myself starting and stopping again, then starting again, and then stopping, and so on and so on.

 

Another aspect that has been coming up recently is the whole idea of goal setting or making commitments and then utilizing that as a point of support.

 

Now I have worked with this whole point of “goal setting” a decent amount in my life, though over the past 2 years, I had noticed that I really started avoiding this because I was finding it was having the reverse affect on what I was wanting it to have. Or at least that is what I told myself.

 

I can see actually that I have/had developed a bit of frustration towards goal setting because it has seemed like I more often bail on my goals before the end, before I meet them, or achieve that which I set out to do, then end up feeling shit.

 

So recently I have started working again more specifically with Goal Setting instead of allowing myself to see this as a “bad word” like I had defined it as. So in a way I am in a process of restoring my relationship  that I had created to goals or goal setting because if I look closely at this point, “goal setting” isn’t good or bad, it is just a tool, and that my “frustration” experience around it was simply due to how I interacted with this point and so I am approaching this point again, and seeing if I can create a different experience around it and see if I can find some practical ways to use goal setting or commitments to support me to become more effective in my life and grow, and achieve things that I would like to, and thus not accepting my previously accepted definition that “goal setting” is a bad word, because obviously that is a self creation and so from a certain perspective here I am correcting my relationship and definition to “goal setting”.

 

Of course the actual challenge is the ACTUAL CORRECTION PROCESS which must be lived and restored over a period of time by setting goals and honoring those goals instead of what always seemed to happen before where I would set a goal and then I would dishonor it.

 

Okay that’s it for tonight.

Where Did My FLOW Go – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 763

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A few days ago I wrote a blog post about the word “Flow”

A primary experience or point that has been coming up a lot in my life at the moment is feeling like things are just stuck and not moving or flowing. This point has been showing in different ways, but perhaps the most prominent area of my life where I was seeing/noticing it is in relation to money.

I can see that within my life I have formed an interesting relationship with money where in many ways it became a facilitator of my experience in a way where I was actually placing it as God of my experience because I had given it power and authority to determine my experience and well-being where I haven’t really been the Source of my own experience and expression but had rather made myself here very conditional to money.

I have been aware of this for some time, but what’s interesting is that I haven’t yet actually changed the relationship. I have only insisted that I change it, but what my Reality is showing me recently is that I haven’t in fact changed this relationship and re-created it…recreated myself in a way that is more aligned with being SELF Directive, SELF Empowered and SELF Creating. Where SELF is the starting point.

Over the last 3 years I have observed myself and my experience and how it existed as a buoy rising and sinking on the tide of money flowing in and out. So as the tide of money swells, so would my experience and I would have a very specific experience, feeling good with everything, empowered, strong, confident, I would feel like I have flexibility, and things are good, and I could breathe, and relax, and enjoy myself. Though if that tide was out, and money was low, I would feel, restricted, stressed, angry, grumpy, depressed, lost, trapped, desperate, inferior, weak.

And I have been telling myself that I must change this relationship. That I must take back my power in relation to who I am and how I experience and express myself in my life and that this should not be dependent on how much money I have. But I justified why I remained chained to this relationship. I justified why It would affect me. One reason being that “money is just one of this things” “Money is a ‘BIG’ point” so its not like you can just change that relationship overnight. This may be true, but I am noticing that it has been many nights, many weeks, months and even years, and I am still existing in this relationship of dependency with money where I have given it permission to affect and influence not only my experience but also my behavior.

Now bringing the point back to FLOW.

Like I said, I have been experiencing a lack of FLOW in my life. And I have been experiencing this in many ways in relation to money. And then recently I had another unexpected expense come up and man its like I was hit with a tonne of bricks, thus indicating just how much I am still joined at the hip to money, giving it total authority and power to control, direct, and influence me.

So I am here writing this blog as a Step in taking back my power here, and so thus no more continuing to accept and allow this toxic relationship that I have formed with money, where I have basically given it the keys to me, to direct and control me at every level where I am just a slave, and have no directive principle over my experience and behavior but that this is always ultimately determined by how much money I have.

So lets look at FLOW.

I have been noticing that as my money goes out, my self movement starts to slow down. I am less expressive, and also at times get to points where I start closing up, feeling restricted, and depressed, heavy, stressed, and waiting for money to flow back in so that I can feel empowered again and start expressing and moving myself.

So essentially as the money flows out, I stop moving myself. I stop moving and flowing in my own life.

The SOLUTION Here is to, as I have mentioned, to disconnect this relationship I have formed with money and so thus Take Back my SELF RESPONSIBILITY for myself and my experience and Behavior where this does not change according how little or how much money I have and this is definitely an important aspect as well; That its not just about changing your experience when money is low. It’s also about making sure that if for example you have a lot of money coming in, that again here, nothing changes about your experience and behavior.

So the Solution will consist of a few different points.

-Writing about the point to develop more awareness around it and the dimensions within it

-Writing and or Speaking Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.

-Self Change in a moment, where I move myself into the new behavior and out of the old

-Re-Defining and so then Exploring and Practicing the Living of the word FLOW in a context of where I can Live this daily where it is NOT dependent on Money but rather an expression of Myself.

Okay so what is Practical FLOW.

I was looking at this point again today as I was stuck in this experience of…..well, being stuck. And I was seeing this aspect of the word FLOW how I can LIVE this word FLOW practically, and that it isn’t determined by for instance how much money I have, which I have accepted and allowed to determine the flow of my life and my experience and behavior.

I see that Flow can be lived practically like for instance making sure the normal tasks of your life are flowing nicely. For me I noticed that in having connected my experience to money, and so also my expression of ‘flow’ to money,  that I wasn’t LIVING Flow naturally breath by breath, directing myself and my reality as a Self Expression, consistent and the same no matter what. I see It can be as simple as doing the dishes. That is a point of Practical FLOW in my reality, instead of allowing a build-up to take place because for instance being too depressed to want to do the dishes.

Or even with my artwork. I can see here I can support myself Practically to FLOW here simply by continuing to direct and move this point as well. So today I was seeing this dimension of PRACTICAL FLOW as the flow and movement of my physical reality where I can assist and support myself to focus on this practical flow as I support myself to correct my relationship to money, no more accepting and allowing this to influence my expression, my experience, my behavior, my FLOW.

In my next blog, I will focus more on this point and open it up further through the process of Self Forgiveness and Self Corrections.

It’s Easier to Judge Others Than Take Action Yourself – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 762

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Today as I was standing in line at the local coffee shop to get myself a cappuccino, I saw a friend of mine; a fellow artist sitting at a table working on his computer. He has had some success as an artist in his career so when ever I see him, I like to chat a bit and just share what’s going on with my own art and see whats up with him. As it turns out we both had actually been facing a similar point recently and also both came to a similar solution on what to do.

 

For me when I moved here where I live and started creating and selling sculptures at a local gallery, I had basically branched out into the ‘wildlife genre’ of art, something I had never really done before.

 

I had for the past couple years and considered taking this subject matter into my paintings as well but have held off thus far.

 

I live in a ‘Resort Town’ and so a lot of the town, including its art scene very much caters to that clientele, and as a result there is a tendency to have artwork that is very commercialized and focused on selling to tourists.

 

I noticed this right a way and noticed very specific themes and styles of art in the city that I saw as quite commercial and in fact I had all sorts of various judgements and opinions about it. Though I had never ventured to create any of my own variation on these themes which I was essentially using as a benchmark from which to form my own opinions around what they are doing.

 

So this is really the point I was referring to earlier in this blog about what my artist friend and I had realized about points we both were facing.

 

We were both looking at beginning a new series of work and there was a common realization that both him and myself shared about why were doing this.

 

That…

 

Its easy to judge something, especially if you have never done it yourself.

 

Yes we perhaps could see ways to improve on what we were seeing, but ultimately, we hadn’t actually physically moved to do it and explore for ourselves these improvements in real physical creations

 

For me I had so many opinions about what everyone else was doing and one reason I did is because I saw from my own vantage point how “you could do so much more” with it, yet, ‘the problem’ if you want to call it that, was that I was not directing or moving myself to LIVE BY EXAMPLE through by creating and expressing that example for myself as a self expression but had rather just remained more in judgement, and opinion to the point where it was really getting to me that I was spending so much time on these judgements and opinions every time I was seeing this art around me, and yet, had still not moved myself to create my own and to ultimately SHOW MYSELF first and foremost this “so much more” that I saw was possible when looking at these other examples of art I was seeing all around me.

 

I mean, I could even be deluding myself, and that I may find that once I begin this new series of work, that what I was seeing as different potentials is actually more difficult than I think. But I will never know for sure unless I try it out for myself.

Creating Flow – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 761

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As I was writing yesterday an interesting word kept coming up that was a newer word I hadn’t noticed as one normally coming through in my writing. The word was “Stalled”. Part of my regular writing practice consists of describing myself, my experience, and my life and then within this description I will identify key words that jump out and then take those words and open them up further.

So the word that came through yesterday was the word “Stalled”

From here, I looked at a word that I could Live that would be the correction of the word “Stalled” or that will simply support me in creating myself in a way that I see is more satisfying and fulfilling than how things currently are within existing within and as the word “Stalled”

So the new word I came up with as something to begin exploring, expressing, and Living in my life as a point of Self Correction to the word “Stalled” is the word “FLOW”

 

Flow

One aspect I can see where I can support myself to live this word Flow is through by not allowing myself to become stalled in by where I allow myself to give in to resistance and then my movements become hampered by this resistance instead of me simply moving and directing myself in my life in what needs to be done. I can see that one way I do not live the word flow is basically through by now flowing from one activity to the next within my day but rather that I “Stall” instead of taking on things more continuously. I wonder where else in my life I am stalling.

So basically here its important to look at all dimensions of my life and see where and how I am existing within this word “stalled” and to thus introduce the word Flow as a corrective behavior in these areas.

Work/career

Relationship

Health

Money

Personal Process

Self Development

Diet

Sex

Friends

Communication

Sleep

Responsibilities and obligations

Facing fears

Cleaning

Animal care

Cooking

Reading

Self forgiveness

Leisure

Savings

Art

Painting

Networking

Self Creation

My Passion

Family

Time

 

Alright from here I am going to take this point into some Self Forgiveness and so also continue exploring how to introduce this word into myself and life so that I can support myself to become un-stalled which is not the greatest experience and so become and Live the word FLOW.

My Inner Correction Facility – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 760

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The other evening my partner and I watched a documentary about the US prison system. Now one exercise that I often will do when looking at different parts of our world system like in this case the prison system is I will look at what that particular point reflects about myself and how it is that I myself exist in the same or similar ways as this kind of system. And I do this exercise based on the principle of “as within so without” this principle representing how our outer reality is actually a reflection of our inner reality and that our world system is actually an outflow and reflection of our inner natures.

So in watching this documentary what did I notice about the similarities of the prison system and myself?

Well one of the first words that comes up is the word ‘Judgement’. Because in a way this is what prison is all about. It is about judgement, and punishment, although it is called a correction facility, it is not actually acting or standing as an actual CORRECTION point, where for instance people that end up in jail are not better off once they get out but are in many cases worse off because now they are a convicted felon which makes it even more difficult to get a job in some cases.

One statistic I found is that Within five years of release, about three-quarters (76.6 percent) of released prisoners were rearrested.

So I was looking at the nature of prisons where you essentially take “Bad” Guys and lock them up as punishment.

That is actually a form of Suppression where instead of dealing with these people, supporting them, educating them, rehabilitating them, we just lock them away.

I though this was interesting because this is in a way how we deal with ourselves and those parts of ourselves that we don’t understand, or those parts of ourselves that we don’t want to look at, that we define as bad, that we judge. Or even if you look at certain emotions, like anger, often times we take these parts of ourselves, and instead of investigating and understanding, and forgiving, and correcting, we just supress them. We take them, and we lock them up inside ourselves, and instead of looking at them and sorting them out, we just lock them away, and then what ends up happening is there is an accumulation affect that takes place and more and more parts of yourself are locked up and essentially abandon and then what ends up happening is you become a mess, you become reactive, or depressed, or stressed because you have a build up of emotions, and you have memories and thoughts, and beliefs and voices in your head that you have no idea where they are coming from or how to make sense of it.

So, what is the Solution.

For me I see the responsibility I have is to stop locking up parts of myself, but rather to face those parts of myself. Just as each and every crime or criminal that exists on this earth is a mirror for us to look at ourselves and see a part of ourselves and that to recognize that its not about judgement, it is about understanding how these crimes or criminals were created, so that we can change the conditions of our world system so that these particular crimes become obsolete or these types of criminal behaviours have no environment that fosters them.

A correction facility should NOT be about judgement and punishment. And so I can begin with myself and those parts of myself that I have judged and deemed as bad or criminal And to work with all my inner criminals as thoughts, judgements, past memories, pressured emotions, so they can become rehabilitated,  truly corrected, and released. To become a contributing member of the society that is me.

I can do this through my process of Writing, Self Forgiveness, Self Introspection and Investigation and then Self Correction as the practicing and Living the new behavior, the new instructions.

And so in this way create within myself an actual REAL Self Correction Facility and thus become the change I want to see in the world.

Is Your SmartPhone the Reason for Mass-Shootings? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 759

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Today I went in to get a new phone. I was in the store inquiring a week before and was told that the new phones I was looking for would be in next week so I returned today, a week later to do the transaction.

When I got into the store I was greeted and we began the transaction. But, unexpectedly I found out that I did not get all the details in my first meeting and it turns out that my initial understanding that my phone would be free was ‘incorrect’ and that in fact there would be a 100$ charge unless I wanted to upgrade my phone plan to a more expensive plan.

To me, the different dimensions of this interaction is what one would consider NORMAL, however I can’t help but notice this accepted normalcy within our system is in fact part of the dysfucntions that is leading to the violence, mass-shootings, suicide bombings, protests, that is taking place all over the world.

Everyday president Obama is addressing the nation about yet another police shooting or terrorist attack and from what I can see, nobody has any answers. Obama really should be a qualified psychologist because each day he stands behind his podium, he is expected to have an explanation of what is happening in your world with what is now, daily violence plastered across our media platforms.

So how is my interaction at the phone store linked to this ongoing violence and continual decline of our world and world system, and so also the growing unrest and dissatisfaction with how things work.

I looked at it this way.

In Canada, we have 3 major players in the telecommunications industry. Telus, Bell, and Rogers, and then there is a few smaller companies but this triad of larger companies basically makes sure no others can compete.

So as a consumer I really don’t have a choice when it comes to what I am going to end up paying for what should in fact be a FREE BASIC RIGHT – COMMUNICATION!

So already as I am walking into this store, I have no power. I basically will have to pay what ever offers they have available. And so as an individual interacting with the system there is a degree of powerlessness.

And so I walk into the store and find out basically what I expected. That my “FREE” upgrade is actually going to cost me money! And also, once you get down the fine print, there is even more money that must be paid on top of that.

So I thought this was a good example to illustrate the kind of relationship that leads to violence, unrest, frustration, and protest. The kind of relationship that is in fact existing between the System and the majority of People in the world.

Imagine the system was a person and you had a relationship with them. And they never really listened to you, and would just strong arm you into what ever it was that they wanted to do. That to me is not a relationship that engenders mutual respect.

Now if you look at this specific experience created through how our current system is functioning at the moment, you are able to see how over time, this ends up creating disgruntled individuals who are frustrated, and angry because they feel like they have no power, or say of how things are running, and that from their position, they are not treated with respect within and by the system but are actually coerced, enforced and bullied to basically give into how the system exists and either pay or get out.

Then you have your cases where many can’t afford to pay and so they are pushed to fringes of the world, with no access to the resources that others have access to.

From this perspective I can see how this ends up in people acting out against the system or those things that represent the system leading to mass violence, shootings, protests ect. Because these people don’t have anything to lose, they are the have nots, yet from a humanity perspective They are LIFE, Equally Valuable, Equally Capable if given the same opportunity, and yet they are cast aside and marginalized and end up in the fringes often times because they were born into their position in the world.

The fundamental way our system functions must change at a core level so it eventually will be unrecognizable. So that when we as individuals engage with the world, we encounter a relationship of mutual respect, equality, support, and all those things that are the foundation of any solid peer to peer relationship.

We have a lot of work to do. Both on ourselves. Our internal realities, with regards to our own SELF-RELATIONSHIP we have with ourselves,  and with the external systems of this world, so that we transform both of these to internal and external relationships into ones of respect, kindness, forgiveness, empowerment, and principles that support ourselves to live and express to our utmost potential as Life.

Unwinding Irritation – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 758

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The point here at the moment is ‘irritation’. I have noticed since getting home from work that things seem to be irritating me. I equate this to a few changes in some habits/routines lately where my mind is not getting the usual stimulus or the usual experiences it normally does so this irritation is a kind of symptom of withdraw from what its normally used to. But I also see that I actually tend to have days during the week where I feel irritated and highly strung where its like every little thing gets me irritated.

One dimension that I can see about my irritation experience at the moment is the ‘Time’ Dimension. What I am noticing is that tonight in particular I am feeling pressed for time. As I mentioned in my last blog, I have taken on a new project at work which requires more time to be put in at work as well as there being a tighter deadline for everything.

Today during the day, I did notice how I was giving more attention to the idea that “tonight I have a lot to do” So I was already thinking about this at work earlier, and when I got home tonight, my experience was similar – that I had a limited amount of time with a number of things that I needed to complete.

Today, I was also having the experience that I was behind in a couple things where I was participating in mental projections about this, and playing out in my mind, other peoples reactions to my view that I was late on a few things that I needed to get done.

So I can see how in participating throughout my day in these internal projections and playouts in my mind about how other people were reacting to my apparent lateness actually accumulate stress reactions within myself and so I am seeing my irritation tonight as an accumulation of all these accumulated stress points that I generated through participating within projections within my mind without awareness during the day/week

Okay, so I thought I would just open up a few dimensions to this irritation point for myself here in this blog to see more specifically what is happening and why I was suddenly experiencing this irritation for apparently no reason. Because there is always a reason for how we experience ourselves, and the fact that the ‘irritation’ seemed to come out of nowhere, indicated to me a perfect opportunity to learn something about myself and my experience that I wasn’t aware of before because if I was Self Aware, I wouldn’t suddenly be irritated ‘out of no-where’

I will often do this with point, where I will simply start with what ever experience is here in the moment, and I will start writing about it and opening it up as a basic way to develop self awareness and take Self Responsibility for Myself , My Life, and My Experiences and actually Empower myself instead of accepting and allowing experiences to ‘happen to me’ out of the blue and accept them as if there is nothing I can do.