A New Dimension of SUCCESS – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 818

August 30, 2017August 30, 2017 / Author / Leave a comment

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I recently started reading a book written about Jack Ma and the creation of Alibaba which is one of the worlds largest online marketplaces. In reading about Jack and his enterprise I came across a couple examples of Ma’s definition of Success that I found to be very grounded, practical, and livable by anyone where he really took that point of success and boiled it down into something tangible, and accessible to everyone.

What I find interesting is that I have been deliberately working with the process of Re-defining and Living Words, and here this man actually did exactly this by coming up with his personal definition of Success that he could live and apply in his world in a way that supported him.

In the book, Ma defined it as follows,

“Success lies not in how much you have accomplished, but in the fact that you have done something, experienced the process, and begun to learn something”

What I like about this definition is it emphasizes not an outcome of good or bad, success or failure, but of THE ACT, the point of taking action and actually doing something – That is the success, the fact that you got off your but and applied yourself.

For me, I have been slowly starting to develop a new body of artwork and so I really relate to this definition of success because for me the most difficult part often is just getting up and DOING SOMETHING, or motivating myself to sit down in front of my canvas and start painting. Where that very action IS the success, not the outcome, but the ACT.

So here I see for myself that to be more successful requires me to take more action. On paper it looks easy, though I do understand that applying and living this definition of success may bring up other dimensions for me to consider and work out.

Okay that’s the point I wanted to Share!

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Living the Word ‘NURTURE’ – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 817

July 25, 2017 / Author / Leave a comment

Today marks one week since I began re-defining and living the word ‘Nurture’. What I have found with doing this deliberately for the past 7 days is that it has been a process in where various different dimensions of this word and application opened up during the week.

My starting point directive with living this word Nurture was for me, to simply stop abusing myself through participating with behaviors and making decisions that I know are not best for me. So initially I kept it very simple because I could see that even through I wasn’t ‘doing anything’ per se, but rather stopping myself from engaging with destructive habits/patterns/addictions, that in itself was for me a point of living this word Nurture, where I was simply giving myself the opportunity to Nurture the Best of Me, to Nurture my potential which I was not allowing of myself through accepting me to engage and participate with addiction behavior patterns that was creating quite a toxic inner experience within myself. So part of my decision to live this word ‘Nurture’ was to support myself to stop creating and living within a toxic inner environment and instead support myself in creating and living within a supportive, Nurturing inner environment.

From that initial starting point I then began later in the week looking at and practicing a more ‘active’ application where I began asking myself how I can actually physically, practically Nurture myself and the different points in my environment which is also ME as an extension of me. I also had a new art project that I had started and so I was looking at what it would mean to “Nurture” this new art project which I began doing by simply spending some time actually working on it.

I also began focusing on giving more direction to my environment in terms of maintaining my laundry, doing the dishes, making the bed, and just general household tasks where in moments where I wasn’t doing anything I would direct myself to move, even if it was just a little, some of these household tasks. This to me was Living the word Nurture, because I was taking action to creating a supportively functional environment for myself, like having fresh clean clothes, or a cleaner space and meanwhile sticking to my initial starting point of this word Nurture through by not engaging in that which I know actually ends up creating inner frustration, resentments, and hatred within and towards myself which ultimately does not INSPIRE me to make the most of me and my life, and so I do see the importance here of essentially giving myself this base platform of support by stopping my participation in those decisions and activities that really create a lot of inner turmoil within me.

Also just to mention here that around 4 or 5 of the 7 days, I would actually sit down with my notebook and go over my process with living the word Nurture in writing, where Id just kind of write out any new points I was seeing and realizations and hang-ups and things like that where writing regularly is definitely a part of me working with opening this word up for myself and developing some direction with it.

Last night at the end of the week my partner mentioned a New dimension that I could add to my practicing and applying Living this word ‘Nurture’. She mentioned this dimension of Honoring what I had already created, so meaning where now that I have walked this point for a week. To Living this word Nurture, would also mean to Nurture that which I had already begun birthing into existence as the dimensions of this word which I had begun living and applying the first week.

I think of a little chick in an egg where it starts out as just an embryo. Now, the mother doesn’t just get up and walk away after a little while but rather does the due diligence to ensure the embryo can grow into its full potential and eventually hatch from the egg and become a full grown chicken. So this dimension of the word Nurture that was mentioned last night by my partner is that point of not walking away or disregarding what I have started but rather to follow through, to support and nurture the development of the point until it is Solid and full grown.

This was a cool point brought up by my partner because I had in the past had the tendency to abandon points that I had begun nurturing and before they grow into something substantial within and as me and my life I just let them go and return back to ‘my old self’ or the old patterns and this case the old destructive habits that end up cultivating self hatred, resentment, and frustration. And so I am seeing here “Follow Through” can be a key here to Living and applying this word Nurture for and as myself.

So that is where I am currently with this word Nurture, and will continue to practicing implementing this word as a Living Application into my life so that it just doesn’t disappear like so many things I do or decide to do. I mean, I still have to do it so ultimately I will see how it goes.

I mean right now this word after living it for a week, feels like just an embryo just in the very beginning stages of taking shape and becoming something of substance, yet at the same time I recognize that I have actually brought forth this little creation through deliberately making the decision to live this word for this week, and so I see, that there is much I can still do to solidify and strengthen this word/point within myself and my living to support me to really form a new habit or application or way of living so to speak instead of just letting it/myself go and going back to my already pre-established patterns. So I will continue and see what unfolds.

PROSPERITY – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 816

June 27, 2017 / Author / Leave a comment

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Recently I have been looking at my career/job and finding words that I would like to have be embodied and expressed within my career/job that I see are not yet existing in ways that I would like. In doing this I came up with a list of 5 words with one of them being ‘Prosperity’. These words more emerged organically out of the writing I was doing.

Now my approach with looking at and learning how to bring these words through as expressions and outcomes into my career is to first look at how I can Live, embody, and express each word for and as Myself where I first look at each word on a more personal level.

So in essence these words don’t necessarily have to do only with my job and for me it makes sense that anything to do with my job/career is actually simply a reflection of ME and so if I would like certain words to be a part of my career/job, then I must actually make them a part of ME on a fundamental level of who I am and how I live moment to moment.

So one of the words I was looking at was the word ‘Prosperity’ and so what does it mean for me to LIVE this word for myself in my moment to moment living.

In writing about this word Prosperity I began to pull through some context for myself about what this word really means, what I would like it to mean, and also how I can LIVE this word for myself in relation to creating my utmost potential for myself and others and one of the dimensions I am working with is that ‘Prosperity’ does not exist in isolation, so meaning, prosperity does not mean I take from someone else to get more. And I think this method of prosperity Is actually more common in this world than it really should be where some are prosperous at the expense of others, but then to me this isn’t really ‘Prosperity’ because connected to it is actually suffering. So then how does one live prosperity where ALL are benefited from the outcome.

So I have been taking this point of prosperity down to an individual level and looking at how I can live and express this word from moment to moment and what that would look like.

How would I live this word while doing the dishes, or communicating with someone, or interacting with my cats, or writing this blog.

Prosperity within the context of this blog is where the BENEFITS would be achieved not just for me but for others as well. So this ‘mutual receiving of benefits’ was just one dimension of this word ‘Prosperity’ that I have been looking at and taking into my living actions and asking myself how each moment or activity can be a prosperous one.

I wonder if my overall presence in terms of how I am existing on a mental/presence/mind state is a prosperous one? Or do I supress myself and judge myself and allow behaviors and patterns that really just cycle over and over in the same point and not really creating anything new, different, fresh. So here I can see looking at prosperity on this level could be a cool way to re-define this word for myself.

I am now reminded of the word ‘Fallow” where in agriculture this is where fields are allowed to rest for a season and are not planted so that they can regenerate. And I see how with how my mind works, I tend to often only focus on the same or similar things and similar thoughts throughout my day which I see would then always just lead to the same outcome and essentially exhausting the ‘fruit’ if you will that comes from ones ideas and expressions. So here in terms of Living the word ‘Prosperity’ I understand here a necessity to not just live out the same patterns and thoughts daily, but to direct oneself to include NEW ways of thinking/being/expressing so to open up new fruits to be born and give the old exhausted trees of thought and action a rest for a while.

A More Engaging REST – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 812

May 8, 2017May 8, 2017 / Author / Leave a comment

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In my last blog, I began looking into the words ‘Rest’ and ‘Relaxation’ and seeing how for me I had accepted a definition of these words that isn’t as supportive as it could be where I often find myself trying to rest by doing as little as possible, which I actually find more just ends up with me going into experiences of laziness, apathy, idleness and even depression, So in seeing this, I realized for myself that I can Re-define the word ‘Rest’ for myself so that it is more supportive and in this I see how ‘Resting’ doesn’t have to mean ‘doing as little as possible’ at all.

So essentially I see here that within my new definition and application of the word ‘Rest’ that I would like this application to be more engaging and active.

So today as I was out and about on my Sunday, I allowed myself to ‘be out’ and simply saw this as part of my process of ‘resting’ which I saw more as an opportunity to simply change my focus away from work for instance which I focus on all week, and turn my attention to something else.

So today I actually went on a small hike and so approached this whole event as a point of ‘Rest’, essentially taking my mind and myself out of my normal routine and doing something different.

So this is essentially in line how I am going to explore re-defining and living the word Rest for myself when I am off of work, and see how my overall physical and mental experience is. Where ‘Rest’ is no more ‘doing as little as possible’ which then becomes a kind of polar opposite to work, but rather I would like to explore living the word ‘Rest’ more within an engaging context where I am more active, participatory and engaged. I can see that already just in letting go of the pre-conceived idea I had accepted within myself about what the word ‘Rest’ meant, that I was able to enjoy my experience more today instead constantly thinking to myself that “I have to get home and rest” or that “this is not restful” because to me I had accepted ‘rest’ to be where ‘I did very little’. So yes, overall going to begin testing out this New Way of Resting where its doesn’t mean ‘doing as little as possible’ but where it is rather something more engaging, active, and supportive for me physically and mentally.

Determining My Outcomes Through Daily Living – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 806

May 2, 2017May 2, 2017 / Author / Leave a comment

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Today is the beginning of the work week for me. I felt a bit depressed this morning when I woke up. The experience seemed to be ‘out of nowhere’ though last night I was discussing a few points with my partner about some stress that I was experiencing in relation some aspects of the responsibilities associated with work. So this morning as I got ready to go to work, I related this seemingly out-of-nowhere experience of depression to these work related points I was discussing the night before.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed with stress in relation to directing and walking the obligations and responsibilities in relation to my career.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still feel the need and desire to control my reality and force it to move the way that I want it to when working with other people, expecting other people to move how I want them to because its convenient for me where I am not considering that people are entire universes unto themselves where their lives are vast and comprised of various relationships and so I cannot expect them to move according to my wishes and desires just because it would suit me best, and so here I commit myself to remember to consider that People are complex and have much going on within themselves and within their lives and to within this, be more patient and understanding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my life not working or my business failing where this fear drives me to try to control people and push things to move how I desire to have them move, where I become much less flexible and flowing, And so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try an achieve success from a starting point of Fear of Failure. And so here I commit myself to walk and live the word Patience where within living the word Patience I stop accepting and allowing myself to exist within my default setting of “expecting to fail” and so thus I commit myself to stop expecting to fail and then having a fear emerge of fearing to fail which then drives me into control and desire, as well as being more rigid and inflexible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that I could potentially still achieve success or desired outcomes through being more easy going, patient, and flexible. Wouldn’t that be awesome considering this is often how I find things move in physical reality where things move slowly as there is multiple points coming together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that perhaps success can be achieved through living and walking the word Patience where I allow things to take time and not go into that point of trying to control or force them, and while I wait, I can give my time and attention to projects and tasks that are HERE and that I can DIRECT , Here and Now in the moment instead of feeling stuck like I am waiting for things to move so I can move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing the word success, and so thus fear the word success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear even mentioning the word success, because to me I have accepted that this will only mean failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear Failure where I see it as a bad thing, and so creating ‘failure’ to be this ‘big thing’ and something to fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to function within my life based on a pre-programmed setting of an expectations of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure is permanent and so fear failing because I perceive this as the end, instead of considering that I can simply continue on and continue testing new ways and solutions, and that failure is not this big thing that I have to fear constantly day in an day out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure is forever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure means the end of the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in constant fear of a massive failure taking place, where its like I am constantly in fear of everything just collapsing in a major way. (What a tiring way to live, phew)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing opportunities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others and different opportunities as the determinants of my success or failure instead of realizing that I am responsible for the outcome of myself and my life meaning, that if the success or failure of my business is based on luck or what other people do or don’t do, then its bound to fail anyways. Rather I commit myself to remember and to stand within the starting point that I determine the different OUTCOMES of my business, meaning where I commit myself to become the SOURCE of my ability to grow, expand, develop myself and my business where this is based on MY actions and what I do or do not do, and so within this GROUND my approach to walking my current path with life and business where I LIVE SUCCESS, not through ‘where I end up’ but through Who I am and How I am LIVING and DIRECTING MYSELF Daily, and to simply walk day by day, pushing and directing myself to Live to my utmost potential where this becomes the foundation of my Living and my Self and Business Development.

I commit myself to take the attention that I have placed ‘out there’ onto what others are doing and how that affects my me, my life and business, and bring this attention back to ME, and to focus on what I am doing and what I can do and live daily to assist and support myself to LIVE MY UTMOST POTENTIAL every day, and so support myself to Give myself back my Self Directive Principle and Responsibility through by focusing on Who I am and What I can do daily to live to my utmost potential and expand, develop, refine, push, express, support myself and what I am doing within my life.

Reaching a Boiling Point and Lashing Out – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 804

April 30, 2017 / Author / Leave a comment

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Today my partner and I had a ‘cleaning day’ where we spent about 6 hours doing a deep clean of our apartment. It was something that was definitely ready to be done and now after its done I am quite grateful for the clean space, however I have noticed today throughout the day that I was easily becoming irritated with my partner, who for the most part seemed her normal self.

I could tell that within myself that there was something going on, meaning where I already felt a bit ‘low’ and kind of already in an experience of frustration that was taking place within me since I got up and so I saw how this presence that I was already in started coming up during the cleaning process with my partner where I began reacting in irritation towards her.

I also noticed this irritation experience coming up yesterday also, and so see this point as entirely Self Created where this experience was already coming out in relation to just the basic tasks and activities I was participating in within my day where I would just get so frustrated and impatient and angry at what ever it was I was doing. So this ‘high-strung’ experience was definitely obvious and prominent within myself.

Despite knowing that I was already experiencing this point within me, I still tended to allow myself to blame my irritation on things my partner would do or say today, even though I had already noticed this experience within me the day before where I was reacting to the smallest of things.

So I see the point for me to practice here is to in fact Stop accepting and allowing myself to take experiences that I have clearly identified and understood as originating within myself and stop allowing myself to blame my partner for this, because this is what I essentially did.

It was like, I saw the experience within me, and already noticed my tendency to react quickly in irritation to whatever it was I was doing, so I knew my partner had nothing to do with it and so also here within me was an awareness to not allow myself to react to my partner and yet, what did I do? I reacted to my partner and allowed this point of blame to step forth within me and to let out my experience as a reaction unto my partner when what I should have really been allowing to step forth is my point of Self Responsibility, taking Responsibility for myself and supporting myself to release this experience through directive means, instead of allowing those moments where I just went ahead and blamed my partner.

It was interesting because I felt a bit powerless, and hopeless, and helpless in relation to this experience, like it was so prominent that “I couldn’t help myself” and at times I just allowed the irritation to boil over and come out in my words and tonality instead of finding ways to release it on my own through breathing, and stabilizing myself and NOT allowing myself to VENT my reactions but rather to pause in those moments, Breathe, and release that irritation energy on my own, or even to have addressed it more directly when I noticed it the day before, instead of just allowing it to percolate.

So this is something I can work on moving forwards where I can practice Directing Myself to release my experience without VENTING or Reacting in how I act or speak towards others where the energy experience I experience within me comes out as reactive words or behaviors. So this is something here for me to work on and to Rather than live the word VENTING and Reacting and essentially giving up on my ability to direct myself, and can practice living such words as Self Direction, Self Responsibility, Stabilizing, and Persistence in where I stand persistent in my application of not allowing myself to vent my experience every time it comes up instead of stopping once or twice and then allowing myself to vent after that, so here I can practice Stepping Up and releasing the experiences that I have created within myself without allowing them to end up in reactions that have consequences not only on my own life but others lives as well. So yes, a Key here I see I can apply for myself is PERSISTENCE as being Persistent and Consistent in DIRECTING myself and my experience each and every time it comes up, remembering to in that moment of where I want to react, to stop, and just breath and stabilize myself and not allow a reaction or energy to DIRECT me.

Living PATIENCE on a Personal Level – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 800

April 26, 2017April 26, 2017 / Author / Leave a comment

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In my previous two blogs I have noticed the word/point of ‘Patience’ being an underlying theme, and so I am going to take a moment here to redefine and specify this word for myself so as to support myself to become more effective, stable, and consistent within Living this word until it becomes a natural expression and part of myself that is naturally who I am because at the moment I am still more existing in impatience when facing certain points/situations in my life.

I spoke in my previous blog about a new opportunity that opened up and how I was just at the beginning stages of this point and still have a long road ahead to cultivate and shape this point into the potentials possible within it. And I have noticed that I experience this drive to just get things moving and I feel like I am ‘trying to make up for lost time’ or ‘am behind’ or ‘Cannot Move Fast Enough’. That is a key point there of feeling like “I can’t move fast enough” and that things just move so slow, yet, I do have the awareness within me that there is no way around it and I see this point of “what would it be like if I was just more Patient?” like, is it possible to be Content with myself, and my life during this ‘building up’ process.

With anything you build or create, it takes TIME.

Now as I am writing about this, I am seeing this point that actually came up a few days ago as well when I was opening this stuff up. It is a Fear of things not working out, where I have this program of expecting the worst or expecting things to not work out and so I just want to have everything finished already so ‘I know what happens’. Its like I can’t stand Not Knowing. And I see that this not being able to stand not knowing is connected with an expectation of things not working out and an expectation or idea of things just turning out as they normally do where there is really nothing new and surely nothing BIG will happen. And so here within fearing or expecting things to not work out, I become anxious, and I become impatient because I just want to get everything done and in place and then have things work out so I can show myself that things DO work out. But overall, this idea/expectation of ‘things never working out’ I can see is influencing me where I become anxious and impatient and just desperate to know how things will work out.

Its kind of like that whole point of Job Security where people like having job security so that they know they will have money flowing in and that they can pay their bills and plan their lives within the system because there is a expectation of how things will go.

And to a certain degree I can see how this impatience and anxiousness I experience in relation to not knowing if or how this new opportunity will work out is in fact here also connected to MONEY and so Life in the World/Money System where essentially ones very survival is connected to money.

We live in a system of uncertainty. So how does one create certainty in such an environment?

For me in opening up this point for myself.

I can see what I can work with is that expectation I have that “things never or won’t work out”

And then secondly also looking at the whole relationship to money and how that is actually influencing here where I become more ‘desperate’ so to speak to want and desire things to work out where there is an underlying unbearableness in ‘not knowing’ and additionally thinking that there is a good chance things won’t work out.

Okay so I can see a few more points here to open up for myself and explore in relation to this point of assisting and supporting myself in Living the word ‘Patience’ as opposed to living in Impatience and Anxiousness in relation to the flow of my life.

Because obviously there is a link here to my childhood, teenage, and even in my 20’s where I imprinted many ideas around money based on how my life went.

And then importantly also, Id like to open up more the point of how ‘Money isn’t everything’ and how I have accepted and allowed myself to get side tacked by thinking/believing that if I succeed in a monetary way then ‘everything will be okay’ and in this forgetting about the most important relationship point which is the relationship I have with and as MYSELF and WHO I AM within myself. So here I see that at times I tend to focus to much on the monetary/external successes and failures and actually forget to pay attention, and develop ME on a personal internal level so that my INNER Self is being developed and is growing and strengthening and actually Developing my INNER SELF into someone of Substance. I mean this SELF DEVELOPMENT Point I see as absolutely crucial and actually the Main Point where I always START WITH SELF and so here I wonder… if am developing my SELF Relationship effectively, would I worry so much about these business opportunities working out or not where there is like a kind of fixation on these points where perhaps if I was more HERE and more Substantiated in my Self Relationship, perhaps there wouldn’t be such a point of desperation and anxiety in relation to my external world points, like business and monetary ventures.

So then what does Patience mean on a very personal self level and living this word on a personal self level?

How does one Live and Exist in such a way that they are Stable within themselves on a personal level to the degree where it actually doesn’t matter if these external goals turn out or not but either way and throughout the process of their endeavors they are simply Calm, and have the utmost personal Stability.

Okay will end here for tonight.