Using Self Forgiveness to See and Understand Me – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 820

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Today when I woke up I experienced a resistance to getting out of bed mixed with a depression energy. I decided that I would speak some Self Forgiveness on my drive to work and see if I could open up within me what this experience was all about as it has become something of a familiar experience recently in the mornings, particularly when I work.

Initially when I started speaking Self Forgiveness I wasn’t really seeing anything specific and the Self Forgiveness seemed routine and the same ol’ points. However I decided to continue speaking the self forgiveness and after a few minutes I started hitting on points that were more specific and I began seeing and understanding my experience, or at least understanding the point that I was seeing in that moment about my relationship to my own inner experiences and my relationship to my work.

One of the main dimensions that I was seeing within me in relation to my work was that I was stuck in a kind of perpetual blame cycle towards my job where I had at some point decided that “it was my jobs fault” that “its my job that is causing and creating my experience”, “it was my jobs fault that my life is the way it is”

So within the Self Forgiveness I came to understand that I was making my job “more than” me, blaming my job for my current experience and so me not Standing as THEE point within myself as the Source of who I am and my experiences, rather I was in a point of allowing myself to say that it was my job that was the main thing, that “I” was doing everything right and nothing wrong and  that it was my job that was causing and creating my experience, and if my job would just change or be different, then I could go back to an experience that I would prefer, in other words, I was effectively disempowering myself.

So yes, totally giving my power and my responsibility away to this external point within my reality. So the speaking of Self Forgiveness really supported me to see what I have been accepting and allowing of myself in relation to this aspect of my job and I also saw that, how could I reap the fruits that I desire or want from my job if I am constantly blaming and judging and angry towards my job?

That is like having a child and wanting to have a deep, fun, and enjoyable relationship with the child but then raising that child through blaming it, judging it, criticizing it, being angry at it, ect… eventually you are going to create a resentment within the child towards you so in essence,

How can I create the success I am wanting with my job if I am in direct conflict with the very thing I am wanting to support this end. It’s a contradiction. So this was an interesting dynamic to see in the my relationship with my job and realizing here that It’s up to ME to establish a more effective supportive relationship with this particular part of my job that I was in conflict with, beginning with stopping that relationship where I was giving all my power away through blame, by saying “its your fault” so rather, now accepting, and realizing, I am the ONE, I am the SOURCE of my experience and I am the SOURCE of the relationship I create towards, with, as my job and so I must start working with my experience, like that experience I have of resistance and depression in the mornings that I seem to wake up with where for instance if I see this experience coming up again, I know that its connected to and based on the points of blame and abdication of my Self Responsibility in relation to my job and so can support myself to change this through for example, speaking some self forgiveness  and correct myself in those moments and Direct Myself to Stand as the  SOLE Creator of experience and so 100% responsible for them and my relationships that exist as me within my life.

So now going forwards after seeing this today, I am now going to practice identifying that ‘blame signature’ of this particular experience that has been coming through lately so that I can make sure to ALIGN myself according to Supporting myself and Standing as SELF RESPONSIBLE for Myself and my Experience and my Relationship to my Job so that  I can stop and change this experience and see how I can support myself to change my relationship to/within my job so that it is Supportive!

 

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

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EQAFE.COM – Find What You’ve Always Been Looking For (Customer Review) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 813

 

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I have done a lot of research regarding utilizing the internet for business. One area of focus within doing this effectively which you will see championed by many successful internet marketing gurus is that you should always focus on creating quality content.

But what is ‘Quality Content’? What does that actually mean?

I agree it is imperative that you are doing your best to create content that is engaging, interesting, useful, creative, inspiring and basically something that You can be proud of as an individual, something that adds value.

So I am going to do a review here of some ‘Quality Content’ that I have been lucky enough to have made part of my life for some time and have been investing regularly in this content where the impact and value that it has provided me has truly been like nothing else.

The website is Eqafe.com where you can invest in interview series which is primarily audio content interviews around 15 to 20 minutes each.

What I value about the information in the interviews is that it covers EVERYTHING! And I am not joking.

The sheer amount of content available is quite astounding. And if you look at YOUR LIFE, it also covers Everything! And so with Eqafe, every aspect of your life is considered, addressed and supported. And if not, don’t sweat it, you can Request Specialized Interviews pertaining to specific points and challenges you are facing in your own life. Pretty Cool.

Now, this isn’t so much like Netflix where the allure of Netflix is the Entertainment Value. The Allure of Eqafe is not entertainment value, it is LIFE Value. And if you look closely at this world you will find that LIFE VALUE is underrated, underused, and under consumed. Hence the plight of our world at the moment.

As a humanity we have entered into a period where consumerism is at its peak. Just look at your viewing habits. How many of us actually even read a FULL Article anymore, instead of just Consuming the headline then forming an opinion.

How many cat videos have you watched today?

How many strange and interesting videos have you come across on your facebook feed, that although yes, they are intriguing, really don’t bring any real LASTING or Substantial VALUE to you and your life.

We are caught a perpetual cycle of essentially consuming disposable content that only keeps us distracted instead of engaged and educated.

Eqafe is essentially a pristine drink of water when all the other options are soda or some other sugary beverage.

Water is what the Body actually needs.

And Eqafe is what your SOUL actually needs, meaning the content is designed to Support you on a Real and Substantial level. It has absolutely nothing to do with a quick fix, or entertaining, although entertainment is an awesome side affect of these quality interviews which I for one find completely engrossing.

Most content out there doesn’t actually aim for the outcome of supporting you as a life form to reach your utmost potential, because most people creating content haven’t even considered this process in-depth to the degree where its able to provide the support necessary for this endeavor, or for that matter are even aware of this process.

So Eqafe is quite holistic in its range covering every topic imaginable.

I have utilized Eqafe though by listening to inteviews weekly and then applying the practical examples in my day to day living. Eqafe has been a grounding presence in my life, supporting me to get the most out of myself both Internally and Externally.

I wanted to do this brief customer review because Eqafe is actually the kind of ‘Quality Content’ that can change someone’s life. It has become a staple in mine. Like I said, it is like a refreshing  glass of water.

You see, when you strip away all the packaging and advertising on a glass of water. What you are left with is still a glass of water, which fundamentally is supportive. With most other products and content out there, when you strip away the advertising and packaging, and entertainment value, there is nothing left. Nothing Substantial, Nothing Nourishing. Nothing!

So if you are looking for SOMETHING

If you are Looking for Answers

If you are looking for something that truly will be good and supportive for you

Then Id suggest checking out Eqafe.Com

 

Such topics covered are:

 

Relationships

Money and Finances

Physical Health

Mental Health

Spiritual Understanding

Self Purification

How to get the most out of your day

Depression Support

Work Relationships

Leadership

Confidence

Self Forgiveness

Integrity

How to navigate this hectic corrupt world in an Honest and Effective way

Sex

Addiction

Animal Care

Parenting

Developing Your Self Expression

Understanding the Complexities of your Mind

Conscious, Subconscious, Unconscious

Anxiety

Creativity

Finding A Job

Happiness

Loving Yourself

Breathing

Meditation

The Afterlife

Aliens

Truth about Conspiracy

Politics

Religion

Business Leadership and Management

Family Issues

Becoming the Directive Principle of Yourself and Life

Divorce

Anger Issues

Loneliness

Telepathy

Heaven

Demons

Truth about Love

Energy

Tools to Support you to live to your Utmost Potential

Equality

The Principle of “Best for ALL”

As within so without

The World System

 

And sooooooooo many more topics.

 

Like I said, it covers everything.

 

There is a lot of FREE Interviews also which is a great place to start.

 

Okay so I will end my mini-review here.

 

Main Point – Find What You Have Always Been Looking For With EQAFE.COM – YOURSELF!

VISIT EQAFE HERE

 

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

Showing Up! – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 809

 

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In my last blog I began opening up the point of ‘Motivation’ which was prompted when a co-worker of mine expressed his gratitude towards the motivation he saw within me over the past 4 years as I have been developing a body of stone sculptures.

What is interesting is that I feel in a lot of ways that I have actually struggled with motivation at times.

In fact if I look back over the past 4 years I see many times where I really struggled to stay consistent with going to work each day to develop and create my artwork.

But I have stuck with it and continue to develop my consistency within showing up to work to create sculptures because they surely do not carve themselves. I mean, the art and creativity stuff is actually the easy part. The difficult part is SHOWING UP.

In my last blog I listed a few principles that I have utilized to support me in developing my sculptures over the past four years.

  • Accumulation Affect 1+1+1+1
  • The principle of Whats Best For ALL
  • Self Direction
  • Self Forgiveness
  • Self Honesty
  • Bringing ALL points back to self
  • Self Responsibility (never blame anyone or anything)
  • Breath (one breath at a time)
  • Live In the Physical
  • Don’t Compare
  • Do what you must and within that create what you would like it to be
  • Lead by Example
  • Live to your utmost potential
  • Personal Process First
  • Do unto others what you would like done unto you
  • Be Solution Oriented
  • Consistency

 

Okay so in this blog I am going to expand some on the first principle: “Accumulation Affect 1+1+1+1”

This principle was introduced to me almost a decade ago. It is similar to that saying that “Rome wasn’t built in a day” and I have utilized this principle in many things in my life and also within the development of my art.

For me I see this principle as embodying a simplicity. It literally meant for me to just SHOW UP!

For the last four years I have been developing a collection of stone sculptures which I sell. Now my approach was to keep it simple and just show up to work each work day. There were a lot of days where I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning and go and carve, but I did. And there were also a lot of days where I didn’t want to get out of bed to carve, and I didn’t….but then eventually did and got myself to work. There were also days where it was easy to get up and I looked forward to it, and there were also days where I just didn’t go. So perhaps my co-worker observed some form of Motivation in my process that I have been working on of getting up in the mornings and going to work and being consistent with that. Learning to go and work even though I might not feel like it, essentially focusing on the Principle of the matter rather than my experience which often would shift once I got to work where suddenly it really wasn’t so bad as I initially experienced to be

The Accumulation affect is how one creates something where if one does a little bit each day then eventually it accumulates into a bigger point. And so with this AWARENESS I have had of this principle, I have utilized it as a guideline when approaching this whole process I have walked with developing stone sculptures. I just kept it simple and each day I carved, would be time that I would be putting into the creation of these sculptures, and so I just walked one day at a time, one sculptures at a time and continue to utilize this accumulation affect within this point.

This affect also goes hand in hand with CONSISTENCY which I have at times expressed as “The most powerful force of all!” It’s nothing fancy, it’s just Consistency, one day at a time, one breath at a time. Brick by brick.

I began developing this tool of consistency actually within my Journey To Life Blogs. I had actually began before that, but this particular process I have walked with this blog has been a commitment of consistency and learning how to and developing my ability to be consistent. So Consistency is definitely a PILLAR of ‘Motivation’ so to speak.

Now its interesting that my co-worker perceived me as ‘motivated’ I guess my motivation is that within my art I always want to SEE WHATS POSSIBLE and so I move myself to create it and see what Is possible within my creation. And then so the Accumulation Affect and Consistency are more the Practical ‘how-to’ and LIVING of Motivation. But I do see an underlying curiosity within myself of wanting to see what I am capable of and see what my utmost potential is, not just in my art but in MYSELF and My LIFE. I have been fortunate in my life to meet some great examples of human potential that has been a guiding inspiration and motivation for me. And having the Desteni Process has really been an incredible TOOL for me to be able to understand how to and what it means to live to my utmost potential as Life and understanding all the various dimensions of this process of creating myself to be my Utmost Potential.

 

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

Determining My Outcomes Through Daily Living – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 806

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Today is the beginning of the work week for me. I felt a bit depressed this morning when I woke up. The experience seemed to be ‘out of  nowhere’ though last night I was discussing a few points with my partner about some stress that I was experiencing in relation some aspects of the responsibilities associated with work. So this morning as I got ready to go to work, I related this seemingly out-of-nowhere experience of depression to these work related points I was discussing the night before.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed with stress in relation to directing and walking the obligations and responsibilities in relation to my career.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still feel the need and desire to control my reality and force it to move the way that I want it to when working with other people, expecting other people to move how I want them to because its convenient for me where I am not considering that people are entire universes unto themselves where their lives are vast and comprised of various relationships and so I cannot expect them to move according to my wishes and desires just because it would suit me best, and so here I commit myself to remember to consider that People are complex and have much going on within themselves and within their lives and to within this, be more patient and understanding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my life not working or my business failing where this fear drives me to try to control people and push things to move how I desire to have them move, where I become much less flexible and flowing, And so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try an achieve success from a starting point of Fear of Failure. And so here I commit myself to walk and live the word Patience where within living the word Patience I stop accepting and allowing myself to exist within my default setting of “expecting to fail” and so thus I commit myself to stop expecting to fail and then having a fear emerge of fearing to fail which then drives me into control and desire, as well as being more rigid and inflexible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that I could potentially still achieve success or desired outcomes through being more easy going, patient, and flexible. Wouldn’t that be awesome considering this is often how I find things move in physical reality where things move slowly as there is multiple points coming  together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that perhaps success can be achieved through living  and walking the word Patience where I allow things to take time and not go into that point of trying to control or force them, and while I wait, I can give my time and attention to projects and tasks that are HERE and that I can DIRECT , Here and Now in the moment instead of feeling stuck like I am waiting for things to move so I can move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing the word success, and so thus fear the word success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear even mentioning the word success, because to me I have accepted that this will only mean failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear Failure where I see it as a bad thing, and so creating ‘failure’ to be this ‘big thing’ and something to fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to function within my life based on a pre-programmed setting of an expectations of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure is permanent and so fear failing because I perceive this as the end, instead of considering that I can simply continue on and continue testing new ways and solutions, and that failure is not this big thing that I have to fear constantly day in an day out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure is forever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that failure means the end of the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in constant fear of a massive failure taking place, where its like I am constantly in fear of everything just collapsing in a major way. (What a tiring way to live, phew)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing opportunities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others and different opportunities as the determinants of my success or failure instead of realizing  that I am responsible for the outcome of myself and my life meaning, that if the success or failure of my business is based on luck or what other people do or don’t do, then its bound to fail anyways. Rather I commit myself to remember and to stand within the starting point that I determine the different OUTCOMES of my business,  meaning where I commit myself to become the SOURCE of my ability to grow, expand, develop myself and my business where this is based on MY actions and what I do or do not do, and so within this GROUND my approach to walking my current path with life and business where I LIVE SUCCESS, not through ‘where I end up’ but through Who I am and How I am LIVING and DIRECTING MYSELF Daily, and to simply walk day by day, pushing and directing myself to Live to my utmost potential where this becomes the foundation of my Living and my Self and Business Development.

I commit myself to take the attention that I have placed ‘out there’ onto what others are doing and how that affects my me, my life and business, and bring this attention back to ME, and to focus on what I am doing and what I can do and live daily to assist and support myself to LIVE MY UTMOST POTENTIAL every day, and so support myself to Give myself back my Self Directive Principle and Responsibility through by focusing on Who I am and What I can do daily to live to my utmost potential and expand, develop, refine, push, express, support myself and what I am doing within my life.

 

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

 

 

Expanding Your Supply of Solutions – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 805

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So lately I have been walking this point of ordering more supplies for my business which allows everything to continue to flow normally. But there is a delay on the supplies arriving which isn’t the first time this has happened with some of the suppliers I work with. So when and as this is happening I have been firstly practicing not allowing myself to go into a reaction towards the particular suppliers and essentially start demanding that my supplies arrive in a reasonable time-frame. There are moments where I see these reactions coming up within me, but I continue to support myself to not act out of these reactions.

So one dimension of this that is coming up now as I write, is the questions of “Where do I do the same thing” Where do I procrastinate with certain projects, tasks, and points that not only affect me but affect others as well, because I can see that I still do allow procrastination in my own life, and so this is a cool Starting Point for me to create a Solution for these outflows that I am walking now where my supplies seems to be arriving late which has been a pattern now for about a year.

For instance, I could actually just order my supplies doubly early. If I have identified a pattern of the movement of certain supplies, then I could make sure that I am keenly on top of it, and essentially doing what is within my power to Ensure that I am always stocked on supplies.

I also noticed that I can also branch out and reach out to other suppliers who could provide a supplemental support for when I need certain supplies within a specific time-frame. This is something that I haven’t yet done.

Because if a few months down the road I am in the same boat, it is obvious that it has nothing to do with the suppliers but rather my lack of action to find solutions to the point.

So here is a good example of how its so easy to blame others for our experiences and problems where we do this without getting to the point of doing everything in our power to Take Responsibility for Our Own lives to the best of our ability.

So this is has definitely been a Key for me in the Process that I have walked with Desteni over the years where I have been supported to and have since began to bring points back to myself and look at where and how I can support me to find Solutions and Take Responsibility for my life instead of just going into blaming someone else. This has actually had quite a massive impact on my life because here even in this situation with my suppliers, this could have easily in the past ended up with me just going into blame and so not bringing the point back to myself which is a missed opportunity for self expansion because in bringing the points back to myself I am actually EXPANDING myself through looking at WHAT I CAN DO for myself and for others in terms of Living Solutions and trying out new things or changing my own tendencies and patterns to be overall more supportive.

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

Reaching a Boiling Point and Lashing Out – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 804

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Today my partner and I had a ‘cleaning  day’ where we spent about 6 hours doing a deep clean of our apartment. It was something that was definitely ready to be done and now after its done I am quite grateful for the clean space, however I  have noticed today  throughout the day that I was easily becoming irritated with my partner, who for the most part seemed her normal self.

I could tell that within myself that there was something going on, meaning where I already felt a bit ‘low’ and kind of already in an experience of frustration that was taking place within me since I got up and so I saw how this presence that I was already in started coming up during the cleaning process with my partner where I began reacting in irritation towards her.

I also noticed this irritation experience coming up yesterday also, and so see this point as entirely Self Created where this experience was already coming out in relation to just the basic tasks and activities I was participating in within my day where I would just get so frustrated and impatient and angry at what ever it was I was doing. So this ‘high-strung’ experience was definitely obvious and prominent within myself.

Despite knowing that I was already experiencing this point within me, I still tended to allow myself to blame my irritation on things my partner would do or say today, even though I had already noticed this experience within me the day before where I was reacting to the smallest of things.

So I see the point for me to practice here is to in fact Stop accepting and allowing myself to take experiences that I have clearly identified and understood as originating within myself and stop allowing myself to blame my partner for this, because this is what I essentially did.

It was like, I saw the experience within me, and already noticed my tendency to react quickly in irritation to whatever it was I was doing, so I knew my partner had nothing to do with it and so also here within me was an awareness to not allow myself to react to my partner and yet, what did I do? I reacted to my partner and  allowed this point of blame to step forth within me and to let out my experience as a reaction unto my partner when what I should have really been allowing to step forth is my point of Self Responsibility, taking Responsibility for myself and supporting myself to release this experience through directive means, instead of allowing those moments where I just went ahead and blamed my partner.

It was  interesting because I felt a bit powerless, and hopeless, and helpless in relation to this experience, like it was so prominent that “I couldn’t help myself” and at times I just allowed the irritation to boil over and come out in my words and tonality instead of finding ways to release it on my own through breathing, and stabilizing myself and NOT allowing myself to VENT my reactions but rather to pause in those moments, Breathe, and release that irritation energy on my own, or even to have addressed it more directly when I noticed it the day before, instead of just allowing it to percolate.

So this is something I can work on moving forwards where I can practice Directing Myself to release my experience without VENTING or Reacting in how I act or speak towards others where the energy experience I experience within me comes out as reactive words or behaviors. So this is something here for me to work on and to Rather than live the word VENTING and Reacting and  essentially giving up on my ability to direct myself, and can practice living such words as Self Direction, Self Responsibility, Stabilizing, and Persistence in where I stand persistent in my application of not allowing myself to vent my experience every time it comes up instead of stopping once or twice and then allowing myself to vent after that, so here I can practice Stepping Up and releasing the experiences that I have created within myself without allowing them to end up in reactions that have consequences not only on my own life but others lives as well. So yes, a Key here I see I can apply for myself is PERSISTENCE as being  Persistent  and Consistent in DIRECTING myself and my experience each and every time it comes up, remembering to in that moment of where I want to react, to stop, and just breath and stabilize myself and not allow a reaction or energy to DIRECT me.

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential

Life Doesn’t Move in a Perfectly Straight Line – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 802

 

Picture3

Today at the end of the day at work today, I decided that I was far enough along in my stone sculpture that I wanted to get a good look at the coloration of the stone and what it would look like when it was finished.

So I retrieved some water and poured it over the stone which for a moment enhances the color of the stone until it drys again. Right away I noticed a marking that ran along the sculpture in a certain way and I started to react.

The reaction was strong.

I was frustrated, angry, and enraged at this marking on the sculpture. This is not the first time I have actually had this experience in relation to a piece that I am working on where I start noticing that the natural markings and colorations of the stone are aligning, from my perspective, in an undesirable way.

I was so frustrated.

So I got home and a couple hours later I was chatting about it with my partner and my starting point within the discussion was still based on this reaction that I was having where I was quite disgruntled and telling my partner how “now my sculpture is ruined” and I was just so angry and frustrated. And basically everything within me and coming out of me as my words where infused with an energy of resentment, blame, frustration, angry, hopelessness, irritation, ect.

Now obviously the sculpture isn’t ruined, I was actually just stuck in this reaction. And so for a moment as I was speaking with my partner, I stopped and asked myself what this reaction was showing me about Who I am and where I am from the perspective of how and why would I be having such a reaction. And so I looked at what it was showing me, and essentially that is what I am here doing with this blog. I am opening up this reaction and looking at why I would accept and allow such a reaction within me and what it is showing me about myself.

One point I notice here straight away is that one reason I would have such a strong reaction in relation to this piece is because its like “I have everything riding on it” where I can see that I have kind of tunnel visioned onto this piece and in this made this one single project into A MAJOR POINT.

So here I can acknowledge for myself that my life isn’t built on ‘one single point’ but is constructed of multiple aspects and points and so things don’t often really ride on ‘one single point’. So this is a cool point to take with me moving forwards as the realization that there is always many elements that go into my life.

As I mentioned, this is not the first time I have had such a reaction towards one of the sculptures I am working on.

However, this is something that I see I can change and would like to change. Meaning I can see that I have ‘placed everything into this sculpture’ and basically made this one piece a “make or break” situation where “if this doesn’t work out I am doomed”

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel and experience myself walking such a thin line within myself and my life in relation to success or failure where I feel like things are always so fragile and teetering on the edge in every moment, here not acknowledging the actually Stability of My life which I insist doesn’t exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry when one of my sculptures doesn’t go exactly as planned and work out perfectly, because in my mind, I have equated this to a set-back, where then I go into a reaction within me and think “why does this always happen to me” and essentially go into a point of victimization and disempowerment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like my life is always hanging in the balance, and that If one thing is out of place, then everything will fall down and collapse where this experience was reflected to me in my sculpture where the natural flow of the stone was not what I wanted, and I reacted in thinking “everything is ruined” and that this one apparent misalignment will now be my doom.

Here I can also consider how this experience I was having in relation to my life, exists also in the “inner self” so this can be a mental note for myself to see if I can pin-point this “things hanging in the balance, state” existing in my inner reality and how I deal with or direct my inner world, where one wrong move can throw everything off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be grossly impatient with the growth of my business venture/ art business which was indicated by my reaction today where I reacted to my sculpture not looking exactly perfect because to me this represented a ‘SET-BACK’ which I just couldn’t handle and went into a reaction of frustration and anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire things to be different in my life to the degree where I react whenever I perceive I have a set-back that slows me down from reaching my goals and creating my life the way I want it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept the fact that Life isn’t perfect, meaning that the process of creating a business or creating my life the way I want, or creating myself,  isn’t just going to go from point ‘a’ to point ‘b’ seamlessly without anything in between. In fact, life presents many obstacles, and so I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be more patient with myself within creating my business and life where I see, realize, and understand that things don’t always move in a straight line.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I was too focused on where I was going, that I forgot about LIFE HERE, in the moment. And how life actually functions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subtly not want to be in my life, and so desire things to be different to the degree where the desire becomes dominant and then I react when outcomes don’t materialize as fast as possible or along the shortest route, here essentially I am judging where I am at in my life as not good enough and that “things will be better once I achieve this or that”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I was focused too much “in the future” which was shown to me by how I reacted to a perceived set-back where it was like “I couldn’t handle it” I couldn’t handle having to re-walk a point or take longer in my pursuit of a goal, and so I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to find a better way to creating goals and outcomes than to ‘pursue’ them where when I am in pursuit of such points, I forget about my reality right here, and I forget to LIVE HERE walking breath by breath and moment by moment.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to embrace Set-Backs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create set-backs in my life through by approaching things the way that I do where I perceive a mistake or an unexpected turn of direction as a set-back instead of simply a natural process of life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to account for the mistakes, and unexpected turns which are natural within life expression and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into CONTROL in relation to my life and creating my life and business.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write about being more Patient, but then ‘lose it’ when something goes wrong because I am actually not being Patient in the grand scheme of things, meaning where creating self and life takes time and takes a process and isn’t always going to be a straight line.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stressed about money, and so when I experience a ‘set-back’ in my mind that is an obstacle or “more time” now until I am satisfied with my life and business instead of practicing this point of being Satisfied with my Process of Self Creation in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become invested in a “Future Projection” instead of just taking things day by day and moment by moment, and EMBRACING and LIVING ‘IN’ My Days instead of just using my days to get somewhere else in the future, but within this forgetting to be and live HERE.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to give more attention to my Day, and stop seeing it as ‘just another day’ to be used to get somewhere else, and so ultimately am missing the day where I am just seeing it as resource to get to some future point, but within this kind of judging where I am at, and judging the elements of my life instead of Embracing them, and Embracing all the parts of my life that comprise it.

I commit myself  to STOP, to Breathe, to BE HERE, to Embrace what is here as the moment, and as each day and stop being so hell bent on getting somewhere else, but rather practice Honoring Each Day.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting to one of my sculptures as if there is something about it that is “going to set me back” to stop in such moments, Breathe, and realize that if I am having that experience than this is showing me that I am not Honoring and Truly EMBRACING where I am at in my life/process of Creation,  And so I commit myself practice Embracing MY Day, and VALUING my Day more than I Value a future Projection in my mind that is not even real.

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