For a long time I wanted to be ‘The Best’, and this programming was formed quite young. I wanted to be the best at hockey, I wanted to be the best at art, I wanted to be the best.
When I look at this idea now of ‘being the best’ it does make sense in that this kind of programming was all around me, the programing of competition, of getting the top marks, of being seen as a winner, of being someone talented and special, of comparing yourself to others a way to determine your standing in life.
I find this programming still follows me around, as I walk the process of changing these parts of myself that I see do not serve me or others or are really contributing to creating the best self I can be or contributing in fact to Life on Earth for everyone and everything.
The other day I was scrolling through Instagram and saw some artwork by someone who I had gone to art school with and I immediately reacted and became uncomfortable within myself. In looking at the reaction closer I could identify an anxiety as well various points of fear and competition and comparison, and I identified this ‘Wanting to be The Best’ programming basically in full application.
Even though I am aware that this programming doesn’t serve me, I still have moments where I am in fact living/existing as this programming which is why I reacted in that moment, and the reaction was enough to realize that this experience is NOT something that was a benefit or support me at all.
So I did some writing and self introspection and I realized that I was wanting to be ‘THE’ Best instead of being ‘MY’ Best.
When I am My Best and striving to be My Best, the point of comparison is removed because being MY Best isn’t dependent on others. Just as them being Their Best is does not take away from or devalue what I am doing.
When I want to be THE Best, I compare myself to others and am constantly worried about what others are doing or how good they are at what they are doing, I get side tracked and end up often following what others are doing and even chasing them trying to catch up to those I perceive are ahead of me and I end up in a constant experience of anxiety while I am engaging in this competition to be THE Best. Within this the most important point of all gets lost in all the anxiety and fear of being left behind or not being good enough. The point that is lost or missing is ME.
It’s like my total focus is out there, looking at what everyone else is doing.
How are they doing it
That looks cool, I wish I was doing that
They are so far ahead of me
I could do better
Their not very good
I am way ahead
They make it look so easy
Maybe I should try that or this or that or that or that… = Anxiety.
Being MY Best is where I look at ME, and I look at Who I am and what suits me and what my strengths and weaknesses are and where I can position myself or express myself in a way that is supporting and getting the most out of the unique attributes of ME, and this cannot be determined by comparing or trying to copy or doing a better job of what others are doing or how they live.
Being MY Best is a truly original expression so to speak, that ultimately only I can do/live.
Being MY Best requires me to be Self Honest, and honor myself and where I am in my life and look at how I can be My Best.
What I also noticed is that when I am looking at how to be MY Best, I am suddenly looking at and considering way more parts and aspects of myself where to be THE Best I become isolated and driven more by the singular dimension of Fear, and so miss the many multitudes of Self.
Using simple math, I can understand how being MY Best would lead to a more enriching experience as I am now considering and looking at various dimensions of myself instead of being driven prominently by just one dimension (Fear) while attempting to be The Best.
So at the moment I am busy exploring what it means to be and Live MY Best and what this means to me and what this would look like. I may not be ‘The’ best at anything, but it is irrelevant if I am Living to my utmost potential and getting the most out of myself while Living MY Best.
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