Fear of Drawing In Public – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 739

Self Reflection, Pencil on paper, 8x10in.2004

Today, I went out to a coffee shop to do some drawing. I used to do this in the past but is something that I haven’t done much of in recent years. When I arrived I noticed that it was pretty busy, which normally is a good thing because then there is lots of people to draw, but in this case today, I felt a bit claustrophobic because I didn’t want people to look over my shoulder and see what I was drawing.

In the past, I used to go out drawing in coffee shops nearly daily as it was a great way to refine and practice my drawing. And during that time I was more accepting of who I was within this, and wasn’t as shy/reactive about people knowing or seeing what I was doing. I would just sit down and start drawing. In the past I see though that I did have a few reactions and resistances to drawing in public where I observed that some of my other artist friends were so much more willing to interact and engage with other people and for instance ask directly if they could draw them.

Today I noticed that I was much more timid within myself and really just wanted to be in the background where no one can see me. A point that I can see is also more ‘all encompassing’ with regards to the particular personality I lived throughout my life in relation to art, where a part of me just wanted to remain out of sight in the background. But ultimately I see, realize, and understand that here I am accepting a limitation where I am supressing my expression because I don’t want people to see what I am doing, and so ultimately I am in fear or reaction of what they might think about me sitting there drawing.

At first I sat there for a little while waiting for a different table to open up that was a little more private so I could do some drawing. I even thought about just leaving and going home. Eventually I went and sat outside and drew but even that was a bit of a compromise.

So the point I could see within this all, is that there is a point/personality within me that I have lived and live that is actually inhibiting me within my art expression. What revealed today, was a dimension of where I did not want to draw because I was afraid of what other people might think about me seeing me sitting there drawing. I also didn’t want someone to come over and ask to see my drawings, because I am was in  judgement of my drawings seeing as how I am just getting started with this application again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others would think about my Drawings if they saw them, where here I became preoccupied and distracted by all the ideas, and fears within my own mind of what I thought and believed others might say about my drawings, or how they would perceive them and me, and that I then allowed this inner reality of projection, judgement and fear influence me to not Live to my Fullest Expression, but instead go into anxiety, fear and suppression, not wanting to ‘put myself out there’ which would have actually been the most supportive for me in developing this particular drawing application and developing my own self movement and self expression as well, where I Direct me for me as a point of Self Support, and stop accepting and allowing myself to supress myself out of ‘fear of what others might think”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I go out to draw,  fear other peoples reactions towards me and how they will see me and so within this supress my self expression.

I commit myself to work with myself in this point to push myself to overcome this particular suppression personality that I have accepted and allowed myself to program as myself where I will supress and limit myself due to fear of what other people think where I have placed the opinions, ideas, reactions, judgements of others as more important than me Living to my fullest potential and exploring the Potential that exists within and as myself as a Human Being here on earth, and so therefor I commit myself to make sure that this ‘suppression personality’ is something I no more accept and allow to take me over and dictate who I am where I myself just submit to this personality and don’t bother asserting myself within and as Living to my Utmost Potential.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create a personality where I supress myself and within this become comfortable with supressing my expression where now I will prevent myself from living to my utmost potential due to this conditioning of myself as supressing myself out of fear of what others might think of me, in particular here when it comes to drawing in public.

I see, realize, and understand that in by accepting and allowing myself to be influenced and directed by this particular point where I will prevent myself from going out and drawing because I don’t want to face that point of ‘fearing what others will think of me when they see me drawing” that in by accepting and allowing myself to submit to this fear, and this acceptance, that I am not allowing myself to grow and expand within myself and to really Live to My Fullest Potential and so therefor, I commit myself to assist and support myself to break out of this preprogrammed suppression personality when it comes to drawing in public as a point of assisting and supporting myself to Live to My Fullest Potential within my Art Expression, a point which I have allowed myself to supress and limit for some time, through accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by “fear of what others think of me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the judgements of others as real, where I will exist within a limited expression as a way to validate the opinions of others, instead of walking through any fears, reactions, judgements, other people might have towards me as well as any reactions I have towards their reactions, to Stand Up and Live to My Fullest Expression and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR Living to my Fullest Expression because I Feared what others might think about me if I do this.

I see, realize and understand that a Judgement is a form of Limitation that us humans have accepted to limit ourselves and others and that, What is Best For ALL, is to not accept and allow myself to bow down to these judgements that I have placed onto myself or that others might think about me because that benefits no one, where what would actually support and benefit all best, is to Move myself to Live and Express to my Fullest Potential so that I can then share and support others to do the same because the point of our existence is to Live to our Fullest Potential in All Ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my application and expression in drawing/art through by going into a point of suppression when it comes to drawing in public. Drawing in public is something I used to do a lot to support myself in developing my skill and ability within my expression of art, but even then, and now also I will supress myself within this expression and so compromise myself because of fearing what others will think of me, despite the fact that seeing how this activity supported extensively in developing my skills as an artist. Yet, I will still allow fear of others opinions prevent me from doing this, where Id rather limit myself then face those ideas and judgements I have about myself in relation to fearing what others think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by Fear when it comes to my art/drawing application.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to walk through this fear and to support myself to physically practice and develop my skill as an artist and to no more accept and allow myself to just give in and essentially give up on myself and allow these fears to direct and influence me and thus prevent me from Exploring what is possible within my art expression and application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into ‘fear of drawing in public’ where in doing this I am actually supressing my expression and so not living to my full potential within my art/drawing application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify supressing my expression within art and drawing, through speaking the justification within myself that “its okay, its not a big deal” ( to not go out and draw) and within and as this statement justify my own limitation rather than moving myself through a fear of what others might think of me and into an expression that is aligned with me Living and Expressing me to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become comfortable in a limited and supressed expression of myself when it comes to my drawing where I essentially conditioned myself into a state of apathy and giving up even trying to live my utmost potential within this expression, but just accepted a much limited version of my potential as being only what I am capable of, not seeing, realizing, and understanding thatmI could do more or expand myself which would require me to step out of my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself in a docile and apathetic state of accepting my own limitations where this has just become ‘my normal self’ and that I haven’t lived with passion, direction, or assertiveness in expanding myself and my application within my art expression, but instead just lived apathy and submission.

When and as I see myself accepting myself to limit myself within my drawing and art application where I am unwilling to move through “fears” that I have about what others think of me, and then just existing in a state of apathy and submission to these fears, I stop and I take a breath and then I redirect myself to I in such moments, commit myself to live the word Assertiveness, where I Assert myself to walk through the fear and not allow myself to suppress my POTENTIAL within my art expression, but rather to walk through the Fear and into and as an application aligned with LIVING to my Full Potential within myself and within my application in art, Where here my direction is based on a Decision to Live to my Fullest Potential and not a Decision made in Fear.

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s