BackChatAttack – Self Forgiveness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 164

The Following Blog is Self Forgiveness on the BackChat Dimension of the/My “Postponement Character”

It is a continuation of the following blogs

The Resistance Before I Write – Postponement Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 163

Postponement Character – Imagination Dimension – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 162

Imagination Dimension – Postponement Character – Imagining Myself as Changed – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 161

Postponement Character – Thought Dimension – Sabotaging My Effectiveness : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 160

Postponement Character – Fear Dimension – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159

 

Back-Chat Dimension – Postponement Character

 

I can’t do this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the statement “I can’t do this” where in I make this statement within and as my back-chat dimension and in doing this convince myself to stop what ever it is I am doing and push it aside.

 

I’m to tired

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words within myself “I’m to tired” as the “back-chat” I use to attempt to manipulate myself to hide from facing myself or attempting to avoid something that I know I should be doing like assisting and supporting myself within my writing process, where I will make the statement “I’m to tired” yet in the next moment go and doing something else which is showing me that I am “too tired” as in the very next moment I am doing something else and not experiencing / existing in the point of tiredness that was apparently preventing me from Directing Myself in a way where I am Consistent in Giving Direction to and Facing my Responsibilities.

 

I don’t have it in me

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words inside myself as back-chat “I don’t have it in me” or “I just don’t have it in me” when I am faced with a moment of resistance towards doing/starting or continuing with a practical task that is required to be done that is integral to Supporting me to become effective within my Living in and as my process of self support and learning to live effectively in a way that is Aligned with Self Responsibility, oneness and equality and what is best for all.

 

I’m exhausted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “I’m exhausted” within myself after I get home from work and am faced with the point of doing my necessary self supportive writings and tasks to support me to become effective within my Living, where in this I accept and allow myself to manipulate myself through by speaking such back-chat within me repeatedly where an “inner battle” ensues within me in regards to “what I now must do” as my practical tasks/responsibilities, and that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within MY Back-chat actually Sabotage Myself/My Life where in I end up “giving in” to the mind and/as the back-chat and instead of stabilizing myself within an effective consistent application of Actual Self Support that assist me in becoming more effective in my Living, I within “giving in” to the mind “step into my postponement character where I then am living the statement and agree with the statement “I’m exhausted” and that I have not realized that bit by bit this acceptance and allowance accumulates over time into a repeated pattern where I then find myself at a point where the past days/weeks/months/years have been squandered due to me accepting and allowing myself to exist as “Characters” and particularly here my “Postponement Character” where in doing this I am essentially still at exactly the same point I was before with no movement in my process and my process of self change in changing my living to effective living in support of what is best for all.

 

There is no way I can do that tonight

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “there is no way I can do that tonight” as the ultimate finality statement I speak within my back-chat to attempt to find a justification and excuse that I will buy into and not Direct me Daily and Consistently in a practical structured way that within doing will end up accumulating as a pattern/consequence of self support and effectiveness. A point I have denied myself in my life and one way I have done this is by existing within and as my postponement character as one of the primary characters that I exist as within my life where this character became a character that I participated with/existed within allot which became like an Escape Route I could take to not face myself and Sabotage myself within my process of actually stopping my mind and standing up and taking responsibility for myself within my life and changing/Aligning me to stand within a Disciplined Consistent Application that was/is best for all and is an example of how life should be lived. A point which I Sabotaged within myself through by existing/participating with and accepting and allowing myself to control myself through the various Character Dimensions which at this point I have referenced the fear, thought, imagination and now back-chat dimensions of my Postponement Character.

 

I will put that off for tonight because I did it last night

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “I will put that off for tonight because I did it last night” as a way to manipulate myself to “give into the mind” and just do something I want to do as opposed to ensuring DAILY Consistently that I walk/live my daily requirements that I have laid out for myself in a common sense consideration of what I have assessed I require to walk Daily to in fact effectively assist and support myself to Live to my Utmost potential where I am in fact taking advantage of each moment I have as an opportunity to direct myself/live in a way that is best for all and stop letting my life/word pass by as I sit in and as my postponement character speaking back-chat statements as excuses so to not have to get up off my ass and direct myself in a way that is actually Best for me and Can Stand as a Living Example of Effective Living. I point that I still must prove to myself through Consistent and Disciplined Self Responsibility Living Done in Self Honesty.

 

I don’t need to do that tonight

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat “I don’t need to do that tonight” where in I speak such a statement night after night after night in a way where I will marginalize a task or simply POSTPONE a task until the last minute through speaking such a seemingly common place innocent statement within my mind as “I don’t need to do that tonight” instead of actually challenging myself to get things done Directly instead of just skimming by on doing the minimum where this ends up being the foundation of my Self Application which ultimately lead to no where and I end up days/weeks/months/years down the road at exactly the same point by accepting and allowing myself to rather push things back and postpone things that I in fact Could Do Now, but “don’t have to” or “I don’t need to do that tonight” instead of taking a more “pro-active” approach where I Direct myself to Do things when they come up in the moment and not postpone them to the last minute because technically they are not due then, and so to instead direct me to do things when they come up in the moment.

 

I have done enough

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I speak the back-chat statement within myself of “I have done enough” when ever I reach a point where I have done my daily responsibilities and then resistance starts to come up, that I haven’t realized that I in those moments have walked myself to a point/opportunity  where I can actually expand myself through by willing myself to walk into that which/where I would normally stop and so “always stay at the same point” where in I have limited myself within speaking the back-chat statement within myself “I have done enough” and also have never asked myself why I “fight” to stay the same instead of moving myself to actually expand and become more effective where for instance I would not go into such a statement “I have done enough” but would be aware of the consequence of either submitting/giving into/ accepting such a statement as “I have done enough” which is the consequence of never expanding me or the consequence of pushing/directing myself through such moments which is me in fact practicing and learning to be able to handle more and expanding my ‘capaicty’ so to speak, and thus within seeing the consequence of walking through such moments of resistance where that particular back-chat statement “I have done enough” comes up – I simply move myself through such a back-chat statement, not participate with it and stick with the task at hand.

 

I will do it tomorrow

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat phrase within myself “I will do it tomorrow” and to actually live by this statement, making it the guiding principle of my life of postponement and self sabotage. Where in by living by such a statement and trodding the path of “ I will do it tomorrow” so much that I have ended up disempowering myself and literally walking myself into and supporting me in depression and experiences of emotional turmoil, where this statement of “I will do it tomorrow” has been a statement I have followed instead of bothering to Stand UP and remove any such Mind back-chat statements and Correct Myself within Rescripting myself within my Process of Self Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application, and in this process Re-Structuring The Living Words that are me so that it no more support the Mind and in essence what I have experienced/found to be Self Destruction.

 

I don’t have enough time

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “I don’t have enough time” not see/realizing/understanding that if I just skipped this step of thinking I don’t have enough time, and speaking such a statement within myself and worrying about it, and simply Directed myself immediately into the tasks/points I required to direct that I would be more effective within my Life, and where what I have found is that when ever I end up getting myself into the task that I apparently “don’t have enough time for” that I realize I do have enough time and often more than I require to actually finish the task and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust such a back-chat statement of/as “I don’t have enough time” and that I haven’t simply disengaged this internal back-chat statement from within me and just stick to Directing myself immediately in the tasks which are required to be directed.

 

I don’t want to do this right now

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak the back-chat statement “I don’t want to do this right now” I see/realize/understand that this statement is based on “the life that I created for myself as the mind” where as I Start standing up and Assisting and Supporting me within my daily writings and practical self responsibilities for daily living, that I actually resist doing this and thus when I make such a statement “I don’t want to do this right now” that I am impLYING that I don’t want to Support Me in Continuing to Practice Effective Living.

 

I really don’t feel like it

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with/exist as/speak within myself  the back-chat statement “I really don’t feel like it”  as a way to manipulate myself to stop practically supporting myself within a Self Supportive Application which I see/realize/understand is related to the point that I have Defined/Programmed myself to Live in Self Interest and more Aligning myself with the mind and doing what supports the mind where now I am deliberately Directing me to Do what is best for ALL which includes me and thus Best for ME and actually Re-Align my Living to Effective Self Responsible living and so am essentially re-programming myself and so within statement “I really don’t feel like it” I am simply facing that point of “Mind Resistance”  where I must will myself to continue due to me having to push through my pre-programming which would normally just “do something to support the mind” instead of Living Doing that which is in fact Best for All and Best for me and would in fact Support Effective Living

 

 

This is too Hard

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words within me “this is too hard”  and to within such words manipulate myself to just “get through and done with” the point I am walking, like wanting to get it over with where in I in doing this have accepted and allowed myself to become manipulated by my back-chat where even though I did not stop the task I still ended up rushing to get through it which is indicating that I am still accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by the back-chat statements that are coming up within me as I am walking a task, and so see here the point is to remain stable and ensure I am walking here with myself at the pace of the physical in and as breath, not “talking myself into” rushing through and getting done with the task through continuously speaking back-chat statements within myself such as “this is too hard”

 

Finally – Now I can stop.

 

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement “finally I can stop now”  which is an indication that I was/am “rushing to the finish line” and thus am just wanting to get done and over with what it is I am doing, instead of actually being HERE within the task I am walking and also if/when I am pushing through resistance to the task. I see, realize and understand that the point is not rush and push through a point, but to remain Stable and Calm and Consistent within my writing /facing/walking of a point.

 

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6 thoughts on “BackChatAttack – Self Forgiveness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 164

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