Driven by a Fear of Failure – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 778

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Recently I have started to investigate within myself who I have been throughout my life and what has been driving me all these years to have lived my life the way I have and become who I have become.

In my investigations I was looking at this aspect of myself where I always wanted to become the best that I could be, and really tap into the potential that exists within me as a Life Expression.

I am still very much driven to do this however one thing that I am seeing is that this ‘Drive’ to be and become my utmost potential is actually connected with FEAR.

If I look at who I am now in my life, I see that I often feel like I am not living to my full potential, and so within me there exists both a DESIRE to be this Ultimate Self, while at the same time Absolute FEAR that I will NOT do it, and that something, or more specifically I will get in my own way and prevent myself from realizing my Full Potential in this Life-Time.

When I was younger I also noticed this inner drive within me to realize my utmost potential. But even then there was a dimension of this that was connected with competition and being the best in relation to others, instead of being MY BEST, meaning where I Live in such a way that is Unique to me where I support my individual strengths and abilities specific to ME and who I am and where I am in my life where this could in no way be the exact same as someone else and so there is really no way to compare one selves ultimate potential with another’s but rather where Each ones Ultimate Potential is Specific to them.

So what does it mean to Live MY Ultimate Potential?

So in seeing this connection I have had to FEAR in terms of Driving Myself to be the Best I can be in my life, I am now seeing that I will have to revisit this question of what it means to really live and fulfil myself into my fullest Potential and to revisit this question from a point of Stability and Stillness. I am going to now place here a definition of the word “Freedom” that I see as a cool starting point for re-looking at this question for myself

“Freedom – moments that you have with yourself by taking a breath, slowing down and becoming still. In so doing you give yourself the gift of being able to look, reflect, direct and move with self awareness; ensuring that you have the freedom to make a decision without fear and accept the consequences of your thoughts, words and deeds. Trusting that whatever comes, whatever will be: I am here.” – School of Ultimate Living

So moving forward I am going to assist and support myself to remove FEAR out of the equation of what is motivating and driving me in attempting to become my utmost potential as I see that it doesn’t support in me being able to See Clearly and Direct myself in Awareness of Myself within this endeavor which is probably why after all these years, this Fear and Desire in relation to this point is still existing within me.

Till next time.

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