Forgetting To SEE MYSELF in my Passions – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 819

1454_3

I thought I would take a moment and sit down here to do some writing and share what I have been up to lately. I have recently started putting more time towards developing some acrylic paintings. Most or much of my focus these days goes towards developing my art business. So a big point for me that I have been walking for some time is the relationship between Art and Money. But this could also be understood as the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions. I am not sure how rare my situation is but I decided that I would pursue creating and selling art, essentially my passion, as how I would make my primary income and it has been an interesting journey. For the first 10 years after I graduated art school and begun pursuing my passion of creating art and turning that into my career, I never really sold much art and just found other ways to make money. My approach back then was simply to create art and frankly I never made art to sell. In fact I believed that if I was making art to sell then I would be a Sell Out and so I steered clear of that and went for a kind of purity (or so I believed) of just expressing myself and not bothering to worry about if it sold or not, though, I actually did want it to sell and I did want to make money off of it. Although during that time, even though I wasn’t really creating art with the mindset of making it to sell, I did still have external influences from the perspective of I did want other people to like what I was doing, they didn’t have to buy it, they just had to like it. But that is whole other point for a different blog.

After a time away from doing art as my primary focus I got back into it about 4 or 5 years ago and this time I ended up in a situation where I was making it and selling it and surviving off of it. Though the art I was making you could say was more geared towards a particular market or aesthetic preference that wasn’t necessarily my personal preference. And this has been quite a challenge for me to essentially take a subject or style that is not necessarily ‘my preference’ and then to find myself in it, to, Make it My Own so to speak.

I will also add here that “My Preference” is definitely something I am still getting to know and so am willing to do things that I believe are not my preference to actually investigate them deeply and see if I can connect to it on some level because honestly “my preference” I realize has been greatly influenced, directed, impulsed by my culture, parents, peers, society, ect, so I have am definitely willing to challenge “my preference” and to make actually walk that process of really understanding what it means to get to know Myself on a deep level and understand what I do really personally like and enjoy and make sure this  is not just something that someone told me I like or I thought I was supposed to like it because everyone else did. Okay back to my point…

Over time and more so lately I have begun putting more time into painting and developing this more marketable line of work. And the question I have been walking and attempting to find the balance within is, that line between creating art to sell, that is marketable, and creating art for me where I can add my personal touch and take the art in directions that is more about my personal self expression and making sure that in the end the artwork contains depth and substance, than just making something to sell.

Okay going to add some Self Forgiveness Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people will think about me if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that one can make marketable art that still has depth, substance, and quality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted or dissuaded by my fears in a way where I don’t give myself the opportunity to test the theory of creating art that is marketable but also still has ME and My personal touch on it where I can create the depth, quality, and substance that I would like to.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop a style that is both marketable as well as having substance, quality, and depth to it so I can be proud and happy with the work I create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a sell-out if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my fears to get the best of me where I will stop before even giving myself the chance to explore various ways of creating the Depth that I would like into my art while at the same time having it be something marketable and sellable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into EGO within thinking “I am too good” to make art that sells, meaning where I essentially believe and have also judged others as “Just making art to sell” and believing that this compromises the artistic integrity within the art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want my art to be good and fear diluting it through its relationship with money, but then not take this point BACK TO SELF and consider how HOW I LIVE and WHO I AM in my daily life within and without is for instance compromised by money or ultimately where I am actually compromising Myself and my own Quality and Substance by allowing myself to live in ways that is not best for me, but then divert my attention off of myself and just obsess about my art when the Real point here Should be about WHO I AM for real in real life because Who I am is what really matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people knowing that I am making art that is marketable because I fear they will lose respect for me and they will stop respecting the art I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people think I am selling out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think about me when what other people think about me is Not who I actually am, and who I actually am is what really matters and that is something that I Live and Walk and Express day by day and I am essentially the Gatekeeper of Who I am and am Responsible for who I am and must answer to myself with regards to what I accept and allow of and as myself and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that Who I am and How I live moment to moment is really What Matters in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in the surface dimension of worrying what other people think about my art and if they think I am selling out when this is like an irrational fear that is actually removed from who I am and what I live in real physical substance day to day and moment to moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to influenced and directed by fear energy and anxiety energy in relation to what I thought or think people think about my art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus too much on what my art looks like where it becomes a form of obsession where in I forget about ME and Taking Care of Myself and Working on points within myself to assist and support me to become and live to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess over my art and if other people will like it, and end up neglecting Myself and Working with myself in a process of Self Creation to become a Self that I am Satisfied and Happy with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore working on my inner reality through regular Self Writing and Self Forgiveness as a point of actually supporting myself to Correct, Change, and Transform those parts of myself that I see are not what they could be or are supporting me within my utmost potential. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to work on these aspects of self, and just focus all of my attention outside of myself into my art, and art business.

I commit myself to LIVE HERE, and to when and as I see myself going into that dimension of obsessing about what others might think about my art, to stop and take and in breath, and within the exhale, I slow myself down and bring myself back to the moment and back to here and realize that what Really Matters is WHO I AM and that when I start worrying about what other people think about my art and how that reflects on me, I realize that here I am actually OFF POINT and so I bring myself back to THEE POINT which is ME and Self and Who I am within myself and How I am LIVING moment to moment and I commit myself to assist and support myself to place my attention HERE onto me and to assist and support myself to work on Myself and What Really Matters which is Who I am in each and every moment, So that I can stand and face myself and look myself in the Eye, and know that I am Living my Best Self and be actually truly Satisfied and Content with myself, and Love Myself.

Okay so the point that is actually coming through here, which I was thinking that this blog would be about anyways, is not so much about the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions, but rather when ones Passions become more important than SELF. Because I have been noticing this with myself lately where although I have been investing more time into my art which is cool, though, I have in a slight way have been neglecting the most important point which is ME and just working with myself on that Inner Deep level in a way where I am supporting ME within my Process of Personal Self Creation and Transformation and basically just working on WHO I AM in each and every breath.

Advertisements

Rushing To Progress – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 790

Today I have been looking at and opening up the word “Progression” And interestingly enough, here I am, at the end of the evening where an experience of stress came up because I have essentially run out of time and am not able to continue ‘progressing’ so to speak.

So with this experience it actually brings up another dimension of this word progression because for me in Living and Expressing this word ‘Progression’ in a Supportive Way implies that one would NOT be left in an experience of stress at the end of the evening, whether one ‘runs out of time’ or not.

So for me this stress is related to having a few different points that are ‘high priority’ all aligning at the same time in my life right now and I am now having to leave some of these points un-directed at the end of the day.

I am satisfied with my movement today in terms of being consistent and directive with myself and not going into procrastination, however still there are points left undirected and so now I have to ‘let them go’ until tomorrow or until I can get to them.

I can see that if I accept and allow this ‘stress’ experience that came up this evening that that is just going to tire me out even more because now my body is in a state of stress and kind of twisting around on the inside. My back-chat is

“oh fuck, I am not going to get this done”

“this is not good”

“shit things are going to go bad”

And more such back-chats within this nature.

Now all of these things that “I have to get done” are somewhat of an accumulation of things that is connected also with my movements this past week or month or even year, and so I understand that being consistent with for instance Creating Progression, is necessary, but also I understand that there must be a balance when things just don’t go exactly as planned and other points open up and new projects open up and the priority list shifts around, and so Living the Word Progression I can see relates to being consistent but also being able to ‘let things go’ at the end of the night and not obsessing about things but rather allowing yourself to be okay with what one did accomplish.

I can see a tendency within me to obsess about things that “I haven’t gotten to yet”

And I also see that I still do tend to procrastinate when I do have available time instead of Directing Myself in become a more effective Creator of my Life so to speak, and so these are 2 dimensions that I see I can include in my re-definition of this word ‘Progression’ that I brought up this morning as a Word for me to practice Living today.

I can see even as a write this blog, that I am “thinking ahead” and wanting to get onto the next thing on my list.

Here I see a Correction is necessary because Real Progression is done when one is walking in Self Awareness within the Task at Hand, because then this way, they are more deliberate, clear, and Specific in the task and I do see that this is more Supportive in ones Living ones Utmost Potential and ensuring to get the most out each moment.

So within Living this word Progression, I am seeing this point of making sure that one do not RUSH or start jumping and thinking ahead is important because then one MISS THE POINT Entirely, which is to BE HERE.

So here “Progression” isn’t necessarily about accomplishing tasks, which is initially how I had framed it. Rather “Progression” is about being HERE and Walking in SELF AWARENESS in each moment and breath.

That way one move and Progress in ones Day with Awareness.

Essentially, any Step of Progression one make, must be done within and as Self Awareness. And if I start stressing out, than I am not really progressing at that stage, but more just regressing into my mind

So moving forward I am going to shift my definition a bit and now look at and consider this aspect of how to Live the word Progression, where it isn’t so much just about completing tasks but rather about completing tasks WITH AWARENESS and Self Presence.

Okay So still some adjustments and points to explore here but will end the blog here for tonight.

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Thou Shalt Not SCROLL! – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 784

cell

For the past three days my partner and I have decided to make an adjustment to our “internet usage”.

Our starting point for this was to change how we use the internet which we observed had become abusive and diminishing in nature where a lot of how we were using it was for entertainment and distraction.

For me personally this has been something I have been wanting to do for a while but just never ventured to do. So the rules of our engagement were that we were to stop

“Mindless Scrolling”

“TV Series and Movies”

“Searching for Distraction”

“No Sports Highlights” (this one was more for me)

“No Games”

And that’s about it, and that we would take this on for 1 week.

I wanted to see how this would go and what I would do with myself.

Ultimately the point is to Support ourselves to develop Supportive Movement and to create a way to break from that automated behavior of just magnetically grabbing your phone and checking to see whats up, which does not bring the Most out of me.

So now when ever this experience or urge comes within me, I am faced with actually having to DECIDE what to do with myself and to make sure that that Decision is doing something supportive.

Its amazing actually how much time I wasted EVERY NIGHT on “mindless scrolling” and checking the hockey highlights.

So now instead of just going for the phone and sinking in, I have to be much more deliberate and aware within myself with regards to what I am going to do.

So we will walk the 1 week and see how it goes and see how we can adjust the point afterwards to make sure that we just don’t revert back to the old behavior.

So ya, so far it has been interesting in those moments where that urge comes up within me to “check my phone” and that desire to just scroll through my facebook because I don’t actually really want to have to Make a Decision with Awareness. So within doing this I can also support myself to overall Slow down and just be Here and check in with my experience and body instead of diverting my attention into my computer. So rather I can focus my attention on Myself, on HERE, on my Presence, on my Physical Body, and just Breath and Practice SELF AWARENESS where I see my internet use has definitely become a practice of Self Distraction and Separating myself as my attention from Myself. Even after just 3 days I have already noticed more of a Presence within myself during the Evenings which for me where the “problem periods” where I just get home from work and dive into the computer and only come up for air every now and then.

Definitely recommend to the Scrollers out there to give it a shot…..you know you want to.

Driven by a Fear of Failure – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 778

14716293_1713674198954584_3274075210976617588_n

Recently I have started to investigate within myself who I have been throughout my life and what has been driving me all these years to have lived my life the way I have and become who I have become.

In my investigations I was looking at this aspect of myself where I always wanted to become the best that I could be, and really tap into the potential that exists within me as a Life Expression.

I am still very much driven to do this however one thing that I am seeing is that this ‘Drive’ to be and become my utmost potential is actually connected with FEAR.

If I look at who I am now in my life, I see that I often feel like I am not living to my full potential, and so within me there exists both a DESIRE to be this Ultimate Self, while at the same time Absolute FEAR that I will NOT do it, and that something, or more specifically I will get in my own way and prevent myself from realizing my Full Potential in this Life-Time.

When I was younger I also noticed this inner drive within me to realize my utmost potential. But even then there was a dimension of this that was connected with competition and being the best in relation to others, instead of being MY BEST, meaning where I Live in such a way that is Unique to me where I support my individual strengths and abilities specific to ME and who I am and where I am in my life where this could in no way be the exact same as someone else and so there is really no way to compare one selves ultimate potential with another’s but rather where Each ones Ultimate Potential is Specific to them.

So what does it mean to Live MY Ultimate Potential?

So in seeing this connection I have had to FEAR in terms of Driving Myself to be the Best I can be in my life, I am now seeing that I will have to revisit this question of what it means to really live and fulfil myself into my fullest Potential and to revisit this question from a point of Stability and Stillness. I am going to now place here a definition of the word “Freedom” that I see as a cool starting point for re-looking at this question for myself

“Freedom – moments that you have with yourself by taking a breath, slowing down and becoming still. In so doing you give yourself the gift of being able to look, reflect, direct and move with self awareness; ensuring that you have the freedom to make a decision without fear and accept the consequences of your thoughts, words and deeds. Trusting that whatever comes, whatever will be: I am here.” – School of Ultimate Living

So moving forward I am going to assist and support myself to remove FEAR out of the equation of what is motivating and driving me in attempting to become my utmost potential as I see that it doesn’t support in me being able to See Clearly and Direct myself in Awareness of Myself within this endeavor which is probably why after all these years, this Fear and Desire in relation to this point is still existing within me.

Till next time.

RUNNING In the Human RACE – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 774

Cycles of Collapse, 9.5x11inch graphite on paper, Andrew Gable

For the last few days I have been directing myself to Breathe, and slow myself down throughout my day. So what I have been doing is paying more attention to the tendency I have to allow myself and my mind to just kind of spiral or get worked into a frenzy through just constantly thinking as well as in my behavior just constantly jumping around from one task to the next, and in this just getting swept away in my mind, in thinking and in the experiences that are generated through thinking and acting impulsively and hastily.

I have come to accept the pace at which I move through life.

Even though I do see that this pace is actually not the pace I would like to Live at.

So during the last few days I have been supporting myself more deliberately to Breathe and Slow myself down, both within and without of myself, and so that experience inside me of feeling the need to rush or to be doing something has been more pronounced because I have been deliberately slowing myself down despite the internal dialogue such as the backchat statements

‘Its going to be too late’

‘Things are going to fall apart’

‘You have to be productive’

‘You are lazy’

‘This is terrible, you really have to get going’

As well as the urges and surges of energy all compelling me to move myself to just do something.

Now this doesn’t mean I have been nothing. It just means that I have been more selective about what I am doing making sure I am not acting impulsively or basing my actions and movements on the anxiety experience that drives me for a good portion of my week and that has been driving me for some time now in my life that I just haven’t been able to release and change about myself.

For me I have noticed that throughout my life that I have only ever managed to “slow down” for short periods of time where before long I am back to my normal pace of things which I see is more connected to and driven by anxiety, fear, restlessness and other experiences like this.

The main approach of this application that I have been walking of “slowing myself down” is consisting of firstly “Breathing”. Breathing is that reference point of where I want to be, which is ‘in the physical’ where part of my approach to slowing down, has been to focus ‘HERE’, on my physical body and to spend less time in my mind which is the location where I see I end up perpetuating and playing out my ‘rushed experience’.

An early memory that comes up where I experienced a rush of anxiety that I can relate to my experience now in my life of feeling anxious and restless and essentially rushed, is when I was around 12 years old. I remember seeing these drawings that this kid who was in a grade lower than me had done. I remember immediately thinking “those are better than mine” and in the same breath experiencing a FEAR and Anxiety pierce through me thinking that “I was a year behind” that I had to now somehow make up a year to catch up with this kid.

What I see now is that I had already defined myself a lot in relation to my art at that age, and so I felt that without having art as being something that “I was the best at” that I had nothing. So in a sense I experienced myself as not good enough because my art was not as good as his and I was struck with Anxiety and Fear which Drove me to be better instead of realizing the Equality of Life and that each Individual has something unique to them to offer and its not about being better than others, because everyone is Equally Worthy of Life. In my eyes, I felt I had nothing. I felt I had to stand out from the crowd, that just being like everyone else was a bad thing, was not good enough. Interesting that all this was already happening within me by age 12 or 13.

Its interesting how our world is set up in a way to enforce competition and everywhere you look there is divisions and categories of humans which starts even in school as every child is given a number according to how good they are doing in school where then each child is defined by this number instead of there being a focus and development on bringing through each individual Childs unique potential, done so from a foundation and understanding of Equality.

So when I look at the sort of anxiety I experience within my life today, that experience I had in that early memory has a similar signature. Of course today I am much older and I can see how along the way I may have attached and connected all sorts of other drives and motivations that fuels that experience within me throughout my day where I am just constantly feeling the need to Go Go Go. I can also understand how this may have developed initially from an experience of feeling like I am nothing, and unworthy, and not recognizing my own equally unique Value as Life.

Another dimension of this ‘Anxiety-Drive’ is Fear of Running Out of Money. So part of this process I see I must walk with Slowing myself down within myself and Living and Becoming the word ‘Calm’ and ‘Relaxed’ and ‘Stable’, is sorting out the delusions within myself with regards to this Fear of Running out of Money. What’s funny about this fear is that the word RUNNING is actually in the fear statement, which is really how I experience myself through the week where its like I feel like I am Running and Running and then I get home and crash or get to the weekend and crash. So I personally would like to change this entire playout because I realize it is not supporting me and I realize that it probably isn’t the best way for me to Direct myself, where a part of me wonders if I would be more effective if I just slowed down, instead of conjuring up all sorts of movements and actions from the starting point of worry, fear, and concern.

The main point here is that I would like to make a change in this regard with myself, and essentially shift myself out of the behaviors and mind patterns that’s all about rushing, and excitement and in a way either feeding or trying to supress this anxiety experience within me. And to rather than just supress that, to actually work with it through this process of Breathing in awareness and focusing my attention onto my physical body and physical presence throughout the day and find ways to support myself to GROUND Myself in my Self Presence instead of accepting and allowing this to be hijacked by Anxiety, restlessness, boredom, Fear, and other experiences like this which I see are contributing to my overall experience of feeling like I am constantly in a rush, jumping from one thing to the next, to the next, to the next without ever stopping and Being Here, and just Breathing and being Stable and Content within myself.

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Aphixing My Attention – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 766

106930066

Anchor

So tonight I have been noticing myself going into a thought/reaction pattern in my mind so I am going to do some writing here as a point of grounding myself and stopping myself from just going into the reaction pattern.

At the moment right now in my life there is a bit of transition happening. And so within this transition there is some future points that are at this stage ‘unknowns’. I tendency I have noticed with myself is where I will start going into my mind, and thinking and worrying about these ‘unknowns’ and often going straight to ‘worst case scenarios’. So as I was sitting around this evening I began going into this particular vein of thinking and wondering and worrying and fearing about the future where I ended up getting carried away into the thoughts, into the imagination play-outs of what may or may not happen, and into the energetic experiences attached to these, such as fear, worry, depression, anger, frustration, despair, hopelessness, dread, anxiety ect.

Know as I am writing this, one thing I can see is that what I am doing is I am allowing myself to take the “unknowns” and basically running wild in my mind, playing out all the worst case scenarios, and getting sucked into these black hole unknowns.

So Here I am going to look at a word or some words that I can practice living to assist and support myself from allowing myself and my mind to take these future unknowns and basically using them as points to “run wild” and conjure up all sorts of fears and worries ect.

Firstly, I am aware that doing this does not support me, and I am aware when “the mind kicks in” and I take myself for a ride, instead of remaining grounded and Here.

Also whats interesting is the mind really wants to jump ahead into the future and try and ‘fill in’ or simulate what might happen in those future unknown spaces.

So here I realize myself that one way I can support myself to walk through this phase of my life is through by sticking to the moment. And really living the word Patience.

I do not want to jump ahead.

I want to remain here.

So, no jumping or skipping ahead.

I need a heavy weight to weigh me down so that I cannot jump or skip ahead, but that keep my eyes and myself firmly on the ground right where I stand.

So then this application of doing this, of anchoring myself in the moment and not allowing myself to go into a frenzy of imaginations, emotions, and thoughts in my mind, is related to living the words Patience, Groundedness, And Slowness, and embodying the SNAIL, to move sllloooooowwww like a snail. One moment at a time standing and walking in real space and time.

Space and Time moves Slow and this is where I want to be.

I want to be Equal with the moment as I walk this transition phase of my life.

I am going to look at the word ‘Affixed’ as a new word I can integrate into my life to support me in remaining stable as I walk this transitional period in my life.

In living the word affixed in relation to this point that developed tonight, means to be affixed to the moment. To be affixed and tethered and anchored to this physical reality and the moment before me instead of being disconnected from my moment and my reality and in my mind jumping ahead into the future into some alternate reality that does not exist. So I am going to practice living this word affixed.

Alright cool, this writing has also supported me to ground myself and affix myself back to my Real Physical Reality where I want to be. So perhaps I should change the spelling also to Aphix. The ‘ph’ representing the PHYISICAL Reality which is where I want to be.

Now one other point of awareness I am seeing here with this process of “not jumping ahead in my reality” is that I realize that I am already here. And so from this perspective I do not have to ‘affix’ myself to the physical reality, because I am already Here in and as this reality as my human physical body that is here breathing and blood flowing and heart beating in and as the physical reality. So for me, what I am seeing is that it is my attention that needs affixing. Where I align my attention to HERE and to and as my physical Self. So in terms of Living this word affix/aphix I see it more in relation to ‘my attention’ that I find still has a tendency to wander off, and so this affixing is also an aligning where I practicing aphixing my attention to the physical part of myself that is standing here and connected to already and existing as the physical reality.

 

 

From Fear to Here. A Process of Living Words – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 745

September-2-Centered

As I move through this process of integrating and living new words into my self and life, one particular point came up today that I realized I have been living now for quite some time and can see clearly in looking back over the past 3 years.

The point, or word I have been living is ‘Survival’

So what does this entail?

For myself it comes up and out a lot in the work I do where I experience myself frequently in a point of high stress, tension, anxiety, worry, fear, depression, sadness, basically to mean here that, when I am living in survival, it brings up a lot of emotional experiences because I am constantly worrying and stressing in my mind about making enough money to survive, so within this there is a lot of emotional experiences cycling and churning and conglomerating within me.

For the past 3 years I have been working full-time as an Artist, Woo-Hooooo! Yes, I do enjoy it, however… when did I decide that to work full time as an Artist, that I must constantly exist in a state of survival mode?  I am nearly constantly in stress, and worry and anxiety and I notice clearly that my day to day movements become very rushed where I then dread getting up to live my day because this ‘rush-state’ is actually not a very comfortable one to be in.

Often during the past 3 years, I would start to incorporate creating more paintings into my schedule where my main art practice and job right now is creating sculptures. What I noticed in looking back over these past 3 years, is that more often than not, accompanying these new paintings was an experience of haste, of anxiety, or rushing, and basically just an overall experience of stress. And so also in looking at creating the sculptural work, I can see so many times how I justified ‘working faster’ or justified why I experience myself so stressed out, or why I must push myself to carve faster, all out of fear, all based within existing day to day in survival mode where I was essentially encapsulated in fear, anxiety, and stress, ultimately believing that to do the job I was, that “it just comes with the territory” not really ever believing that I could actually walk this point that I am walking now, but do it differently, where I was more calm, relaxed, stable, and not ever needing to go into ‘survival mode’ as stress, haste, and tension for any reason.

So what I am going to do now, is endeavor or enDAREvor to transform this ‘survival-mode’ experience of stress, fear, anxiety, frustration, haste, exhaustion, and tension, into an experience and Living of the Words Stability, Hereness, Stillness, calm, Direction, Clarity, Natural Expression, Breath, Thoroughness, Articulation, Deliberateness, Ease, and here comes the big one Patience.

Interesting, I always defined Patience as waiting. But I see that Patience is not waiting, and it can actually be an action, an expression where I move myself with Patience, allowing myself and directing myself to sloooowwww myself down, bringing my awareness here, and walking and moving in breath, through which ever task I am doing. This is something that I have always tried to do with my art but just couldn’t seem to hold it down, I would always end up back in the experience of anxiety and stress linked to survival mode and ultimately fearing for my life, fearing about running out of money. So, This is the word I am going to incorporate into my Living for tomorrow, Patience. And also to commit myself to continue exploring and expanding and refining on ways I can Live this word as a point of no more accepting and allowing myself to continue in what I have been living the past three years which has been fear, stress, survival, tension, rushing and haste.

So here I commit myself to change and transform this accepted and allowed word(s) I have been living as stress, tension, survival, fear, rushing, and transform these words into words, qualities, expressions that I have always wanted to live and be and have as part of myself and my life and as part of my art expression; Patience, Quiet, Stillness, Deliberateness, Insight, Calm, Stability, Rooted, Grounded, Natural, Slow, Concise, Directive.

Okay so I have a few words here I can work with as I move forward and assist and support myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to live and exist in stress, anxiety and survival mode, just because I had a belief that “I had to” That “I have to live this way in order to make a living and survive, and that “I can’t stop” “I must keep going”. Okay So will assist and support myself here within my Process of Self Creation.

Starting tomorrow with the word “Patience” (or starting right now actually)

 

Sharing here the latest webinar from Sunette Spies from the School of Ultimate Living

 

SOUL – The School of Ultimate Living is an online
community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime