Realizing What it Means Live With Purpose and Passion – An Artist Journey To Life: Day 779

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For all of my life I have had a Purpose. But what I am starting to realize about myself is that although I have had ‘A’ Purpose, I have not had Purpose, meaning my purpose was always something outside of myself that I could dedicate myself too. When I was young I dedicated myself to athletics, when I got older and still now today I dedicated myself to my art, but what I am realizing is that having ‘a point’ to dedicate oneself too does not mean one has Purpose. Let me explain.

I have been living with my partner now for over and year and we have been together in our relationship/agreement for around 3 years. One topic often comes up between us is the difference between ourselves, particularly related to the point of “Purpose” or “Having a Purpose” or more specifically, how in my life, I have always had “a point” with my art, where she never really had that “one thing” that she did where instead she just kind of did many different things.

From a really young age I began doing art and found I really liked doing art, and so I continued doing this throughout my life. I went to art school, and I decided I wanted to do art as a living. It wasn’t like I ended up in my 30’s or even 20’s not knowing what I wanted to do or not yet having found something I enjoyed doing and was satisfied to make my Purpose in Life so to speak, with me I always had Art for this.

But with my Partner, and also so many others in this world, they are the opposite side of the coin, with my partner she never had that, I always wondered what that would be like if I didn’t have my art to focus on and dedicate myself to, as something to develop and refine. I always thought my life would be boring with out it, I thought that my partner must get bored “not having a point”

But over the past couple months an interesting realization has emerged within me in observing myself in my life and observing my partner in her life.

With myself, what I have noticed is that yes, even though I had or have A Purpose as that point of Art to dedicate myself to, I found that I was really struggling to find Passion within it. It more just became something I did, and within myself there was no real passion or drive or Purpose within me in relation to how I was walking this point of Art in my life.

I would come home from work and just go sit on the couch. I didn’t want to get off the couch, it was comfortable. I became more enthralled in watching hockey and analyzing hockey statistics, than I could be enthralled with my own Purpose in doing art. I was more excited about the lives of people I watched on tv series and didn’t really have excitement about my own life. Doing art became such a labor, and man I tried, I tried to get myself enthused to do it. Enthused to get up each morning and live this purpose that I have been dedicated to as a child, and A part of me really wanted to be enthralled, excited, motivated, inspired, but I just couldn’t develop it within myself. I ended up in an experience of not wanting to get out of bed in the morning and this was going on for a while, where I noticed I dreaded getting up in the mornings, and I couldn’t wait for weekends when I could just sleep and not have to worry about getting up. And then when it was time to get up, I would do it and then just lounge around and kind of just entertain and distract myself through the day until it was time for bed again, and I would never really do much art or really do anything outside of the basic expression I have developed to sustain me financially. I was quite conflicted because here I am, and having this point of Art as a Purpose  and apparent Passion of mine to explore and develop within myself and my life where some people don’t even have a point at all, but I just couldn’t get motived to do it! What I am seeing is that I mis-interpreted the point of purpose, thinking that it had something to do with having this one singular long-time point of art that I have had and done throughout my life, but that I am now seeing is not really what it means to have a purpose or passion for life.

Now for the last few months I couldn’t help but notice my partners expression and I noticed that she started developing this pattern of getting up in the mornings quite early. Even on days off she would be up early. I thought this was quite cool. At the same time she had also started moving herself to develop some discipline and consistency in other areas and parts of her life that she saw she wanted to do to support herself and develop herself. Again I thought this was cool.

After a while of observing her moving herself in these applications, this point came up within me something along the lines like: “ Boy for someone like me who is suppose to “have a point” or “Have a Purpose” compared to someone like my partner who “doesn’t really have a point” She actually seems more like the one who is living her life with Passion and Purpose”

Now this really struck me. Because in observing her I saw a Dimension that I did not really grasp before about what it means to Live with Purpose.

My Realization is that Purpose has nothing to do with ‘What You Do’ and everything to do with YOU and How you LIVE PURPOSE AS YOURSELF where Purpose and Passion is something you Embody and Develop from Within, not matter what you do or where you are in your Life, it simply begins with a decision within yourself to Live and Develop Passion and Purpose as yourself in your Living.

For some time now I have equated finding purpose and passion to my art and how I develop and move myself in that point. But then I also see here how in doing that I am leaving out a large portion of my life when I am not doing art.

So in observing my partner recently I really starting seeing this dimension of what It means to Live Purpose and Passion. Essentially I am realizing that Purpose is NOT conditional. And that it must come from YOU. Meaning for instance if I want to be Motivated to Wake up each morning with Passion and Purpose, than I am going to have to do that for myself by Waking Up each morning and getting my ass out of bed. Why?  Because og Deliberately developing that point FOR MYSELF of Waking up with Purpose and Passion in the morning like I have been wanting.

Also in looking at Purpose and Passion in this way of it being IN and AS Self, I started to then see that if I actually Lived with Purpose and Passion and Direction than this would translate into ALL things and ALL parts of my life. So I have to start Living Purpose and Passion within Myself First in relation to Who I am and how I live in each moment, then naturally it would translate into my art expression also.

So now I am in the process and will walk this process for myself of realizing that Having Purpose and Passion begins within ME and is to be Developed within and as myself in each moment And in a way It has nothing to do with my art, though I see I can extend it into my art application but fundamentally the essence of it must start with and exist within ME and how I am Living in Each Moment and Each Breath.

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