This is a continuation of the previous Blog Post – Battle of the MIN(e)D SF – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 139
I commit myself to before I speak to another check within myself to ensure that my words are not coming forth from a reaction I am having, and also within this “checking” ensure that what I am going to speak is in fact Deliberate and Specific and not just something I am blurting out without any awareness of the consequence that may ensure within speaking without awareness. I in that moment will myself to simply remain silent within such a point to assist and support myself to take responsibility for my words/communication/expression so this is not something that is happening in and as reactions to others but that is something that is Self Directive and Deliberate and so in this assist and support myself to change the starting point of my communication from The Mind as Reaction to Self as a Deliberate Expression of Me that I DECIDE to express in Self Awareness.
I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating in a reactive conversation argument point with another, simply immediately stop myself from continuing any further where in I simply end the conversation from the perspective of stopping myself from participating in reactive behaviour on my part as I see, realize, understand that this is in no way supportive to any being but just fuelling The Minds/Egos of both beings essentially perpetuating beings as Egos instead of assisting and supporting the process of Getting Back to Earth and Getting back to HERE within and as Eqaulity and Oneness with each other and ALL.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to when and as I stop myself from participating/furthering an argument that I started having with someone, to when I stop and walk away or eventually find myself alone with me, to be aware of the tendency I have to go into my mind and start having inner conversations with the being in my own mind, so that within being aware of this tendency I have, I can Support myself to actually effectively STOP, when I Stop and not end up actually continuing the reactions later on within going into my mind and continuing the argument/conversation within myself within my own mind. And so in recognizing this tendency within me I commit myself to stopping my inner conversations that I have come up within me later on after I walk away from an argument or disagreement that I have had with someone. I can also here assist and support myself to when I see that I am still having reactions coming up within me as for instance the want/need/movement towards arguing with someone within my own mind after the fact, I can assist and support myself to sit down with myself and do practical self investigation into the point within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application so to get to the source of the reaction and take responsibility for my reactions and what goes on inside me.
I commit myself to assert myself as self will to remain here in and as breathing throughout my day and to when I noticed a point reoccurring and coming up within me such as some argument or conversation that I am pre-occupied with and continuing to place my attention on, I can utilize that point as a indication of where I require to actually sit down with myself and investigate why I am so pre-occupied with that point and so with the combination of Asserting and Willing Myself to Be Here in and as Breath/Breathing with and as my physical human body and the physical as well as Sitting down applying writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, assist and support myself to stop all reactions within me and thus essentially stopping the mind as the automated responses that come up wtihin me and in fact control and possess me, and so in this re-gain my Self Responsibility I have as Me and thus be able to in fact be the Directive Principle of Me instead of Allowing my Pre-Programmed Mind to be this in my place.
I commit myself to stop and pull myself out of the mind and bring me to back here when ever I see myself starting to, or catch myself ‘indulging’ within my mind in relation to where I will go quite far/deep into conversations within my mind where I will start going back and forth with a being in my mind, as I se that this only “make things worse” and is in not way a practical support point to in fact Stabilize Myself.
I commit myself to stop attempting to and trying to change others peoples reactions, but realize that I First must take responsibility for myself and my own reactions, and thus I also commit myself to realize, see, and understand how when I am wanting to change someone else’s reaction of themselves that it is because I am in fact Reacting to Their Reaction, and so I commit myself to when and as I see myself wanting to change someones reactions and wanting them/their reaction to be a certain way I can investigate within myself – What is it about their reaction that I am reacting to and thus within this assist and support myself to sort out my own reactions to their reactions so that I am be stable and Not Reactive in relation to Any Kind of Reaction/Mood that might come up within another.
I commit myself to show myself that I am able to take responsibility for the experiencing within myself of “not being able to take it” as the experience that comes up within me in thinking about ‘x’ having a particular specific experience about me, because I just want everything to be nice and joyful where there is never any conflict and so I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application become stable and comfortable within and as myself in any circumstance from the perspective of being able to simply be here and stable within myself where this is not dependant on other peoples reactions or experiences they are having within themselves.
I see, realize, and understand that an aspect of this particular event/situation is the point of “not wanting someone to be mad or angry with me” and is thus a preference for “everything going smoothly” instead of “things going bumpy where there is friction”
NOTE 1: Look at my perceptions and ideas I have about when “things go bumpy and there is friction like for example – Do I feel like I have made a mistake. Do I feel that if things do not go smoothly that something is wrong. Look at how I have formed an idea that things are “Supposed” to go smoothly every time and if they do not then “something is wrong”. And so also look at the definition I have formed around the word “Wrong” What does it mean to me when “I am Wrong” is being “Wrong Bad”, Why do I feel that if things “go bumpy and there is friction” that I am at fault. Why am I “not able to handle friction” Am I sensitive to friction. Why I am not Stable when friction comes up. Look at what I believe within myself in relation to what it means when there is friction and how does this affect who I am.
NOTE 2: Look at the experience the other day when I felt that “Y” was thinking I was cruel – This is a situation where someone was forming a specific opinion perception about me that “I did not want them to think was true or have about me”. This is different from what occurred with my “argument” with “X” from the perspective of the “opinion” ‘X’ formed about me with regards to the reaction I was having. My reaction to “X” was more based in my own Anger that was fuelling how I was participating and “moving to find a ‘solution’” where with “Y” I was not angry at the “perceived definition” that was formed about me from ‘Y’.
NOTE3: Here I can look at the point of perceiving ‘X’s reaction to be My Fault, to be something that I had done to cause the reaction or his experience and also how I feared/believed that X was also seeing me as the reason and cause for the anger. Within this I can also look at the point of my Experience of Powerlessness within/in relation to Anger, where I feel/experience me so weak, and unable to Protect myself against others anger. Also here there is how I have Defined “X” as an authority figure and so how this relates to “who’s at fault” because within the context of how I have defined an Authority figure, I more place myself as the submissive one where the Authority figure is ‘always right’
I commit myself to investigate within myself where I still accept and allow myself to justify my own Anger as well as the other Emotions and Feelings within me and thus to see, realize, and understand how it is that I am justifying my own participation in Feelings and Emotions / Energies where in for instance I am not in one breath stopping them and no participating within them at all, because in self honesty if I look at myself, I see that I within myself still accept and allow myself to justify me participating within certain energies/emotions and feelings within myself.
I commit myself to investigate what excuses, and acceptances and allowances I must participate within myself to justify my stepping into a reaction/ or stepping into a particular character as for instance the “Taking it Personal” Character that I have designed within and as myself that I see, realize, and understand I must in fact utilize an Excuse to ALLOW myself to step into this character/ for this character to take me over as a mind state which I see, realize, and understand is not different from a being who accepts and allows themselves to become possessed by an “Exerting Anger Character” In my case it is simply a different Energetic Experience that I am accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by.
NOTES: Here I am able to investigate the specific Character that I created in this moment that “goes into a reactive state” when ever someone gets angry at me. I see that as this Character I am going into a point of ‘blame’ where I am in fact blaming the other being for reacting or projecting a reaction towards me, instead of taking responsibility for myself.
DAILY EQAFE SUPPORT INTERVIEW
Life Review – I’m Not Good Enough
An Artists Journey To Life 