I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to a statement that ‘x’ made, where then I challenged the statement with a different viewpoint but was doing it from the starting point of a reaction/experience/movement within me because if I was not in reaction I would have no ‘need’ to respond/react to the statement where in this particular case there was this kind of pulling and “hooking on” where “I just had to say something” instead of me simply being here with no movement towards or away from such a statement and then being able to speak clearly my perspective where it is not done as a reaction.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go “back and forth” in debating a viewpoint where this is done in reaction as a point to ‘win’ over the other simply for the sake of ‘winning’ where it ends up having nothing at all to do with the actual point being discussed but simply the point of winning.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to after the fact think about the ‘argument’ / ‘conversation’ had and further react within myself where I would then go into a point of imagination where I was imagining what ‘x’ was also thinking and where I was imagining ‘x’ being mad and angry and upset and generating anger within themselves which I then ended up fuelling my own reaction and experience within me basing this fuelling and generating of my own reaction/experience on a ‘imagination’ of what I had though up within my mind of what ‘x’ was experiencing after the fact but that I don’t know if this was actually the case at all, but was simply a picture/imagining that I was fuelling within my own mind based on other past experiences that I had that in themselves could have just as easily been established in this same manner where I was just imagining/projecting onto the other being thinking that they were for instance getting angry but that this was just my own imagining of this and so thus not really based on real time feedback, and then so go layering the perfect image/memory within me that comes up within my mind of ‘x’ acting in a very particular way that I have come to trust but have not in fact verified for myself with actual practical physical communication with ‘x’ but in this case was just an image that I accepted as truth and then begun to fuel the image based on assumption and then reacting to that image, creating anger and frustration within myself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to further react to the previous conversation I had with ‘x’ instead of simply letting it go and being Here in and as the physical with and as my physical breath.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to continue to fuel an previous argument I had with ‘x’ after the fact, where afterwards I when I was standing in the kitchen I started to think about ‘x’ and how ‘x’ was reacting to or “taking” the argument after the fact, and based on how perceived ‘x’ to be “taking it” started to react more because I perceived ‘x’ to be angry with me which I was further reacting to.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to try and subdue ‘x’s’ reaction through trying to win the argument and have ‘x’ agree with me because I believed that that is how the point or friction that came up within /as the argument would be resolved.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to my own belief that ‘x’ would not be able to let the point go, because within this I believed that ‘x’ was still fuelling the point and in this projecting anger onto me, and so in thinking about this in my mind of what I thought was going on/ would be going on with ‘x’ after the fact in him still thinking about the argument and thus still “trying to win” and within themselves generating anger and projecting it onto me, I then became angry with ‘x’ where within myself speaking the backchat
“how could you”
“what an asshole”
In relation to the anger I perceived ‘x’ to be generating within themself and projecting onto me which “I cannot take”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not be able to take” the idea of someone wrongly accusing me for something and holding/having an idea within themselves about me that was not correct and in believing in that idea about me that was/is not correct generating anger and then blaming me and projecting that anger onto me which was generated in relation to a wrongly assumed idea about me. Where in this I have accepted and allowed myself to “not be able to take it” and just “want it to stop” and thus want to find them and continue the conversation/debate/argument because “I cannot handle” then having a false idea about me, particularly when this idea is creating friction and possible anger that would be projected onto me because I am still taking that anger personally and reacting to it, instead of understanding where if came from and that is “not my fault” or “because of me” that another would created anger within themselves towards me but is more of just a reaction/point within me of “me not being able to handle” someone creating and then projecting anger onto me based on perceptions in their mind that they have created about me that are not true.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react when ever someone is angry where I just feel responsible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respect other people’s anger where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “They have a Right to be angry” which is implying that “they are right/correct” in their anger and that “they have good reason to be anger” instead of realizing that there is never a “good reason” to be angry.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to cower in relation to anger, where in if someone is angry or projecting anger I feel responsible in some way and so “try not to do anything to trigger their anger” in this not realizing that I have taken this beyond the point of “practical consideration” from the perspective of where I will actually take on a submissive state and go into self suppression from the perspective of reacting to their anger instead of simply being HERE and Stable and Clear within myself and not going into an experiential reaction in relation to their anger where I take on a submissive personality, instead of just keeping it practical and assessing their “Mind State” so that I am able to see where the might react to me in something that I am able to avoid for a moment simply as a point of assisting and supporting the other being to come out of that Mind State instead of unnecessarily doing things that will just enhance the “Mind State” of the being where for instance the are possessed with anger. And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples anger personally, particularly if they are “projecting towards me” instead of SEEING what is really going on that I being is for a moment trapped/possessed by their own Mind as Anger and so there is no need for me to React to it in taking it personally but to rather remain here, stable and clear, breathing and no matter what supporting myself to not take the point personally.
DAILY EQAFE SUPPORT INTERVIEW