Fearing The Moment When I Sit Down To Write – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 138

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “go into” a reactive state when ever I am getting ready or now deciding to sit down and write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, throughout my day, worry about “what I will write in my daily blog” when the time comes for me to sit down and write my blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moment I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear “that moment” when I sit down to write my daily blog where in I am actually fearing the experience I have created within myself towards the point of that moment of when I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety when I write, or when I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within participating in back-chat where I will think  and question within me

“what will I write”

“Will I be able to find a/the point”

“Will I mess up and end up getting upset and frustrated with myself

“I hope this goes well”

“I hope it goes smoothly this time”

And also here to throughout my day participate with such back-chat and other back-chat of this nature with regards to when that moment finally arrive where I sit down and write my daily blog, and thus to through-out my day create an experience of anxiety and anticipation within myself as I move closer and closer to that moment where by the time I finally reach the moment when I will write, I am experiencing allot of tension and stress within me due to having constantly been thinking about the moment of when I would sit down and write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into participate within an experience of anxiety when I write, instead of slowing myself down and being here with myself where in I breathe and Slow down when I am writing to assist myself to “take my time” with my blog and allow myself to slow myself and breathe and see the points I am working on, instead of ending up having my blog be a product of a reactive state of self that I created throughout my day in continuously allowing myself to “think about my blog” where I would go into anxiety and fear literally in the middle of the day in relation to a single thought within thinking about what I will write for my daily blog here I participate in such backchat as “what if I can’t think of anything”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing my daily blog as a nuisance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing my daily blog as a nuisance due to the length of time it takes and also because of the experience I have within and as me when I write my blog, and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to support me in stabilizing myself when I sit down to write my daily blog, so that I am not going into “states of anxiety” which I create as me within accepting and allowing myself to “backchat” and worry and think about not only the “what will I write” but also the experience of myself within writing where in I am actually fearing facing that experience of me being frustrated within the writing process, and so in projecting that I will/may end up going into this experience of frustration actually start to create more resistance and tension and stress in relation to the point of writing and so thus as I move closer to that moment the anticipation build but that the anticipation is actually anxiety and stress, instead of realizing that my experience of should not change when I move through different tasks within my day but that I should simply be here as breath where I am stable and constant within my expression and self presence and pace as I move through each task I have including writing, and so thus this shows me that I have created and constructed a specific experience around and that I have connected to the process of writing as that moment when I sit down to actually write my daily blog.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to throughout my day notice/identify the moments within my day where I will have a thought about writing my blog, and to within this check to see if any experience /reaction comes up within me and if I see reactions come up assist and support myself to remain here and not “going into” in the mind and participating/fuelling such experiences and so also in such moments look at / investigate and identify the particular reaction/experience and in this and within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application assist and support myself to deconstruct and become aware of what these reactions and experiences are linked to and thus to assist and support myself to find practical solutions to bring myself back to here so that I am not without my knowing it creating a future experience for me to walk into as the experience of anxiety and frustration that I see I am actually creating even when I am not even writing but only thinking about it.

I see, realize, and understand that sitting down to write does not have to be a point where I am filled with anxiety and that the experience of anxiety I have often experienced and also feared facing is related to actually creating this and fuelling this throughout my day where I will accept experiences of fear and anxiety to come within me without me actually investigating how and why I have created such a fear/anxiety point in relation to writing where this is then Me Influencing Me where I will instead of investigate the fear/anxiety in the moment it comes up in relation to that future moment when I will be sitting down in the evening to write my daily blog, I will suppress it and push it aside which only support in building up anxiety about the moment and thus more fear and thus more suppression not wanting to face that moment/fear and end up frustrated or caught up in some emotional reaction which in itself I fear, but in not effectively/practically investigating how I create that emotional state but just suppressing the fear when it comes up, I am instead more creating that emotional state.

I commit myself to realize that I do not have to go into an emotional state every-time I write. I see, realize and understand that I am able to assist and support myself to stabilize myself within my writing process so that it actually become a more enjoyable process and that I “get more” out of it from the perspective of allowing myself to be Here in and as Self Presence and Self Patience as I walk through a point and thus am more able to support myself and develop clarity which does not happen when my daily blog becomes a “nuisance” or something I just want to go over with or trying to run from and so

I commit myself to assist and support myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self correction and practical self investigation into and on the point of how I am creating my overall experience of myself within writing my daily blog,  assist and support myself to transform Myself within writing from being an emotional, anxious, nervous, rushing Self, to being Here, Stable in and as breath the entire process of writing where I slow myself down so that I can actually follow my fingers on the keyboard equal and one instead of getting ahead of myself which I see is another point of when the mind takes over and so thus breathe and be patient with me as I slow myself down and write my blog so to support me to stop my pattern of becoming emotionally possessed leading up to and when I finally decide to sit down and write my daily blog.

 DAILY EQAFE SUPPORT INTERVIEW

The Consciousness of The Frog

Other Desteni Links

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

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