This morning when my alarm went off I immediately got out of bed and turned my alarm off. In that moment I noticed an interesting thing. I noticed that the entire movement of getting out of my bed and turning the alarm off was really smooth. I noticed this because It was different than how I usually experience myself when I get up in the morning. As I moved from my bed to the alarm clock which took about 3 seconds, I first noticed my experience of myself and noticed this ‘flowiness’ within my body and my body movement as I moved to turn off the alarm. I was very comfortable. Secondly there was this thought that came up within me like “whats going on here”, “why am I moving so comfortably” and then also the thought of how “this could make it easy for me to actually remain up where I could go ahead and start my day”. I have actually been looking at this point recently in terms of looking at how I can “wake up comfortably” instead of how it normally is which is more like I am ‘ripped from my sleeping state and into the awareness of awakeness” where this transition from being asleep to being awake is more violent particularly when It is an alarm that ‘jolts’ me awake, and so basically my approach within the point of getting up in the morning was to align this point so that my waking up was allot more gentle and comfortable where what I see is that its not necessary for this waking up process to be so uncomfortable and that there is some room to support myself here so to bring through a more stable waking up process.
Today this movement of getting out of bed and moving to my alarm to turn it off was very comfortable. There was not this violent resistance that kind of feels like it knocks me over when ever I open my eyes in the mornings – so I turned my alarm off but then I allowed the thought “what if I went back to sleep”
The last few days, I have fell back into the point of justifying why “it’s a good idea” for me to “go back to bed” And today this is what I did as well. Eventually when I got up which was about an hour and some later, I had a headache.
What I see, which is a point I have noticed before, is that I actually gave myself this headache through the process of ‘sleeping in’ where what was taking place the entire time is this internal conflict and friction within myself of “I should get up…no but I want to sleep…but I should really get up…no just sleep, its ok….come’on get up….just do it, and so within this constant inner debate I ended up giving myself a headache. When I first woke up in the morning, I did not notice me having a headache but by the time I eventually got out of bed I experienced this pain in the back of my head, so I must consider what role the “back and forth” in my mind actually played in facilitating this headache experience to emerge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the thought, “I should go back to sleep” when I wake up in the morning, instead of assisting and supporting myself to align myself to being HERE in the moment when I wake up and so to instead of existing within and as the thought, “I should go back to bed” rather to exist HERE, in and as breath where I am Stable within my Physical Body, and not existing in the mind in thoughts, that actually limit and compromise me within and as who I am as an expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when I wake up in the morning exist as the feeling of ‘wanting to sleep’. I see, realize, and understand that to accept and allow myself to exist as this “feeling of wanting to sleep” will lead to the behavior of “going back to bed” instead of utilizing that time to apply myself within my reality in a more practical and directive way, which could be beneficial to my life.
I also realize that this feeling of wanting to go back to sleep and also this thought of “I should go back to sleep” is often not based on physical reality but more my mind reality where it is my mind that is “wanting to go back to sleep” and that I have accepted and allowed this to direct me in my decision making in such moments.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to align my “who I am” in the mornings when I am waking up to a SELF Directive being walking in Principle in ways that is most supportive and beneficial to me and to thus stop my accepted and allowed existence within and as thoughts, feelings, and emotions that is oriented to the mind and serving the mind only and what the mind wants.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to Align myself in the mornings when I am waking up, to my Physical Reality where when I see thoughts, feelings and emotions coming up within me related to “going back to sleep” that I in that moment, do not participate and to ensure that My Self Direction in the morning and waking up in the morning is Aligned with Self Support and Doing what is in fact best for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come up in the morning when I am waking up that make it seem like going back to sleep is a good idea. And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply fold and give in to the mind so easily in the morning where its like when the thought comes up within me, of “I am going to go back to back bed” simultantiously with the feeling experience of ‘wanting to go back to bed’ that I just immediately give in straight away, instead of Asserting Myself in that moment to Stand and Direct Myself within and as a way that actually Support me which is to remain up and to start directing and expressing myself in my day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist getting up and facing my day, where literally, I am resisting being awake and being with myself in the mornings and that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to assert myself in such a situation to direct myself to remain awake and assist and support myself to Face Myself essentially in this aspect of my day, because I realize that I should be stable and Self Directive in all aspects, parts, and portions of my day, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when faced with this particular section of my day in and as the morning to quickly go into ‘retreat mode’ which is showing that I am not yet stable within facing this part/aspect of me/my reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as ‘retreat’. I see that to exist within and as retreat is not a supportive expression and so thus does not support me to Stand Up and become a support for myself and support for what is best for all.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to transform this part/aspect of myself as “Self Retreat” into “Steadfastness” within my Standing within and as Physical Self Direction, where I assist and support myself to develop a more grounded and rooted Standing when I am faced with parts/aspects of myself and my reality that I ‘resist facing’ and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to move out of this aspect, part of myself as “Self Retreat” and realign this to ‘Steadfastness’ whenever I am faced with moments, aspects, parts of my reality that I resist facing or don’t want to face, and so to within this assist and support myself to become Stable and Self Directive within ALL aspects, parts, dimensions, of my self and my life.
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