This blog is a continuation of the following blogs
The Physical Behaviours of Postponement – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 16
Experience of Heaviness in Postponement (Self Corrections) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 167
Postponement Character – Reaction Dimension SF – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 166
Postponement – Back-Chat Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 165
BackChatAttack – Self Forgiveness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 164
The Resistance Before I Write – Postponement Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 163
Postponement Character – Imagination Dimension – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 162
Imagination Dimension – Postponement Character – Imagining Myself as Changed – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 161
Postponement Character – Thought Dimension – Sabotaging My Effectiveness : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 160
Postponement Character – Fear Dimension – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 159
Physical Behavior : Laying back in my bed where I am usually reclining and or slouching.
I see/realize/understand that this physical behavior of laying back/slouching in my bed is a physical behavior of and as my Postponement Character and not a Physical Behaviour/Positioning of one who is Directing Self Effectively within the task at hand, especially/particularly here in relation to writing/reading which is often what I am doing while at the computer while sitting on my bed. I commit myself to when and as I get home and am taking my position on the bed to start my writing/reading projects etc on the computer to physically sit myself up straight to support myself effectively within the task (s) I am busy with so that I can support me to work effectively within these tasks where I am Specific and Directive and to the point. Something that I see is allot less probable within accepting and allowing myself to sink down into a slouching/laying back position in my bed, which also make it more probable for me to “start getting tired” due to me not being Self Aware and HERE in those moments and thus leaving the door open for me to just drift around in my mind, instead of Directing myself in HEREness within the tasks I have before me. I also see that ultimately it does not matter if I sit in my bed or at a desk, either way I am able to be Here and Aware of Myself and in this Self Directive, where in this case while I do not have a desk I am able to Direct myself to Sit up Straight in my bed and ensure that I am not allowing myself to sink/slouch down. I see/realize/understand that I resist sitting up straight and being here within my task of “working on the computer” as I am resisting that point of actually Directing Myself in Self Awareness, because then I must support myself instead of accepting and allowing my mind to direct me or have a say in what I am doing/how I am directing me which is possible when I am not Self Aware and Here while sitting on my bed after work and working on my writing and reading projects.
When and as I see myself existing in the experience of “not wanting to move myself out of my lying/slouching down position when it is time to get to work” I stop participating in this/giving my attention to this, and bring myself as my attention back to here and I take a breath, I realize that it is most effective to actually ensure that I have an effective posture to assist and support myself to actually move/direct myself to my utmost potential in the tasks that I am working on, and that if I am “half assed” in supporting me within my physical body posture in relation to working that it is likely that I will/may also be “half-assed” in my actual writing/reading application and thus I physically sit myself up straight so that I am HERE and ready to Direct Myself Specifically and Effectively and to the point, and in this giving myself the opportunity to actually work with myself effectively, and getting the most out of my assignments and readings because I am actually HERE and Self Present while working on them, and not accepting and allowing myself to wonder off somewhere into my mind.
I see/realize/understand that I am Responsible for my Physical Behavior and Posture where ever I am, and it does not matter if I am on a bed or at a desk. I also see that I do have resistance to the entire desk point because it is much less likely that I would allow myself to sink/slouch down due the nature of sitting in a chair simply being more aligned with sitting up straight and thus a dimension of the resistance here that I see is related to the resistance to actually “Getting Down To Business” where instead “I’d rather” allow myself to procrastinate and thus I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to develop the physical behavior of “sitting up straight” in where I actually do this as a point/part of Taking Responsibility for myself and Directing myself to get my assignments done within and as effective self direction, and not allowing myself to “do this half assed” which I see/realize/understand does not in fact support me at all as I never get anywhere within accepting and allowing myself to do my assignments/working with myself in a ‘half-asses’ way.
I commit myself to explore “desk potentials” in my environment with the Directive of setting up some Desk placement up in my room, even if this is just a temporary point, as I see that this would make my work space much more effective and organized and support in me in having an environment that effectively support me within my process of Self Realization/ Getting to know and take responsibility for myself.
Physical Behavior: -Searching on the internet or tv for “something…anything” so not specific direction within this – more
just ‘browsing around’
When and as I see myself browsing around on the tv or internet in a way where I am just postponing the inevitable, I stop and I take a breath and I immediately direct myself to start the point that I know must be done but am wanting to avoid. I see/realize/understand that the point will never go away. That it will just sit there as it is until I actually Direct Myself to Give Direction to the point. Within this I also see that if I go to give direction to the point and I just go and try “to get it over with” that this is not in fact giving Effective Direction to the point but again just trying to “get it out of the way” which I see is also related to this entire point of “postponement” where the point is that I am not actually Bringing Myself HERE and walking a point in Actual Self Awareness. I see/realize/understand that until I walk points/a point in self awareness, I will not have actually effectively directed that point and thus will still require to give it direction where in I stop postponing the point and actually, Stop, Breathe, Bring Myself HERE Move myself within the point within and as My Full Attention. And thus I commit myself to when and as I see myself browsing around on the tv or internet for not reason but to avoid/postpone the inevitable, I stop and I bring myself HERE into and as MY FULL Attention Here as this is Key to be here in and as my FULL ATTENTION, and thus to within my Full Attention then Move/Direct me to complete the tasks which I am required to do.
Physical Behavior: Pacing Around The House
When and as I see myself pacing around the house where it is like I am trapped in “no mans land” I stop and I Direct myself to sit down and look at what specifically I can do to Direct a point of responsibility that I am not doing/or either avoiding doing. I then Breath and Ensure that I am Completely Here in my Full Attention, and then thus Direct myself to actually take on a task/point in specific Action where I Go and do that thing specifically and to the point, and within this assist and support myself to be More Self Directive and also within and as this to be within my Full Attention as I see that this is a key point in my Establishing myself as actually being Effective within my Application of My Process of Self Change/Support.
Physical Behavior: Snacking on food – like going to and looking in the fridge for nothing in particular.
When and as I see myself wanting to go to the fridge for food as a point to ‘escape’ what it is that I am doing, I stop and I breathe. I Check within myself if this point of going to the fridge for food is a practical point, or if it is simply a point of postponing. I commit myself to assist and support myself to remain here within and as Self Stability while working on projects and not accepting and allowing myself to be constantly directed/distracted by the automated thoughts/points that come up within my mind, like for instance the thought of me going to the fridge where then I’d actually Act out that Physical Behavior by following that thought and thus physically going to the fridge, and so thus I commit myself to determine when this thought/point of “going to the fridge for food” is simply the mind and thus I commit myself to stop myself from obeying my mind as the point of going to the fridge for food, and thus assist and support myself to direct Myself within my Physical Behaviors.
I see/realize/understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to “follow my mind” in this case within the physical behavior of and as Postponement by “going to the fridge for food” when/while in the middle of doing something like working on some project/task/assignment etc… I see that this is a pre-programmed / automated thought/mind point that come up within me that I would often follow/ that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically act out to the degree where this behavior has become an accepted and allowed mind distraction and postponement where I am following my mind and living out/as My Postponement Character instead of assisting and supporting me to remain Here, Stable and directing myself within the task before me.
And so thus I commit myself to stop utilizing “food” / “going to the fridge” as an excuse to excuse myself from being HERE in and as my FULL Attention and effectively working with myself in my process of self change/support, and thus to Change My Living Physical Behavior from That of My Postponement Character within and as “going to the fridge for food” to Physically Living Self Discipline within and as Self Support within Sticking to the Task that I am walking and assisting and supporting myself to be more Directive within my process of writing/reading/self support instead of accepting and allowing myself to “go off somewhere else” like to the fridge for food as a point of postponement/escape form being Here and Facing myself in having my Full Attention Here and investigating/working with myself in my process of writing, self forgiveness, self correction etc…
In the next blog I will be having a look at the Consequence Dimension of My Postponement Character.
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