Forgetting To SEE MYSELF in my Passions – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 819


I thought I would take a moment and sit down here to do some writing and share what I have been up to lately. I have recently started putting more time towards developing some acrylic paintings. Most or much of my focus these days goes towards developing my art business. So a big point for me that I have been walking for some time is the relationship between Art and Money. But this could also be understood as the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions. I am not sure how rare my situation is but I decided that I would pursue creating and selling art, essentially my passion, as how I would make my primary income and it has been an interesting journey. For the first 10 years after I graduated art school and begun pursuing my passion of creating art and turning that into my career, I never really sold much art and just found other ways to make money. My approach back then was simply to create art and frankly I never made art to sell. In fact I believed that if I was making art to sell then I would be a Sell Out and so I steered clear of that and went for a kind of purity (or so I believed) of just expressing myself and not bothering to worry about if it sold or not, though, I actually did want it to sell and I did want to make money off of it. Although during that time, even though I wasn’t really creating art with the mindset of making it to sell, I did still have external influences from the perspective of I did want other people to like what I was doing, they didn’t have to buy it, they just had to like it. But that is whole other point for a different blog.

After a time away from doing art as my primary focus I got back into it about 4 or 5 years ago and this time I ended up in a situation where I was making it and selling it and surviving off of it. Though the art I was making you could say was more geared towards a particular market or aesthetic preference that wasn’t necessarily my personal preference. And this has been quite a challenge for me to essentially take a subject or style that is not necessarily ‘my preference’ and then to find myself in it, to, Make it My Own so to speak.

I will also add here that “My Preference” is definitely something I am still getting to know and so am willing to do things that I believe are not my preference to actually investigate them deeply and see if I can connect to it on some level because honestly “my preference” I realize has been greatly influenced, directed, impulsed by my culture, parents, peers, society, ect, so I have am definitely willing to challenge “my preference” and to make actually walk that process of really understanding what it means to get to know Myself on a deep level and understand what I do really personally like and enjoy and make sure this  is not just something that someone told me I like or I thought I was supposed to like it because everyone else did. Okay back to my point…

Over time and more so lately I have begun putting more time into painting and developing this more marketable line of work. And the question I have been walking and attempting to find the balance within is, that line between creating art to sell, that is marketable, and creating art for me where I can add my personal touch and take the art in directions that is more about my personal self expression and making sure that in the end the artwork contains depth and substance, than just making something to sell.

Okay going to add some Self Forgiveness Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people will think about me if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that one can make marketable art that still has depth, substance, and quality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted or dissuaded by my fears in a way where I don’t give myself the opportunity to test the theory of creating art that is marketable but also still has ME and My personal touch on it where I can create the depth, quality, and substance that I would like to.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop a style that is both marketable as well as having substance, quality, and depth to it so I can be proud and happy with the work I create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a sell-out if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my fears to get the best of me where I will stop before even giving myself the chance to explore various ways of creating the Depth that I would like into my art while at the same time having it be something marketable and sellable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into EGO within thinking “I am too good” to make art that sells, meaning where I essentially believe and have also judged others as “Just making art to sell” and believing that this compromises the artistic integrity within the art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want my art to be good and fear diluting it through its relationship with money, but then not take this point BACK TO SELF and consider how HOW I LIVE and WHO I AM in my daily life within and without is for instance compromised by money or ultimately where I am actually compromising Myself and my own Quality and Substance by allowing myself to live in ways that is not best for me, but then divert my attention off of myself and just obsess about my art when the Real point here Should be about WHO I AM for real in real life because Who I am is what really matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people knowing that I am making art that is marketable because I fear they will lose respect for me and they will stop respecting the art I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people think I am selling out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think about me when what other people think about me is Not who I actually am, and who I actually am is what really matters and that is something that I Live and Walk and Express day by day and I am essentially the Gatekeeper of Who I am and am Responsible for who I am and must answer to myself with regards to what I accept and allow of and as myself and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that Who I am and How I live moment to moment is really What Matters in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in the surface dimension of worrying what other people think about my art and if they think I am selling out when this is like an irrational fear that is actually removed from who I am and what I live in real physical substance day to day and moment to moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to influenced and directed by fear energy and anxiety energy in relation to what I thought or think people think about my art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus too much on what my art looks like where it becomes a form of obsession where in I forget about ME and Taking Care of Myself and Working on points within myself to assist and support me to become and live to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess over my art and if other people will like it, and end up neglecting Myself and Working with myself in a process of Self Creation to become a Self that I am Satisfied and Happy with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore working on my inner reality through regular Self Writing and Self Forgiveness as a point of actually supporting myself to Correct, Change, and Transform those parts of myself that I see are not what they could be or are supporting me within my utmost potential. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to work on these aspects of self, and just focus all of my attention outside of myself into my art, and art business.

I commit myself to LIVE HERE, and to when and as I see myself going into that dimension of obsessing about what others might think about my art, to stop and take and in breath, and within the exhale, I slow myself down and bring myself back to the moment and back to here and realize that what Really Matters is WHO I AM and that when I start worrying about what other people think about my art and how that reflects on me, I realize that here I am actually OFF POINT and so I bring myself back to THEE POINT which is ME and Self and Who I am within myself and How I am LIVING moment to moment and I commit myself to assist and support myself to place my attention HERE onto me and to assist and support myself to work on Myself and What Really Matters which is Who I am in each and every moment, So that I can stand and face myself and look myself in the Eye, and know that I am Living my Best Self and be actually truly Satisfied and Content with myself, and Love Myself.

Okay so the point that is actually coming through here, which I was thinking that this blog would be about anyways, is not so much about the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions, but rather when ones Passions become more important than SELF. Because I have been noticing this with myself lately where although I have been investing more time into my art which is cool, though, I have in a slight way have been neglecting the most important point which is ME and just working with myself on that Inner Deep level in a way where I am supporting ME within my Process of Personal Self Creation and Transformation and basically just working on WHO I AM in each and every breath.


Living the Word ‘NURTURE’ – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 817



Today marks one week since I began re-defining and living the word ‘Nurture’. What I have found with doing this deliberately for the past 7 days is that it has been a process in where various different dimensions of this word and application opened up during the week.


My starting point directive with living this word Nurture was for me, to simply stop abusing myself through participating with behaviors and making decisions that I know are not best for me. So initially I kept it very simple because I could see that even through I wasn’t ‘doing anything’ per se, but rather stopping myself from engaging with destructive habits/patterns/addictions, that in itself was for me a point of living this word Nurture, where I was simply giving myself the opportunity to Nurture the Best of Me, to Nurture my potential which I was not allowing of myself through accepting me to engage and participate with addiction behavior patterns that was creating quite a toxic inner experience within myself. So part of my decision to live this word ‘Nurture’ was to support myself to stop creating and living within a toxic inner environment and instead support myself in creating and living within a supportive, Nurturing inner environment.


From that initial starting point I then began later in the week looking at and practicing a more ‘active’ application where I began asking myself how I can actually physically, practically Nurture myself and the different points in my environment which is also ME as an extension of me. I also had a new art project that I had started and so I was looking at what it would mean to “Nurture” this new art project which I began doing by simply spending some time actually working on it.


I also began focusing on giving more direction to my environment in terms of maintaining my laundry, doing the dishes, making the bed, and just general household tasks where in moments where I wasn’t doing anything I would direct myself to move, even if it was just a little, some of these household tasks. This to me was Living the word Nurture, because I was taking action to creating a supportively functional environment for myself, like having fresh clean clothes, or a cleaner space and meanwhile sticking to my initial starting point of this word Nurture through by not engaging in that which I know actually ends up creating inner frustration, resentments, and hatred within and towards myself which ultimately does not INSPIRE me to make the most of me and my life, and so I do see the importance here of essentially giving myself this base platform of support by stopping my participation in those decisions and activities that really create a lot of inner turmoil within me.


Also just to mention here that around 4 or 5 of the 7 days, I would actually sit down with my notebook and go over my process with living the word Nurture in writing, where Id just kind of write out any new points I was seeing and realizations and hang-ups and things like that where writing regularly is definitely a part of me working with opening this word up for myself and developing some direction with it.


Last night at the end of the week my partner mentioned a New dimension that I could add to my practicing and applying Living this word ‘Nurture’. She mentioned this dimension of Honoring what I had already created, so meaning where now that I have walked this point for a week. To Living this word Nurture, would also mean to Nurture that which I had already begun birthing into existence as the dimensions of this word which I had begun living and applying the first week.


I think of a little chick in an egg where it starts out as just an embryo. Now, the mother doesn’t just get up and walk away after a little while but rather does the due diligence to ensure the embryo can grow into its full potential and eventually hatch from the egg and become a full grown chicken. So this dimension of the word Nurture that was mentioned last night by my partner is that point of not walking away or disregarding what I have started but rather to follow through, to support and nurture the development of the point until it is Solid and full grown.


This was a cool point brought up by my partner because I had in the past had the tendency to abandon points that I had begun nurturing and before they grow into something substantial within and as me and my life I just let them go and return back to ‘my old self’ or the old patterns and this case the old destructive habits that end up cultivating self hatred, resentment, and frustration. And so I am seeing here “Follow Through” can be a key here to Living and applying this word Nurture for and as myself.


So that is where I am currently with this word Nurture, and will continue to practicing implementing this word as a Living Application into my life so that it just doesn’t disappear like so many things I do or decide to do. I mean, I still have to do it so ultimately I will see how it goes.


I mean right now this word after living it for a week, feels like just an embryo just in the very beginning stages of taking shape and becoming something of substance, yet at the same time I recognize that I have actually brought forth this little creation through deliberately making the decision to live this word for this week, and so I see, that there is much I can still do to solidify and strengthen this word/point within myself and my living to support me to really form a new habit or application or way of living so to speak instead of just letting it/myself go and going back to my already pre-established patterns. So I will continue and see what unfolds.

Creating Value, Starting with SELF – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 719

Body Image

A question that occurred to me the other day is “who am I without my art”. Another question, which often comes up within me in relation to my art is ‘how do I add or create real value with it?’ I was feeling quite discouraged with this question today, and a point that has come up within me in relation to this question of value is WHO AM I within what I do?

You see, I do art, and I am often analyzing, and pouring over ways and methods and ideas to ‘add value’ to this activity and mostly I end up feeling defeated by this pursuit. And so this evening as I was looking at this again, this question came up of WHO AM I within what I do, where, that doing, is the art I make. Because what I see is that ‘what I am doing’ is irrelevant and not where the real value exists. What I am seeing in this moment is the ‘real value’ exists within me and who I am, ans what I accept and allow of and as myself each day.

I see that I have gotten away from this point of Myself being the real value I have to offer.

What I find happens with me is that I end up focusing on WHAT I AM DOING, which would be my art and my career and I forget about myself, I forget about taking care of myself and nurturing myself and strengthening myself both within and without, and I just put my attention on my art and try to make that great and I kind of push the art to the forefront while I move myself into the background which is actually what I prefer anyways because in fact if I look at why I prefer this, it is because I am not satisfied with myself and my application and so I just prefer to be in the background out of sight.

So Who am I without my art. If I strip this away, and pose the question of how do I add value I can see the answer.

I can add value by and through who I am as how I interact with this world moment to moment. Its strange because each day I get up and go out into the world and interact with my world and the people in my world and I am doing this 24/7. Yet this 24/7 interaction gets missed with regards to how and where I can actually contribute value to this existence. I become so obsessed with thinking about how I can contribute value with my art and I forget about me and I forget about the fact that I as a life form am connected physically to this reality every moment of every day and I am having an influence.

My art doesn’t go out and interact with various people a day like I do. And so ultimately I am seeing and realizing that I require a bit of an adjustment within looking at and considering ‘how to add value’ where what I see is that I can add value with who I am and how I engage and interact with my reality, and so it isn’t practical to push my art into the foreground and then for me to retreat into the background and supress my own dissatisfaction towards and with myself while focusing all my attention on my art as ‘what I do’ while dismissing and ignoring ‘who I am’ and how I am, or, am not supporting myself, and how I am experiencing myself for real.

So here I commit myself to assist and support myself get back to what I am seeing as the true source of my value which is MYSELF and how I direct and support myself day in and day out, and here I commit myself to daily strip myself bare of my art and ask myself who am I without my art, and who I am in each moment and each breath as I move and interact and engage with my reality and I commit myself to support myself to contribute value in these moments and this interaction through by first creating and supporting myself to value myself through supporting me to live in a way that I am actually satisfied with me, and then from here I see that I can start bringing this personal Satisfaction I have for myself into my daily life because my daily life is always here and I am always engaging with it 24/7. I see that my art will never be able to add value like I can, as who I am within my living daily expression. I also see that my art will always just be an extension of my own Self Value as the Satisfaction I have for myself based on how I am supporting myself where this satisfaction can never be conjured up or manufactured, it will only ever be a Direct consequence of what I accept and allow of myself in every moment as my living application which in Self Honesty, I am fully aware of whether I am supporting and nurturing myself or not.

So here is an adjustment of value where I commit myself to realize daily that real value comes from who I am and how I am supporting me in self honesty to live and express within the principle of what is best for all.

I commit myself to remember that the value I contribute is happening in every moment based on who I am within and as myself and what I accept and allow of and as myself as a life form and so here I commit myself to stand within and as this awareness and see, realize, and understand here the importance of Supporting Myself Daily into and as a point of being Satisfied with who I am, because I, Self, is the first point of Value and so I see, realize, and understand that I must first stand within and as a point of Self Value before I can share this into the world, and so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate and dismiss Self Value as an important first step in creating value within this world. And so I commit myself to creating Self Value through Supporting and Caring for myself as my Starting Point for creating Value in this world.

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Self Perfection Within Decision Making – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 684


The other day I was having a chat with someone about some points going on in my reality and some of the considerations I was looking at in relation to these points. During the chat and afterwards I noticed that there was a part of me that was wanting the other person whom I was chatting with to ‘give me an answer’ or even, to ‘make a decision for me’. This showed me that there is a part of me where I don’t like making decisions on my own, and that also, I am afraid to make some decisions on my own.

The process that I am currently walking with myself is to become an effective practically functional and expressive human being within this world and part of this is connected to the entire decision making processes that are part of ones day to day reality.

Now, this particular decision was in relation to career/job which I see as being a more prominent decision that I must make within my life where as deciding between orange or apple juice is not such a big deal. (Orange!)
So what I noticed is that I did not like the idea of making this particular decision that I was facing alone. I wanted someone else to make it for me. I do not trust myself. I have not learned to trust myself within myself in relation to making a decision like this.

So I found this was interesting to see about myself. To see that I wanted someone else to make this important life decision for me, and that I felt incapable of making it on my own.

Self Forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am better off getting someone else whom I trust more than myself to make my tough and challenging life decisions for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making big decisions by myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not developed within myself an effective ability to make big decisions for myself, where instead, what I have accepted and allowed within myself in relation to facing such decisions/points in my life, is I have allowed Self Doubt and I haven’t allowed myself to face or stand up to or address this Self Doubt experience within myself in relation to big decisions in my life but that I have allowed myself to want to run and hide from this Self Doubt experience which I see is a form of fear.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to assist and support myself to face the fear I encounter when there is a big decision to be made in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my directive principle to others in my life, where I look to them to make decisions for me and in this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have assisted and supported myself to make my own decisions.

Self Commitments
I commit myself to assist and support myself to work with myself with this point and assist and support myself to become the Directive Principle of myself when it comes to facing and making big decisions and all decisions in my life.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Remain HERE within myself when I am looking at big decisions that I must make in my life, where this ‘remaining here’ is a point of realizing that I must develop my own ability to make tough or challenging decisions for myself, and that if I do not practice making these decisions for myself, I will never learn how, and I will never develop that ability for myself and so will never actually Stand as the Directive Principle as the Creative Force of and as myself and my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that “I will not do the right thing” or that “I will not do what is actually best for me” when it comes to making ‘big’ or ‘important’ decisions in my life. And so within this belief I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid making these big decisions within my life.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize, and understand that I can assist and support myself to ‘do what is best for me’ with these bigger more important decisions, through by assisting and supporting myself to “do what is best for me’ with smaller decisions that I face every single day, and so here I see that I can support myself by practicing doing what is best for me ‘on a smaller scale’ and in this way develop and build trust within myself that I will in fact make decisions that is best and supportive for myself. Everyday I am faced with multitudes of decisions, and if I allow myself to not do what is best for me in those moments, but to indulge in bad habits or patterns, than it is likely that this trend of decision making would manifest in the larger decisions of my life as well. And so likewise, if I establish a CONSTANT pattern of making decisions in moments that is best for me than this will support me when it comes time to face some bigger decisions and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to throughout my day in the smaller moments when I am making decisions to not take these small moments so lightly but to realize that these small moments, and how I direct myself within them is Key Opportunities for me to ESTABLISH who I am within making decisions and wether or not I do what is best for me or not, and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to utilize these smaller moments to Establish Who I am within the context of Decision Making where I assist and support myself to become One who Always dose What is Best For Me. – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
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The Creation of Attraction and Resistance in Relationships- An Artists Journey To Life: Day 675


Here I am continuing my blog series on ‘Resistance’, where in this blog I will be walking part 2 of my segment on resistance within the context of relationships.

Part 1: A Story About Resistance (Part 1) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 669

Part2: A Story About Resistance (Part 2) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 670

Part3: Resistance to Sales and Customer Relationship Building – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 672

Part4: Resistance in Relationships (Part 1) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 674

In my previous blog I left off discussing how I was introduced to the concept of picking a relationship partner where that choice is NOT based on the experience of attraction/resistance

What I have come to understand and see is that ‘attraction’ is in a way unique to each individual. It is custom made. Granted, there are similarities, due to things like cultural influence, where individuals are generally exposed to the same ideas and beliefs about what the perfect relationship partner should be and look like. This is impulsed through family, friends,  tv, media, magazines, facebook, music, Hollywood ect, though within this I see that I ultimately was the one determining my specific programming and defining my own preferences and within myself, within my mind, creating the idealized version of my perfect relationship partner.

And so this ‘perfect relationship partner’ that I created and programmed within myself based on all the impulses I was exposed to throughout my life was a point I started to investigate for myself and specifically here looking at how this was contributing to the resistance that came up within me towards Actual Real Relationship Partners.

I mean, things we see in Hollywood, in magazines, porn, glamour adds, music videos, the internet, that is NOT REAL. It is Photoshopped, it is edited, and ultimately it is 1 dimensional. Yet, we then go into desiring this photoshopped image or version of ‘relationship’ and then go looking for that.

So what I noticed about myself is that I had a very specific preference when it came to what I desired in terms of relationship. And through the years, I have walked a process of assisting and supporting myself to deconstruct that desire and to stop basing my decisions, particularly for relationship, on this desire experience, this attraction/resistance experience.

When my current partner came to me and opened up the potential of walking a relationship together, I, at that stage had already worked allot with this point of correcting my decision making process when it came to relationships where I was supporting myself to no more accept and allow my pre-programmed desires and attractions and idealized relationship partner, to determine the decisions I made. I mean, it still did come up, though, I was aware when it did and so my approach to it was to rather than just go into it, was to slow myself down, to not make any decisions based on it, but to allow myself some time to actually investigate it for myself which I would often do with writing, and self forgiveness. This is also a point my agreement/relationship partner and I would discuss and open up during our conversations.

I was clear enough within myself to decide to walk a relationship/agreement. I wasn’t completely clear, though the path that I had already walked in terms of getting to know myself within the context of this whole attraction/resistance dynamic supported me to be able to start walking the relationship/agreement point, and not just giving up on it when ever an experience of resistance would come up.

In my next blog, I will share some practical examples of when I faced some moments of resistance within my current relationship and what I did to walk through it.

What does it Mean to Have a Relationship with Oneself? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 608


A point started to come through recently in regards to the relationship that I have with myself. This concept of having a relationship with oneself for me has been a bit abstract at times since I was first introduced to this idea though recently I have started noticing/seeing an aspect of this that I had not as clearly seen before. So now it is to test this point out for myself to see if what I am seeing will actually produce a kind of change within myself, within my relationship to myself and my world within and through actually applying and exploring this point within my living.

The other day I was chatting with a friend and we were speaking about art and artists and the point of how for an artist it’s like they form a relationship with their art that is more important or valuable than the relationship that they actually have with themselves. And this is what I saw for myself and that this does not have to only be in relation to art but what I see is that this kind of relationship where “the thing one is doing” is the point that takes priority can be with all types of things one do in ones life where in this Self essentially becomes lost in relation to what one is doing. Self is forgotten about, ignored, missed, where all ones attention, for example with me in relation to my art – all my attention goes onto the art. Its about the art. And within this, I, myself go unnoticed where I don’t normally look at how I am experiencing myself or expressing Myself physically as I am making my art. I am more focused on the art piece and the results that are taking place there and then forming value according to how the art piece is turning out, not once giving any real value to myself within this. So here I see the necessity for a realignment of my priority here so to place Me as the primary focal point within my expression so to speak.

I want to place an excerpt from a blog I read last night which really supported me to start seeing what it means to have a relationship with oneself.

” Even other simple things can be a Self-Enjoyment, tending to one’s Physical Body – showering/bathing, really developing an equal and one relationship with the body as one wash oneself and really physically be here/present as one touch/caress/move with one’s Physical; when one go for walks/runs – to practise BREATHING, being HERE with the physical body as a self-enjoyment – in this, one transform one’s process of Self-Enjoyment into Physical Body equality and oneness, in being/becoming equal to and one with the Physical instead of participating in Mind Possessions when/as one should in fact be HERE with and as the Physical. – See more at:


Ok, so now what I was seeing when I read this is how with my art my total focus and attention gets placed outside of myself onto the art I am making and no attention or awareness is really placed here on myself where I am aware of myself as my human physical body in how I am expressing and moving myself in each moment, and so thus as I am making my art, I have no real relationship to Myself at all where in this I am really in fact neglecting myself. And so I end up living my life focusing my attention and awareness ‘out there’ onto what ever it is I might be doing in a moment and missing the one constant point that is Here within all of this – which is Me, Myself as my Human Physical Body. All this time, and I had never once considered making me the primary relationship as the point of focus and awareness within my living. The art I was making become more important than me, the food I eat became more important me, the people I was speaking to were more important than me, the TV I was watching was more important than more – all this time with my attention, focus and awareness ‘out there’

So the point that came through for me is to rather re-align my attention and my awareness onto myself Here as my Human Physical Body and thus re-align my self to have a more Direct Relationship with Myself in each moment.

How am I expressing myself when/as I am moving and directing my physical body as I am making art? How am I breathing? Am I comfortable in my body? Am I uncomfortable? How do I live and express enjoyment in and as my human physical body as I am making art, as I am driving my car, as I am cooking. How would I like to explore expressing me in this moment?

So here I want to test out this point of making Me as my human physical body the point of awareness and attention as I am move throughout my day no matter what it is, or what task I am doing, and so to within this assist and support myself to explore this point of establishing a DIRECT Relationship with Myself Here in each moment.

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Motivation and Why We’d Rather Suffer Than Change – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 598


Are you motivated by Suffering?

A few days ago I wrote a blog titled “Are You Motivated By Money”. In It exploring the realization that I was in fact motivated by money from the perspective of where my day to day actions were being influenced by how much money I had at any given time where I would have a tendency to stop doing the necessary actions that generate money when I would have money, where then these actions would more be stimulated when I was low on money and so thus then money being my motivation.

Now today a similar point came up. For a while now I have been having a few problems with one of my teeth. But only when the pain would flair up and become more persistent would I start to think about getting the necessary paper work done so that I can direct the point and get the tooth looked at by a professional. But as soon as the pain would subside I would forget about filing the paper work and taking the necessary steps to get the point checked out.

Within this I have noticed an interesting implication.

Firstly – Human beings can really tolerate a great deal of suffering. Using my own life as an example I can see that I will tolerate allot of suffering to where only when things get really bad that I will…..wait, no, its more like when things get really really really really really bad will I take action to correct the point to end the point of suffering for instance.

This point is related to the nature that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as as humanity where we would rather tolerate suffering than actually take the time to support ourselves. And I mean, this is the really strange thing. That much of the time, that which we ‘don’t want to do’ is actually Best for us and Supportive for ourselves. Its such a strange thing how what we as humanity resist doing the most is what would actually be best for us.

So getting back to me – I mean I am great example of this. I am a perfect reflection of manifested human nature where I have observed in my life that I will go to great lengths to avoid doing things that would actually support me and be beneficial for myself in my life, where Id avoid doing such things to the degree where I would actually rather suffer than support myself. In the case of my rogue tooth, to actually get this point checked out, Id have to in a way, do something that is ‘out of character’, and so ultimately this point boils down to change and boils down to facing certain fears that I have created within me and that instead of doing this, I will simply tolerate suffering so to avoid having to step out of my comfort zone, even though to actually get this point sorted out would be very much supportive for my physical and even my mental well being. Yet I will only move on this point when the pain and suffering caused by it gets to a point where it becomes unbearable. Fascinating really. So this is indicating that I am in fact Motivated by Suffering.

Now the interesting implication is the following.

The tooth is but one example. I have witnessed points similar to this in my life in varying circumstances and degrees. And one thing that I have learned about myself is that I have a very high tolerance for suffering. And ultimately what I see, and this is the crux of this entire point that I am illustrating – is that, I will literally wait forever. I have pondered on this point before also where I have wondered ‘how much suffering can I take”, or ‘how bad must it get before I change’ and man I have found I can take allot.

Its kind of like the US debt ceiling for those familiar with US economics where every year, the US simply raise the debt ceiling increasing their capacity for debt instead of actually changing the fundamental problems of the money system which is causing then enormous debt in the first place and so I can related to this because I wonder if when things start to get bad for instance if I will just buckle down and increase my tolerance for suffering so that I don’t have to change. So that I don’t have to step out of my comfort zone and ironically, do something that is actually Supportive for myself.

So – The Solution.

I realize that I am motivated by Suffering, that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this equation. Here, I will wait and wait and wait until the suffering really gets bad before I will be motivated to change things instead of actually Living within a starting point principle of “Prevention is the Best Cure”

Its not that there is no Solution – Because what I find is that when the suffering finally gets to be too much , and I mean, there is a point where I have had enough, when things get this way, I will decide “Ok time to move” and I will simply direct the point with the Solutions that was HERE the entire time.

And so I see here that the Actual SOLUTION is to assist and support myself to Stop existing within a point of being Motivated By Suffering and rather start existing in a way where instead of waiting until things get really bad, that rather I simply direct myself before this within the principle of ‘prevention is the best cure’

And so I take it upon myself to MOVE MYSELF based in Common Sense Insight, Aligning myself to actually do what is in fact best and supportive for me. So this requires me to actually Move/Direct Myself as a point of Self Will. For me to motivate myself instead of waiting for things to get really bad before I will decide to do something about my situation which is what happens when I am motivated by Suffering instead of being Self Motivated.

Who knows what kind of life is possible in doing this.

I can related this entire scenario to various points in my life, relationship, job, leisure, house, car, – its like why not be ‘Pro-Active’ instead of waiting for things to fall apart to stimulate movement. – Prevention is the Best Cure and simply just using common sense and directing myself and my life according to what would be best.

Thus the process is to move from being motivated by suffering to being Self Motivated and really doing what is best for Self and Best for Life. – ‘Self Interest’ is NOT best for Self. That is not the kind of ‘best for self’ I am talking about. Self Interest, if one look is often really in fact Self Abuse.

So “Human Nature Can Never Change” – Nope.

This is rather Humans don’t want to change.

Ok so concluding with the “interesting implication”

If we look at our world at the moment and the amount of Suffering that is existing globally. We look at for instance the credit crisis, war, poverty, animal extinction, all the horrible shit we see flooding our facebook streams daily – ALL of this is preventable. But it will require us as humanity to stop existing within the point of being Motivated by Suffering and actually become Self Motivated, Self Willed – Because what I have found in my own life as illustrated above is that I can take allot of suffering and really I see it is not an effective methodology of life to wait for suffering to motivate me to do things, to change in my life. And fascinatingly Humanity is reflecting this propensity for suffering that I have found within myself because dam, there is ALLOT of Suffering on this planet. Created because we as humanity have been unwilling to Move ourselves as Self Motivation.

So I realize that I must start actually living as Self Motivation. I must establish this points of Self Motivation as who I am.

And so if one by one individuals do this then eventually we have an entire humanity able to do this and the landscape of this world will be much different that how it is now.

And so again with Humanity – It is likely exactly the same as I have realized within my own life – Its not that there is no solutions – its is that we do not want to step out of comfort zones. – We simply do not want to change and would rather tolerate suffering than change. So we must stop tolerating Suffering and change our Starting Points for Living to “Prevention is the Best Cure’ and actually Develop the Ability which apparently we have not yet done – to actually change things before they get bad – to not wait for Consequences before we change but rather to considering the consequences of what we do and align our actions and living accordingly in a way that actually results in what is Supportive and Beneficial

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