Opening the Gifts of Everyday Life – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 821

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Opening Up A Moment.

What does it mean to open up a moment and get the most out of a moment?

This is the question and process I will be exploring in this blog to assist and support myself to substantiate a recent realization that came through with regards to how I can practice and refine my Living Expression so I can get the most out of myself, my life and what is here.

 

And this a Key – ‘What is HERE’

 

I find that I have the tendency to overlook what is right here as my life and to also Judge what is here where I judge my life and how it is, and what I have, my environment, my job, my relationships, my hobbies, my routines, ect. I judge everything seeing and thinking it is just not good enough, that ‘there is nothing there’ that it is boring, that its wrong, or broken, or not enough, and then I go through each day and it becomes a struggle in a way.

 

When I do this, I start looking ‘out there’ I start looking at and desiring something else, something more, something better.

 

My question is however…

 

When I do this, when I judge myself and my life in this way, am I preventing myself from seeing what is really here and so preventing myself from receiving the gifts of everyday normal life.

 

This has been a shift that I have been practicing of late.

 

Receiving the Gifts of Everyday Ordinary Life.

Essentially, extracting the fruit of the moment.

 

Though I have been practicing this process, I’d say at this stage that this entire process or concept is largely a Realization that I have still to actualize and Live and Express for real within my life, though I have began this process and have began settling down more in day to day life.

 

So lately I have been practicing Focusing on What is HERE in the moment to moment of my life. It makes a lot of sense to do this, and that instead of trying to go out and find a new life or new relationships, to actually FOCUS ON WHAT IS HERE as the Relationships, Points, and Processes that I am already engaged in and look at where I am not getting the most out of the Life that I have already created for myself.

 

And to dig into the moments more.

I see I can bee more engaged in the relationships that already are here but that I have kind of not tended to or participated in.

 

That is not to say that I shouldn’t go ahead and open up new relationships or points or processes. Its more a point of embracing what is already here to its Fullest instead of resisting it, judging it, and pushing it away.

 

So this has to do with realizing the Gifts of Everyday Life, where now I can redirect my focus to HERE and to getting the most out of each moment instead of thinking I need this great grand life or experience to have fulfillment, and to rather Extract from the Ordinary to create the Extraordinary from what is simply here.

 

For me I have had a tendency to expect the worst and to assume that I am messing everything up and that my life is falling apart because there is something not right or there is something I am doing wrong. So this is another point I see is important for me to adjust within myself and for me to rather Embrace the Successes in my life. This is something else I have been working with. I have been working on Celebrating my life more. And Honoring what I have created as my life at the moment. And practicing letting go of that paranoid anxiety that I sometimes allow to take me over to the point where I end up living in fear that everything is all wrong and will fall apart.

 

This Is also connected to Slowing Down which is the Words that I am utilizing to support in this process of stepping out of my anxious paranoia that I am somehow fucking everything up, and to rather embrace and acknowledging my Life and what I have created, allowing myself to See the Good also, instead of always just seeing and focusing on the bad.

 

So moving forward my direction will be to embrace what is here, embrace the moment, embrace the ordinary and to open up the moment, open up the ordinary and see what is here. This way I don’t have to go out and try and find some miraculous moment or over the top experience to experience some sense of fun and fulfillment within myself, but to rather work with what is already here in every moment which is actually quite cool because it takes the pressure off where I can now Look into the Ordinary and uncover the Gifts and Gems of Everyday Life and acknowledge and Explore this Potential that Everyday Life is a Treasure to Behold.

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New Project Challenging My Limitations – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 757

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I began a new project this week at work. The requirements of this particular project are a bit different than usual in that the timeline for completion is shorter. Over the past 6 months and really over this last year I have created this routine at work which consists of working only so many hours each day and each week, and I have stuck to that schedule quite insistently during this time-frame.

But now with this new project, I could see that in order to complete it that I will have to work a lot more hours, and potentially not take any days off until its complete which is very out of the norm.

I had some resistance moving within me when this project came up but I was clear within myself that I was going to do it and that I plan to complete it on schedule.

One thing I have been doing to support myself with taking on the extra workload is to focus as much as possible on the moment and day at hand, and taking it one day a time. I can see that if I start to think a lot about the future and the coming days that this creates an opening potentially for projections and resistances to build/ to be created.

Though, also, the idea that the project will only last so long is also something I have considered as a point of support. Meaning, I see, its not the norm, and so I can just do what needs to be done, and what I find is that the days, and weeks and months actually really go by quickly, so eventually the project will be over so I will just take it one day at a time, and that will add up soon enough.

Today was the 3rd day of the project and my new work schedule.

What I have observed about myself is that I am actually capable of handling the new workload. Yes, I am a bit more physically sore/tired after work, though, I can see how that previously I had been accepting and allowing myself to talk myself out of ‘working more’ when I am actually capable to doing it.

So if anything, I will use this project to test my limits so to speak, and see if I can actually do it and to really test if my apparently “Sound Logic” that “I can only work so many hours”, is valid or was in fact just a line of BS I was using to justify my own Limitation, which essentially reveals the question of why in the first place had I limited myself in the way that I was essentially refusing to work more hours at my job/career, but had kind of just been coasting for a while.

What I found was that I was actually quite stuck in my routine and I was in a way, aware that I was. So thus far, the new workload and new project has actually supported me to break out of those self defined limitations I was stuck within.

Its interesting how WORDS can contain someone.

Its interesting how we give words power over us.

Like for instance

“I can only work so many hours”

“Its better for my health if I work less hours”

“I don’t need to work more hours”

“I can’t push anymore, I am too tired”

All of these words was existing within me and I was participating and implementing these words many times each week and so also living out the same schedule every day and every week, that in reality was more aligned with a kind of passionless effort. Now that is not to say that I didn’t want to be passionate, or that I wasn’t attempting and trying to break out of my routine. But I just couldn’t, or that I just didn’t

So I will see how the coming days are with the new workload and take this opportunity to push myself which interestingly is refreshing. So I work more, and am more sore at the end of the day, yet experience myself more refreshed and even stronger, than when I was working less hours to apparently keep myself refreshed which in truth ended up cultivating a lack of inspiration and submission.

So, as I said, I will utilize this new work process as a welcomed opportunity to see what I am capable of and to push myself more and to support me in getting out of my old routine.

Mobility = Movement Ability – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 750

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Mobility.

What does it mean to be mobile, to be flexible. I find for myself that I am comfortable in a routine and that I am willing to live that routine everyday without changing it. Within this I have a tendency to isolate myself and also limit myself through not directing myself to expand my expression into different avenues and ways of living, being, interacting, within my life and with others.

Mobility – I can hear the word Ability in the Mobility.

Mobility

Mob

Bill

Build

Bility

Bill

ill

Mo

More

More Ability

More Movement

 

So in the word Mobility I am seeing/hearing the word MORE. As in expanding oneself.

 

I see for myself that to become more mobile I actually have to will myself to do that and move Directivity. Its just not going to happen automatically.

 

I have had a lot of resistance to changing my daily routine because I have become comfortable in it.

 

However I do see that this is something that will only benefit me.

 

I think of water that is still, and then in it forms all kinds slim on top and within it and the water gets murky. I equate this to human physical body, where within moving and expressing with the body it keeps it vital and alive instead of stagnant.

 

So the “Mo” at the beginning of the word Mobility can also refer to Movement or Momentum.

So this Mobility, this Movement Ability is a word I definitely can work on and practice as a Living Expression of myself to support myself to develop a more healthy, natural, being and expression of myself. Instead of existing like a boulder weighing 1000 pounds that just wants to sink down and not move.

 

So I will work with this word for tomorrow, and especially in relation to my more ingrained habits that I live everyday and don’t really change up ever because it is in those real habitual points that I see I keep myself locked into an immobility that is self-limiting.

 

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It’s too Late to be Productive – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 717

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Today I am going to write about resistance. Resistance is something that I see I have allowed to exist as a part of me. My experience in relation to having allowed resistance to be a part of me is that it makes me cringe on the inside, but I see that in order to allow this resistance to exist as a part of me, I have had to become good at supressing this ‘cringing experience’ that is quite uncomfortable.

What I noticed this evening is that as the later hours approach, a tension starts to build inside me and the thoughts inside my head start running.

‘Will I get everything done that I would like to’

‘Will tonight be a success’

‘I should really push myself tonight to get to everything I want to do’

‘but you never get to it, so it will likely end up going this way’

‘but why?, why do I allow myself to procrastinate instead of pushing myself’

‘when will I start to push myself’

‘is tonight the night’

‘its ok if I don’t’

‘its no big deal’

‘maybe I should continue watching that series I started’

‘no you should really do something more productive’

‘its to late now to get to my things I wanted to do’

And basically I end up going through this whole inner debate and dialog within myself in relation to supporting myself within my daily and nightly tasks.

Tonight I noticed that I started watching the clock where I just wanted it to be ‘too late already’ so that I could just retire for the evening and let all this stuff go. What’s interesting through is that it wasn’t yet at that hour of the evening where I normally retire to my bed. And so I could have actually chosen a task and supported myself through by directing it and directing myself. (Which I did by doing this blog!)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my nightly routine in where I allow myself to still be productive in the later evening hours instead of accepting and allowing myself to participate with the idea that I have created and hold within myself that after a certain hour, ‘It is to late to be productive’ and so here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to impose such a limitation onto myself. The limitation and also the excuse of “It’s too late to work now”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself through and within the idea that I cannot be productive late into the evening. And here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within this limitation because then I do not have to direct myself, but can after a certain hour, just relax, even though there is still allot of time left in the evening for me to direct points and ultimately to SUPPORT MYSELF through by doing different assignments, writings, readings, ect anything where I am assisting and supporting myself within self introspection,  self investigation, self development and self expansion ect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing resistance to direct me and for me to really ‘play down’ this process, where I try and hide from myself what it is I am actually doing which is ultimately “not pushing myself” within my self development but night after night allowing myself to just go into the pattern of ‘relaxing’ which is actually not really relaxing but more a point of ‘resisting self movement’ where this self movement would in fact be best for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to play out the routine of going into resistance, and to not ever question it because if I even so much as catch a glimpse of what I am doing to myself, I cringe because I know that I am not supporting myself to the best of my ability and so therefore getting the best out of myself within my expression within and as my life.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to bring this point of how I have allowed resistance to be such a big part of me, especially in the evenings, into my awareness so that I can address it and start assisting and supporting myself to get more out of myself and no more accepting and allow myself to justify and excuse the limited version of myself which I insist is valid, even though within myself, I know I am capable of more, even if it is just a little more each day, something I see that I have put off adding into my life for some time now.

I commit myself to see, realize, and understand that when I start going into the inner debate within my mind about ‘getting things done’ in the evening, that this is indicating that I am already going into the pattern of allowing resistance and I am actually trying to avoid moving myself and I am trying to talk myself into seeing my self accepted limitation as Okay and I don’t have to stress about it, because the decision is already made within myself that “I don’t want to direct myself” and so now, I am just trying to sooth myself and to supress that cringing experience within myself for making such a decision, and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to rather than engage in this inner debate, to rather align myself to and as the Decision of ‘walking through’ and ‘pushing through’ resistance so to Direct and Move myself in physical self movement in the practical tasks at hand.

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Is Your Stability Dependent on Your Routine? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 678

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During the past 3 weeks I have been in the process of moving. I have been at my new place now for over a week and what I have found is that during this entire moving process that I have experienced myself as less stable and even a bit lost.

However, I am moved in now, and so I see that I can no longer accept the statement that “my experience is because of the whole moving process” because I do see now that I have had a bit of time to start to settle in and from my perspective I am in a position to actually have the necessary footing so to speak to ground myself and direct myself and so thus I realize here that this statement that “my experience is because of the whole moving process” is no more valid in relation to when I first initially realized that the moving process did stir up some reactions within myself.

I didn’t initially notice that the moving process was in fact having an effect on my experience and my inner reality. There was all sorts of new questions, concerns, fears, mental reality playouts going on within me.
“What will the new place be like”
“Is it big enough”
“does it have the proper practical points in place”
“Will my plants get enough light”
“Will I be able to afford it”
“How will the new drive to work affect my work and living schedule and ultimately my income?”
“Will it help”
“will it hinder”
“How will my new landlords be”
“where do I take my garbage now”
“How long will I be at this place”
Ect…

And so all these points were going on inside me and stirring up quite and experience.

and when I finally did arrive at my new place, it was like I couldn’t just continue my normal routine as I normally did because my physical parameters were all different.
One point I did notice revealing within all this is that my Self Stability is still quite linked into and dependant on my routine instead of being more established within and as Myself so that no matter if I move or where I am, that Who I am within myself and my ability to direct myself remains constant and stable.

Self Forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak the statement within myself “my experience of myself is in relation to the whole moving process” and to within speaking this statement accept and allow myself to use this as a justification to “give into my experience” instead of Directing myself effectively within my reality in a way that is supportive.

Self Commitment
When and as I see myself speaking this statement within myself, or when I see this statement coming up within me, I in that moment stop and breathe, and not participate in using that statement as a justification to not Direct myself or to not Stand within myself within and as a doing what is best for myself but to allow myself to remain stuck in my energetic experience of myself in that moment. I see, realize, and understand that this statement of “my experience is related to the whole moving process” was a statement that I was in fact utilizing to justify remaining in a depression experience as well as a negative experience that I defined as overwhelming. I also see, realize and understand that here now when ever I see this statement coming up within me that I have an opportunity to in fact Change myself and to assist and support myself to bring myself here in and as breath, stand up within myself, standing up out of the experience and no longer accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my mind as an energetic experience and so I here I commit myself to assist and support myself to realize that I am now in a position actually to start Directing Myself Effectively in my reality and that my environment is actually supporting me to do this because I have had a week to settle into my place and so I see that I can in fact here start pushing myself and supporting myself to “getting things back to normal” meaning where I practice my application of walking, standing, and applying myself in consistency and supporting myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to become swallowed up by energetic experiences of feelings and emotions within myself.

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Embracing the Unpredictable and Unplanned : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 654

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I have to work on weekends, even if there is really nothing important that I must do, but I react because “I don’t want to work all the time”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust and participate with the back-chat statement “I don’t want to work all the time” as if this statement is a valid point which cannot be disputed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become befuddled when I have to work more than usual and that I haven’t assisted and supported myself to actually be able to handle more and be absolutely stable within doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become comfortable with just working my normal routine even if that normal routine is not really empowering me within my Life but more just keeping me existing in the exact same ‘way of life’ which I struggle to find satisfaction within yet, I also do not change me, in terms of how I direct myself in my day to day routine, or I will react whenever that routine is threatened or changed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out a familiar routine everyday and not want to change that routine but then experience a dissatisfaction that ‘things never change’ meanwhile, not really doing anything to change up my normal routine that I live out daily that is producing my current life-style and experience and Here never really establishing a practical way for me to assist and support myself to nurture permanent change within myself and my life where it in fact becomes a part of who I am that will stand the test of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want more out of my life but to simply want this without actually changing anything about how I live and direct myself in my day to day living which has produced the life experience as not as effective as it could be.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that if I want to live my life in a way that I see would be as effective as it could be, that means that I will in fact have to change myself. And that as long as I am existing in my current comfort zone, I am not in fact supporting me to enhance and expand myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the exact same living patterns every single day and that I haven’t had the courage to change these patterns and form new patterns as a point of assisting and supporting myself to become more effective within who I am within my living.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stand in situations that I find uncomfortable because when I do this, I know that I am placing myself in a situation where I can change and expand myself because when things are comfortable and easy that is an indication of things simply being the same and predictable because I know everything there is to know about such points but that when things are uncomfortable that this can be a form of ‘growing pain’ because the discomfort is in a way painful, but here indicating a potential opportunity for Self Change and Self Transformation.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to when I find myself facing moments of decision where I must decide to face situations where I Might be uncomfortable and I see that when looking at this I go into resistance and just want to opt out of such situations and stick to what is comfortable and stick to what I know, I stop myself and I breathe and I see, realize, and understand that such moments is a potential opportunity for Self Change which is a point I see I must actually become more directive within moving myself into and as and so I commit myself to in such moments embrace the discomfort within seeing, realizing, and understanding that it is a potential opportunity to change and that in fact Discomfort is like a kind of golden opportunity when ever I am faced with it because it can very often be an opportunity where I can actually assist and support myself to expand and enhance myself and become more.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to let go of “My World” as that which I attempt to hang onto and that I do not want to change, instead of realizing that I am really limiting myself by hanging onto and holding onto “my world” as that where I am most comfortable because within maintaining a position within that where I am most comfortable, I am not ever really moving myself to expand and change me and become more and learn more and so thus I see that I am in fact limiting myself as I am not directing myself to become my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a network of things I tell myself within my own mind in each moment an opportunity for change is here where I will simply bring up one of the ‘things I tell myself’ to support me to just remain in my comfort zone, like for instance

“I don’t want to work everyday”

Or

“its no big deal, I will change later”

Or

“this is not how things are supposed to work – its not fair”

Or

“Im too tired, I just am”

Or

“I just don’t have enough time”

Or

“I just don’t have it in me”

Or

Where basically I just want change to happen on my terms and my terms only and so attempt to impose control on change instead of adapting to my reality from a starting point of simply embracing the opportunities that come up that were not anticipated, planned, or expected.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to respond to unpredicted events that open up in m life with resistance and aversion where this has become my automated response and so within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to change how I respond to new unexpected points opening up in my life where I embrace this more instead of completely shutting down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impose my idea of how I will change onto reality and so try and control my process of change and thus within this have really closed myself off from engaging with the many dimensions of reality that is changing and interacting all the time and presenting various different opportunities to me at any given point, where instead of embracing this ‘how reality actually works’ I have attempted to impose my idea of how I think things should go which is not in fact how things actually work.

When and as I see myself experiencing a resistance or aversion towards unplanned, unpredicted events that open up within my reality I stop myself and I take a breathe and I here commit myself to re-align myself to such events to stand within and as a point of embracing such moments, opportunities and events as I see, realize, and understand that reality cannot be and should not be predicable and I see that I had aligned myself in a way where I was resisting this unpredictable aspect of reality which I see was quite a limitation as I was not allowing myself to embrace this and utilize these unexpected, unanticipated points that open up as opportunities for me to explore and expand myself and ultimately to direct myself within and as according to what is best for me and what is best for all.

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Mental Reality Back-Chat – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 239

Mixed Media on Paper

Mixed Media on Paper

Here is the Conclusion of the Self Commitment Statements for the Self Forgiveness Walked  in Day 235

When and as I see myself participating with the statement of “I am to tired” when I am facing a moment or task that I experience resistance towards, though would instead go do something else that is aligned with entertaining myself within and as the mind where I am not too tired to do this, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I experience resistance towards supporting myself because I have spent most of my life not supporting me as LIFE within the context of oneness and equality/what is best for all, but instead supporting me as a Mind, as a mental reality that I have given all my attention and focus to, and so have developed my “Living” Pattern to be aligned with and as the mind, and so when I stop and now direct/align me to Living HERE in and as the physical, no more focusing/placing me as my attention into and as my mind, I experience resistance, to doing this which is where then my back-chat comes up within me as the “road” back into my mind, where such back-chat such as “I am to tired” comes up within me to manipulate myself to give into the mind, and continue to fuel the mind as I have always done which I am now assisting and supporting myself to STOP doing, as I see that who I have become as a mind is Not Supportive to LIFE, at all, and so I commit myself assist and support myself to stop participating with and as my back-chat as I see that it only lead back into the mind, and is not aligned with what is best for all, which I commit myself to assist and support myself to become in my living expression of me.

When and as I see myself utilizing the back-chat statement as an excuse when I am facing a moment of resistance towards me actually walking my process of self change, and assisting and supporting myself to take Self Responsibility for my Life and for ALL life within the context of Living/Being What is Best for ALL, I stop and I breathe. I see and realize that in such moments I am already existing in my mind from the perspective of even considering this statement as valid enough to ponder about, and that what would be more effective is to actually NOT accept and allow myself to even begin to participate with the back-chat statement of and as “I am to tired” in any way whatsoever. And so I commit myself to assist and support myself to simply not engage the back-chat statement within me of and as “I am too tired” that when I see this statement come up within me, I remain here in the task at hand continuing with directing the task or point before me that I have decided to do based on a practical decision of what is best for all, and so thus is Aligned with me Taking Responsibility for myself within my life.

I also see the point of me actually being “more here” throughout my day where for instance I assist and support myself to be Self Present during my day and making sure that I am not “going into energy” within what ever I am doing, but assist and support myself to develop a consistent application/action within my day that is constant and aligned with the natural pace of and as my breath and my human physical body, because I find if/when I am going into my mind allot during the day that I am more likely to participate in back-chat, and so the point here is also to assist and support myself to develop Self Awareness and Self Presence throughout my entire day from my first breath in the morning until I am asleep, so that I don’t end up walking myself deep into the mind and then “find myself” in a situation where I have in essence abdicated already my power to my back-chat /mind and so within this point also taking into consideration “prevention is the best cure” and so to assist and support myself to Align myself to Self Awareness in every breath, so to not suddenly find myself possessed by mind and thus more likely to give consideration to my internal back-chat and mental reality of the mind, over practical physical Self Direction based within and as the principle of what is best for all.

When and as I see myself utilizing/participating with the back-chat statement “I am too tired” within the context of my “mental capacity” to for instance be able to concentrate, I stop and I breathe. I realize that when I get distracted it is because I am listening to the internal back-chat within my mind, and is not because I am unable to physically/mentally handle the point I am working with. I see that often when I am doing something that I would consider “mental” like reading or writing, that different lines of back-chat will come up inside me of kind of like a surge or a “hook” that my mind use like Fishing, in hopes to “catch” my attention and PULL me IN to the Mind and away from the task at hand, As I continue within the task at hand instead of giving into the mind, the Mind will continue to come at me repeating the same back-chat periodically in hopes that this time I will accept and allow myself to give into the back-chat hook, line and sinker, and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to ALIGN myself with PHYSIAL EXPRESSION and Application and stop following the back-chat within my mind, and so when and as I see the back-chat “I am to tired” come up in relation to me continuing with a task that I have defined as a “mental” task I simply breathe and do not give my attention to the back-chat but remain HERE within the task at hand and directing myself within the parameters of the task that I have set out for myself based on a practically effective application designed to assist and support me to walk out of the mind and into the physical.

 

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