Today as I was sitting down to eat my lunch, an argument started between 2 strangers at the table behind me. I immediately tensed up inside myself and my attention went onto the argument that was taking place behind me.
What was interesting here is that firstly I became very uncomfortable in my body, like, now suddenly I was not able to enjoy my food because I was overcome by this point of discomfort.
What also happened is that I myself started to get angry and upset inside myself and started to experience this point of wanting to turn around and ‘say something’ where in this, what would be happening is that I would in fact be now participating in this argument and in the emotional reactions within this.
It was strange how this experience came up within me because technically ‘I had nothing to do with the situation’ . No one was arguing with me, yet I started to experience myself as if I was part of the argument and I started to experience anger inside myself and also noticing this point of discomfort very much.
My reaction to the argument was very much pre-programmed.
I see that I have actually pre-programmed myself to react in fear when ever a situation like this occurs.
The question came up within me – Why I am not simply Absolutely Stable Here within myself. After all, technically, I was not a part of the altercation.
But man I could see all sorts of reactions coming up inside myself towards the various individuals who were arguing where suddenly within myself I was speaking and lashing out towards each one of them in my mind. So I found this quite interesting how this argument in way ‘leapt’ over to me and now I am going through a similar experience as those 2 individuals who were actually engaging in the argument.
Why was this?
Why did this happen?
How did this happen?
I was taught that it was not nice to call names.
I was also taught to overall just ‘be nice’
So I see that my interactions with people I dont know very well or who are strangers is quite cordial and I find that I do not like arguing.
I find this point of getting into an argument with another to be a very vulnerable state because Its like I am showing a side of myself that I don’t normally show and so in a way to argue with someone can for me be somewhat personal. So to argue with a complete stranger is almost like going up to them and giving them a kiss on the cheek! – Ok not quite. But I do see this point within myself of how within arguing with another creates a point of vulnerability – It is like a form of intimacy in a way.
So I see a point here I can support myself with.
To assist and support myself to remain stable when ever a point of arguing or altercations takes place around me or even towards me. I realized today that my reaction was very much pre-programmed and I realized that I did not have to in fact react in this experience of discomfort, and that additionally I did not have to automatically go into a similar/same experience of anger as those who were arguing. I see that I can simply be here and remain stable within myself and that just because others are going into anger does not mean I have to.
In a way my reaction was submissive instead of Directive and standing equal to the point. What I mean is that when the argument started taking place, my automatic reaction was to ‘shrink down’ in relation to the altercation where within myself I perceived and experienced myself as inferior towards the point.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into a stance of ‘inferiority’ towards/in relation to the argument/altercation that happened today at lunch time. I see, realize and understand that my reaction of going into ‘inferiority’ in relation to facing such a point of conflict was/is a pre-programmed reaction where I have essentially programmed myself throughout my life to react this way to conflict and in this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that my reaction today to the argument/altercation taking place where I went into a point of ‘inferiority’ and ‘shrinking down’ within myself was pre-programmed and that I am able to assist and support myself to change this pre-programmed stance into a Self Directive Stance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically react in fear and thus go into IN-FEAR-iority in relation to conflict as arguments, fights, altercations happening around me or towards me and here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically go into a point of ‘fear’ towards other peoples ‘anger’ which I see is actually just their own reactions that they are having in relation to how they have programmed themselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other peoples reactions personally, not realizing that they are simply in reaction as the way they have programmed themselves to respond to certain events/situations and that these reactions have been built up through sequence throughout a persons life which then possess them in a single moment.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to when and as I see myself reacting to other peoples anger or reactions or see myself reacting when I see/observe conflict or arguments, or altercations in my reality to when I see myself starting to react or wanting to react to stop and take a breath and realize that it is ok for me to remain Stable within myself in the face of such events.
I see, realize, and understand that I am able to assist and support myself to change my accepted and allowed ‘reaction’ towards this point of conflict within my reality as arguments, yelling, altercations, and to rather than just accept and allow my pre-programmed play-out reaction which is to react in fear, and thus also inferiority or to also ‘get worked up myself’ when I notice other people getting worked up – so rather than allow this pre-programmed reaction I here commit myself to assist and support myself to Change this programmed reaction into a Self Directive Decision where I Decide to Stand within and as myself as Self Responsible meaning – I can Decide for myself how I will respond to the situation and thus here within and as Self Responsibility I commit myself to when faced with this point of conflict as arguments/altercations in my reality, to Breath and Realize that I am able to Simply be HERE within and as my Human Physical Body and it is not necessary for me to go into reactions. Rather I commit myself to when I am faced with such points of conflict to assist and support myself to Remain Stable. I see that reacting in fear towards conflict is in fact a programmed reaction and that I here commit myself to assist and support myself to Stand Equal to the moment, meaning where here I see that there is no actual reason for me to go into reaction and so I give myself permission to Simply Remain Stable and so thus here I can when faced with these such moments of conflict in my reality assist and support myself to Breath and push myself to Stand Stable and not react and not go into my automated pre-programmed reaction of fear.
I see it makes no sense for me to react to other individuals pre-programmed reactions that they have constructed over a life time. For me to react is quite short-sighted and indicating that I have failed to see/realize/understand what is actually going on here when someone would for instance ‘react in a point of anger towards another’.
I see that I have given ‘anger’ power over me and in this not realizing that it is simply just another point of programming as an emotional reaction that one had constructed within ones mind and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give anger this status of being “all mighty” not in fact seeing that anger is simply just another programed reaction, just like any other positive or negative emotion/feeling – it is a program.
I commit myself to see ‘anger’ for what it is as being a programmed reaction and so thus to stop giving it ‘special importance’ as if ‘it is something that is supposed to be revered’ and to within this assist and support myself to change myself here as my reaction to ‘anger’ or ‘confrontations’ or ‘arguments’ – changing my reaction from fear and inferiority to firstly stabilizing myself so to be able to See, Direct myself/the point clearly instead of out of reaction.
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