Forgetting To SEE MYSELF in my Passions – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 819

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I thought I would take a moment and sit down here to do some writing and share what I have been up to lately. I have recently started putting more time towards developing some acrylic paintings. Most or much of my focus these days goes towards developing my art business. So a big point for me that I have been walking for some time is the relationship between Art and Money. But this could also be understood as the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions. I am not sure how rare my situation is but I decided that I would pursue creating and selling art, essentially my passion, as how I would make my primary income and it has been an interesting journey. For the first 10 years after I graduated art school and begun pursuing my passion of creating art and turning that into my career, I never really sold much art and just found other ways to make money. My approach back then was simply to create art and frankly I never made art to sell. In fact I believed that if I was making art to sell then I would be a Sell Out and so I steered clear of that and went for a kind of purity (or so I believed) of just expressing myself and not bothering to worry about if it sold or not, though, I actually did want it to sell and I did want to make money off of it. Although during that time, even though I wasn’t really creating art with the mindset of making it to sell, I did still have external influences from the perspective of I did want other people to like what I was doing, they didn’t have to buy it, they just had to like it. But that is whole other point for a different blog.

After a time away from doing art as my primary focus I got back into it about 4 or 5 years ago and this time I ended up in a situation where I was making it and selling it and surviving off of it. Though the art I was making you could say was more geared towards a particular market or aesthetic preference that wasn’t necessarily my personal preference. And this has been quite a challenge for me to essentially take a subject or style that is not necessarily ‘my preference’ and then to find myself in it, to, Make it My Own so to speak.

I will also add here that “My Preference” is definitely something I am still getting to know and so am willing to do things that I believe are not my preference to actually investigate them deeply and see if I can connect to it on some level because honestly “my preference” I realize has been greatly influenced, directed, impulsed by my culture, parents, peers, society, ect, so I have am definitely willing to challenge “my preference” and to make actually walk that process of really understanding what it means to get to know Myself on a deep level and understand what I do really personally like and enjoy and make sure this  is not just something that someone told me I like or I thought I was supposed to like it because everyone else did. Okay back to my point…

Over time and more so lately I have begun putting more time into painting and developing this more marketable line of work. And the question I have been walking and attempting to find the balance within is, that line between creating art to sell, that is marketable, and creating art for me where I can add my personal touch and take the art in directions that is more about my personal self expression and making sure that in the end the artwork contains depth and substance, than just making something to sell.

Okay going to add some Self Forgiveness Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people will think about me if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that one can make marketable art that still has depth, substance, and quality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted or dissuaded by my fears in a way where I don’t give myself the opportunity to test the theory of creating art that is marketable but also still has ME and My personal touch on it where I can create the depth, quality, and substance that I would like to.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to develop a style that is both marketable as well as having substance, quality, and depth to it so I can be proud and happy with the work I create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as a sell-out if I create art that is marketable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow my fears to get the best of me where I will stop before even giving myself the chance to explore various ways of creating the Depth that I would like into my art while at the same time having it be something marketable and sellable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into EGO within thinking “I am too good” to make art that sells, meaning where I essentially believe and have also judged others as “Just making art to sell” and believing that this compromises the artistic integrity within the art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want my art to be good and fear diluting it through its relationship with money, but then not take this point BACK TO SELF and consider how HOW I LIVE and WHO I AM in my daily life within and without is for instance compromised by money or ultimately where I am actually compromising Myself and my own Quality and Substance by allowing myself to live in ways that is not best for me, but then divert my attention off of myself and just obsess about my art when the Real point here Should be about WHO I AM for real in real life because Who I am is what really matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear other people knowing that I am making art that is marketable because I fear they will lose respect for me and they will stop respecting the art I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people think I am selling out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think about me when what other people think about me is Not who I actually am, and who I actually am is what really matters and that is something that I Live and Walk and Express day by day and I am essentially the Gatekeeper of Who I am and am Responsible for who I am and must answer to myself with regards to what I accept and allow of and as myself and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that Who I am and How I live moment to moment is really What Matters in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get caught up in the surface dimension of worrying what other people think about my art and if they think I am selling out when this is like an irrational fear that is actually removed from who I am and what I live in real physical substance day to day and moment to moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to influenced and directed by fear energy and anxiety energy in relation to what I thought or think people think about my art.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus too much on what my art looks like where it becomes a form of obsession where in I forget about ME and Taking Care of Myself and Working on points within myself to assist and support me to become and live to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess over my art and if other people will like it, and end up neglecting Myself and Working with myself in a process of Self Creation to become a Self that I am Satisfied and Happy with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore working on my inner reality through regular Self Writing and Self Forgiveness as a point of actually supporting myself to Correct, Change, and Transform those parts of myself that I see are not what they could be or are supporting me within my utmost potential. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to work on these aspects of self, and just focus all of my attention outside of myself into my art, and art business.

I commit myself to LIVE HERE, and to when and as I see myself going into that dimension of obsessing about what others might think about my art, to stop and take and in breath, and within the exhale, I slow myself down and bring myself back to the moment and back to here and realize that what Really Matters is WHO I AM and that when I start worrying about what other people think about my art and how that reflects on me, I realize that here I am actually OFF POINT and so I bring myself back to THEE POINT which is ME and Self and Who I am within myself and How I am LIVING moment to moment and I commit myself to assist and support myself to place my attention HERE onto me and to assist and support myself to work on Myself and What Really Matters which is Who I am in each and every moment, So that I can stand and face myself and look myself in the Eye, and know that I am Living my Best Self and be actually truly Satisfied and Content with myself, and Love Myself.

Okay so the point that is actually coming through here, which I was thinking that this blog would be about anyways, is not so much about the relationship between ones passions and making money with ones passions, but rather when ones Passions become more important than SELF. Because I have been noticing this with myself lately where although I have been investing more time into my art which is cool, though, I have in a slight way have been neglecting the most important point which is ME and just working with myself on that Inner Deep level in a way where I am supporting ME within my Process of Personal Self Creation and Transformation and basically just working on WHO I AM in each and every breath.

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From SIMULATION To STIMULATION – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 781

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So recently I have been looking at and investigating into the word ‘STIMULATION’. I noticed that how I was Living out this word Stimulation was not supporting me and not aligned within myself and my living in a way that was reflecting my utmost potential. What I noticed is that I in fact had accepted and allowed this word ‘Stimulation’ to be aligned more with Consumer Culture instead of a Culture that Cultivates ones Utmost Potential because obviously Consumer Culture does not in fact do this but is oriented towards quick fixes and Surface images where you more end up fixated on some external point to generate a sense of happiness, enjoyment or stimulation within you.

I noticed for myself that I have essentially lost that ability for myself to Stimulate Myself, to MOVE Myself in my reality in a Creative way when I am faced with a moment where “I don’t know what to do” for instance.

So I have been recently practicing re-defining and re-creating myself as this word STIMULATION where I use this word as a place holder, holding and signifying a part of Myself to Change and Transform into an Expression and way of living and being that reflects my utmost potential.

So what I have been doing is “keeping an eye on” those moments I face where I had noticed how previously this word Stimulation had become ultimately ‘an abuse of self’ where for instance when I faced a moment where “I did not know what to do” or there was a Free Moment Here where I could essentially decided for myself what I wanted to do and how I wanted to express myself, and it was here in these moments that I would take the CONSUMER CULTURE Definition of this word STIMULATION where Id just go for the Consumer Culture QUICK FIX where for example Id indulge in just wasting my time, scrolling through facebook, watching TV Series, movies, youtube, and consuming all kinds of media where id end up zombifying myself in front of the computer ‘Stimulating’ myself however, this kind of stimulation is actually a SIMULATION because nothing really happens in Real Life. All the activity is just taking place in my own Head/Mind as I watch and experience surges of thoughts, pictures, energies, emotions and feelings all associated with what I am watching but I myself am just literally sitting there doing absolutely nothing.

Now, I do see that its cool to enjoy watching your favorite series or what have you, but my problem was that I was using it as an escape and as an EASY OUT, and so my LIVING of the Word Stimulation became abusive because it was based on taking the easy way out and just wanting a quick fix stimulation where essentially I am using the hard work, creativity and resources of others who come together to for instance create a TV Series, where here I am, just getting stimulated by it but not ever Expressing my own Self where watching the creativity of others just became easier than being Creative Myself.

So now I see I have to begin again Developing my ability to Stimulation Myself and be Creative myself.

So I realized that this is exactly where I can Re-Create myself and Transform this word STIMULATION so that instead of it meaning where I just sit there and be stimulated by something, where all the stimulation is actually only taking place in my own mind, it means that I stimulate me through by my own Self Directive Movement where I am actually Physically moving myself through my initial resistances and directing myself in my environment and stimulating my environment and myself physically. A cool metaphor for this is like how you can Stimulate a Plant to Grow by watering it , and aerating the soil or feeding it nutrients or weeding around the plants, or where the wind blows and rustles through the leaves, or where insects and animals are interacting with plant and creating this whole entire culture of physical stimulation in and around the plant that supports in the overall growth of the plant and its ecosystem, its all based on physical movements and interactive relationships.

So basically I am now looking at a Correction here where when ever I am faced with those moments where I am wanting to go into the old definition of Stimulation where I just get on my computer and wander through the internet, I in those moments, can support myself to change this to REAL Stimulation, Physical Stimulation where I move and direct me in a way that Supports the Growth and Development of Myself, My Environment, and Others to Live and Express to our Utmost Potentials.

Realizing What it Means Live With Purpose and Passion – An Artist Journey To Life: Day 779

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For all of my life I have had a Purpose. But what I am starting to realize about myself is that although I have had ‘A’ Purpose, I have not had Purpose, meaning my purpose was always something outside of myself that I could dedicate myself too. When I was young I dedicated myself to athletics, when I got older and still now today I dedicated myself to my art, but what I am realizing is that having ‘a point’ to dedicate oneself too does not mean one has Purpose. Let me explain.

I have been living with my partner now for over and year and we have been together in our relationship/agreement for around 3 years. One topic often comes up between us is the difference between ourselves, particularly related to the point of “Purpose” or “Having a Purpose” or more specifically, how in my life, I have always had “a point” with my art, where she never really had that “one thing” that she did where instead she just kind of did many different things.

From a really young age I began doing art and found I really liked doing art, and so I continued doing this throughout my life. I went to art school, and I decided I wanted to do art as a living. It wasn’t like I ended up in my 30’s or even 20’s not knowing what I wanted to do or not yet having found something I enjoyed doing and was satisfied to make my Purpose in Life so to speak, with me I always had Art for this.

But with my Partner, and also so many others in this world, they are the opposite side of the coin, with my partner she never had that, I always wondered what that would be like if I didn’t have my art to focus on and dedicate myself to, as something to develop and refine. I always thought my life would be boring with out it, I thought that my partner must get bored “not having a point”

But over the past couple months an interesting realization has emerged within me in observing myself in my life and observing my partner in her life.

With myself, what I have noticed is that yes, even though I had or have A Purpose as that point of Art to dedicate myself to, I found that I was really struggling to find Passion within it. It more just became something I did, and within myself there was no real passion or drive or Purpose within me in relation to how I was walking this point of Art in my life.

I would come home from work and just go sit on the couch. I didn’t want to get off the couch, it was comfortable. I became more enthralled in watching hockey and analyzing hockey statistics, than I could be enthralled with my own Purpose in doing art. I was more excited about the lives of people I watched on tv series and didn’t really have excitement about my own life. Doing art became such a labor, and man I tried, I tried to get myself enthused to do it. Enthused to get up each morning and live this purpose that I have been dedicated to as a child, and A part of me really wanted to be enthralled, excited, motivated, inspired, but I just couldn’t develop it within myself. I ended up in an experience of not wanting to get out of bed in the morning and this was going on for a while, where I noticed I dreaded getting up in the mornings, and I couldn’t wait for weekends when I could just sleep and not have to worry about getting up. And then when it was time to get up, I would do it and then just lounge around and kind of just entertain and distract myself through the day until it was time for bed again, and I would never really do much art or really do anything outside of the basic expression I have developed to sustain me financially. I was quite conflicted because here I am, and having this point of Art as a Purpose  and apparent Passion of mine to explore and develop within myself and my life where some people don’t even have a point at all, but I just couldn’t get motived to do it! What I am seeing is that I mis-interpreted the point of purpose, thinking that it had something to do with having this one singular long-time point of art that I have had and done throughout my life, but that I am now seeing is not really what it means to have a purpose or passion for life.

Now for the last few months I couldn’t help but notice my partners expression and I noticed that she started developing this pattern of getting up in the mornings quite early. Even on days off she would be up early. I thought this was quite cool. At the same time she had also started moving herself to develop some discipline and consistency in other areas and parts of her life that she saw she wanted to do to support herself and develop herself. Again I thought this was cool.

After a while of observing her moving herself in these applications, this point came up within me something along the lines like: “ Boy for someone like me who is suppose to “have a point” or “Have a Purpose” compared to someone like my partner who “doesn’t really have a point” She actually seems more like the one who is living her life with Passion and Purpose”

Now this really struck me. Because in observing her I saw a Dimension that I did not really grasp before about what it means to Live with Purpose.

My Realization is that Purpose has nothing to do with ‘What You Do’ and everything to do with YOU and How you LIVE PURPOSE AS YOURSELF where Purpose and Passion is something you Embody and Develop from Within, not matter what you do or where you are in your Life, it simply begins with a decision within yourself to Live and Develop Passion and Purpose as yourself in your Living.

For some time now I have equated finding purpose and passion to my art and how I develop and move myself in that point. But then I also see here how in doing that I am leaving out a large portion of my life when I am not doing art.

So in observing my partner recently I really starting seeing this dimension of what It means to Live Purpose and Passion. Essentially I am realizing that Purpose is NOT conditional. And that it must come from YOU. Meaning for instance if I want to be Motivated to Wake up each morning with Passion and Purpose, than I am going to have to do that for myself by Waking Up each morning and getting my ass out of bed. Why?  Because og Deliberately developing that point FOR MYSELF of Waking up with Purpose and Passion in the morning like I have been wanting.

Also in looking at Purpose and Passion in this way of it being IN and AS Self, I started to then see that if I actually Lived with Purpose and Passion and Direction than this would translate into ALL things and ALL parts of my life. So I have to start Living Purpose and Passion within Myself First in relation to Who I am and how I live in each moment, then naturally it would translate into my art expression also.

So now I am in the process and will walk this process for myself of realizing that Having Purpose and Passion begins within ME and is to be Developed within and as myself in each moment And in a way It has nothing to do with my art, though I see I can extend it into my art application but fundamentally the essence of it must start with and exist within ME and how I am Living in Each Moment and Each Breath.

Being Creative in a Marketable World – An Artist Journey To Life: Day 776

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I have spent the last 3 and half years working Full-Time as an Artist! That’s pretty cool. I have really enjoyed it and throughout that time have encountered some interesting challenges. Although I have been “making a living” doing art for the last 3.5 years, before that I spent a great deal of time creating art and have actually been developing this art career point since I decided to go to art school when I was 19 years old.

One of the greatest challenges I have faced in particular since I have been earning a living with my art is the balance between creating art that is marketable versus creating art that is truly a unique expression of myself.

Our world and money system is an interesting thing in that there is very specific rules that one must follow to ensure the success of a business. (Or at least this is what I am lead to believe) And you know, what I have found is that these rules also seem to exist in the individual as well. I have encountered this with creating art where it seems individuals are more comfortable purchasing art that is ‘safe’ I will say.

That these ‘safe’ items sell more frequently and readily where the more experimental pieces don’t seem to sell as quickly. And this also goes for apparently controversial contemporary art as well where if it doesn’t have that very recognizable essence of being or looking like contemporary art, than people are afraid to buy it who have contemporary collections.

This has been quite a dilemma for me because obviously when you spend a lot of time creating art you start noticing things about this process. I have for instance noticed that “Art” follows a lot of rule and follows the trends of today. Art today has a very specific look and feel unique to its time just as it did 100 years ago. But its strange because I also notice that this kind of limits REAL CREATIVITY which from my perspective doesn’t follow a trend or preconceived pattern which can be replicated.

But to get to the bottom of this question could be quite a story so I am not going to go into all the dimensions in this blog.

For now I am going to stick to my approach.

Basically, I start with making sure my business side of my Art Making is stable, which means that I am creating art that is creative, but also marketable. Then from there I am essentially funding my own creativity from the perspective of where and when I have enough art for sale that is more proven to sell, or money from sold art, then I can experiment a bit, and be a bit more creative with some pieces.

There is also grants and things like that you can get from the government but even with that you are catering to a specific idea of what art should look like. Essentially you are selling your art the government or at least for them to give you a grant to create art that they think is valid.

But I really question that also because our world is really in quite a state of chaos and suffering which to me does suggest that the major systems in this world and the ideas and directions they are supporting are kind of in question looking at how everything is existing right now.

So this is quite a challenge for artists today and for artists that have lived throughout time, to create truly unique individual expressions.

For me I see this as being a work in progress for myself. And sometimes I wonder if I will ever do this in my lifetime.

It takes courage to try something new, to create something that may not look like ‘art’ but that is a real expression of yourself. This especially being so with the pressures of existing in our current money system where if you don’t have money, you don’t eat.

Sometimes I wonder if people yearn for that real honest individual expression in art and would be willing to pay for that. But then, its like the pressure of money and that FEAR of not having enough money to eat or make more art enters the picture and influences what I do.

So I just do my best to find that balance, ultimately with the end goal being to create a world that allows for that Real Unique Individual Expression to come through and flourish throughout our world not just in Art but in all things and all different expressions.

 

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Moving out of Fear and Into Application – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 743

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So recently I had a look at a Fear I have that has been existing within me for sometime. This fear, is in relation to my current profession where I work as an artist, which has always been a passion of mine. Art has always been something that I have wanted to do in my life and I have spent a lot of time developing this point for myself. Now, the fear I have, is that for some reason I won’t be able to do this, and “It just won’t work out” So in taking a closer look at this point and actually writing it out on paper and also applying Self Forgiveness on it, something I noticed about this particular fear is that its not so much that I fear not doing art, but that I fear sabotaging my opportunity that is currently here to do it.

So I have been busy now doing art full-time for the past three years, and often within me this fear experience will come up and in fact I noticed that it actually influences me regularly in where my behavior starts to change where I will tend to be a bit more high strung and stressed out where behind this is this fear that “everything is going to fall apart” and so I better hurry up and make everything work and stable.

So what I noticed is that the fear is actually related to ME, and fearing ME actually messing everything up by not applying myself effectively, but where I personally end up not taking the opportunity that is HERE in my life at the moment, and “Making the Most of It” and then I fear that moment where the opportunity has passed and basically I have missed out because in that moment I can see within me that “I didn’t do everything I could have” that I procrastinated, was lazy, apathetic, or just took the opportunity for granted and let other distractions get in the way instead of really seizing the opportunity and nurturing it to its Full Potential.

I also see that this fear becomes more prominent when I know in Self Honesty that I am not actually Living to My Full Potential, but allowing myself to become side tracked. It is during these times that this fear becomes more prominent. And it is during the times when I see I am moving and directing myself effectively that the fear isn’t so much coming up.

In opening up and investigating this fear and investigating the worst case scenario that I fear happening, I was able to see these interesting dimensions and actually also realized that if my current profession doesn’t work out, but I have given it everything I got, then that’s Okay. The Fear more exist in relation to me squandering an opportunity instead of things just not working out for reasons out of my hands.

So I realize that the best thing I can do to support myself here in relation to this particular fear, is to assist and support myself to really Take Responsibility For Myself and My Life in a way where I can Fully place myself in this endeavor and express, live, and direct, to my Fullest Potential. So what came out of opening this fear up for myself is an actual Realization and also Practical Solution I can apply Daily to support myself in stopping that experience of Living IN Fear, and that practical daily application I can practice, is to practice really getting the most out of my days, and to stop squandering my days, and allowing myself to exist within a lesser version of myself that I know I am never satisfied with.

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community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential

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Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
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Waiting For Something To Happen but Doing Nothing – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 624

 

What I have been finding is that my days are repetitive and within this I experience a point of me being ‘stuck in a rut’ with not allot changing. And within this also it feels like “there is no end in sight”. So this is the point that I am going to investigate here tonight.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that if I do not move and direct myself, nothing will actually happen within my life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am the one who determines the experience of myself in and as my life where ‘my life’ is the direct result of my application and self movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want ‘something to happen to me’ as a point to ‘trigger me to move’ or ‘instigate me to move’ instead of me standing within and as the Principle of becoming, being, and living “myself as the motor of me” from the perspective of seeing, realizing, and understanding that nothing will happen if I do not in fact initiate, move, direct the point where I become the source of the movements, of the happenings that is my life through and as the practical Physical Self Movement of Me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the point that I am in fact the source of my life at the moment, and so here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a form of ‘disempowerment’ In relation to my life and how it is going at the moment, instead of directing myself from the starting point and realizing that I am Directly Responsible for the current ‘make-up’ of my life and so thus to from here investigate ways in which I can move/direct myself within and as my life to support creation of my life in a way that is more effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as ‘waiting’, waiting for something to happen in my life, missing the point of me actually taking responsibility for my life in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and wait for ‘something to happen to me’ in and as my life and then wonder why ‘nothing is happening’ instead of changing my approach to this where instead of ‘waiting for something to happen’ I assist and support myself to try different things out as different points, projects, and tasks of self movement that I may not have necessarily tried before or that I have not been doing actively, as a point of taking responsibility for myself within my life so that I can  become and live as the creator of my life instead of me waiting around for ‘something to happen’ and then wonder why nothing is happening missing the fact that ‘nothing happening’ is a Direct Relationship to ‘doing nothing’ and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to change this relationship as how I have accepted and allow myself to live/exist each day where here rather I commit myself to align myself to Directive Action and thus stop the behavior of ‘waiting for something to happen’ but meanwhile doing nothing.

When and as I see myself going into the mode of ‘waiting for something to happen’ or where I am ‘looking for some sign in my life to trigger some kind of movement or inspiration or direction within me’ to when I see myself existing within and as these points, I commit myself to stop this accepted and allowed behavior as I see that within this I am in fact ‘not doing anything’ but ‘waiting for something to happen’ and thus not Standing and Directing myself within and as the Principle that  I am the Directive, Creative Principle of myself and my reality where in and as standing as the Directive, Creative principle of myself and my reality, there is no reason to simply ‘look for something to happen to me’ but that rather I instead Live from the starting point of Moving Myself as the Source of my Life/Self Creation where I become my own engine so to speak, realizing that “nothing Is going to move me” and that HERE I must assist and support me to simply MOVE, DIRECT Me and not wait for some feeling, some experience, some trigger, some sign, some thought, some picture in my head to motive me or instigate me to move and so

I commit myself to assist and support myself to become my own instigator of Self Movement and Self Direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my experience of myself to dictate my Self Movement.

Rather

I commit myself to assist and support myself to when and as I am ‘not really feeling like I can do anything’ or that ‘I am not really up for doing something’ or that there is simply nothing here that is instigating me to move to in these moments, take a breath and bring myself HERE within and as my Physical Body. Here I commit myself to see, realize and understand that to correct this point I must practice DIRECTING MYSELF as a point of taking responsibility for my own Self Creation and no more accepting and allowing myself to base self movement on a feeling/experience/mood/trigger as I see that in doing this, I often will end up ‘waiting around for something to happen’ where in fact nothing is happening because I did not take the initiative to move/direct me as a matter of Principle within the realization that what is happening in my life is in DIRECT Relationship to what I have Directed to happen and so thus ‘nothing happening’ is showing me that I have not been effective in standing, directing and moving me as the SOURCE Of my Self Movement/Creation . And so I commit myself to Change my relationship to “living’ from one of  “doing nothing and waiting for something to happen” to Investigating ways to move myself and to assist and support myself to move/direct and thus create myself and my reality as a matter of PRINCIPLE. The Principle that My life is a DIRECT Result of Who I am and How Live and What I Direct as myself as the Self Movement of me in every breath day to day.

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Holding Myself Hostage in What I Love To Do – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 616

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘letting go of art’ which doesn’ t mean that I must stop doing art, It simply means that I am able to be Absolutely Self Directive with this point where I decide to either do it or not do it and this decision is not based on a ‘fear of losing it’ as an emotional experience or any emotional/feeling experience for that matter,  which I see that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as in relation to my decision making around the point of Art as a part of my life/myself

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am in fact able to let go of doing art and explore other avenues of careers and skills and that within this, I will be fine because I see, realize, and understand that it is not about what I do but who I am. And so again here to emphasize the point of assisting and supporting myself to release myself from any emotional connections that I have with Art/Doing Art so that I can establish myself within and as Absolute Directive Principle within and as this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing art from the perspective of believing that ‘this job is so cool’ and that I will never find anything else like it and so here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within such an acceptance and allowance through by accepting and allowing myself to believe that “I will be missing something” if I stop doing art and move  into exploring other avenues of career or skill development.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let art/my accepted and allowed relationship with art control me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by art within the context of where my relationship with art currently is one of ‘control’ where I am not Self Directive within my decision to do art or not do art but that this decision is still based on FEAR and Emotional/Feeling Reactions – Here I see an accepted and allowed Fear of Not doing Art that I have accepted and allowed to control me and create a possessive state where I fear making a decision to not do art in this not Realizing that I will be fine within such a decision and so

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that I will be fine within ‘doing something else’ and that ultimately I will be fine to let art go as I see realize and understand that it is an extensive limitation of Self by in a way ‘holding myself hostage’ within my relationship to art, within the beliefear (belief and fear) that art is what makes me happy and without it I will diminish or be limited.

I Commit myself to assist and support myself to work on this point of ‘allowing myself to let art go’. Here I see, realize, and understand that ‘art does not bring me happiness/enjoyment’ but that I am the source of my own happiness/enjoyment and so from this perspective it does not matter what I do because I am always the one who is Responsible for my enjoyment/expression/experience of myself.

I commit myself to throughout my day check myself as a point of ‘reminder’ if you will where I can assist and support myself to do regular ‘art check-ups’ to make sure that I am not falling back into a relationship of fear and control with art, but that I am in each moment throughout my day able to ‘give it up in a single breath’ realizing that I am HERE and that Art does not define me or determine who I am.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to transform my relationship with art to one based on Equality and Oneness where Art has no more or less value than anything else in this existence and so therefore there is no reason for me hold it as being ‘more than’ which then creates a ‘fear of loss’ or even a kind of ‘dependency’ relationship through my accepting and allowing myself to believe that without it I am in fact losing something.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to realize that its ok to not do art and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to disentangle myself from my accepted and allowed relationship with/as art so that I no more exist within and as the context of fear and control and emotional/feeling reactions in relation to art  but that I am simply stable and thus I within this Re-establish my Directive Principle within and as Myself in relation to art and thus can then Direct myself in relation to my participation/expression/relationship with art  within the context of Directing myself within Practicality, Common Sense, and What is Best for ALL, instead of making decisions around this point based on Fear and Anxiety and emotional/feeling possession.

 

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