What I have noticed about myself is that I have many many ideas in my head of what I would like to do. From a certain perspective these ideas can also be seen as different potentials. Now, I have observed that one word in particular that I have been existing within and Living out when it comes to these potentials is the word ‘Hesitation’
And as a result these different possible potentials in my mind continue to remain in the mind instead of me, moving myself to create these potentials into real physical manifestations through applying myself in real space and time to materialize these potentials and make them real.
Now in terms of these potentials, a lot of them exist in relation to my career as possible ways, methods, avenues, I could develop or expand, though I have held some of these potentials in my head for literally years, and not moved them out of my head and into reality.
Now part of writing out this blog right now is to actually support me within this process of SELF MOVEMENT instead of Hesitation. And to actually dare to try out some of these ideas.
There is that dimension of ‘comfortability’ intertwined into this word hesitation, where I do see that if I were to actually endeavor to try out some of these potentials that have been in my head for so long, or even just come up in a moment which seem like awesome ideas but then I in the moment of moving on them, stop, and pause, and think, mmmmm, naaawwwww, and just brush it aside, I see that the dimension of ‘comfortability’ is about the point of moving out of my comfort zone and trying out something new.
I can also see that in trying something new, I will have to do things I have never done before. I might have to interact with someone I have never done before, I might have to learn a new way or system or structure of doing things, and I see that much of the time, I hesitate at this juncture of being faced with ‘learning something new’ with ‘having to walk and understand a new system’ or path. And so, I never open up any new paths for myself, and I just stick to current MOLD, which is OLD, yet, because I know how to do it, and it has become automated in a way, I know what to expect, I know what rewards will come from it, and its easy.
I see that I hesitate because I resist doing/learning/walking new paths, ways, systems.
I see that I hesitate because its easier to just stick with the current mOLD which is already automated and I know what to expect
I see that I hesitate because of a belief that its not going to work.
Now this last point I haven’t gotten to much into yet. This belief that “its not going to work out” is what I see as how I have programmed myself to think about things, where I have in a way conditioned myself to believe that things aren’t going to work out. Or at least I can tell myself that that is why I am not moving forward when maybe, again, its more about just not wanting to break the mOLD and move myself in something NEW because to do that, It will require more effort and self direction.
I do see that I will often talk myself out of something before I even start. But again, what is the reason I do this? What is the reason why I have become more willing to talk myself out of something than GOING FOR IT.
I do see a fear of failure there. A fear of rejection. And so I talk myself out of it instead of going for it. Because I fear being rejected for my new idea, or for what I am bringing to the table.
And this relates to the idea of PERMISSION which I actually started to write this blog about but then moved into writing about HESITATION.
So the relationship between the fear of rejection and permission is based on an idea that I need and require others to approve of what I do before I do it. Now what is also interesting here is that I see a dimension of this point of permission is centered around SPECULATION only where I will for instance not act or move on an idea if someone else’s opinion thinks its not a good idea, even if I see it could possibly work, where I would rather trust someone else’s opinion rather than dare to trust myself and go for it.
Okay so this word Permission is an entire topic unto itself so I will pause here. What I normally do with writings like this, is that I will either continue opening them up here in blogs, or I will continue with them in my own personal writings. I opened up a lot of cool dimensions here on this point, though I do see it necessary to walk what I have opened up into a Solution through applying Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements so to give myself some Direction in correcting this part of myself so that I no longer exist within this application of allowing myself to hesitate and hold back when it comes to the different potentials I see I could express in my life.
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