Underestimating The Moment – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 771

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I leave again tomorrow to go home. I tried leaving a couple days ago but then ran into car trouble so had to get that fixed before I return home. When I arrive home I will be heading into the winter season, both seasonally as well as business wise. My experience is that when I get home that it will be a form of a ‘beginning’ of sorts. So at the moment, I am kind of just preparing for that. What I am observing about myself is that I have connected a lot ‘negativity’ to ‘New Beginnings’ because of the past I have had with ‘new beginnings’ where ‘nothing ever changes’ and so in thinking about this ‘beginning’ now taking place where I am starting a new phase of things, a part of me is excited but there is a part of me that is also heavy, and down, and telling myself, “who cares, it’s the same ol’ thing because things aren’t going to change this time around” So my question is, How do I actually change this heaviness, and how do I actually make a difference in my life instead of living out the usual patterns that end up creating the negative relationship I have with ‘new beginnings’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself “things never change” and to connect an energy experience of anger and frustration to this statement. And so within this allowing myself to be influenced by anger and frustration energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize even that these subtle energetic dimensions that I have connected to “new beginnings” is actually influencing me where I will just dismiss the heavy experience I have within me instead of investigating where it is coming from so that I can change it and change myself through understanding it and also being more aware of it so that I don’t allow it to subtly influence me in the background of myself.

I commit myself to realize that writing supports me to see more of myself and open myself up and so become more aware of myself and so thus overall supports me to Direct different parts of me that go undirected because they are unnoticed when I am writing a lot less or not as engaged in a process of Self Introspection that is very much strengthened through self writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to already go into Self Defeat, before I even begin something because of how it went in the past, where I have accumulated so many reactions where I have reached a point of thinking “whats the point”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is impossible to step out of my experience that is here in relation to starting this new phase of my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear that things will just be the same as always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up this new phase, where I want and desire things to be different this time, instead of just sticking to walking day by day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my creative and directive power through allowing myself to project in mind and fantasize in my mind what the future will be like, instead of sticking to HERE, and Creating it HERE in the very moment and breath I stand and breathe as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project excitement, fun, and creativity into the future, projecting this idea of how “things will be” moving forward, but in that separating myself from me Living HERE day to day which is where I can practically and physically be and become the change I want to see, through Living it here in and now, in this moment, seeing, realizing, and understanding that all and any change comes from the decisions I make in real time, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the HERE Moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate the moment within which I Stand, where even though it might seem ordinary and even mundane or something that does not have a lot of potential, I see, realize, and understand that it is in this moment, and the decisions I live HERE in this moment in the present that shape myself and my life into the future.

I commit myself to see, realize, and understand that the moment I find myself in now is my creative moment, and where my creative, directive principle exists, and so I commit myself to remind myself to not underestimate the moments of my life that is HERE, that I often define as ordinary or mundane.

I commit myself to practice focusing myself into and as Real-Time Living, and I commit myself to practice Challenging what I have accepted and allowed myself to define as boring, and uninspiring moments. Challenging them, from the perspective of Challenging myself to acknowledge that Who I am is determined through my thoughts, words, and deeds, in each and every moment, and that if a moment is one I see and define as boring, this does not change the fact that I am still creating myself in that very moment and that my decisions, my thoughts, my words, and my deeds, are Equally as Potent in Transformational and Creative force as any other moment, and so I commit myself remind myself this and realize that there is a lot of support I can give myself even if at first I allow myself to engage with a moment through my mind and preprogrammed ways of being and engaging.

I commit myself to embrace the moment I am in, no matter what it might seem like, as I see, realize, and understand that each moment that is here is Equal in its Creative Potency. I will either creating something boring for myself or I will create something interesting, or I will create some other outcome, either way, it is my will and self movement and direction that determines the outcome where I am 100 percent responsible for who I am and what I create.

So here I am reminding myself that my actions do matter in a moment, they NEVER don’t matter. And also in relation to this, that I can stop existing in future projections of this new phase of my life, because in a way, I am already In it so I don’t have to imagine it, rather I can just Focus on Right Here and Right Now, and Focus on Who and How I am Living Day to Day and Moment to Moment, as this will determine the shape and form of this next phase of my life.

 

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Daily Grounding – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 748

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Yesterday I came across a potential future opportunity that really peaked my interest. Later on in the evening I was noticing how in my mind I kept going into projections and playouts related to this potential point. It was interesting because I haven’t experienced a point like this in a while where its like I can’t stop thinking about it. Though with having walked the process I have the past 7/8 years in investigating and understanding the mind/myself,  I was able to remain stable and directive within myself so as to not  become completely possessed by my thoughts, emotions, feelings, projections, playouts, and desires related to this potential opportunity.

Another interesting observation I had about this inner process taking place was that it was very much based on excitement which I define as a positive energy. Though what I observed is that going into these inner playouts and positive energy actually created a kind of discomfort within me, and instability. So going into positive energy wasn’t necessarily a positive thing, I actually felt uncomfortable within myself. So when ever I noticed myself starting to go into another projection or play-out related to this new and exciting potential, I would breathe and stabilize myself here in my physical body, and let go of the projection, seeing, realizing and understanding that a projection is not real. Yes, at times a projection can be used practically to test something out, though this was not one of those instances as I could see clearly that my projections were more based on fantasy play-outs of why might happen that weren’t really grounded in any practical sustenance and so in these moments I would take a breath and pull myself back HERE, out of the mind, and into and as my body and ground myself.

The application of using my breath and my physical body as a grounding point has been a great support for me in my life, this particularly in relation to the directive of aligning myself with “the physical” and stopping my participation within mental chatter, this has been a great support and I often wonder what other people do who are not aware of this Self Grounding Application, and how they support themselves. Or do they just go into such mental realities and get lost in there?

So I thought I would just share this mini-process here as a reminder and support for anyone reading because for me in facing this moment last night, I was able to remain stable and grounded which was awesome, instead of becoming swept away by excitement, anticipation, desire, and curiosity which is not awesome.

We have become so conditioned to diverting our attention, whether into our cell phones or into our minds and into our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. For me, I have to, and prefer to practice daily grounding myself within my breath, within my body, within my Self Presence, because our entire world seems to be set up to distract. And I much prefer and enjoy myself when I am Stable and Grounded and HERE, and not just drifting around like a leaf at the whims of the wind.

 

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From Fear to Here. A Process of Living Words – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 745

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As I move through this process of integrating and living new words into my self and life, one particular point came up today that I realized I have been living now for quite some time and can see clearly in looking back over the past 3 years.

The point, or word I have been living is ‘Survival’

So what does this entail?

For myself it comes up and out a lot in the work I do where I experience myself frequently in a point of high stress, tension, anxiety, worry, fear, depression, sadness, basically to mean here that, when I am living in survival, it brings up a lot of emotional experiences because I am constantly worrying and stressing in my mind about making enough money to survive, so within this there is a lot of emotional experiences cycling and churning and conglomerating within me.

For the past 3 years I have been working full-time as an Artist, Woo-Hooooo! Yes, I do enjoy it, however… when did I decide that to work full time as an Artist, that I must constantly exist in a state of survival mode?  I am nearly constantly in stress, and worry and anxiety and I notice clearly that my day to day movements become very rushed where I then dread getting up to live my day because this ‘rush-state’ is actually not a very comfortable one to be in.

Often during the past 3 years, I would start to incorporate creating more paintings into my schedule where my main art practice and job right now is creating sculptures. What I noticed in looking back over these past 3 years, is that more often than not, accompanying these new paintings was an experience of haste, of anxiety, or rushing, and basically just an overall experience of stress. And so also in looking at creating the sculptural work, I can see so many times how I justified ‘working faster’ or justified why I experience myself so stressed out, or why I must push myself to carve faster, all out of fear, all based within existing day to day in survival mode where I was essentially encapsulated in fear, anxiety, and stress, ultimately believing that to do the job I was, that “it just comes with the territory” not really ever believing that I could actually walk this point that I am walking now, but do it differently, where I was more calm, relaxed, stable, and not ever needing to go into ‘survival mode’ as stress, haste, and tension for any reason.

So what I am going to do now, is endeavor or enDAREvor to transform this ‘survival-mode’ experience of stress, fear, anxiety, frustration, haste, exhaustion, and tension, into an experience and Living of the Words Stability, Hereness, Stillness, calm, Direction, Clarity, Natural Expression, Breath, Thoroughness, Articulation, Deliberateness, Ease, and here comes the big one Patience.

Interesting, I always defined Patience as waiting. But I see that Patience is not waiting, and it can actually be an action, an expression where I move myself with Patience, allowing myself and directing myself to sloooowwww myself down, bringing my awareness here, and walking and moving in breath, through which ever task I am doing. This is something that I have always tried to do with my art but just couldn’t seem to hold it down, I would always end up back in the experience of anxiety and stress linked to survival mode and ultimately fearing for my life, fearing about running out of money. So, This is the word I am going to incorporate into my Living for tomorrow, Patience. And also to commit myself to continue exploring and expanding and refining on ways I can Live this word as a point of no more accepting and allowing myself to continue in what I have been living the past three years which has been fear, stress, survival, tension, rushing and haste.

So here I commit myself to change and transform this accepted and allowed word(s) I have been living as stress, tension, survival, fear, rushing, and transform these words into words, qualities, expressions that I have always wanted to live and be and have as part of myself and my life and as part of my art expression; Patience, Quiet, Stillness, Deliberateness, Insight, Calm, Stability, Rooted, Grounded, Natural, Slow, Concise, Directive.

Okay so I have a few words here I can work with as I move forward and assist and support myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to live and exist in stress, anxiety and survival mode, just because I had a belief that “I had to” That “I have to live this way in order to make a living and survive, and that “I can’t stop” “I must keep going”. Okay So will assist and support myself here within my Process of Self Creation.

Starting tomorrow with the word “Patience” (or starting right now actually)

 

Sharing here the latest webinar from Sunette Spies from the School of Ultimate Living

 

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Information Possession – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 734

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For the past month I have been doing a lot of work online re-doing my art website along with aligning different social media points related to this as well. What I have been finding within this is that I tend to become distracted by all the new threads of information that I have opened up and began to give attention to. Actually, I become Possessed by them! I can’t stop thinking about them.

I have been managing more information than usual and I have been finding myself overwhelmed by it where I get sucked into it and at the end of the day It seems like I have wasted a lot of time engaging with extraneous information that isn’t necessarily integral to what I need to do.

What I have noticed also, is that my mind becomes quite busy where I am processing different bits of information and calculating numbers in my head, and just basically scanning over all the things I am doing and still would like to do where even when I am supposed to be doing something else, like sitting down to read a book, or eating dinner, or doing to sleep, or talking with my partner, I find it difficult to concentrate without my mind wandering back into the other points that I have been looking at.

And with my behavior also, I have noticed I am more sporadic with where and how I apply myself where I will jump around between doing different tasks instead of just focusing on one thing at a time. And this jumping around has become more accentuated than usual.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created myself into a point where I am easily distracted and moved off task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be “moved off task” by an inner experience of anxiety where I feel like I must, and have to get to everything like right now, and within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down with each breath I take and to walk in breath, in Self Awareness and Self Directiveness, where I Direct me in the activities that I do, and no more accept and allow myself to just be easily distracted or pushed off task with the slightest nudge from some external stimulation point, like a thought popping up in my mind, or a notification popping up on my phone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be swept away by what seems like a frenzy of information that is swarming around me within and without of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anxiety if I sit and spend time on doing one task for a long time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not Breath whenever this specific anxiety emerges within me in relation to “information frenzy” and wanting and feeling the need to explore various different bits of information and external stimulation points all at the same time where I become distracted by all this instead of Standing My Ground Here within myself and making sure I do not become consumed by information and external stimulation points.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “train jump”. Where in my own mind, I will jump trains of thought from information thread to information thread basically becoming discombobulated by all the information moving within myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by information in where I get lost within looking at all the details and dimensions of information where I become emotionally invested in knowing or understanding or figuring out how to align information within me where I cannot just be HERE and Quiet within myself and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give information power over me, instead of me remaining the Directive Principle of the information that makes up myself and my reality.

 

 

 

Self Commitments

I commit myself to assist and support myself to move myself from the living of the word DISTRACTED in relation to all the information points that is here at the moment in my life, into Living the Word GROUNDED where I Commit myself to practice not allowing myself to be moved by information but to remain Grounded, Here, and Stable within it all, and to be Deliberate, and Directive with Myself where I Direct Information one point at a time, while supporting myself to remain Here, Grounded, and Stable within the Core of Me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Slow myself down utilizing my Breath, as an Anchor Point to support me to not allow myself to be overwhelmed and lost in all the information points that makes up my life and myself at the moment.

I commit myself to stop becoming emotionally vested in information to the degree where I become possessed with having to constantly go over it again and again in my mind, where I forget to Breath, and Be Here, and just be with the Silence of Myself without the need to constantly have information flowing through my mind or into my eyes.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Transform myself from the Living of the word LOST in relation to how I experience myself in relation to all the information points in my life at the moment, into and as the Word FOUND as I am HERE, Grounded within and as myself where I can when I am starting to experience myself as being overwhelmed by all the information points that is here as my life at the moment, Take a Breath, and Center and Silence Myself as that point of Finding Myself and supporting myself to Walk One Step at a Time within all this information where I walk one step at a time IN AWARENESS, and support myself to move slowly and deliberately and support myself to stop being directed by Anxiety and this sense of urgency to have to move so quickly through it all out of fear that I will miss an opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become consumed by a kind of urgency within myself instead of walking deliberately, and Slowly, moving in reality at the pace of the physical and breath one step at a time rather than trying to take 10 steps at the same time.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to practice Living The Word Slowing Down, and Walking One Step at a time, where I focus just on that one Step at a time and support myself to walk that one step with clarity, deliberateness, and Self Awareness and to thus no more accept and allow myself to try and do 10 steps at the same time which I do not see as a practical way to do things.

I commit myself to realize that when I get caught up busy in my mind and only think about all the things I must do, instead of physically walking and moving them, that I end up creating anxiety where all I do is think about all the things I must do but nothing gets done, because I become preoccupied and caught up in thinking about everything but not actually Practically Physically Walking the Points in my Real Physical Reality.

 

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Converting on Opportunities/Moments of Potential Change – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 661

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In my blog yesterday I was writing about this process of Self Change that I embarked on 7 years ago and my observations about how difficult it has been for me to actually commit myself to changing parts of myself and then seeing that change through.

In my blog I mentioned a few points related to ‘positive thinking’  and so this is where Id like to focus my blog today.

What I see is that there seems to be these specific underlying statements existent within ourselves that act as justifications or incentives for us not to change. One popular one is the statement that “good will always prevail” It’s like we as humanity and I myself see I have also done this is accepted that “things will work out in the end” However I see for myself that this idea is actually contributing to me not in fact changing myself in moments of opportunity to change. I realize that things will not just work out ‘just because’. But that they will work out if I will it to be. If I apply myself in fact and actually change me. That is the only way things will actually work out I the end.

Within allowing these particular natured thoughts of “things just working out in the end” has created a kind of mentality of myself that I see more supports me to not change and to just put this process, or MOMENT of change off until later.

This ‘mentality’ is like this idea that “I will change eventually” that “eventually I will do it” and in a way I have justified not changing, where I will say to myself “Its fine, it will be ok” where there is this idea that someday I will do it, someday I will change.

Though I realize that nothing is a given. Even though we as humanity seem to believe that things will just be given to us. I wonder why that is. Consumerism perhaps. In any case Id like to further open up and explore this nature of myself. This acceptance of myself that “things will just somehow work out”

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the statement within me that “things will work out in the end” where this statement becomes a justification to not in fact change myself in moments where I see an opportunity to change and stop particular points about myself is here,  but where instead I will allow this ‘idea’ that “things will work out in the end” to influence me and so will allow myself to pass over this ‘opportunity to change’  and continue participating in thoughts, words, and deeds, that I have already identified within me that is not best for me and best for life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass on moments/opportunities of change, and to think to myself “that there will be another moment” and to within and as this equation/application, sabotage my process of self change. And I forgive myself for not having stopped myself from walking this ‘vicious cycle’ of passing on a moment of change and then passing on the next moment, and then the next, and the next, and the next, and thus here have ultimately lived out this idea that “things will work out in the end” where ultimately I never in fact take any Stand within myself to Direct myself to change myself in the Moment HERE –  but have rather lived out this idea that “somehow, someway, things will change” and missed the point that if I continue to pass on moments of change, things won’t actually work out because I am the one who has to actually direct myself within actual self change, and that this will not just suddenly appear out of no where.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want change to happen to me without me actually doing anything or Directing myself to walk the process of Change within my life. And so more placing change into a point of Hope instead of Directing it for and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own process of actual change by thinking and perceiving that “there will always be time to change later” and in this pass on opportunities as moments to change, thinking that another moment will come, though, never actually decide to change HERE and Now.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘weaken’ myself in relation to my Stand and Decision to change in a moment, through by accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the idea that “I will change later” that “I will do it later”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive and to believe that “I will change later” and my process of actual Substantial Self Change will happen later, and so never really in fact Change myself HERE in the MOMENT in my life now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take for granted the moments of my life from the perspective of thinking that its ok to use these moments to ‘indulge’ in my mind and my programming, where I Have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “I can always change later”

Self Commitments.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop passing on moments of Change that is HERE in my reality now, and to commit myself to assist and support myself realize that once a moment of change has passed, it is gone forever and just because I have time, doesn’t mean I should abuse that time.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop putting my ‘process of change’ into the future, like kicking the can down the road, but to see, realize, and understand that now is as good as time as any for Real Self Change, and I am more than ready for this.

I commit myself to see, realize, and understand that when I pass on an opportunity/moment of change, that I have, by implication, accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the nature and statement of “things will somehow find a way to work out” which I see, realize, and understand is a delusional idea, and that Self Change must be an accumulated affect of changing in each moment.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to realize the Value of Each Moment.

I commit myself to stop taking my Life for Granted through by allowing myself to continually pass on moments/opportunities to change.

I commit myself to realize that Valuing Life is an outcome, a result that is a physically accumulated outcome of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be in each moment, and Value is only HERE if I have Valued myself and Changed myself in each moment HERE. Or I will pass on moments to change, and remain as I have always been which is the accumulated result of taking life for granted and each moment that is here as opportunities to change for granted.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to realize that the Moment/Opportunity that is HERE to Change is Thee Moment. Is thee Moment to change, and so I commit myself to Seize these moments, no more accepting and allowing myself to think that another one will come later on down the road, as I have found that when I think that, I excuse myself from Seizing the moment that is here and the result is I never change.

I commit myself to Realign My application of Self Change from ‘passing on moments of change’ to a new approach which is to ‘Seize the moment/opportunity of potential change that is HERE’, and to in Convert this potential into a reality through actually physically changing in the moment.

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Embracing the Unpredictable and Unplanned : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 654

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when I have to work on weekends, even if there is really nothing important that I must do, but I react because “I don’t want to work all the time”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust and participate with the back-chat statement “I don’t want to work all the time” as if this statement is a valid point which cannot be disputed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become befuddled when I have to work more than usual and that I haven’t assisted and supported myself to actually be able to handle more and be absolutely stable within doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become comfortable with just working my normal routine even if that normal routine is not really empowering me within my Life but more just keeping me existing in the exact same ‘way of life’ which I struggle to find satisfaction within yet, I also do not change me, in terms of how I direct myself in my day to day routine, or I will react whenever that routine is threatened or changed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out a familiar routine everyday and not want to change that routine but then experience a dissatisfaction that ‘things never change’ meanwhile, not really doing anything to change up my normal routine that I live out daily that is producing my current life-style and experience and Here never really establishing a practical way for me to assist and support myself to nurture permanent change within myself and my life where it in fact becomes a part of who I am that will stand the test of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want more out of my life but to simply want this without actually changing anything about how I live and direct myself in my day to day living which has produced the life experience as not as effective as it could be.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that if I want to live my life in a way that I see would be as effective as it could be, that means that I will in fact have to change myself. And that as long as I am existing in my current comfort zone, I am not in fact supporting me to enhance and expand myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the exact same living patterns every single day and that I haven’t had the courage to change these patterns and form new patterns as a point of assisting and supporting myself to become more effective within who I am within my living.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stand in situations that I find uncomfortable because when I do this, I know that I am placing myself in a situation where I can change and expand myself because when things are comfortable and easy that is an indication of things simply being the same and predictable because I know everything there is to know about such points but that when things are uncomfortable that this can be a form of ‘growing pain’ because the discomfort is in a way painful, but here indicating a potential opportunity for Self Change and Self Transformation.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to when I find myself facing moments of decision where I must decide to face situations where I Might be uncomfortable and I see that when looking at this I go into resistance and just want to opt out of such situations and stick to what is comfortable and stick to what I know, I stop myself and I breathe and I see, realize, and understand that such moments is a potential opportunity for Self Change which is a point I see I must actually become more directive within moving myself into and as and so I commit myself to in such moments embrace the discomfort within seeing, realizing, and understanding that it is a potential opportunity to change and that in fact Discomfort is like a kind of golden opportunity when ever I am faced with it because it can very often be an opportunity where I can actually assist and support myself to expand and enhance myself and become more.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to let go of “My World” as that which I attempt to hang onto and that I do not want to change, instead of realizing that I am really limiting myself by hanging onto and holding onto “my world” as that where I am most comfortable because within maintaining a position within that where I am most comfortable, I am not ever really moving myself to expand and change me and become more and learn more and so thus I see that I am in fact limiting myself as I am not directing myself to become my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form a network of things I tell myself within my own mind in each moment an opportunity for change is here where I will simply bring up one of the ‘things I tell myself’ to support me to just remain in my comfort zone, like for instance

“I don’t want to work everyday”

Or

“its no big deal, I will change later”

Or

“this is not how things are supposed to work – its not fair”

Or

“Im too tired, I just am”

Or

“I just don’t have enough time”

Or

“I just don’t have it in me”

Or

Where basically I just want change to happen on my terms and my terms only and so attempt to impose control on change instead of adapting to my reality from a starting point of simply embracing the opportunities that come up that were not anticipated, planned, or expected.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to respond to unpredicted events that open up in m life with resistance and aversion where this has become my automated response and so within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to change how I respond to new unexpected points opening up in my life where I embrace this more instead of completely shutting down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impose my idea of how I will change onto reality and so try and control my process of change and thus within this have really closed myself off from engaging with the many dimensions of reality that is changing and interacting all the time and presenting various different opportunities to me at any given point, where instead of embracing this ‘how reality actually works’ I have attempted to impose my idea of how I think things should go which is not in fact how things actually work.

When and as I see myself experiencing a resistance or aversion towards unplanned, unpredicted events that open up within my reality I stop myself and I take a breathe and I here commit myself to re-align myself to such events to stand within and as a point of embracing such moments, opportunities and events as I see, realize, and understand that reality cannot be and should not be predicable and I see that I had aligned myself in a way where I was resisting this unpredictable aspect of reality which I see was quite a limitation as I was not allowing myself to embrace this and utilize these unexpected, unanticipated points that open up as opportunities for me to explore and expand myself and ultimately to direct myself within and as according to what is best for me and what is best for all.

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.

Making Myself Visible – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 652

Hiding

I hide from myself primarily through by not working with myself as who I have become in a way where I am actively and effectively getting to really understand who I am and how I am functioning on a deeper level.

I will have many patterns, thoughts, reactions, feelings, emotions, energies, fears, ect come up but I will not work with them effectively. I will rather ‘let them off easy’ meaning I will not in fact take these points that come up within my day and really take them apart, deconstruct them, and apply the necessary Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to assist and support myself to release myself from these particular points so that the next time they come up, I am Stable and Stand and do not go into reactions towards them or become influenced, possessed and directed by them.

So this is one aspect how I see that I have become ‘hiding’ and have been living ‘hiding’
This word ‘Hiding’ came up the other day within some writing that I was doing and initially it was in relation to the word Art. Though, a point I saw here was to actually take this word that came up in relation to this point I was writing about and ‘bring it back to self’ meaning to remove everything but me from the equation and ask myself how it is that I am Living this word on the most basic level of myself.

And so I see that on a Self Level, I see that I still do tend to hide from actually moving myself into a deeper investigation of myself. This relates to the current courses that I am walking with Desteni where my experience in relation to doing these is still more within the realm of obligation instead of really directing myself within really getting to know me, and understanding the multitudes and depths of layers within me.

I can also see that I will repeat patterns allot, but I will not allocate the necessary time to work with these patterns or even take a moment in real time to stop and apply self forgiveness outloud to support myself to stabilize in moments of reaction or energy possession.

Also I can see that I will hide in my work, or in sleep, or in entertainment, instead of ‘getting down to business’ with really taking the time to do practical self investigation or even as mentioned the in-the-moment Self Forgiveness.

So here is a few points in relation to this point of Hiding – Revealing myself to myself so that I can identify how I can correct this relationship I have towards myself and my living, so that I can stop existing as the word Hiding but rather correct myself and start facing myself and start being ‘Visible’ because visible is like the opposite of Hiding. When you are not Hiding you are Here. Out in the open.

SF
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself through by not moving myself to work with the thoughts, emotions, feelings, reactions, energy possessions that come up within me, but instead of moving myself to direct myself as these points and get to understand them so that I can assist and support myself to no more allow them to exist within and as me, I will brush them off, or I will even try and find something to ‘take my mind off them’ or ‘take my mind off things’ and so in this way suppress myself and thus Hide from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist facing myself, by and through resisting working with the tools I have available to me to assist and support myself to work with myself, forgive myself, and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the manifestation of Hiding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from myself as who I am as who I have become as the mind, as a pre-programmed automated robotic being, Hiding from the perspective of not bothering to address this robotic self that I have become but just allowing myself to live out programmed patterns that function automatically because within myself I don’t want to change because its too hard and so
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define hiding from myself as easy and easier, and to define assisting and supporting myself to change as hard and more difficult to do and I forgive myself thus, that I have accepted and allowed myself to live what I perceive and define as the easy road to such an extent that I have become the living manifestation of Hiding instead of the living manifestation of Facing Myself, Being Here, Being Visible.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that when I hide myself from me, that I cannot see me and thus I do not KNOW THYSELF because I cannot see me because I am remaining hidden and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make myself Visible through by actively facing myself, working with myself with the tools of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from that which is actually supportive for me and would benefit me where I see that I will often hide myself out of site from that which is actually related to FACING MYSELF and Facing my Mind and actually Walking my process of Self Change.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that if I experience within me a resistance to participating with that which is aligned with Self Support and Self Change, Changing myself into Living my utmost potential, if I experience resistance to this and thinking it is too difficult or hard, that this is indicating that I am in such moments accepting and allowing myself to continue my living existence as hiding.
I See, Realize, and Understand that if I do not want such words as “Hiding” to become embedded in other aspects of my life and living, than I must address this on a foundational level which I see at this moment is the Level of Self and the relationship I have with and as myself on all dimensions of what constitutes this Self.

SC
I commit myself to assist and support myself to transform the relationship I have established with and as myself from one of “hiding” to one of being Visible, being Here, and Facing Myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the word Visible, because I can see when I am Visible it is more difficult to Hide, but when I am in Hiding, it is easier to Hide from myself. When I am Visible, it becomes apparent when I am not assisting and supporting myself and when I am not effectively walking my process of Self Change, and so I resist this word Visible as I see this is because Id rather stay out of sight and this way I can indulge in who I have become as the mind instead of Effectively Supporting me to Transform myself into a Self Directive Being, Directing and Living according to what is best for all and what is in fact best for Me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize, and understand that Visibility of Self is something I resist as this goes against my pre-programmed nature, that is secretive, and private.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to make myself more visible to myself through by assisting and supporting myself to open up points within and as me through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective statements instead of brushing opportunities to do this off’as what I was doing within and as my application of Hiding. And so Here I begin with me and I commit myself to assist and support myself to push myself to reveal myself to myself, and to initially begin HERE with this foundational level of myself.

DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs
Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.