Emotional Turmoil Experience – Self Corrections (Part 2) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 444

This is a continuation of the following blogs

Emotional Turmoil Experience – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 443
The Fear of Going From Heaven to Hell – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 441

When and as I see myself starting to “think back” within myself about my past jobs and in this start ‘seeing’ myself again doing such a job as a future projection I stop and I take a breath and I bring myself back here. I realize that I have created a negative association within myself towards my past jobs and that I have also created a positive association to doing other types of jobs where the point here is to realize that such positive and negative associations was created within the context of my pre-programming as my preferences, likes, dislikes based on conditioning from my environment. I see that I cannot trust such programming and so in such moments when I see myself starting to think about past jobs and future jobs within the context of positive and negative energy/associations/charges, I stop and I breath and I bring myself back here. I commit myself to assist and support myself to work on practical living in my day to day reality where I place my focus on what is here in my world that I can and am able to practical direct in the most effective way possible essentially here assisting and supporting myself to rather than think and participate in my mind about positive and negative judgements towards work/jobs to instead Direct myself to Live HERE in the Physical in my current reality moment, assessing each moment within the context of being practical and Self Directive from the perspective of utilizing each moment as an opportunity to assist and support myself to  become more practical in my living and assisting and supporting myself to make decisions and live in a way that is best for all.

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The Exact Same Hopelessness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 328

Here I am continuing opening up the various dimensions of the “Avoiding Responsibility” Character, with applying Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements on the ‘Reaction Dimension’
This blog is a continuation of previous blogs where I have been opening up and exploring the point of how I will spend time in my room as a point of Avoiding Responsibility.

Previous Blogs:

Feeling so far from Success in this world – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 327
Emotion/Feeling Reaction: Hopelessness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit in my room and go into hopelessness in relation to my life and facing/walking the responsibilities of my life, one reason being is that because it seems like that no matter if I walk my responsibilities or not, ‘my life will not change’ and so in relation to this idea/thought I experience hopelessness and disappointment come over me where I in a way become subdued and anesthetized by this experience of hopeless and disappointment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the pattern of retreating from my world into my room and allowing the experience of hopelessness to come over me which only make me want to stay in my room and not come up ‘as everything is hopeless’ and ‘whats the point’ and so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with this experience of hopelessness and disappointment because it is a pattern, and thus normal and I am used to it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define feeling and experiencing hopelessness as ‘part of my life’ and so simply allow this experience of hopelessness and disappointment to be a part of my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that going into my experience of hopelessness will make things better and make my life better, and not realize that it only place me into a non-active state where I don’t feel like doing anything at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my experience of hopelessness to be a guide for how I live my life and what I do with my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow hopelessness to become a part of my routine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow being in my bedroom experiencing hopelessness and disappointment become part of my life pattern which is the patterns I am living and participating in in every moment as a reflection of who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know how to function or live if not participating in hopelessness in regular intervals  I mean, what does this mean? Is my hopelessness necessary?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have gotten used to looking at my life through the eyes of hopelessness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything I do and say and am and think about must have a feeling or emotion attached. Where this has become how I see my world and understand my world.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question why I always experience this exact same hopelessness? I mean you’d think that my emotions and feelings would change, but they do not, they are always the same, including this experience of hopelessness that just repeats and is like the same feeling every time made up of the same ingredients.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to understand exactly what the ingredients are that make up my hopelessness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly think that “its too much” where things seem overwhelming or too big or too much for me to do or overcome or complete and within this I go into an experience of hopelessness within myself.
I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into my normal, routine experience of hopeless to stop and breathe and not allow myself to go into this programmed experience that is always the same but to instead of assist and support myself to remain here breathing, focusing on my breath where there is no emotion or feeling required, but just me here breathing, and in this assist and support myself to stop going automatically into my experience of hopelessness because this is what it has become like where going into this experience of hopelessness has become automated and like clockwork, where it will come up at various times during my day, week, month at particular intervals and particular intensities, and so to when such moments occur arrive I do not accept and allow myself to go into that energetic frequency of Hopeless and thus see what happens if I actually deliberately stop myself from just AUTOMATICALLY going into my custom made experience of hopelessness which in itself is really a kind of carbon copy of hopelessness that I have tweaked here and there and ‘made my own’ and so to Utilize BREATHING to STABILIZE myself HERE within my human physical body and no more accept and allow myself to go into the experience of hopelessness.

 

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Sudden Surges of Anxiety/Fear – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 193

This is a continuation of the following blog posts

Sinking into Heaviness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 192
Aligning My Expression with the Physical – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 191
Stepping Out of Track – An Artists Journey To Life Day 190
Sorting out my Past Perceptions about Myself – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 189
Finding Excuses to Hold Back – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 188
Disrupting My Attention – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 187
Subtly Blaming My Genetics – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 186


In my last blog I looked at/explored the reactions of heaviness within myself that I ‘sink into’ as the reaction that comes up in relation to the “fear of failing in my Art Endeavours” I notice that what comes up very quickly before the heaviness is a sudden anxiety within my solar plexus. I would also describe this “sudden anxiety” as the actual initial fear experience. It is like a fluttering of anxiety that comes up really fast within my solar plexus.

So this is where I will start today as I continue exploring/laying out my “Reaction Dimension” that occur in relation to the initial fear that I have of failing at this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the reaction of anxiety which I see as also fear that suddenly comes up within my solar plexus like a sudden fluttering/shuttering energy surge experience that vibrate within my solar plexus when ever I start going into my mind and thinking about and looking at the point of possibly failing at this art point or /and also when I go into my imagination dimension and looking at playing out all the potential / possible various ways that I could fail or will fail, where in doing this this shuttering anxiety experience emerge suddenly and quickly within my solar plexus.

I commit myself to flag point this “sudden anxiety/fear experience in my solar plexus” that comes up in relation to this point of walking this art point so that I am able to more specifically identify exactly how and when this “sudden reaction” comes up within me, so that I can within this assist and support myself to stabilize myself within my application / walking of this point where in I pinpoint and lay out in exact detail in my “writing out of my myself” this point/reaction point so to identify how specifically I am creating it and have created/constructed it within myself, where I am able to look at specifically the different memories/past experiences/beliefs I have attached to this “sudden reaction/anxiety/fear experience” within me.

Also here I commit myself to as I open up and develop understanding and clarity on this point to thus stop my auto-participation in this point where In I automatically accept energetic reactions without in fact understanding them in exact detail in terms of what I am in fact participating with and or accepting and allowing myself to tacitly participate with/agree with/ perpetuate by participating with reactions automatically without understanding the exact context of what that “reaction” is or how it was/is created and all the various relationships I have connected to that particular reaction, and so within this assist and support myself to start develop Real Self Understanding and Awareness that I can TRUST, so to while doing this assist and support me to become more stable and also SELF Directed within myself/ my life / my application no more being guided here and there by energetic impulses that come up/ suddenly come up quickly within my body / my self that often I do not even noticed due to having become so accustom and conditioned to participating with that particular energetic reactions/feeling/emotion/experience within myself.

 

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