Lately I have been practicing this word PRESENCE.
I have observed within myself a tendency to mindlessly scroll the internet like facebook or Instagram or even checking my email numerous times a day, simply to see if anything has moved or if there is something happening on these platforms that would stimulate me or trigger some kind of movement of myself in my life. It culminated to where I would automatically reach for my phone in the moments in between tasks or events or in down time, having the effect of extending these moments into longer durations where I would literally be doing nothing but numbing my own Self Awareness and Presence. So recently I began practicing this word PRESENCE through by placing some boundaries on my social media and online usage. My starting point is to re-establish Self Presence and to ground myself more in my body and my flesh. Instead of spending time on Instagram and facebook to ‘see what was happening’ I picked up a Real Book and have been in investing myself into reading and ultimately practicing just slowing down. I have also been directing myself to literally just sit there in a moment with myself and give myself moment to process the inbetween times as I move from one task to another or when I get up in the morning instead of just jumping into my phone, I have been pausing for a moment and asking myself what else can I do here in the physical in my actual reality to support, direct and express myself. I see I can also look inward in moments to CHECK MYSELF , to ‘see what is happening’ instead of checking my phone to see what is happening and so it is a reorientation of how I have been living where my Purpose is create a more substantial and grounded presence of self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like if I do not check my e-mail to see if I have new emails that I am going to miss out on something important.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be driven by anxiety
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become anxious when thinking about ‘checking my email’ because I have conditioned myself into thinking and believing that the success or failure or movement of my reality hinges on the emails I get, when in fact the movement of my reality is based on how I am moving myself from moment to moment in the physical.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that when I am so fixated on checking my email to see whats in there that I have lost touch with actual Self Movement and now have devolved into ‘waiting for something or someone else outside of me to stimulate me or motivate me into movement’ and I essentially have abdicated myself from my own ability to Move and Direct Myself with my own Self Will and Ability.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the emails coming into my inbox are actually based on my own actual physical reality movements and so what is best for me is to remain HERE and diligent in my practicing REAL SELF MOVEMENT.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the movement of my inbox is actually a symptom of how I have already moved myself and so if I am waiting for emails to motivate, stimulate, and give me reason to move myself, I have already separated myself from the SOURCE of actual Self Movement, which is ME Moving myself in my physical reality.
When and as I see myself wanting to ‘check my e-mail’ because of a surge of anxiety rise up within me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that it is these moments where I can support myself to ground myself and create myself to be Self Directive rather than being moved and directed by anxiety energy, and so here in these moments I commit myself to Live the word SELF PRESENCE, by stopping and breathing and remaining HERE, not accepting and allowing myself to move according to anxiety but to instead Direct Myself to remain here in the moment and to assess myself and my reality in what I can do and how I can direct, move and express myself in a supportive and effective way, and so proceed to DIRECT ME based on practical common sense and what is best for me and best for all, and to within this Live and create myself within and as the word SELF PRESENCE aligned with what is best for self and best for all.