This is a continuation of
A History of Avoiding System Stuff: An Artists Journey to Life: Day 68
Where I Started opening up/looking at the point of why I was/am avoiding doing things in my world, specifically doing practical tasks such as paperwork related to my practical functionality in the System.
In This blog
I expanded on this point looking more closely at the “moment of decision” specifically investigating the point of doing something directly and immediately vs not doing this, but hesitating and allowing myself to go into the mind instead of taking immediate direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into “relax mode” when I get home from work, and do this automatically without realizing that this “relax mode” only support me to remain existing within and as excuses as existing as Characters that are Designed to follow excuses instead of Standing Here in and as Breath within and as Self Responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the thought patterns that come up after work that tell me what to do, and that within following such thought patterns continue to repeat the same behaviour patterns/actions that have created my life and myself the way it currently exist where I find myself ineffective and more existing within a point of feeling stuck in my life instead of Directing myself in all moments in my life Within Self Responsible Direction, where I stop following the same thought patterns time and time again but in fact Stopping this and rather Directing Myself within and as breath in in Practical Self Responsible actions, doing that which will support me within “Stepping Out of Character” not for just a moment, but doing this permanently, stopping my existence of myself as Characters and Re-Aligning myself to live here as Breath in and as the Physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get used to following specific thoughts to such a degree of automation that I do not even see/realize that I am being directed by my thoughts which I follow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do the little things to re-align myself with Practical Self Responsibility / Self Direction, not seeing realizing that when I always opt “not to direct myself in even the small moments” that these moments add up as I continuously and constantly allow myself to not direct myself here as breath in Self Responsibility in small moments which end up manifesting/accumulating patterns of postponement in all areas of my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to debate every decision I make instead of Directing Myself Immediately when I see a point come up that requires direction.
I forgive myself for not realizing that directing myself immediately in breath is the most direct way to move myself and points within my world, instead of waiting and taking the scenic route where I postpone to eventually, finally get to the point and thus find myself at the stop much later that I could have arrived at directly if I were to simply move myself immediately in breath in a single moment.
I forgive myself for not realizing that I must be more effective at Directing Myself within and as Breath from the perspective of moving/directing myself immediately in one breath to Direct me in practical Self Responsible Direction, instead of using multiple breaths to debate and contemplate my direction which I see/realize/understand to be actually a form of postponement.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have already designed myself to contemplate my decisions from the perspective of accepting and allowing myself to postpone decisions and directions which I am able to decide on and direct immediately in one breath and that this design of myself as stringing out my direction and decision making process to span multiple breaths as an act of postponing is/has created me as who I am and my life as it is now, which include depression, disappointment, anger, frustration, regret, feeling stuck etc…, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that I already know how this postponing my decision making and direction plays-out, as I am the living manifestation of this right now, which has already proven to be an ineffective way to life, as it only support what is here as the life we have created on earth as Abuse and Suffering, and Disregard for Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Exist as the Character that gives into resistance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assert a Character to step into and live when ever “things get tough” so that I can push forward some excuse as to “why I cannot continue” This being the “I can’t do any more” Character, and so Activate and live as this Character extensively in my life which has thus had the out-come of creating exactly as I am living at the moment within and as postponement and self disappointment that I have not stopped living as this Character which I see is bull-shit but have not Stepped out of this Character and all Characters and Stood Here in and as Breath Where I Direct me In Self Responsibility and Self Will to re-align my Living to Practical Self Responsibility in Every Moment, and to thus transform me from living/existing as a mind as observer as Characters to Living/existing here as Direct Participant in practical physical self direction and movement.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to become the living word where in essence, I do not have to speak as my physical actions become my words and speak for themselves as the accumulative affect of my physical expression/actions that accumulate what is best for all. And within this, I forgive myself for not realizing that I shouldn’t have to say anything or attempt to convince me of who I am, but that who I am is my physical actions as how I direct/move me physically in every breath, and thus to ensure my physical/direction movement is equal and one to what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to focus on my Actions done daily and in every breath as who I really am and is the real truth of me, and thus to practice being Here in and as Breath and Physically Moving/Directing myself and my Environment, in immediate direction.
I Commit myself to working with myself to move myself into an application of constant and consistent physical movements/direction in by taking note of and/or starting with the small things and to push myself to Direct points and Myself immediately in one breath when they emerge, instead of what I have accepted and allowed myself to Exist as as the Character that always opt to “rather not do that right now” passing it off as a small thing, and thus to stop and delete such a Character as I realize that it is the small things that create the larger and ultimately create my life the way it is.
I commit myself to stop taking the scenic route in my Self Application/Movement/Direction of me where I take multiple breaths to finally come to move myself when I could have in fact directed myself immediately.
I Commit myself to working with myself Daily to Establish myself effectively within Directing myself immediately in/as breath instead of allowing myself to “hold back” and go into contemplation or trying to decide what to do, as I see/realize that this is a form of postponement and a Character trait of the “I don’t want to do that right now” Character which I have designed within and as me in and as Self Interest that in by Living out and participating within and as Such a Character I am not allowing myself to Stand up and Take Responsibility for myself and all that is here, where I am taking back my Directive Principle and in fact becoming the Creative Principle of Myself.
So I have identified 3 different Characters here that I accept and allow to exist within and as me so to hide from taking responsibility for myself and what is here in every moment.
The “Id rather not do that right now” Character.
The “ I can’t do anymore” Character.
And “Taking the Scenic Route (Contemplation) ” Character.
All of which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within to support myself within Self Postponement instead of Assisting and Supporting myself to Direct Myself Immediately in the Breath in one moment/breath and become an effective Participant within my world taking my Directive Principle of Myself Back which I have given away to the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions/experiences/energies to influence me and tell me what to do and when.
I commit myself to within my daily writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application , open up, explore, investigate, and correct this specific Character / Character trait that I have accepted and allowed / designed / lived out as myself as not directing myself immediately in the moment but allowing the mind to “come in” where in, I go into procrastination within Self Direction, particularly if I have defined the task as something “I don’t want to do”
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