From SIMULATION To STIMULATION – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 781


So recently I have been looking at and investigating into the word ‘STIMULATION’. I noticed that how I was Living out this word Stimulation was not supporting me and not aligned within myself and my living in a way that was reflecting my utmost potential. What I noticed is that I in fact had accepted and allowed this word ‘Stimulation’ to be aligned more with Consumer Culture instead of a Culture that Cultivates ones Utmost Potential because obviously Consumer Culture does not in fact do this but is oriented towards quick fixes and Surface images where you more end up fixated on some external point to generate a sense of happiness, enjoyment or stimulation within you.

I noticed for myself that I have essentially lost that ability for myself to Stimulate Myself, to MOVE Myself in my reality in a Creative way when I am faced with a moment where “I don’t know what to do” for instance.

So I have been recently practicing re-defining and re-creating myself as this word STIMULATION where I use this word as a place holder, holding and signifying a part of Myself to Change and Transform into an Expression and way of living and being that reflects my utmost potential.

So what I have been doing is “keeping an eye on” those moments I face where I had noticed how previously this word Stimulation had become ultimately ‘an abuse of self’ where for instance when I faced a moment where “I did not know what to do” or there was a Free Moment Here where I could essentially decided for myself what I wanted to do and how I wanted to express myself, and it was here in these moments that I would take the CONSUMER CULTURE Definition of this word STIMULATION where Id just go for the Consumer Culture QUICK FIX where for example Id indulge in just wasting my time, scrolling through facebook, watching TV Series, movies, youtube, and consuming all kinds of media where id end up zombifying myself in front of the computer ‘Stimulating’ myself however, this kind of stimulation is actually a SIMULATION because nothing really happens in Real Life. All the activity is just taking place in my own Head/Mind as I watch and experience surges of thoughts, pictures, energies, emotions and feelings all associated with what I am watching but I myself am just literally sitting there doing absolutely nothing.

Now, I do see that its cool to enjoy watching your favorite series or what have you, but my problem was that I was using it as an escape and as an EASY OUT, and so my LIVING of the Word Stimulation became abusive because it was based on taking the easy way out and just wanting a quick fix stimulation where essentially I am using the hard work, creativity and resources of others who come together to for instance create a TV Series, where here I am, just getting stimulated by it but not ever Expressing my own Self where watching the creativity of others just became easier than being Creative Myself.

So now I see I have to begin again Developing my ability to Stimulation Myself and be Creative myself.

So I realized that this is exactly where I can Re-Create myself and Transform this word STIMULATION so that instead of it meaning where I just sit there and be stimulated by something, where all the stimulation is actually only taking place in my own mind, it means that I stimulate me through by my own Self Directive Movement where I am actually Physically moving myself through my initial resistances and directing myself in my environment and stimulating my environment and myself physically. A cool metaphor for this is like how you can Stimulate a Plant to Grow by watering it , and aerating the soil or feeding it nutrients or weeding around the plants, or where the wind blows and rustles through the leaves, or where insects and animals are interacting with plant and creating this whole entire culture of physical stimulation in and around the plant that supports in the overall growth of the plant and its ecosystem, its all based on physical movements and interactive relationships.

So basically I am now looking at a Correction here where when ever I am faced with those moments where I am wanting to go into the old definition of Stimulation where I just get on my computer and wander through the internet, I in those moments, can support myself to change this to REAL Stimulation, Physical Stimulation where I move and direct me in a way that Supports the Growth and Development of Myself, My Environment, and Others to Live and Express to our Utmost Potentials.


The CORE of my Process – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 765


Core Foundation  (498x800)

After walking a process of Self Development, Self Change and now getting into Self Creation with myself, over the last 8 years or so, an interesting aspect came through last night after receiving some good news.

Throughout the past year, there have been times when things were really challenging and I have had to just find a way to keep going and keep pushing, and then there were also times where things were a bit easy and things were more working out.

But one thing that I have found coming through for myself in this process of Self Change, is that the CORE of my process does not actually change according to if things are going easy or if they are more challenging. The Core stays the same, and that Core is the process of “working on self”.

Last night I received some “good news” after quite a while where things were challenging and then finally there was a bit of a breakthrough of sorts in my outside reality for a moment.

I was relieved, and excited, but at the same time there was an awareness and stance within me around the understanding that “nothing really changes” in terms of what is actually important to me.

What I have come to realize for myself is that my attention, and my focus must always be on that real part of me that is really determining the outflow in my life. Its almost like the external reality fluctuates quite a bit and goes into highs and lows. But what I have found about Self Change, is that that process is very slow moving and it doesn’t really fluctuate. It moves like a snail moves. When I look at a snail moving, it doesn’t really seem to fluctuate. It is more just slow and steady, and that is what I am finding happens with Self Change. For me it hasn’t happened quickly and it doesn’t happen in an instant. Although it does happen in a moment, where you decide to change, where you decide to act and direct yourself in a different and new way when faced with particular moments and people ect. But in order to really change, you have to keep re-enforcing that new behavior over and over over a period of time and I have found that takes a while.

It can sometimes be easy to get swept away by good news or overwhelmed by tough times. But for me what I am realizing about this process and “where I want to be” is that I want to be Here, and want to be here making sure that I am still focusing on changing those reaction patterns of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors no matter what is going on in my life. This core application is where I want to continue to focus on daily to really create myself into who I want to be.

I can take responsibility for myself. Its kind of like I am the steering wheel of life. I have to continue to focus on working on that core part of myself and make sure I am aligned and going in the right way in my life. Its so easy to just get lost in your mind, and swept away by your thoughts, or emotions, and so it is important to continue working on understanding how the mind works, and how one has created and programmed oneself throughout their life and then so how to correct those parts of yourself that do not actually support you to live to your utmost potential.


SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
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DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
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Where Did My FLOW Go – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 763



A few days ago I wrote a blog post about the word “Flow”

A primary experience or point that has been coming up a lot in my life at the moment is feeling like things are just stuck and not moving or flowing. This point has been showing in different ways, but perhaps the most prominent area of my life where I was seeing/noticing it is in relation to money.

I can see that within my life I have formed an interesting relationship with money where in many ways it became a facilitator of my experience in a way where I was actually placing it as God of my experience because I had given it power and authority to determine my experience and well-being where I haven’t really been the Source of my own experience and expression but had rather made myself here very conditional to money.

I have been aware of this for some time, but what’s interesting is that I haven’t yet actually changed the relationship. I have only insisted that I change it, but what my Reality is showing me recently is that I haven’t in fact changed this relationship and re-created it…recreated myself in a way that is more aligned with being SELF Directive, SELF Empowered and SELF Creating. Where SELF is the starting point.

Over the last 3 years I have observed myself and my experience and how it existed as a buoy rising and sinking on the tide of money flowing in and out. So as the tide of money swells, so would my experience and I would have a very specific experience, feeling good with everything, empowered, strong, confident, I would feel like I have flexibility, and things are good, and I could breathe, and relax, and enjoy myself. Though if that tide was out, and money was low, I would feel, restricted, stressed, angry, grumpy, depressed, lost, trapped, desperate, inferior, weak.

And I have been telling myself that I must change this relationship. That I must take back my power in relation to who I am and how I experience and express myself in my life and that this should not be dependent on how much money I have. But I justified why I remained chained to this relationship. I justified why It would affect me. One reason being that “money is just one of this things” “Money is a ‘BIG’ point” so its not like you can just change that relationship overnight. This may be true, but I am noticing that it has been many nights, many weeks, months and even years, and I am still existing in this relationship of dependency with money where I have given it permission to affect and influence not only my experience but also my behavior.

Now bringing the point back to FLOW.

Like I said, I have been experiencing a lack of FLOW in my life. And I have been experiencing this in many ways in relation to money. And then recently I had another unexpected expense come up and man its like I was hit with a tonne of bricks, thus indicating just how much I am still joined at the hip to money, giving it total authority and power to control, direct, and influence me.

So I am here writing this blog as a Step in taking back my power here, and so thus no more continuing to accept and allow this toxic relationship that I have formed with money, where I have basically given it the keys to me, to direct and control me at every level where I am just a slave, and have no directive principle over my experience and behavior but that this is always ultimately determined by how much money I have.

So lets look at FLOW.

I have been noticing that as my money goes out, my self movement starts to slow down. I am less expressive, and also at times get to points where I start closing up, feeling restricted, and depressed, heavy, stressed, and waiting for money to flow back in so that I can feel empowered again and start expressing and moving myself.

So essentially as the money flows out, I stop moving myself. I stop moving and flowing in my own life.

The SOLUTION Here is to, as I have mentioned, to disconnect this relationship I have formed with money and so thus Take Back my SELF RESPONSIBILITY for myself and my experience and Behavior where this does not change according how little or how much money I have and this is definitely an important aspect as well; That its not just about changing your experience when money is low. It’s also about making sure that if for example you have a lot of money coming in, that again here, nothing changes about your experience and behavior.

So the Solution will consist of a few different points.

-Writing about the point to develop more awareness around it and the dimensions within it

-Writing and or Speaking Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.

-Self Change in a moment, where I move myself into the new behavior and out of the old

-Re-Defining and so then Exploring and Practicing the Living of the word FLOW in a context of where I can Live this daily where it is NOT dependent on Money but rather an expression of Myself.

Okay so what is Practical FLOW.

I was looking at this point again today as I was stuck in this experience of…..well, being stuck. And I was seeing this aspect of the word FLOW how I can LIVE this word FLOW practically, and that it isn’t determined by for instance how much money I have, which I have accepted and allowed to determine the flow of my life and my experience and behavior.

I see that Flow can be lived practically like for instance making sure the normal tasks of your life are flowing nicely. For me I noticed that in having connected my experience to money, and so also my expression of ‘flow’ to money,  that I wasn’t LIVING Flow naturally breath by breath, directing myself and my reality as a Self Expression, consistent and the same no matter what. I see It can be as simple as doing the dishes. That is a point of Practical FLOW in my reality, instead of allowing a build-up to take place because for instance being too depressed to want to do the dishes.

Or even with my artwork. I can see here I can support myself Practically to FLOW here simply by continuing to direct and move this point as well. So today I was seeing this dimension of PRACTICAL FLOW as the flow and movement of my physical reality where I can assist and support myself to focus on this practical flow as I support myself to correct my relationship to money, no more accepting and allowing this to influence my expression, my experience, my behavior, my FLOW.

In my next blog, I will focus more on this point and open it up further through the process of Self Forgiveness and Self Corrections.

Unwinding Irritation – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 758


The point here at the moment is ‘irritation’. I have noticed since getting home from work that things seem to be irritating me. I equate this to a few changes in some habits/routines lately where my mind is not getting the usual stimulus or the usual experiences it normally does so this irritation is a kind of symptom of withdraw from what its normally used to. But I also see that I actually tend to have days during the week where I feel irritated and highly strung where its like every little thing gets me irritated.

One dimension that I can see about my irritation experience at the moment is the ‘Time’ Dimension. What I am noticing is that tonight in particular I am feeling pressed for time. As I mentioned in my last blog, I have taken on a new project at work which requires more time to be put in at work as well as there being a tighter deadline for everything.

Today during the day, I did notice how I was giving more attention to the idea that “tonight I have a lot to do” So I was already thinking about this at work earlier, and when I got home tonight, my experience was similar – that I had a limited amount of time with a number of things that I needed to complete.

Today, I was also having the experience that I was behind in a couple things where I was participating in mental projections about this, and playing out in my mind, other peoples reactions to my view that I was late on a few things that I needed to get done.

So I can see how in participating throughout my day in these internal projections and playouts in my mind about how other people were reacting to my apparent lateness actually accumulate stress reactions within myself and so I am seeing my irritation tonight as an accumulation of all these accumulated stress points that I generated through participating within projections within my mind without awareness during the day/week

Okay, so I thought I would just open up a few dimensions to this irritation point for myself here in this blog to see more specifically what is happening and why I was suddenly experiencing this irritation for apparently no reason. Because there is always a reason for how we experience ourselves, and the fact that the ‘irritation’ seemed to come out of nowhere, indicated to me a perfect opportunity to learn something about myself and my experience that I wasn’t aware of before because if I was Self Aware, I wouldn’t suddenly be irritated ‘out of no-where’

I will often do this with point, where I will simply start with what ever experience is here in the moment, and I will start writing about it and opening it up as a basic way to develop self awareness and take Self Responsibility for Myself , My Life, and My Experiences and actually Empower myself instead of accepting and allowing experiences to ‘happen to me’ out of the blue and accept them as if there is nothing I can do.

New Project Challenging My Limitations – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 757


I began a new project this week at work. The requirements of this particular project are a bit different than usual in that the timeline for completion is shorter. Over the past 6 months and really over this last year I have created this routine at work which consists of working only so many hours each day and each week, and I have stuck to that schedule quite insistently during this time-frame.

But now with this new project, I could see that in order to complete it that I will have to work a lot more hours, and potentially not take any days off until its complete which is very out of the norm.

I had some resistance moving within me when this project came up but I was clear within myself that I was going to do it and that I plan to complete it on schedule.

One thing I have been doing to support myself with taking on the extra workload is to focus as much as possible on the moment and day at hand, and taking it one day a time. I can see that if I start to think a lot about the future and the coming days that this creates an opening potentially for projections and resistances to build/ to be created.

Though, also, the idea that the project will only last so long is also something I have considered as a point of support. Meaning, I see, its not the norm, and so I can just do what needs to be done, and what I find is that the days, and weeks and months actually really go by quickly, so eventually the project will be over so I will just take it one day at a time, and that will add up soon enough.

Today was the 3rd day of the project and my new work schedule.

What I have observed about myself is that I am actually capable of handling the new workload. Yes, I am a bit more physically sore/tired after work, though, I can see how that previously I had been accepting and allowing myself to talk myself out of ‘working more’ when I am actually capable to doing it.

So if anything, I will use this project to test my limits so to speak, and see if I can actually do it and to really test if my apparently “Sound Logic” that “I can only work so many hours”, is valid or was in fact just a line of BS I was using to justify my own Limitation, which essentially reveals the question of why in the first place had I limited myself in the way that I was essentially refusing to work more hours at my job/career, but had kind of just been coasting for a while.

What I found was that I was actually quite stuck in my routine and I was in a way, aware that I was. So thus far, the new workload and new project has actually supported me to break out of those self defined limitations I was stuck within.

Its interesting how WORDS can contain someone.

Its interesting how we give words power over us.

Like for instance

“I can only work so many hours”

“Its better for my health if I work less hours”

“I don’t need to work more hours”

“I can’t push anymore, I am too tired”

All of these words was existing within me and I was participating and implementing these words many times each week and so also living out the same schedule every day and every week, that in reality was more aligned with a kind of passionless effort. Now that is not to say that I didn’t want to be passionate, or that I wasn’t attempting and trying to break out of my routine. But I just couldn’t, or that I just didn’t

So I will see how the coming days are with the new workload and take this opportunity to push myself which interestingly is refreshing. So I work more, and am more sore at the end of the day, yet experience myself more refreshed and even stronger, than when I was working less hours to apparently keep myself refreshed which in truth ended up cultivating a lack of inspiration and submission.

So, as I said, I will utilize this new work process as a welcomed opportunity to see what I am capable of and to push myself more and to support me in getting out of my old routine.

Moving Out of ‘Hesitation’ (Self Forgiveness) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 755



This blog is a continuation from my previous blog where I opened up the word “Hesitation”

Why Do I hesitate instead of Going For it – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 754

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as the behavior of “Hesitation” where I will hold myself back from moving the potentials as ideas out of my head and into real physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have held onto ideas in my mind as things that I could do and have wanted to try out with regards to expanding myself in my career, and that I have held these within me for years, and have not yet moved myself to “Go for it” but have instead lived and existed within and as the word ‘hesitation’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in a comfort zone where I have not wanted to move out of my comfort zone, and so when it comes to actually expanding myself within myself and my life and career, I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate due to not wanting to change things up, because I am comfortable within how things are now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘brush aside’ different potentials that come up within me of ways that I can expand and develop myself where I brush these aside and just remain in my comfort zone as that which I have already created as my routine and behavior and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entrain myself to be submissive to behavior instead of always Standing as the Directive Principle of myself where I can move in any given moment as a Self Directive Action, and not accepting and allowing myself to be less than the behavior that I have established as how I am currently living where I have given power to that behavior through allowing it to influence my Self Movement and Direction where id rather stick to pre-programmed behaviors because “its easier” which implies that I am not Stranding HERE as my absolute Directive Principle because if I was, I would be standing within the Principle of Self Creation where each moment and movement I am here within is a moment and movement of and as Self Awareness and Self Directive Creation, not something automated where I stand back within myself while my pre-programmings does all the driving and I just sit in the passenger seat and enjoy the view.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in hesitation when it comes to expanding myself and my process and life, because in hesitation, everything is known, and predictable and I will not have to face unknown situations or people or places or things in my reality where then I will have to be HERE and Clear so that I can see clearly these New things and understand how to interact with them where I cannot just repeat automated behaviors that were designed for some other situation but will have to face new situations and expand who I am and how I handle these new situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist facing new situations and new people, and that I accepted and allowed myself to hesitate and become stagnant within my self development and expansion of myself through by not moving myself to face new and unknown situations and people and then within this learning how to navigate and express and direct within these new situations and in relation to these new people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist for years within the behavior pattern of Hesitation and in this became stagnant instead of Expansive and Creative with myself, all because I preferred existing on autopilot where I know what I am getting, and in this compromised my Self Growth and Self Development through never entering into new situations, and facing new people and processes and systems and in this learning new ways of being and interacting and expressing and directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist learning new systems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living without a system, where for instance if I am faced with meeting a new person, I will have to stand in the moment and interact with them in the moment, where if I always just stick to interacting with the same people, I know what to expect and so I can relax a bit because there is less likely to be something unexpected come up that may challenge me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live out the word Hesitation in relation to “trying new things out” because of a resistance I have of facing new situations and systems where I will actually have to put in the work to understand how to interact, and function within new environments, and that I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to just “not bother expanding” and so giving in to the resistance of moving myself to understand new environments and within this stagnated myself within my life and self expression and creation process.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to embrace new things, new systems, new environments, new people, seeing, realizing and understanding that it will require Self Direction to embrace and make these new things a part of my life where I will have to understand and learn new information and ways of doing things and that this is actually cool and indicates a point of self growth and self expansion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider that to expand myself, that this will require me to MOVE myself physically into new situations, opportunities, environments and to interact with new people, where this will not just happen on its own or ‘naturally’ because it is new, and I will have to learn how to do it and also within this I will have to move through the resistance of moving out of the known and programmed and into the unknown and within this learn, grow and expand to encompass something else other than what I already know.

To be continued with Self Commitment Statements.

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime

Why do I Hesitate instead of Going For It! – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 754

What Do They Think About Me.

What I have noticed about myself is that I have many many ideas in my head of what I would like to do. From a certain perspective these ideas can also be seen as different potentials. Now, I have observed that one word in particular that I have been existing within and Living out when it comes to these potentials is the word ‘Hesitation’

And as a result these different possible potentials in my mind continue to remain in the mind instead of me, moving myself to create these potentials into real physical manifestations through applying myself in real space and time to materialize these potentials and make them real.

Now in terms of these potentials, a lot of them exist in relation to my career as possible ways, methods, avenues, I could develop or expand, though I have held some of these potentials in my head for literally years, and not moved them out of my head and into reality.

Now part of writing out this blog right now is to actually support me within this process of SELF MOVEMENT instead of Hesitation. And to actually dare to try out some of these ideas.

There is that dimension of ‘comfortability’ intertwined into this word hesitation, where I do see that if I were to actually endeavor to try out some of these potentials that have been in my head for so long, or even just come up in a moment which seem like awesome ideas but then I in the moment of moving on them, stop, and pause, and think, mmmmm, naaawwwww, and just brush it aside, I see that the dimension of ‘comfortability’ is about the point of moving out of my comfort zone and trying out something new.

I can also see that in trying something new, I will have to do things I have never done before. I might have to interact with someone I have never done before, I might have to learn a new way or system or structure of doing things, and I see that much of the time, I hesitate at this juncture of being faced with ‘learning something new’ with ‘having to walk and understand a new system’ or path. And so, I never open up any new paths for myself, and I just stick to current MOLD, which is OLD, yet, because I know how to do it, and it has become automated in a way, I know what to expect, I know what rewards will come from it, and its easy.

I see that I hesitate because I resist doing/learning/walking new paths, ways, systems.

I see that I hesitate because its easier to just stick with the current mOLD which is already automated and I know what to expect

I see that I hesitate because of a belief that its not going to work.

Now this last point I haven’t gotten to much into yet. This belief that “its not going to work out” is what I see as how I have programmed myself to think about things, where I have in a way conditioned myself to believe that things aren’t going to work out. Or at least I can tell myself that that is why I am not moving forward when maybe, again, its more about just not wanting to break the mOLD and  move myself in something NEW because to do that, It will require more effort and self direction.

I do see that I will often talk myself out of something before I even start. But again, what is the reason I do this? What is the reason why I have become more willing to talk myself out of something than GOING FOR IT.

I do see a fear of failure there. A fear of rejection. And so I talk myself out of it instead of going for it. Because I fear being rejected for my new idea, or for what I am bringing to the table.

And this relates to the idea of PERMISSION which I actually started to write this blog about but then moved into writing about HESITATION.

So the relationship between the fear of rejection and permission is based on an idea that I need and require others to approve of what I do before I do it. Now what is also interesting here is that I see a dimension of this point of permission is centered around SPECULATION only where I will for instance not act or move on an idea if someone else’s opinion thinks its not a good idea, even if I see it could possibly work, where I would rather trust someone else’s opinion rather than dare to trust myself and go for it.

Okay so this word Permission is an entire topic unto itself so I will pause here. What I normally do with writings like this, is that I will either continue opening them up here in blogs, or I will continue with them in my own personal writings. I opened up a lot of cool dimensions here on this point, though I do see it necessary to walk what I have opened up into a Solution through applying Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements so to give myself some Direction in correcting this part of myself so that I no longer exist within this application of allowing myself to hesitate and hold back when it comes to the different potentials I see I could express in my life.


SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime