Suddenly I heard a loud grinding sound, it was my car muffler pipe scraping the concrete highway beneath my feet as headed to work. I quickly pulled over, got out and looked under my car and my muffler, which had been hanging on for dear life for about 6 months couldn’t hang on any longer. I had been fearing this moment when I would finally have to bring my car in to get this problem fixed. I had been driving with muffler half hanging on, and no left tail light for half a year. I should have dealt with it sooner but allowed fear to be get the best of me. Fear that when I took my car in they would tell me it was really expensive or they would pull my car off the road. Instead it was fixed in an afternoon for less than I anticipated.
My wife had been mentioning to me this past week to go in and get it fixed. She was sensing the tide turning I suppose. The Winds of Change. We had the biggest wind storm of the winter last night. We joked about It’s symbolism as earlier that day I sold a sculpture titled “Winds of Change”
My partner and I like to muse about the different symbolisms in our lives and how things sometimes align in the most interesting ways. As we chatted about this I noticed my experience and viewpoint in relation to such symbolisms has shifted during the past few months. My wife and I had been walking through some challenging times in our lives currently. We still have a roof over our heads, food to eat, internet, cars to drive, work, leisure time ect, so there has been a degree of stability and support within our lives however we walked through a few events that really challenged us and unknowingly to me until now, has contributed to how I now view my day to day living approach.
What I noticed about myself is that I am less attached to and less focused on the outcomes of things. I used to yearn more for positive or good outcomes, where I am noticing now that I more place my attention on Myself HERE and What I can do right now or how I am living/expressing in this very moment as where my focus should be.
I find if I get to caught up in or tied to outcomes then my emotional experience becomes much more volatile and unstable. I work as an artist and live off the sale of my art. Over the years I have had a lot of potential sales that never happened. Potential sales where I got my hopes up and started thinking how I could spend the money, and then was more emotionally reactive when learning the client decided to not go forward.
So this has taught me through the years to not get attached to what happens and rather to not even focus on it at all, but to more focus on the actual core creation point which is where I more just focus on ME HERE and ask the question, AM I DOING MY BEST.
I find that when I become emotionally distraught about my sales or that aspect of my work, I take this as a sign that I am focusing on the wrong thing, and so then bring my focus back to me and my daily life which is where my creative and expressive force is. I bring it right back to me in the moment and look at what I am doing and what I can do to move forward to do and live in a way that is supportive to me and that will support me to reach and live my utmost potential. I find this also puts the emphasis more on creating the actual work and designing my life to make sure I am giving myself the time to actually directly create the art. I have also taken action to support the sales side of my work in a more direct way and am satisfied with those weekly actions to facilitate the entire creating and sales cycle.
So I realized that I am less attached to the outcomes of things in particular, speculative outcomes!
What if this happens, What if that happens, maybe this will sell, maybe it won’t, maybe my car will break down, maybe it won’t…..WHO AM I RIGHT NOW, and what can I do right now to support myself, to do my best to create a stable and expressive life for myself and others.
I still do plan for specific outcomes. This is important. However I see that creating the plan and acting on the plan and doing the daily creative actions to actualize that specific outcome is where I more focus my attention and drop any fixation that comes up of wanting or desiring the outcome. It may or may not come to pass. The point is more about who I am in creating it how I am Living day to day.
And this goes back to the whole symbolism thing where in the past I was always looking for signs that I was on the right track and that things were going to change for the better. Now I see that it doesn’t matter because that’s just speculation and that I am going to focus on getting better daily and supporting myself daily on a core level, because that is something that I actually can control! What happens will happen. Yes, I will still aim and direct myself to achieve my goals but also not hold so tightly onto these goals being achieved within the timeline and expectation that I had/have for them. Real Life and doing something in Physical Real Life is always different than how it looks in your imagination.
So Yesterday I sold this sculpture called “The Winds of Change” during one of the biggest wind storms of the season, but ultimately I do not need this to tell me if things are going to work out for me. That doesn’t change who I am and how I live and what and where my focus should be daily to support myself to Live and Grow effectively.
I think I am also learning what adds the most value to me and my life and that these are more personal daily acts than external achievements that are fleeting. I found when I make a sale that its kind of a fleeting moment. Yes its cool, and definitely an important part of my overall life design and plan but I am learning that creating real joy and value in my life has more to do with ME and how I am Living day to day and what I am accepting and allowing myself to be and LIVE and if I am actually changing and growing on a core level in a way that I am happy with. This part of myself and life is HERE daily and is not fleeting and is actually here through all the sales I may or may not make.
So the recent challenges in my life have supported me to just do my best daily and focus on doing my best daily and different outcomes may come from this and may even be calculated to manifest, but the key is who I am daily and how I am living and directing myself, and my environment daily.
How is my writing and self introspection process going
How is my personal hygiene and basic self care.
How is my presence at work, was I prepared effectively to perform to my utmost
How are my sleeping habits
How Is my diet
How is my creative expression
How is my communication with my wife
Am I caring for the animals
Am I allowing time for me
Am I focusing on the core creative parts of my business and developing ways to refine this and make this better or am I focused on the outcomes and forgetting that they are actually side affects of what I do daily.
Yes I may want the best and most amazing life but AM I grateful for what I have currently and am I utilizing what I have to its utmost potential and getting the most and best out of myself and what is here currently.
So in a nutshell I suppose its more about redirecting my attention to Core Creation of Self and Life instead of fixating on Outcomes in a way where I would actually neglect the actions that produced those outcomes.