I have been noticing lately that I seem to be more ‘checked-out’ than usual. For instance in the mornings when I get up for work, I have noticed that I kind of just zombie out of bed and into the kitchen to make my coffee and go. And I noticed within me this morning that I wasn’t very engaged. Its like, I have no spark, no pep.
Then today at lunch I noticed it also. I was sitting there with my some people and where I normally would make conversation, I just kind of ‘didn’t bother’. It was like I just didn’t care to. And I kind of just wanted to go, because I wasn’t interested in motivating or even carrying on any kind of dialogue with the people at my table. I didn’t want to make the Effort to strike up conversation.
One reason that could be contributing to this experience of myself is just my focus at work these days. I have been pushing to get some projects done, and I find that it kind of takes up my full attention and then I don’t really feel like doing anything else.
Also I can see this other aspect of how I have become focused on and invested into this particular pattern of just concentrating exclusively on this work project where even when I go home, the pattern is still more about just preparing for the next day at work and I can see how lately there has been a bit of a disruption in that pattern where I have had to step outside of it and that I just really don’t want to, and so its like I have a hard time Changing the Pattern of going to work and then coming home and resting and then going to work and then coming home and resting and then going to work and coming home and resting, ect…
I haven’t wanted to put any effort into anything but the project I am creating at work.
So I see that I actually have to put effort into other parts of my life also, and I cannot just put all my energy into my work project and then give myself to nothing else in my life.
So now having identified this, I am going to support myself to actually engaging with other aspects of my life instead of just trying to save all my energy for the project I am busy with with work.
Okay going to make this a short blog for tonight. But cool to even write these points out to see this dimension of single-mindedness that I has come up recently and how it has been challenging for me to ‘find the energy’ to give to other parts/areas of my life outside of work.
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