In my previous two blogs I have noticed the word/point of ‘Patience’ being an underlying theme, and so I am going to take a moment here to redefine and specify this word for myself so as to support myself to become more effective, stable, and consistent within Living this word until it becomes a natural expression and part of myself that is naturally who I am because at the moment I am still more existing in impatience when facing certain points/situations in my life.
I spoke in my previous blog about a new opportunity that opened up and how I was just at the beginning stages of this point and still have a long road ahead to cultivate and shape this point into the potentials possible within it. And I have noticed that I experience this drive to just get things moving and I feel like I am ‘trying to make up for lost time’ or ‘am behind’ or ‘Cannot Move Fast Enough’. That is a key point there of feeling like “I can’t move fast enough” and that things just move so slow, yet, I do have the awareness within me that there is no way around it and I see this point of “what would it be like if I was just more Patient?” like, is it possible to be Content with myself, and my life during this ‘building up’ process.
With anything you build or create, it takes TIME.
Now as I am writing about this, I am seeing this point that actually came up a few days ago as well when I was opening this stuff up. It is a Fear of things not working out, where I have this program of expecting the worst or expecting things to not work out and so I just want to have everything finished already so ‘I know what happens’. Its like I can’t stand Not Knowing. And I see that this not being able to stand not knowing is connected with an expectation of things not working out and an expectation or idea of things just turning out as they normally do where there is really nothing new and surely nothing BIG will happen. And so here within fearing or expecting things to not work out, I become anxious, and I become impatient because I just want to get everything done and in place and then have things work out so I can show myself that things DO work out. But overall, this idea/expectation of ‘things never working out’ I can see is influencing me where I become anxious and impatient and just desperate to know how things will work out.
Its kind of like that whole point of Job Security where people like having job security so that they know they will have money flowing in and that they can pay their bills and plan their lives within the system because there is a expectation of how things will go.
And to a certain degree I can see how this impatience and anxiousness I experience in relation to not knowing if or how this new opportunity will work out is in fact here also connected to MONEY and so Life in the World/Money System where essentially ones very survival is connected to money.
We live in a system of uncertainty. So how does one create certainty in such an environment?
For me in opening up this point for myself.
I can see what I can work with is that expectation I have that “things never or won’t work out”
And then secondly also looking at the whole relationship to money and how that is actually influencing here where I become more ‘desperate’ so to speak to want and desire things to work out where there is an underlying unbearableness in ‘not knowing’ and additionally thinking that there is a good chance things won’t work out.
Okay so I can see a few more points here to open up for myself and explore in relation to this point of assisting and supporting myself in Living the word ‘Patience’ as opposed to living in Impatience and Anxiousness in relation to the flow of my life.
Because obviously there is a link here to my childhood, teenage, and even in my 20’s where I imprinted many ideas around money based on how my life went.
And then importantly also, Id like to open up more the point of how ‘Money isn’t everything’ and how I have accepted and allowed myself to get side tacked by thinking/believing that if I succeed in a monetary way then ‘everything will be okay’ and in this forgetting about the most important relationship point which is the relationship I have with and as MYSELF and WHO I AM within myself. So here I see that at times I tend to focus to much on the monetary/external successes and failures and actually forget to pay attention, and develop ME on a personal internal level so that my INNER Self is being developed and is growing and strengthening and actually Developing my INNER SELF into someone of Substance. I mean this SELF DEVELOPMENT Point I see as absolutely crucial and actually the Main Point where I always START WITH SELF and so here I wonder… if am developing my SELF Relationship effectively, would I worry so much about these business opportunities working out or not where there is like a kind of fixation on these points where perhaps if I was more HERE and more Substantiated in my Self Relationship, perhaps there wouldn’t be such a point of desperation and anxiety in relation to my external world points, like business and monetary ventures.
So then what does Patience mean on a very personal self level and living this word on a personal self level?
How does one Live and Exist in such a way that they are Stable within themselves on a personal level to the degree where it actually doesn’t matter if these external goals turn out or not but either way and throughout the process of their endeavors they are simply Calm, and have the utmost personal Stability.
Okay will end here for tonight.
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