REGAIN My Presence – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 787


So this last week I have been opening up this process of moving out of Consciousness/The Mind, and into and as Self Presence/The Physical Body/My utmost potential.

And my experience within this has been tumultuous. Though this tumultuous experience is not actually new but is in fact a more common or usual experience for me within this process of “Standing Up” and moving myself out of my mind and into myself, into my presence, where I am Here, Directing Myself and My Reality to its/my utmost potential.

Recently there was an emphasis put on this process as something to be more aware of and so I was more than usual focusing on this and focusing on changing my usual pattern of when I am faced with moments where I can either BE HERE and Face the Moment in Self Awareness, Presence and Direct Myself, or to rather just go into the mind, go into feelings, go into distraction, where for me I do tend to still allow myself to stay in the mind or chose the mind rather than stepping up and standing up and taking initiative and Directing and Creating myself and my reality in a way that is more aligned with my utmost potential and more Substantial.

So even with an emphasis and a more deliberate movement to practice my Stand, I found still that my usual pattern remained persistent so to speak. Where I would still sew-saw back and forth in the usual manner instead of Establishing a more Steadfast Stand within learning to Stand, Face, and Direct My Reality and Myself in every moment.

This has to do with all the things that come up in normal day to day living such as household duties, relationship duties, work, business, and career related duties ect.

I have noticed a pattern within me where I will Stand and Face this Reality…..for a while, but then I will “run and hide”.

So for me what I have been practicing is being more Steadfast in my Stand with the intention and ultimate fulfilment of being able to Stand and Direct myself in each moment without the need or desire to distract myself or return back into my mind, into thoughts, into fantasies, into emotions, into experiences, into pictures,  but rather Stand and Face this Real Reality that I live in.

At this point the last couple days I have been utilizing writing to pull myself out of my mind/consciousness and back into reality, back to my Presence, back to Myself. Where the writing becomes a tool to understand why I am allowing the same pattern of “hiding from myself/my reality” to persist, where I will make attempts to change but not fully pulling that change through and so I have for the last couple days specifically been utilizing writing as a tool to strengthen and enhance my Stand so to speak, as well as to GROUND and Stabilize myself and prevent myself from slipping further into the mind/mind experiences where for me I have often allowed myself to just sink into the mind where here what I am practicing is stopping this allowance of instead of just allowing myself to “sink deeper” into the mind once I have already allowed myself to participate in it, to rather support myself through my Writings and Self Movement to REGAIN My Presence and thus again Decide to Stand and Direct myself in Self Awareness. Because I find that when I “FALL” in my stand that I tend to beat myself up and feel shitty and then just feel a form of hopelessness where my Question to myself is that “Can I Pull Myself Out of this experience quicker” rather than just waiting and waiting until the experience kind of just runs its course and then after that I decide to Get back up and start directing myself again.

Its not ideal – meaning, If I would just be standing and HERE and Present at all times then I would not have to bother with the whole process of pulling myself out of experiences, and out of distractions and out of the mind and finding my Stability and Presence again but for me, because there is still a see-saw happening within this process, I am here testing ways to essentially Stabilize that See-Saw, and pull myself out of “mind experiences” quicker than  usual to get myself back to a point of Stability and Self Direction, and so also support myself to spend more Time being Stable then being in the mind, and so integrating more Consistency in my Stand

Okay so that is just some dimensions of the process of learning to change and create myself  I have been walking the past little while.


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