The Resistance of “I just don’t really feel like doing it” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 782



Today after getting home from work I settled in on the couch to just relax a bit before I got into directing some other points I had planned to get to in the evening.

As I sat there on the couch I started feeling a bit more heavy and lethargic and tired and had the usual “well now I don’t really feel like doing much” experience come up within me.

This has been a specific ‘Experience’ I have been accepting and allowing to get the best of me lately and actually for quite a while really. I can actually trace this point back over a year in terms of the nature in how it is existing within me and my life at the moment.

I have started a couple new paintings at home as something that I can do later on the evenings a point of Self Development instead of just essentially wasting my time on the computer. But within this, I am still faced with Resistance as that initial experience of “not really feeling like it” which I see is or has been one of the main points in which I’d allow myself to give into the mind and the reasons and excuses to not Direct, Move, and Express Myself, and LIVE in a more supportive, substantial way.

So it is this specific resistance experience that I am “calling out” in this blog and putting a name to as a specific point for me to be aware of and support myself to walk through in moments when it comes up so I can support myself to Get More Out of Myself and Expand Myself and Live to a Greater Potential.

I noticed that once I got up off the couch and did the dishes and got things ready to paint, that I kind of shook myself out of that lethargic, tiredness experience, and I also noticed that after I had finished with my painting session that I experienced myself as much more alert within myself which if I were to go off my “mind logic”, the same mind that earlier was telling myself that “I don’t really feel like it” then you’d assume that I would be more tired after working more. But I did notice I experienced myself as more alert actually which to me was cool feedback that my Expression was more Supportive for Myself, than just sinking into the couch and vegging out.

Another dimension I am noticing when it comes to moving into processes or expressions of creativity or action is that sometimes it might take a bit of pushing. Like a car that you have to turn over a few times before it starts, and then you can drive away. I noticed this even with this blog tonight, that I had to push myself to “get over” the Blank Page that was staring me in the face where at first I actually didn’t have anything to write about, so it took a bit of pushing and prodding myself to start opening something up and then getting into a flow.

I have also noticed with my paintings that It is very easy to allow myself to accept different judgements about the painting as a justification to not work on it, like thinking “I don’t have a good enough idea” and then so I do nothing.

So this is another dimension I am seeing as a point to be aware of as I walk this process of moving from Simulation to Stimulation meaning where I move from how I would just sit on the couch and entertain myself and basically Simulate all kinds of activity in my mind through watching tv series ect, but that I wouldn’t really STIMULATE myself through actual Physical Self Movement within my Reality.

Okay so just opening up a few dimensions I am seeing within this point of me Walking the Process of Moving From Self Simulation to Self Creation and Self Expression where I am Living/Moving/Stimulating myself in a more Physical, Self Supportive Developmental way.

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