In this blog I am going to begin a process of supporting myself within Self Creation when it comes to taking on new projects or tasks and so here am going to begin with mapping out the ‘normal’ cycles I go through when it comes to walking projects from beginning to end.
The first phase of the project usually begins when it first opens up. This is often met with excitement. During this stage or phase of the project when it first emerges I find this is where I will start looking at and thinking about all the different possibilities and outcomes that could come to pass. Though I will often have excitement during this phase I will also have reservations. Fear is another emotion that I face during this time, and actually a lot of projects never get much past the very beginning stages of physical movement because for what ever reasons (which I am here to find out) I allow myself to lose motivation or talk myself out of actually bringing the point into physical movement and creation.
I am actually at this stage right now with a project I am working on. A new point opened up and it is different to how I have been doing things in the past. Its not completely different, there are some core points still in place, but there is also some New Core points that is being realigned.
I have noticed that excitement within me, and I have also noticed Fear. Fear about things not working out. Fear about my own personal capacity to handle the new responsibilities associated with the project.
Now this brings up an interesting dimension of walking projects. For me I notice that I really internalize things a lot from the perspective of I will look at aspects of myself that I don’t like, that I judge, that I see as weaknesses, and I will think to myself that “I have to change these weaknesses into strengths or else the project will never work” and so I see that in doing this I end up putting a new pressure on myself where suddenly its like there is a new onus on who I am in relation to my personal process and how I am walking my personal Self Support in changing myself and living my best self.
With regards to this personal process dimension of taking on new projects, I do find that again there is a mix of optimism as well as frustration. Optimism from the perspective of looking at the possibilities of Self Change, and thinking “Maybe this will finally be the moment where I really change” and then in the same breath, I experience a heaviness, and think “I will never change” and so as I go through this internal dialogue or internal processing of what I will have to do or what I perceive I will have to do in terms of personal change to make sure the project is a success, I find that it will begin to weigh on me where now there is more pressure on myself to not make mistakes, to make sure I am walking my process of self change where this is something I have linked to the success or failure of the new project I am about to embark on.
Sometimes it works well, and my new project is moving along and I am also moving along with my personal Self Process, actively changing bad habits and patterns that I have identified as points to change and create into strengths to support the new project to succeed. But then what usually happens is that I will hit a stumbling block, and I will start to let up a bit on my personal work and then I will end up falling back into old destructive habits and then there is like a crash that takes place because now I fear and think I have failed and my project will never work now because who I am on a personal level is not strong enough and good enough to stand and see the Project through into Success and into its absolute Fullest Potential. And so then I crash and just give up on the project thinking I failed.
So this dimension of the interplay between my personal process and my outer process as the project I am walking is a common occurrence for me as something that I routinely face when ever I walk new projects.
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