Today I was heading home and my car started to break down and I had to turn around and change my plans. Initially I was set on going home as I have been away for the week and I had scheduled myself to get back home and get back to my normal routine.
At first there was some denial within me, telling myself that “I will make it” and just wanting to power through and just hope for the best which is somewhat characteristic of how I do things sometimes where I will rather just do it and hope I make it, instead of making sure I make it, and then removing that hope point out of the equation.
Eventually I decided that the best thing is to postpone my departure and get my car fixed. It was really the obvious thing to do, though at first I resisted it and didn’t want to change my plans.
Yesterday I was writing about the point of “Stillness” and how that was a word I wanted to bring back with me when I went home. Interestingly, today that word was no where to be found. I had pretty much just let the word slip out of my awareness completely until this evening.
Although another point that I was writing about yesterday came through a bit stronger today and that was the point of how I can use writing to stabilized myself. Essentially, being ‘Still” is also a kind of stability, and practically speaking, writing is a way I can root myself into the ground to support that stability and stillness of Self.
I was looking at this yesterday because I have noticed that I have become more uprooted recently and this has coincided with overall less Consistent Self-Writing in my life. Particularly here in my blog.
So getting back to earlier today…
After I made the decision to change my plans and stay a few more days, I felt quite relaxed, relieved and actually satisfied. It also does give me a window of time where I can relax some more which is definitely something I am embracing. Its funny, because if I even look at how I structured my vacation, it really was for a small period of time, which wasn’t actually enough to really step out of my routine where with the few added days now, It does give me a window where I can just support myself to regroup and calm down a bit and potentially just slow myself down. I say potentially, because its not a given. I find it is directly related to me and the decisions I make not just in my outside reality, but also particularly in my inside reality, where my inner stability is based on what I accept and allow myself to participate in within myself, what thoughts, emotions, patterns, ect. So I have a small window now here where I am presented with an opportunity to support myself but that I will still in fact have to do this for myself.
In terms of the car. I am getting my clutch replaced….lol…..The problem was I really had to step on the gas and the engine would get really loud but the car would hardly move. Sometimes it feels like that in reality where I feel like I am busy busy all day long but things just seem to move soooo slowly. So what is the Key to Self Change or actually Creating Change in ones World for Real? The word that is jumping out at me as I ask that question is the word CONSISTENCY. That is the second time this word has come up in this blog so perhaps I will dedicate some more writing time to this word specifically in my next blogs.
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