Captain of My Ship – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 767

captain

Today’s blog post was prompted by a few reactions I was having today in relation to different events in my life. My life is going through a few changes at the moment and so as part of these changes there is some New points opening up as well as some new phases and processes to be walked as I begin this next chapter of my life.

So as this next phase has been opening up, I have noticed that I haven’t been taking it as smoothly as I could be. I noticed today that there was one point in particular that I was almost trying to force to ‘move faster’ when realistically there is certain points which simply must come together first in reality and for these points to move in reality, it takes TIME.

One dimension I noticed with regards to why I was going into this application of ‘forcing’ was actually a dimension of ‘Fear’ where Its like there is this urgency within me where I become frantic and feel like I just have to get everything moving right away as fast as possible or else things aren’t going to work out and I then I end up becoming possessed by this urgency experience which is like a mix of anxiety, excitement and fear all swirling around inside me.

This also goes back to a point of being Impatient and instead of trusting that things will work out, (with my participation of course) rather I go into fear and anticipation of things not working out at all.

Overall, I can see that there is still a lot I can learn about how to effectively walk new points, and stages, and phases of my life and process so that it’s more of a gentle ride rather than me trying to fight and force things to go how I think, and want them to go where this force is coming from a starting point of fear and of REACTIONS.

Another dimension that I can see at play within my experience of walking this new phase of my life is a real lack of Trust. I see that there is a lot of doubt within me with regards to how things are going. Its like I have pushed the boat off from the shore and now I fear the direction that I have taken and I fear the journey that I have set myself on.

“Can I really do this”

“is this the right way”

“is this a mistake”

“What if things don’t work out”

“I am going to crash and burn”

So yes, a lot of programs firing here within my mind. As I write this I am also seeing that I have an opportunity to Support Myself through this next phase of my life or I can just not support myself and “see what happens” and perhaps just end up letting the thought/reaction patterns and behaviors flair up and direct me and my life.

The overall points I am seeing at the moment is that YES, there is a new phase underway. And that I am the guide so to speak. I can guide myself through this phase with awareness, Direction, and Self Support and use this as an opportunity to actually make some Self-Corrections so that I become a more effective Navigator or ‘Captain of my Ship’, or I don’t and just make things more challenging for myself. Obviously time will tell and the Decisions I Live will determine who I really am within this new process unfolding.

So this writing has supported in clearing some of the fog so I can see a bit more clearly with what I am working with.  Here are a few points for me to work with as I move forward

  • Patience
  • Self-Trust
  • Fearing the Worst (because I have programmed myself to do this)
  • Doubt
  • Redefining Words to support me to be more Patient, tolerant, embracing and accepting of things and not going so quickly into judgement and reactions towards how things are playing out no matter how I think they should go.
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