Am I Creating Myself? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 749


Becoming Aware of The Mind - Andrew Gable, 2012

As I was getting out of the shower today I was thinking about back when I was 17 years old and on the hockey team. I remembered one tournament where our city actually had 2 teams representing it in the tournament. An “A” team and a “B” team, I remembered that the “B” team was doing well even though the “A” team was the main team. I thought about the coach of the “B” team, I imagined what it would have been like if I didn’t make the “A” team and had to play for the “B” team. I thought of a nickname I used to have, I thought of…….STOP!

Deep breath in

Deep breath out

What reality am I existing in?

Am I HERE in this physical reality?

Am I Present?

If I spend time engaging in these past memories and going into the depths of them for no real reason other than just to “think about stuff” then how will I ever change. How will I ever become something new, something different than who I was in the past if all I do is think about the past, and bring up these old memories and spend my actual time engaging with them.

This is the point/reminder I thought I’d share here because I noticed that I do sometimes have the tendency to just allow myself to ‘be in my mind’ without being Directive, without questioning the purpose of doing so.

So I see this is something for me to be aware of with myself as point of not unnecessarily engaging with my mind, or that when I do, I am doing this as a Directive Decision to investigate a particular point.

I wonder what the average amount of time is, that I normally participate with certain past memories at a given moment before I stop and pull myself out of them and back to the real-time-moment and stand equal with the moment that is here and not have my awareness divided into various dimensions within myself.

“Am I being Directive?”

which means,

“Am I creating myself?”

or am I stagnant, idle, regressing.

So here is a new word I can practice living. The point is to be Self Directive with these past memories as a point of making sure I am not just indulging within them. Rather I can practice being creative as opposed to idle.

To be creative is to be Self Creative, where you are either creating yourself or you are idle and standing still.

Alright I just wanted to share this moment that occurred today where that line of questioning came up within me with regards to “how can I be self creative and become someone new, if I am spending my time indulging and existing in the past”

So some supportive questions I can ask myself as I walk breath by breath is

How is what I am doing right now creating me?

What will be the results of who I am at the moment and how I am existing and participating in this very moment?

And so to support myself in Living the answer for myself so that what I am doing, how I am living, who I am existing as is Supporting me in my process of Self Creation to Live and become my utmost potential and not just remaining idle existing somewhere in my head in something that happened 10 years ago.


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