The other day I noticed this specific dimension of depression that I was stuck in and that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with.
What I noticed is that I went into this point of manipulation towards others. Now it wasn’t like ‘out-right’ manipulation. It was more subtle, in my demeanor, body language and presence.
Essentially I was wanting others in my environment to feel guilty for me. To Feel Guilty as if it is there fault somehow that I am the way I am, and that my experience is the way it is.
Now this is very sneaky because within this, I am abdicating my own responsibility for myself to Stand Up out of my experience, and acknowledge that My Experience, My Situation, My Life, is My Responsibility.
I realized this point during a writing session and when I saw this, I stopped.
This specific behavior has been something that I developed throughout my life where I try and make others seem responsible for my situation. I can see this played a role in the relationship I had with my brother, where I would often try to manipulate him into feeling bad for me and then so trying to make me feel better, instead of me Standing within my own Self Responsibility for myself and my experience.
Its like, when things are going shit, instead of supporting myself to take responsibility for myself and really investigate into myself and find solutions, I just try and drag others down to my level.
Quite an evil point.
So I see this point clearly now and have made the decision to STOP. And to take responsibility for myself and the particular point/challenges I face in my life at the moment.
The main point for me was seeing that now I was becoming like a virus that is trying to infect others as a deliberate act.That is quite a length to go to so In seeing that, I just saw how nasty that was and stopped.
And am now in the process of Taking Responsibility for the current challenges in my life and first standing within a point of taking FULL Responsibility for my situation and then in the meantime can also get support from others where needed.
I mean it was a cool realization to because then I can now empower myself and Stand within a point of strength instead of existing in this point of not wanting to take responsibility for myself.
So just wanted to share this sneaky dimension of depression.
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime