Part of the process of understanding myself is getting to know why I do the things I do, and why I make the decisions I make, and why I act the way I act throughout my day when I am faced with various situations. This “getting to know myself” has been one thing that I have developed throughout my time walking the desteni process which has allowed me to Direct myself more effectively when facing particular challenges that arise with my day to day living like what occurred today as I arrived at work.
Today for me was a day which I was actually dreading and avoiding and just did not want to face. Interestingly, it wasn’t anything ‘more’ than usual in terms of what I had to face today, but for the past couple weeks, I have been accepting and allowing particular emotional reactions, and experiences to ‘get the best of me’ where I have been ‘giving in’ more than I have been standing and directing myself and so when I do this, I find that my ordinary life actually becomes something I don’t want to face and I start to avoid.
Now I have had a few opportunities the past couple of weeks to Stand Up and Re-Establish my Stand with myself and stop accepting and allowing myself to remain existing within this point of Giving Up in relation to the particular points, reactions, and emotional experiences, that I have been facing as well as just Giving Up overall in relation to other aspects of my life as well, and so, getting up and going to work today, was one of these Opportunities for me to Walk through my resistance to FACING MYSELF and Facing My Reality and To Support myself to Stand and Direct myself and take on the Challenges and Tasks that are here and essentially get myself back on my feet, clear, directive and Facing the Challenges that are here and Supporting myself to Live to my Utmost Potential.
Now what I found when I got to work is that I was still in resistance to being there, though, within myself I was supporting myself to not accept and allow myself to go into the resistance experience or to participate in those parts of my mind telling me to just give up and go home, but to rather, breath and focus on what I see, realize, and understand as “This being an OPPORTUNITY to support myself to get myself back on my feet and directing myself’
Now as I moved through the practical tasks of getting started at work and getting into my day, it seemed like one of those days where a lot of points where not flowing easily but rather where points just weren’t coming together as seamless as they could. And so each time I faceD one of these disjointed moments, I could see the reactions coming up within me, and that experience within myself of just wanting to quit and go home.
“Come on, this is not worth it, just figure it out tomorrow”
“this is too much, just go home”
“you don’t have to deal with this right now”
What I found is that my willingness to Find Solutions was diminished and I see that part of the reason why this was, is because I have Not been supporting myself to Find Solutions the past couple of weeks but rather just “giving up” quickly and so today as well at work, I could see this point of “giving up” would come up quite quickly inside me in relation to the challenges I was facing.
What is also interesting here is that with a little pushing, I was actually able to Find Solutions to all the points that at some points I was certain within myself were not worth even dealing with and that basically within myself I was convincing myself were more difficult to direct then they actually were.
So, I made it through the day, and I supported myself to just push myself to find a way to make the points and challenges work that I faced today. One reason I did this, is because I had made the decision to do this inside myself before I had even arrived at work, and also again, in each moment where I faced a challenge I had to make the decision to do what I know was actually best for me and that was to not give into my emotional experience and ‘negative backtalk’ but to move myself to direct the points and to find solutions in a way that I knew I was able and capable of doing.