Today I faced a challenging decision with regards to money and pertaining to a particular path I should walk in the short term. I was essentially at a crossroads and not entirely sure which decision to make.
So initially I just looked at the point within myself and investigated the different dimensions involved and ultimately decided on ‘outcome A’ instead of ‘B’.
But I was not absolutely stable within myself. There was still some rumblings and some reactions and energies moving within me in relation to the decision and I was not entirely clear why.
So the next step for me was to sit down with myself and my notebook and just write about the point and see what else I can see.
Initially, when I was faced with the decision, there was various factors weighing in on what road I would take. However after writing in my notebook about it, I could see a lot more clearly that actually, my primary reaction and difficulty was happening around the dimension of Money, and so even though initially it seemed like there was a lot of dimensions at play, after my writing, I could see that there was really only one that I wasn’t clear on, and that was the Money part.
So after seeing this, I still wasn’t totally clear, and so I decided to sit down and talk to my partner about it. So I sat down with my partner and just started communicating about what I was seeing and what I wasn’t clear on.
During our conversation a point opened up with regards to how I have faced similar points, one in particular like this in the past and how in the past, after going back and forth for a while, I ended up going with decision ‘B’ even though I didn’t really want to. And that on a few other occasions I also would go with decision B. Ultimately because ‘it was safer’.
The specific ‘driver’ of me having made that decision in the past, and what was affecting my decision making process today, was Fear.
Today after I had looked at all the dimensions, I decided to go with decision ‘A’ but then this point of fear came up within me of “what if I made the wrong choice” and this fear kept nagging at me until I started to re-think my decision.
And in speaking with my partner I was able to communicate to her about this fear that I noticed, and that I had noticed also coming up in past decision as well and how normally I would give into that fear, and how I would actually trust it to be a good marker to base decision making on where if I had formed this methodology where, if I make a decision and then experience fear afterwards, like I made the wrong decision, then I would change my decision, and in fact I haven’t so much trusted myself to walk in the face of this fear and in the face of this statement within myself that “you made the wrong decision”
So after utilizing some of the different tools I have available to me such as writing and communicating with my partner, I decided to stick to my decision to walk decision ‘A’ and not change this decision to alleviate the ‘fear of making a mistake’ that came up within me, and so I will take this an opportunity to walk this decision and to see the validity of this fear. I realize I can’t expect to not have any fear or doubt when making decisions and I realize its not about not having this experience. I was practical in my assessment, and so now it is a point of trusting myself within this and not allow myself to be completely dominated by fear. Fears around money is quite a point for a lot of people, myself included, so was quite a point today. I am satisfied with the decision and now I walk it, and accept the outcome.
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