About 8 years ago I was introduced to Self Forgiveness, and ultimately the process of assisting and supporting myself to become the best that I could be, to become and express to my utmost potential. And so I endeavored to walk this process of self perfection. One thing I have noticed about myself during this process is that I am actually quite hard on myself. Now I have herd on a number of occasions that “you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself” and I am sure those of you reading this have come across this statement and others like it as well. But what does that really mean. Is a statement like this legitimate or is it just something people say because it sounds nice. So this is what I want to open up in this blog. What does it mean to “not be hard on yourself”
Throughout my process of correcting and perfecting myself what often seems to stand out within me is actually all the points that ‘are still wrong’ all the points that I judge, all the points that I despise about myself, that I keep falling on, where I will look at all of these points and just feel like a pain in my chest area, like a sorrow within me, because I am a failure. Or at least because I feel like a failure.
I am sure that each one could agree that a purpose within each ones life could be to become stronger, to become more effective, to grow, to become an example of what it means to live. But when I look at myself and my own life, I do not see this/these qualities per-se. And as a result I feel like I have nothing to offer anybody.
But the question is. Do I have something to offer this world?
Yes, I am flawed, I am not perfect, I am still walking my process of self correction which I foresee will still require many years of refinement and application. But, is this statement that “I have nothing to offer” really valid?
I see that it isn’t. But it is difficult to push through my own self judgement towards myself and actually offer my support to this world and to others. Because I just feel like such a failure.
How many people feel and experience themselves this way and how much is this accepted stance of individuals contributing to this world remaining within a kind of Self Loathing State where happiness is more just something people pretend to be while in actuality it is something allusive that doesn’t seem to stick.
Maybe the blind should lead the blind. Which is to say, the flawed leading the flawed.
I have had allot of falls in my process of creating myself to be the best I can be. And I am still walking this process.
And I have wanted to be perfect, I have wanted to be able to say “I am cured” and to stand as that beacon of hope for others to do the same.
But that is not happening.
But within this I do see that that does not mean it’s not possible to actually support ourselves to become our utmost potential. It simply means that it will take a process, and perhaps its better than instead of all of us hiding in our corners and dark rooms trying to do it all alone because we are ashamed of our missteps, that we come together and walk together in a more open and sharing way.
Something that was pointed out to me today in conversation is that someone may have made progress in one area where someone else hasn’t and vice versa. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and so what I see is that if we do ‘come together’ in a more open and sharing way that this could support everyone’s processes to move more effectively.
So this is a point I require to reassess about myself. This idea that “I have nothing to offer or contribute”
I can also see a desire to be awesome. A Desire to kind of swoop in as the savior who has figured it all out. Instead of walking as an EQUAL with others within the honesty that I am not perfect. But also within the honesty that I do in fact have strengths and areas where I can support others and contribute to their lives just as they can to mine by sharing their own strengths which I could learn from in areas where I see I require more stability and improvement and correction.
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