In this blog I am continuing with my blog-series on ‘the experience of Resistance’ here sharing part 3 of the segment devoted to ‘resistance within the context of relationships’.
In the previous 2 parts I started to introduce what I have come to see about myself with regards to resistance that I have faced within the points of choosing a relationship partner and then walking within that relationship.
In this blog, I would like to share some practical examples from my own experiences about how I faced resistance within my current relationship and what I did to support myself when this came up, and what I still do when ever I am faced with the resistance experience within myself in relation to my relationship.
When my current partner approached me and opened up the possibility about walking an agreement/relationship. I had at that stage been walking alone for around 3 years. My current partner and I have, over the last 2 years walked the process of a long-distance relationship ( I am in Canada, and she in the US) which consisted of daily communication as well as scheduled visits. We have walked this process with the intention of eventually aligning ourselves in the same environment, though this has taken some time to prepare ourselves, both from a mental standpoint and a practical one.
One of the first times I faced some prominent resistance within myself during the relationship/agreement, was when we decided to have our first visit. This was probably after about 6 months or so from the time we opened up the point. I had in a way seen this first visit as a kind of test-run of what it would actually be like to live in the same environment with each other. During that first 6 months of communication we chatted everyday on skype during the evening, either doing video chats or typing. We still chat everyday and have done that for the entire 2 years during our long-distance agreement. That point of consistent chatting has really supported in establishing a ‘base-line’ in terms of how we are together when we are both clear so to speak. Sometimes things go up and sometimes things go down and the whole attraction/resistance point plays-out. But through consistent chatting we have been able to establish this ‘base-line’ which serves as a cool grounding point and reference point when ever I see I am going into resistance where I can then refer back to that base-line of ‘how it normally is’ and also, how I see we are capable of interacting with each other. And the fact that this ‘base-line’ is ‘the norm’ after over 500 chats, it is a point I can trust.
So the first 6 months of chatting, we hadn’t yet concretely established our ‘base-line’ so to speak. We both were quite uncertain with the whole thing. Doing a visit was the next logical step in moving forward with the relationship/agreement, which we had agreed to do.
If I was not walking the desteni process which I have been for the last 7 years, which both my partner and I are walking. It is unlikely that we would have found ourselves together. For me, that initial attraction point was not there, and it is that point that would normally guide my attention so to speak with regards to who would have appealed to me in terms of relationship potentials.
But because I had already established an awareness within me throughout my process with regards to ‘Resistance’, particularly within the context of relationships/agreements, when my partner opened up the point of walking an agreement, I was able to in fact consider the point, instead of basing my decision on my experience of either attraction and/or resistance.
I had allot of ideas and projections about who I thought my partner was. And this was triggering all sorts of reactions and experiences within me, including resistance. In the beginning I will say that there wasn’t so much of a resistance within me towards walking the point as there was ‘nothing’. It was like I wanted to use my experience to base my decision on with regards to walking the relationship. So I looked within me. I looked within me for some kind of attraction. Like an experience that would give me the ‘green light’ to walk the relationship, but there was no attraction, and there really wasn’t so much resistance initially, and normally, in the past, it would be the experience of attraction that would tell me if I should go into a relationship or not.
But this time that point wasn’t here. So it was strange in a way to make that decision to agree to walk that agreement/relationship point when there was no experience inside me indicating which way to go.
Though, at that stage, I was aware to a degree of what was going on due to having already worked with this resistance/attraction dynamic in relationships before so I did understand what was going on. And I understood that the point was not to base the decision on these points anyways, so it wasn’t necessary to have them coming up in terms of me being able to Direct myself in this Decision. So I agreed to give it a shot and we began walking. It was after deciding to walk the point that the resistance/attraction play-out started coming up more.
And as I mentioned one of the first times where I really faced this extensively was on the first time we visited together. But before I get into that, I just want to mention here how, during the first 6 months and even a year, my mind wandered quite a bit with regards to thinking about ‘other relationship potentials’. This is like when you meet someone and then you have that thought come up “what if I am supposed to be with this person” This came up allot in the first 6 to 8 months, even the first year as we walked our long distance relationship.
This was also because I still within myself wasn’t sure if what my partner and I agreed to do was going to work or not? And obviously thinking about being in relationships with others only added to the instability, uncertainty and resistance towards walking the point I had agreed to walk.
So I did noticed that a reason I would allow myself to consider other relationship potentials within my mind, was because I was not stable in what my partner and I had decided to walk. I still was searching in a way for something inside me to “tell me I made the right choice”
Ok, I am going to pause here for this evening – This is really turning into a story about my relationship rather than a story about resistance. Was not expecting that. Lol. Ok, though, I would say Resistance was one of the main themes, or my main themes with regards to this relationship point, particularly with regards to what I have walked so far, so I can understand how this relationship story is emerging as I am here communicating about my process I have walked so far in relation to facing the experience of resistance.
Ok – to be continued.
For Support when facing Resistance in Relationships please visit the links below