Here I am continuing my blog series on ‘Resistance’, where in this blog I will be walking part 2 of my segment on resistance within the context of relationships.
In my previous blog I left off discussing how I was introduced to the concept of picking a relationship partner where that choice is NOT based on the experience of attraction/resistance
What I have come to understand and see is that ‘attraction’ is in a way unique to each individual. It is custom made. Granted, there are similarities, due to things like cultural influence, where individuals are generally exposed to the same ideas and beliefs about what the perfect relationship partner should be and look like. This is impulsed through family, friends, tv, media, magazines, facebook, music, Hollywood ect, though within this I see that I ultimately was the one determining my specific programming and defining my own preferences and within myself, within my mind, creating the idealized version of my perfect relationship partner.
And so this ‘perfect relationship partner’ that I created and programmed within myself based on all the impulses I was exposed to throughout my life was a point I started to investigate for myself and specifically here looking at how this was contributing to the resistance that came up within me towards Actual Real Relationship Partners.
I mean, things we see in Hollywood, in magazines, porn, glamour adds, music videos, the internet, that is NOT REAL. It is Photoshopped, it is edited, and ultimately it is 1 dimensional. Yet, we then go into desiring this photoshopped image or version of ‘relationship’ and then go looking for that.
So what I noticed about myself is that I had a very specific preference when it came to what I desired in terms of relationship. And through the years, I have walked a process of assisting and supporting myself to deconstruct that desire and to stop basing my decisions, particularly for relationship, on this desire experience, this attraction/resistance experience.
When my current partner came to me and opened up the potential of walking a relationship together, I, at that stage had already worked allot with this point of correcting my decision making process when it came to relationships where I was supporting myself to no more accept and allow my pre-programmed desires and attractions and idealized relationship partner, to determine the decisions I made. I mean, it still did come up, though, I was aware when it did and so my approach to it was to rather than just go into it, was to slow myself down, to not make any decisions based on it, but to allow myself some time to actually investigate it for myself which I would often do with writing, and self forgiveness. This is also a point my agreement/relationship partner and I would discuss and open up during our conversations.
I was clear enough within myself to decide to walk a relationship/agreement. I wasn’t completely clear, though the path that I had already walked in terms of getting to know myself within the context of this whole attraction/resistance dynamic supported me to be able to start walking the relationship/agreement point, and not just giving up on it when ever an experience of resistance would come up.
In my next blog, I will share some practical examples of when I faced some moments of resistance within my current relationship and what I did to walk through it.