To Change or Not to Change – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 660

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Today I listened to the “Consciousness of a Lion” interview series on Eqafe and I am going to share about a some of the points that came up within me as I was listening to the interviews.

I have been walking this process for some time. 6 or 7 years. And during that time I have been introduced to concepts, perspectives and tools to utilize to support me in my process of Self Change.

A point that was being spoken about in the Consciousness of a Lion interview series was the point of how so little change has actually taken place within the beings that have endeavored to walk this process. Yet there have been moments. Moments where individuals have shown glimpses of that ability to actually utilize the tools of writing, self forgiveness and commitments and then corrective application to actually change who they are and to change who we as humanity have become.

This is a point I could really relate to because I do see how little I have in fact changed despite having been introduced to the perspectives and tools that is so supportive for this self change process, and it is astounding really. To see how little in fact I have changed in the past 7 years.

It reveals allot about me. It shows me something of myself. It shows me a certain degree of ignorance if you will, to not change even when I see that what I am creating is not best for me or best for Life.

That is a really strange thing about myself and about Humanity as a whole. Despite the fact that we are destroying the very life we have as life on earth, we will not change. Despite the fact that we are surrounded in the destruction of lives and nature and the planet, we still do not change who we are. This ‘who we are’ being the source of what we create as out reality.

The interview also spoke about “those glimpses of change” being a kind of ‘reason’ if you will, to just ‘hold out a little longer’  to see if that change will eventually come through.

I mean I can relate to this on an individual level. Because I have been walking process for 6/7 years and even though I have hardly changed, I have seen enough, even if it is just tiny glimpse of change or potential for change within me that keeps me going so to speak.

Though I do see that I still must find that point within me where I ultimately make that decision within me to in fact change. To become that willing point within me to push myself within my process of change fully through into ACTUAL moments of transformation.

Id like to think that I am benevolent enough to actually care for life.

I think allot of people would like to think that about themselves or about humanity.

That Good always wins.

That love will find a way.

That things will work out in the end.

But this is a kind of denial of the actual momentum of Life.

Because we are very surely destroying life on earth in all forms.

The environment

The food we eat

The art we make

The relationships we have

Our relationships with the animal kingdom

Our education of ourselves.

Everything is diminishing.

Yes we still seem to keep this idea that “everything is fine”

When it is far from it.

What is strange is that by not changing we actually not only limit our potential as life and as expressions of life, but we in a way stop living all together and more just fade away and miss out on the potential that is ourselves. A potential that I find hard to believe that we are not able to see within ourselves to some degree. Its like everyone must on some level see that they or we could be so much more and things could be so much different?

But perhaps we just suppress this awareness of ourselves that we are limiting ourselves so much. Its almost like that point of change we see within ourselves, because it never becomes manifest, we just eventually come to believe that “it must not be real”

It is quite an excruciating experience because what I have found is that I can actually see this happening to me. Its like my life has become a series of missed opportunities.

So all this is is not to judge, which was also mentioned in the Interview as it brought the point around to Self Forgiveness which is a point that I was introduced to in the beginning of my process now 7 years ago.

Self Forgiveness.

Yet I do see that I even do not really yet comprehend this expression, of Self Forgiveness.

What does that really mean?

I can see that it would relate to a point where I actually stop tormenting myself for having changed so little and actually more encourage myself to and to thus actually change.

But even this is just a “In relation to” I cannot say for fact, because I have not yet actually lived that for myself so it is in a way a speculation.

So I am still learning what Self Forgiveness is, and how to forgive myself and how to change.

How to walk my process of Change, of writing, self forgiveness, self commitments, and then bringing that through into an actually physical corrective application that I live for myself to change who I am into a being that is no more enslaved to a programmed consciousness, to programmed behaviors, to programmed  thoughts, feelings, and emotions, moods, reactions, fears ect.

Ultimately I, have recognized so much of myself as thought, word and deed, does not honor me and does not honor life. It is abusive in nature, judgmental, selfish, mean, and so this is what Id like to change. And that is what I am endeavoring to change which is why I was so interested in what was being shared by desteni. Because it was clear to me that something was ‘not right’ about life, something was just off. And now I can see much clearer all the abuses and destruction taking place within and without in ourselves individually and in this world.

And interestingly I find myself still not changing. Still not correcting these Self and Life dishonors existing in and as me in thought word and deed. So it is a tough point to face. The truth that nothing is set in stone. That “things don’t just work out in the end” And that ultimately Evil is the prevailing attitude within beings and within humanity, yet somehow we claim that a goodness exits.

I say my goodness has yet to be lived. I see it in me, I understand it, but I have not in fact ever really lived it.

Nothing is certain

Unless we make it certain

Unless I make it certain for myself.

So Id recommend the Consciousness of a Lion interview series on Eqafe.

It inspired me to write this blog, even though I had gotten to a point in where my mind was routinely ‘taking point’ when it came to writing my blog and I was allowing my experience of “Its not really necessary” to direct me.

So for a moment stepping out of my pre-programmed self to apply myself in a way that is actually honoring myself and the life that is inside me.

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