In yesterdays blog I wrote about the Basic Pillars of Self Support, and so today I went about applying myself within these basic points of Breathing, and stopping thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I didn’t actually remember that I outlined these points until in the afternoon sometime when I remembered that I was supposed to be applying myself within this point of focusing on my breathing throughout the day and stopping the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come up within me. Doing this as a point to support myself to become more Physical in my Daily Living where my focus is on Practical Functionality and getting out of the mind reality.
So today I did practice this application of working more closely with these basic pillars of Self Support.
There were a few primary experiences that I noticed were more prominent within me as well as there being one instance where I really reacted inside myself.
It was quite interesting to observe this reaction taking place within me. A moment before I was stable, going about my day and checking my e-mails and I opened and read one e-mail and it was like inside myself I just started ‘going off’. The primary experience of the reaction was the emotion of frustration and anger bordering on rage.
So one second I am fine and then the next second there is this anger twisting and convulsing around inside me.
In that moment I remembered my application of Breathing, and stopping thoughts feelings and emotions. When I remembered that point, I started to fight inside myself.
One of the back-chat statements that came up within me in that moment was
“I can’t let go”
Because here I was knowing exactly what I required to do which was to simplistically Stop participating in the reaction where this stopping I was approaching from a more simplistic standpoint in terms of just ‘letting it go’. But I didn’t want to.
Many thoughts throughout the day that were not so much charged up with energy as the particular reaction I had was, these non-charged thoughts are actually much more easy to just let go of and stop participating in. But this reaction I had was much more sticky in a way and really intertwined within me.
The experience of anger and frustration is not a comfortable experience. So then why would I not want to let such an experience go and simply be here stable and comfortable within my human physical body.
Due to the extent of the reaction I had in that moment, I realized and so decided that this particular reaction would require me to actually investigate it later on in writing because there was quite a build up of energies, and reactions unleashed when I read that e-mail and started reacting. And so due to the nature of the experience I had, I could see that this reaction ‘had a history’ so to speak and so I will open this point up in writing to support myself to see the details of the reaction so that I can understand it.
So for a few moments I kept wanting to keep going back into the reaction, then Id take a breath and pull myself back to Here, but then I just wanted again to dive back in.
So writing about this reaction will be bedtime writing tonight.
Though I also see that because in that moment today I was not able to so easily let the reaction go. A Step I could have taken was to actually apply Self Forgiveness in the moment, to assist and support myself with the letting go of this reaction so that I could maintain my Self Presence and full functional capacity as I was at work and so required to be full attention while working.
So overall todays application was cool.
I will continue with applying these Basic Pillars of Self Support.
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