Realizing I have something to Contribute – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 644

 

This point of devaluing myself came up today during a conversation with others who were involved in a point that I was wanting to get more involved with but had not yet done so. During the conversation I realized that in allot of ways the individuals were actually very much like me, and that me and my situation was not so different as I had made it out to be. I also realized how much I had disabled myself through ‘cutting myself down’  in my thoughts, imaginations, feelings, and emotions. I created ideas about these individuals walking this point, and so also created ideas about me in relation to the ideas I created about them.

One way that I did this is that I isolated myself. I isolated myself and so never really go any new or accurate  information about the point I was creating all the ideas about and so yes, ended up forming this entire experience within myself about and around this point and I didn’t really notice this was happening.

What I see is that these ideas I created were for the most part based on speculation where I was using very little information to form my ideas and perceptions which I see that that is precisely what I had done – I had created ideas and perceptions only. And not an accurate picture of the actual point I was interested in.

So in having the discussion today, I realized that I had really formed a limiting perception about Myself. Placing others in exalted positions meanwhile thus, seeing me as incapable.

This caused allot of frustration within myself because of seeing myself in this fashion, seeing myself as incapable and so thus then I just continued slinking along in my life believing this idea about myself and missing the point that this idea was not true, that in fact I am much more capable than I was making myself out to be.

I see that I had created this idea that people that are successful or in particular that were engaged in walking this point that I was interested in where like superhuman, and you know I can see how I have held this idea about allot of people in the world that I come across who are successful or very successful Its like I think ‘they have something that I don’t’ and so again, within this this idea, I experience quite a helplessness. In my thoughts, I tell myself “I am not like them”, “I am not smart enough” “I can’t do that” and within repeating these thoughts over and over and over I in a way beat myself into a submission where I just accept these things as true in a way where I no more even notice I am doing this.

So 2 main points came up today with this point.

Firstly – How I had created this entire idea about myself that I was in the process of actually Living out where I was this human with no ability or ingenuity to think on my feet or really contribute with suggestions, ideas, ect. Its like I just sat back in this idea, that I ‘I have nothing to contribute’ but man this is really tough because this is not in fact how I see myself.

Id say ALL humans on earth can contribute. Obviously there are some cases where individuals are disabled mentally or physically but ultimately I wonder how much we has individuals actually drastically underestimate our ability to contribute.I mean, today in noticing that I was doing this was kind of like a weight off my shoulders and thus I was able to step out of the knee-deep tracks that I had sunk myself into and so now can actually walk freely. Though I do see that now I must actually apply this realization in my day to day living otherwise its all for not

Secondly – Real Actual Communication is essential in remaining grounded. So here simply I saw how actually contributing or moving myself to engage FOR REAL with the point I was interested in assisted in me seeing what it is actually about because I have noticed that what I have been doing is more forming perceptions and ideas  about it in isolation which is obviously dangerous as the mind tend to create entire fictional realities which does not support actual real self movement based on Practical Real Common Sense Reality in terms of how things actually work.

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