Here in this blog I am starting the process of walking the Self Commitment Statements in relation to the Self Forgiveness walked in:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a kind of fear paralysis where I freeze with fear within myself in relation to the prospect of actually living What is Best for ALL because I see this as such a monumental task that if I were to live by, would completely transform myself and my life from how it is now and so that is what I am afraid of, I am afraid of this total transformation that I am anticipating happening to my life, particularly within the context of this ‘idea’ that I have that all joy, and fun, and happiness would be taken out of me and my life and so I see here that this “fear of transformation of my life” is more in relation to this idea I have about no more getting to experience joy, or happiness, and that I created this idea that I will not be happy any more because my life would no longer be mine but that I would in a way become a servant to life which interestingly I experience more as ‘being a slave’ to life which I see is how I am experiencing and interpreting this point of Living what is best for all, and so thus have created a resistance to in fact Integrating such a point into me and into my living.
I see, realize, and understand that this ‘fear paralysis’ in relation to “living what is best for all” exists as a protection mechanism of my pre-programmed self/mind because in making the decision to, and then actually Living by and as the Principle of ‘what is best for all’, my pre-programmed self/mind ‘will have to go’ due to the nature of this self/mind, because it is existing within and as Self Interest as the essence of it, and so what I see is that this ‘fear paralysis’ that comes up within me as a sudden experience of fear/shock leaping up into my chest area is related to this point of awareness within me that who I am/have accepted and allowed myself to exist as ultimately must be changed, and that to do this, I will have to change, which means that I will have to in fact Will myself to Live new patterns, new actions, new routines, that is aligned within and as the principle of what is best for all, and so thus my current specific patterns, actions, routines that I have become comfortable within are now threatened, as I see that I am here embarking on Changing who I am and my Living to be aligned within and as the Principle of what best for all, and so thus I react within myself in relation to this, which I see is a point of “fear of change” or “not wanting to change” So its not really a fear, like I am scared of what is to come. That is more a mask, a disguise, what I see behind it is in fact a point of “not wanting to change” not wanting to walk that process of what I am seeing as discomfort within in fact walking the various processes of aligning my living from Self Interest to the Interest of ALL.
When and as I see that experience of ‘fear paralysis’ where I feel that fear/anxiety/panic leap into my chest in relation to living by the Principle of What is BEST FOR ALL, I stop and I breathe. Here I commit myself to remain here within and as my breathing as a point of Stabilizing myself/remaining Stable within and as my human physical body. I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to participate within or go into this ‘fear paralysis’ experience as I see that it exist within and as a Self/Mind Protection Mechanism to protect that Self/Mind of and as Me that I no more accept and allow myself to protect or defend but that I commit myself to actually Change and transform into a New Expression that is Aligned within and as the Principle of What is Best For ALL, and so thus here when this ‘Fear Paralysis’ point leaps up within me, I commit myself to breathe/remain within and as breath so that I can assist and support myself to Stand within a Point of Self Stability which I have found is an effective Grounding Point of allowing myself to actually Investigate, Introspect, and See within what is HERE, what I require to do or how I require to direct myself to in fact Change these patterns, routines, actions, that this ‘fear paralysis’ is trying to protect, into patterns, routines, actions that is Aligned no more with Self Interest and in fact self destructive consequences , but that exist within and as ways and applications and expressions that is Self Supportive and aligned with What is Best For ALL, and Living to my Utmost potential.
And so within remaining within Breathing, and Self Stability I commit myself to walk through that “fear paralysis’ and thus to no more accept and allow myself to go into the ‘paralysis’ experience which is in essence ‘to do nothing’ to be frozen and to not move myself. Rather I commit myself to breathe and to remain Here and Self Directing and moving myself within and as the processes I am walking/living within changing myself from existing within and as Self Interest into and as What is Best for ALL.
I commit myself to realize that this process of Self Change is in fact best for me and actually pretty COOL to in fact walk and so that it is Not something that I have to fear, and so when and as this ‘fear paralysis’ (fear of change) point leaps up within me, I commit myself to breathe, and let it go, as I see, realize, and understand I can and DO in fact Enjoy this process of Aligning myself and my Living into and as an Expression that Stand within and as the principle of what is best for all.