Creating Inner Storms – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 629

The other day I decided that after work I would leave a bit early so that I could spend some time working on a painting that I had started a few weeks before and had already spent 2 sessions on. The first session went really well and the second session did not go well at all. However I had considered that if I did a third session on it that I could get things turned back in the right direction to be able to ‘make the painting work’ and hopefully come away with a successful painting.

I arrived at the site, set up, and started painting.

From the outset things were not going that well and what I want to open up here is the experience that ensued, because as I painted an experience started to emerge within me which not only eventually led me to ‘give up’ and ‘just quit’ but that ultimately affected me throughout most of the painting process where as I was painting there was this entire inner dialogue happening inside of me along with various reactions, experiences, judgements, feelings ect.

So here I want to investigate and open up this experience and how it is that I have created myself in a way where such an experience actually comes up inside of me and in a way ‘takes over’ and that this such experience has become actually common place as ‘something I expect’ or ‘try and avoid’ which is implying here that this particular experience has become a part of me and so here I am assisting and supporting myself to release myself from this particular experience and this particular ‘Frustration Character/Personality’ that I have created as a Character/Personality that comes up/activates and that I live out in difference situations/scenarios throughout my day to day living.

So in my next blog I will begin with getting into more of the details of what was going on inside me.

After I was finished my painting session that day and I was driving home, I realized how much this kind of experience/personality actually comes up and influences me within my life and so I was looking at the point of who I would be without this experience. How would my life be if I was able to stand in such moments where this frustration/giving up-Character/Personality normally emerges and instead of having this come up to be instead Stable within myself and Clear and simply be able to direct myself without having this entire experience come up within me which I see I have accepted and allowed to drastically influence myself and my application in such moments.

Ok so I will continue looking at this point in my next blog.


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