Relationships As Status Symbols – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 620

I am continuing today with the point I was opening up in my previous blog around the point of how we as society/individuals have become fixated on the surface appearance of things as that which we form our opinions/judgement upon and ultimately base the decisions and behaviors of our life on and in this not in fact ever seeing beneath the surface seeing or realizing anything of substance about what it is we are looking at and that this particularly exists within the context of how we view each other as human beings where we are accepting and allowing ourselves to see each other and ourselves as human pictures as a surface impressions only instead of seeing/recognizing each other/ourselves as actual human beings in seeing who we are as how we live, interact, how we are expressing ourselves ect.

So another dimension of this that came up today is how individuals in relationships use their partner as a kind of trophy or status symbol as a way to in fact validate themselves by ‘showing their partner off’ and then within themselves forming an idea about themselves in relation to who and how they have defined their partner within the context of how they see/believe their partner fits into the value structure of society that values IMAGE above all else.

So in seeing this point coming up today I saw an interesting point.

I saw that within myself I was missing the point of Self Value.

I even saw this point of where when I do/did not have a partner I was still able to ‘hold’ an idea about myself in relation to who I was in comparison to everyone else based on the human picture game where this world has become all about the comparison of who we all are as pictures against each other and then accordingly this determining our worth and placement in this world where those that seem to match the perfect photoshoped picture that grace the covers of magazines rise to the top of this superficial value structure that we have existing as our primary value structure in or society. And so I saw that even when not having a partner I could still validate myself within this human picture game within the context of relationship through by thinking to myself that my future partner would be of course the perfect picture that I could then use to validate myself.

So here I that one of the Primary ways that we have come to try and validate ourselves within this world is through the point of RELATIONSHIP to the degree where as I mentioned above, even when I was not in a relationship, that I was Still using the point of relationship to validate myself only my attempts at validating myself came through holding an idea within me of who my future partner would be and of course this future partner only existed as an image in my mind comprised of various components, attributes, characteristics, qualities from people I saw in Hollywood movies, media, magazines, people in my reality ect, and so thus this entire point was quite a delusion where now I am trying to validate myself through by pretending I have the perfect partner and then projecting how others see me. Quite a mind fuck.

So this has been quite a point opening up in my reality recently and me seeing the degree within which I have in fact never stood within a point of SELF Value, but that I have abdicated this point of value to others where I have searched and looked for value from others where when interacting with them I will look into their eyes for that signal of validation. Where I have been so used to looking into the eyes of others and determining if they in fact ‘recognize me’, if the ‘value me’. and accordingly would form an experience inside myself.

And so noticing this recently within the context of the point described above how where one then also do this through by parading their partner around as a point to attempt to raise the value of their stock as the validation that one perceive one is getting from others in how they perceive others see/view/define/judge them now in this case according to how their partner is ‘received’

This has been particularly so with members of the opposite sex where as long as I can look into the eyes of members of the opposite sex that I see throughout my day and see that in their eyes there is some form of acceptance towards me then I can be satisfied with myself and happy with myself. Where when I look into their eyes and I see for instance rejection or disinterest, I react, I feel let down, I feel worthless. My actual experience of myself changes based on how I perceive others are perceiving/valuing me. RED FLAG!

And so the point I was noticing today is how in fact I have been doing this my entire life without really noticing, from the perspective of really seeing or understanding that I have never really gotten to a point of Stopping that process of looking for validation in the eyes of others and thus realizing that what another think about me is irrelevant, and that I must Validate Myself so to speak.

And also here an interesting dimension of all this is the point of RELATIONSHIP where I started to see how this point has really been quite dominant in who I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as throughout my life even when I was really young where even then my process of attempting to form some form of validation through by how I perceived others saw me was being done within the context of this point of RELATIONSHIP of having, wanting, desiring the perfect partner so to speak.

So the question that kind of ‘hit me’ today is  – “What if I simply stop this point?” – What if I stop this entire process of looking for others for my validation. Who would I be then. What would I do. How would I interact with people? How would I experience myself.

I mean I can see that I have never really experienced myself within the context of who I am ALONE. My experience has always been formed in relation to how I perceive others are validating me to which I then accordingly experience a positive or negative energy.

Ultimately I can see how what I have been living has been a Lie. That everyday I have gotten out of bed and walked through my day lodged in this way/mode of being where id be defining my value according to what I perceived others thought about me. Strangers, my family, my peers, friends, relatives, ect.

Ok just sharing here this particular dimension that came up today in relation to this entire point of how we as individuals have become fixated on ‘picture presentations’ in determining worth and value in our society looking particularly here tonight at the point of how this is done through/within the point of Relationship.

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