New People Feel so Alien to Me – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 605


I just got home from a weekend at home visiting family. One of the main points I noticed while being back was my unwillingness to actually initiate conversations with the people that I was visiting with. I found that instead I was rather not wanting to communicate or interact and was more interested in finding ways to end the conversations I would be having rather than finding things to communicate about.

I have always had this kind of anti-social personality/character and eventually friends and family have come to expect that from me.

I find it interesting that people actually put up with it and still do their best to interact with me. I am grateful for that. A point that came up during this visit is the point of ‘missed opportunities’ and how I was experiencing myself missing out on these opportunities to get to know other people, and that those opportunities won’t always be there.

I identified this anti-social character some years ago and made some efforts to transform this point so that I was actually more willing, stable and comfortable interacting with others and in some ways I did do that, though over the past few years I have noticed that I have more and more been regressing back to how I used to be in accepting and allowing myself to be this anti-social character.

One thing that I have noticed is that I am quite uncomfortable around ‘strangers’ and I go into the ‘get me out of here’ mode.

There are a few people in my world that I am comfortable with and I am most comfortable alone. When I am alone I find I am actually able to relax and just be comfortable where when I am with other people I find I am just tense which becomes a somewhat uncomfortable experience. I find I am most comfortable also with my immediate family. When I am with them, I still experience it as if I am just here with myself, but anyone outside this and I become much more tense and uncomfortable.

I realize that this is just a character/personality I have constructed throughout my life which I am accepting and allowing for it to assert itself within my life now and I haven’t really taken on this point of working with this point effectively to step out of this character.

During this last visit home, I saw a good example of how in allowing myself to exist within this anti-social character that I am really not allowing myself to Live in moments where I allow myself to engage in those moments to simply converse and get to know other beings.

You know whats strange – that when I see new people, I see them as so distant from me. Like so ‘inaccessible’. Like they are aliens/so alien to me. Lol. That’s funny because I actually do see the point that this is not really the case from the perspective that really – people are just people. But what I find is that a new person is like…………anxietyyyyyyyyyyy……….because its like this entire other existence in front of me that seems so foreign and strange and so alien and its like OMG where do I start and so I feel obliged to just ignore them. This perception I hold of other people I suspect comes from my history of never actually much approaching people ‘cold turkey’ and just saying Hello and start engaging in a conversation. I don’t mean some random person on the street but like someone at a party or some social gathering. Its like I never considered “its ok to be open and communicative with people” .

Ok so here is a bit of exploring this ‘anti-social character’


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Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs.on’t mean some random person on the street but like someone at a party or some social gathering. Its like I never considered “its ok to be open and communicative with people” .

Ok so here is a bit of exploring this ‘anti-social character’



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